0:02: Welcome to the Fully Expressed podcast. 
 0:04: We're your host Karenna and Samantha. 
 0:06: This show is your permission slip to stop holding back. 
 0:10: Here we talk about what it really means to live unapologetically you in your relationships, your business, and your everyday life. 
 0:17: We believe the most magnetic version of you is rooted in self-expression, honesty, vulnerability, and showing up fully as you are. 
 0:24: When you own that, you naturally attract the people, the opportunities, and the life that is meant for you. 
 0:30: Hey guys, we are so excited for today's episode. 
 0:32: It has everything to do with being an empath and following your intuition. 
 0:38: What I love this conversation so much is that we not only did talk about intuition and path, but we also dove into the importance of mental health and the special guest opens up about what it's like to navigate life having OCD and all these other things. 
 0:51: It was just such a juicy conversation in general. 
 0:55: Chrystina Rowntree is the co-host of a podcast called Empaths Anonymous, which is a show that explores mental health, identity, relationships, and pop culture through the lens of being an empath. 
 1:07: She is your mixed, curly-haired career baddie, and she really is in the founder of Christina Creative. 
 1:13: After 8 years of working in PR and media, she left her agency. 
 1:17: To represent diverse voices and stories that light her up. 
 1:21: She is such a beautiful soul. 
 1:24: Truly one of the most amazing conversations we've had on the show and we're so excited for you to listen into how to navigate being all of you, being empathic, being intuitive, maybe you're struggling with your mental health and still showing up as your fullest expressed self. 
 1:37: So with that being said, enjoy this episode. 
 1:41: Thank you. 
 1:41: That was such a great intro. 
 1:43: I love that. 
 1:44: I mean, it's you. 
 1:46: Yeah, I'm like I'm listening to it. 
 1:48: I'm like, wow, they're hitting all the points. 
 1:50: That's great. 
 1:52: Well, thank you so much for having me. 
 1:53: I'm so excited. 
 1:55: I know I love your curly hair. 
 1:56: I'm just like I I fully expressed of myself. 
 2:02: Oh, I love it. 
 2:04: I love it. 
 2:04: I love it. 
 2:05: So where to dive in? 
 2:07: There's so much because you have been through. 
 2:11: So a big transition in your life. 
 2:12: You're in this like new chapter. 
 2:14: What was it like navigating like kind of it sounds almost like you were starting over again, like start us from the beginning. 
 2:21: Where, how did you get to this? 
 2:22: How did you get to anonymous? 
 2:24: Oh, OK, OK, I will try to make this. 
 2:27: Descriptive but still brief because like that could the story could go on forever. 
 2:31: But basically it all started with after college it was really hard for me to find a job as it is for so many people and I was living in Las Vegas. 
 2:41: I moved there when I was 15, so moved there in high school and then went through college there. 
 2:46: I was looking for jobs and it was just like nothing was landing. 
 2:50: and I know that people experience this all of the time and then I was like, you know what, OK, I think I'm open to moving like I'm just gonna start applying other places. 
 2:59: The first place that I applied that was out of state, within 2 days they called me and wanted to have an interview and I was like, OK. 
 3:06: So it was in Houston. 
 3:07: It was at a radio station and I moved there. 
 3:10: I was like bright-eyed and bushy tailed. 
 3:12: It was my first. 
 3:13: I had worked kind of part time and as an intern at a PR agency, but this was my first like full-time like big girl job out of school kind of thing. 
 3:22: And just very quickly once I got to Houston, just things just kind of snowballing. 
 3:27: We were snowballing out of control like I had a lot of health issues and I quickly realized that this job that I thought was my dream job, it just wasn't something that resonated with my soul and it just wasn't a good belief and alignment fit. 
 3:43: I was working really long hours and a lot of times in radio it's a very male dominated industry and it's very, it could be very intense and you have to do whatever you need to do or asked to do to keep the job so. 
 3:56: I first had a manager who was a woman and she was great and then she moved on and I got somebody else, another manager and it just progressed into this very toxic like I don't care if you're working 60, 70 hours a week, like you need to get the job done, like you need to be out there because I was working in promotions and partnerships and so I was going to all of the community events and. 
 4:18: , representing the radio station and he's like, you need to be out there every single day. 
 4:22: And I was like, well, I'm, I also need time to rest. 
 4:26: So that whole situation, I had, I was really high stress and I started experiencing a lot of pain and hormonal issues. 
 4:34: So I went to 5 different doctors and this is like the height of the pandemic as well. 
 4:38: , I went to 5 different doctors. 
 4:40: They're all like, you know, it's, you're fine, like you probably just have PCOS, like just get on birth control, lose 20 pounds, you'll feel great. 
 4:48: And I'm like, OK, I go to the next doctor, they'd say the same thing, the next doctor, and I was like experiencing bouts of like level 9 pain where I'm like on the bathroom floor like shaking, sweating, crying, and I'm like, I don't think that that's just PCOS. 
 5:03: Like I think that there's something else. 
 5:05: So I went to another doctor. 
 5:07: , and he's like, oh yeah, no, that's not normal. 
 5:11: and found out that I had endometriosis. 
 5:13: So this was, you know, after two years of basically ignoring myself and my health from my career. 
 5:19: And I just decided like I need to make a change because if I keep living this way in a way that's not in alignment with who I am and my soul's purpose. 
 5:29: I'm just going to continue to like run my body into the ground and then what good am I if I can't even take care of myself? 
 5:36: How can I show others, you know, that mental health and physical health is important if I'm not doing that for myself. 
 5:43: So I kind of just took a day where I went to the beach, in Galveston in Texas, and I just wrote out like if I could have my dream situation in my dream life, what would it be? 
 5:56: And I was like, where would I want to live if I could pick anywhere? 
 6:01: And San Diego was just always a place that really resonated with me since I was a young girl, people would ask me like, where do you want to live? 
 6:06: And I'm like, I want to live in San Diego and I want to live on the beach. 
 6:09: And every time I would come here with my family or with friends, I just felt like this breath of fresh air. 
 6:14: I'm like, you know, like I just feel like I belong here and I just love the people here and I love that there's such a. 
 6:23: Emphasis on health and wellness here and so I like wrote it down and I put it on my wall and for a year every single day I was like, OK, we're gonna apply to jobs we're gonna do this we're gonna move to our dream place and like everything's gonna work out. 
 6:36: And within about 6 months I got offered a job and on January 1st of 2023 I like packed up my RAV4 and I drove across the country. 
 6:47: So that was really kind of the start of me getting out here. 
 6:50: , and then from there, you know, you always think that when you manifest something for yourself, it's gonna be exactly what you were picturing and what you were wanting and of course, that's just not how things work. 
 7:02: So through there, there was a we, Danny and I, without knowing we're both going through a lot of life transitions and hurdles and kind of like what we call like little crash and burns where we thought it was we were gonna be in one place and we weren't so. 
 7:16: , just through that, we came together and we're like, oh, you're going through that? 
 7:21: I'm going through that too. 
 7:23: Oh, you're experiencing that in a relationship? 
 7:25: I'm experiencing that too. 
 7:28: and so it kind of just, we already had been friends for 13 years, but it kind of just really cemented that, and forced us to realize forced us to see this need that like we need to have these deeper conversations that we have with our friends on the couch in front of others and so. 
 7:43: Yeah, just basically through a series of unfortunate or not fortunate, unplanned events. 
 7:50: that's what it, how it came to be and how I ended up starting the podcast and with her. 
 7:56: What string do we pull? 
 7:58: I know I'm trying, I'm trying not to make this answer like 5 years long. 
 8:03: I think it's so important. 
 8:04: I mean there's so much there. 
 8:05: I mean, just in sharing your story of like one there's this like determination that you have of like believing that I'm gonna find the thing. 
 8:12: Which is really cool to like experience you here like just from like getting the job that you need to recognizing that I can't live this way. 
 8:18: I need to do something different and like you deciding that for yourself. 
 8:22: I'm curious like what was it like to navigate that part, like knowing that there is like something better for you and like knowing that you didn't want to live this way or like it wasn't gonna Working as hard as you have where working wasn't gonna work out anymore. 
 8:36: So like you decided that, but what did it look like to actually do it? 
 8:40: Yeah, I mean, I. 
 8:44: Really have been instilled from a long from since I was a young per wow, let me start over. 
 8:49: Since I was really young, it was really instilled in me that you can try things and if it doesn't work out like, oh well. 
 8:55: And my parents always told me that like, try a new job, move to a new city, try a sport, try a hobby, whatever you want to do and it's like if it doesn't. 
 9:03: Work out a well, but what if it does work out and it leads you down a path where your dreams come true kind of thing. 
 9:10: So it's like I already had that in the back of my mind, but it kind of was just one of those things where I came to a moment of like full surrender with the universe and I'm like, you know what, I've been doing things the way I thought I should do them and clearly it's, you know, led me down this path where I'm just so burnt out. 
 9:29: And getting physically ill and it's obviously not working. 
 9:34: So I feel this tug, I feel this call and you know what? 
 9:38: I'm going to just have a surrender moment and be like, I'm just gonna put it out there and I'm just gonna let things fall into place the way that they should and looking back, as I was like. 
 9:51: Driving here, I was thinking about all the different moments in my life that has kind of made this tapestry of my experiences and how it's really led me here. 
 10:00: And I'm like, all of the things had to happen in between, the good, the bad, the uncomfortable, the heartbreak had to come together so that it would snap me out of it because I am kind of a very headstrong, stubborn person. 
 10:13: I'm a tourist rising and so I'm like when I set my eyes on something like, well, no, I want that and I don't stop to think of like, OK, well how is it gonna feel when I'm there? 
 10:22: At what cost am I going to get that thing? 
 10:25: And is that truly like what is for me? 
 10:29: so yeah, I don't know if that answered your question or not, but yeah, it totally does, and I would love to ask like a deeper question as to like, do you have like a real life example or like a story where you were in In the shit, you're feeling really low or like didn't believe in yourself or it's like, was there something like a face like a hurdle that like were you second guess like am I able to do this? 
 10:50: Like, were there moments of that? 
 10:51: And what did you do? 
 10:53: Yeah, I mean, I think that I've always been somebody who has been very I've always struggled with mental health since a young age like my twenties were kind of a a dark period and I make light of it even though it's not a joke that like I kind of don't remember a lot of my twenties because I was just in a state of, you know, constant anxiety and depression and things, but what really this when I decided to make the choice to kind of come out here and start a new chapter, it was the realization that I. 
 11:27: Was repeating a pattern and I was kind of letting life happen to me instead of really feeling like I was in charge of my life and I just got, I was in this really low moment and I actually just like opened up TikTok, which again like height of 2020 like that's what we were all doing and there was this girl on my screen and it's like she was talking directly to me. 
 11:53: And she was like, do you have big dreams that you just don't feel like you can, you can make them happen? 
 11:58: Like, do you not know what it means to love yourself? 
 12:02: Are you always feeling like you're giving, give, giving to everybody else and not yourself? 
 12:05: And I was like, I felt like she was talking right to me and she's like, well, like I'm doing this online virtual self-love group for women who really want to connect with each other during this time when we're all so separated and isolated and I was like, OK, and just something in me told me like just click the link, sign up for the course, and here we go, and that's really what helped me have. 
 12:29: Builds the confidence in myself because I realized that for most of my adult life I didn't really like who I was in here so I went to this course thinking it was gonna be kind of like a kumbaya circle, like you know talking about confidence and like things like that and what it really was was like really a deep dive into like who are you at your core, like what is your soul's calling. 
 12:54: It was kind of my first introduction to like spirituality and spiritual concepts. 
 13:00: And I was like, oh, like I just, it clicked. 
 13:04: I'm like, oh I, I get it. 
 13:05: Like this is what I've been kind of ignoring underneath the surface for so long is that like my, I'm so deeply connected to my emotions and a higher power, God, source, I use them all interchangeably, but I always have been, but I always just felt like there was something blocking it. 
 13:24: And I realized through taking that course, like it was me because it was my inner critic and my lack of confidence really. 
 13:34: And an inability to love myself that was really holding myself back from that. 
 13:38: So that was really kind of the turning point, which I know a lot of people had, you know, those experiences in the pandemic of really having that time to sit with yourself and ask yourself like, do I really like myself? 
 13:51: Do I like what I the life that I'm building and if not, how do I change it? 
 13:56: I love, I love that you gave two really powerful examples as well of how the body speaks to us. 
 14:03: The first one was, I, and I think it happens a lot to us in our twenties. 
 14:07: We're like burning out, we're pushing ourselves, we're like striving to the limit and we're trying to be like small men. 
 14:13: I mean, that's just, and that was definitely the narrative too, you know, we're just like, go, go, go, like period whatever. 
 14:19: And your body was like, no, this is not working, this doesn't feel good to the point where, and I think that happens to so many of us, our bodies are just like, nope, not anymore. 
 14:30: We burn out in some capacity and it. 
 14:32: shows up as endometriosis, PCOS, like whatever that is, like, it's interesting to me too that it usually shows up in the womb, which is like our creative force. 
 14:40: Yeah. 
 14:41: and then the second example is the one that I think more of us are leaning into as we get into our 30s, or 40s, or 50s, which is our intuition and that part of you that was like, that's the course you need to take, no questions asked, signed up, thinking it was one way, totally ended up being something different, but I can speak to that too, like to both scenari. 
 15:00: Scenarios and I think so many women can relate to that is like it starts as a pushing our bodies stop us and then we start to tap into the quieter parts of ourselves that are like, here's the path this way. 
 15:10: Come on down, check it out. 
 15:12: And I love that. 
 15:13: I love that you gave such powerful examples of how it brings it like full circle in our lives. 
 15:19: I'm so curious how that course then led you like to this now moment, you know, as you started to like love yourself and come into your spirituality, your intuition. 
 15:30: How did that get you to here? 
 15:32: Yeah, I mean, it really forced me to look inward, in ways that I never had before and I, what followed was some of the most beautiful but some of the most painful years of my life because I truly had to learn that. 
 15:47: You know, the lessons that a lot of us learn when we're on this journey of like not everybody can go with us or you really have to strip yourself of your programming and the past beliefs that you had growing up and it's kind of like I call it like a rainbow road because at first you're like on Rainbow Road you're like, oh this is great. 
 16:03: Everything feels sparkly and sunshiny and new and then you kind of get further along and you're like, oh, but now all of a sudden, why do I feel so like hyper-aware of like all of my triggers and all of my shadow. 
 16:16: I'm like this doesn't feel good. 
 16:17: How do I get back to the, how do I get back to Rainbow Road? 
 16:21: but yeah, I think that it really forced me to be the person I was always meant to be, and from a young age I always knew that like there was something out there for me that I just, it wasn't quite tangible, but without. 
 16:35: That experience and without really having to look myself in the mirror, I started therapy after that. 
 16:41: I started going to Reiki healing after that. 
 16:43: It was like a full awakening, yeah, a full like inner makeover of Christina. 
 16:51: So I finally felt like the inside matched the outside. 
 16:55: And yeah, I think that that's really what gave me the push to say, you know what? 
 17:04: Life is a video game. 
 17:05: You know, like All of this, like we can make our dream lives as long as we believe that that's a possibility that's out there, and I'm the only one limiting myself and so that was really when I made the choice to do something different, which was so scary because I'm really the first one in my family to wanna wanna make money in a different way like being an entrepreneur and things like that. 
 17:32: It just wasn't something ingrained in me. 
 17:34: My parents were always. 
 17:36: Working and so that's what I was always taught is like you get in you get in a career, you stay there for a long time until you like earn a pension and then you retire there. 
 17:45: And so it was always really scary for me to step out of the corporate world because I was like, oh well then it's like all on me. 
 17:52: , but it's just been like the greatest joy because I feel so much freedom in that and I'm really able to work with people who I want to help them amplify their story, which is what I feel like I was, what, what I feel like my purpose on this earth is. 
 18:10: I, I love that you said that like it led to you like you were going through this process and You realized that there was a lot of darkness that you ran into like to meet yourself, but it looks like by meeting yourself, you were able to connect to the light. 
 18:22: Like I think so much about how like we want to keep things like rainbows and butterflies, but in order to like meet ourselves like we also need to be able to welcome our darkness, like become aware of all of our inner shadows and the parts of us that we're like, oh. 
 18:36: I don't want to see you. 
 18:37: What are you talking about? 
 18:38: Like, let's stay over there, but it, it helps you, it seems like to gain this like confidence and to step into your light like in a lot of ways. 
 18:46: So it's very interesting how light and darkness we need both, right? 
 18:49: And so learning how to be with our inner world. 
 18:53: And then you said literally like that it gave you the the makeover to bring outside you, inside you to becoming one. 
 19:01: Yeah, yeah, I truly feel like that because I felt like for so long I was just kind of going through the motions, but not really understanding like kind of just stumbling around blind in life, and thinking that in some way I was gonna make it happen for myself, but I was like, I don't even know what the what is. 
 19:19: So I think that it was a full alignment and it's something. 
 19:23: that I'm still learning even now is that self-love is loving yourself, even the things you don't like and the dark parts and being OK with the moments where you're grieving or when you're, you know, feeling down. 
 19:39: That's, there's room for that too, and that doesn't mean that you're not doing something right. 
 19:43: I thought that in the beginning that I was like, well, why don't I feel that sparkly feeling anymore? 
 19:47: Am I doing something wrong? 
 19:48: Am I not in alignment? 
 19:50: Like, let me go back to all my practices and tools and then I started to realize it's just now becoming like a box I'm ticking instead of really feeling it. 
 20:00: Mhm. 
 20:01: Yeah, I think it's such an art to be, I mean, it's such a gift that you've gone to that place where you be like, oh, I'm not wrong if I don't feel like butterflies today. 
 20:09: Like, it's OK that I am in my grieving or I'm in my emotions or I'm feeling low today and like learning how to welcome those parts too and not making them feel like They're less than or they shouldn't be here. 
 20:20: It's like, OK, how can I love myself when I'm feeling this too? 
 20:24: Yeah, and I feel like that's also like the part of toxic positivity or or just like, oh, we have to be happy every day and it's like that's not reality. 
 20:32: Like I'm gonna wake up some days and be like, oh, just let me lay in bed for another 5 hours, you know, and be like exactly to Curna's point of like just sitting in that and being. 
 20:42: I used to be very similar, like, I should be happy. 
 20:44: I should be positive. 
 20:45: How can I get myself back to a state of happy? 
 20:47: And, and that's not a bad thing, but like I think it is a balance of, OK, I can sit in this, I can feel this way and I can also then like sit with the emotion, feel the emotion. 
 20:59: OK, now where do I want to go from this place instead of forcing ourselves to like try to get to a place of gaslight ourselves. 
 21:07: Right, yeah, it's like slight like you don't feel that way. 
 21:12: It's like a form of self-abdon because you're not allowing yourself to feel the full expression of your feelings and I love Esther Hicks gives a great example of this, and I don't know if you you've listened to her or I yeah, I love Esther and Abraham. 
 21:27: So one of her examples was like if you're in a car and you're going 80 miles. 
 21:31: Hour, you know, towards San Diego, she actually says, and, or towards Las Vegas. 
 21:36: It was one of the other, but it was funny because it made me think of you coming to Las Vegas, San Diego. 
 21:40: She's like, you know, if you decide you're going to turn around, like you're not just gonna whip around the car. 
 21:45: Like you'd go flying, rolling the car, like you have to slow down. 
 21:48: You have to come to a stop, then you have to stop, then you have to turn around, then you go back in the opposite direction. 
 21:53: And her example of that was like when you have all this negative, when you have these negative thoughts running, or you're feeling low, or you're feeling down, or you're feeling fearful, or any of those things, like it isn't realistic to be like, I'm gonna go from depressed to joyful. 
 22:09: But if you can understand that it's like a step by step and you can talk yourself into the next step, you know, and even if you're just feeling like if you go from apathetic to angry or depressed to angry, like that's more of a Realistic step than going all the way to joy joy, right, yeah, and I don't know if other people who have experienced depression can relate, but it starts to be a very familiar comfortable feeling, and it's something that I, I know that it's gonna be something that I deal with throughout my life, right? 
 22:41: Like it's not something that just goes away and then you never experience again. 
 22:44: , it's like having a scar versus an open wound. 
 22:49: Like it'll be there and like some days it might like, hey, pop in, hey, how are you doing? 
 22:53: Hey, I'm here again, but it's the way that I deal with it and not, you know, kind of succumbing to that familiar feeling of darkness which I had to learn like it's, I'm glorifying my own pain and suffering. 
 23:08: Because I don't know what to do with it. 
 23:11: Yeah, I felt like I had so many feelings for so long. 
 23:14: Like this is kind of how I came to realize that I was an empath because I'm like, why do I feel like my feelings, your feelings, the neighbor's feelings, my co-workers' feelings. 
 23:24: I'm like, which ones are mine, like always feeling so heavy, and kind of realizing that I Can release all of that and I don't have to sit in the dark deep dark depths of my feelings but still give them room and the space. 
 23:42: I do a lot of like parts work. 
 23:44: So going to the different parts of me and asking like, OK. 
 23:47: You know, what do you want me to know or like in what ways was I not hearing you before has really been life changing for me. 
 23:55: That is such a gift that you're practicing parts work. 
 23:57: I feel like it has given me the language to be able to be with the different parts within myself. 
 24:02: You know what I mean? 
 24:03: It helps us, not identify with one part. 
 24:06: It helps us be like, well, I'm feeling this part and I'm feeling this part and I have this part making a play and I can see this part doing a thing and it helps me give like honestly like be like, oh, this is something, how do I say this, almost detached from my own experience, right? 
 24:20: It's like, what do you need? 
 24:22: It's like talking to little me in that and you're like, what do you need? 
 24:26: How can I give this to you? 
 24:27: What does that look like? 
 24:28: Like I say so often when you're dysregulated, like if you can literally get to a Place of asking like what's coming up for me and then asking that part, what is the need in this moment? 
 24:37: And then learning how to give that part to you, you will, you will regulate so much faster than trying to just ignore it, avoid it or suppress it, right? 
 24:47: Like the part of you is coming up because it doesn't feel safe and it hasn't felt loved or if it hasn't felt heard or hasn't felt seen. 
 24:53: So it's like love on me. 
 24:55: Why aren't you loving on me? 
 24:56: And so it's such a gift that you're doing that already and you're literally asking like it like how I, how have I not been with you? 
 25:02: Yeah, and what can I do for you? 
 25:04: Yeah, it really has like, it helps me come back to baseline, especially with having OCD as well, like my thoughts can just race and ruminate and then all of a sudden I'm like in a completely like different vortex of like experiences and emotions and thoughts and so it kind of helps me, OK, come back to me and kind of like you said focus back on. 
 25:26: What parts am I ignoring about myself that instead of shaming them or feeling, you know, mad at that part for like, why are you acting out that way or you know, why am I experiencing this? 
 25:39: It's like going to going to that part and thinking, you know, what can I do to nourish them so that they can also feel empowered. 
 25:46: Can I ask a question? 
 25:47: How, how strong is your OCD? 
 25:50: Like is it Intense or I don't know how that works because I'm thinking about other people that might be experiencing that and then being like, wait, she's able to like take herself out of her experience? 
 26:01: Like how, how do you do that? 
 26:02: Like that's so cool. 
 26:04: Right? 
 26:04: Yeah. 
 26:04: I mean there I've learned that there's things just as any other mental health diagnosis is that trigger it and there are times where it's a lot stronger and then times where it feels a little more, you know, under control, I I mean, according to my therapist, it was like moderate. 
 26:25: I don't have an extreme case, but it's also not mild and it's what is it called? 
 26:31: Like CP CPTSD it's been. 
 26:34: Building over time, but I think that I had what led me to even seek help for that is I throughout my experiences moving here to San Diego and starting the podcast and working in a job and getting laid off from a job and starting a relationship ending a relationship, it just felt like everything was at once and my world was crumbling, but it was this feeling like I know that like. 
 27:03: I know that I can get myself through this, but my, it's like my heart and my brain weren't communicating. 
 27:09: My brain like kept telling me that like I was kind of like dying. 
 27:12: Like this is, you know, you're such a loser, you can't make anything work out, you know, this is kind of like it for your life. 
 27:19: Like everyone's gonna be laughing at you. 
 27:21: And even though I knew that not to not be true, it's like my head kept telling me the story. 
 27:26: And so it causing me to seek help is that I just got to the I just got to this place where I was like this can't be like either I'm going crazy or there's something else wrong here and so I again, I feel like I'm always getting messages through like what I'm listening to because I was listening to the Balanced Black Girl podcast and she had a guest on who had OCD and it was just nothing I ever considered for my, and just through listening to that episode, I just felt so and I was like, OK, yeah, yeah, again, just like the girl who was like talking to me on TikTok. 
 28:04: I'm like, OK, I, this is presenting itself again like let me listen. 
 28:08: And so she shared a link to find out more information and I just started researching and stuff and I go to therapy through this organization called No CD so they specialize in OCD and the different types of OCD because there's different kinds and then different severities. 
 28:24: So that's been really helpful as well having a therapist who knows exactly what I'm talking about and there's parts of OCD that even though you morally. 
 28:36: Don't align and it's something that you'll never do. 
 28:39: You're like it's, it's a just a a recurring like worry that isn't real, right? 
 28:45: and a lot of the times it can be like around harm, like harming yourself or harming others. 
 28:52: And so it was really helpful for me to go to her and be like, listen, I don't want to do these things, but I keep having these thoughts like what is that? 
 29:00: , and so I didn't feel judged or I didn't feel like, are you gonna like report me and like, am I gonna get 5150 or something? 
 29:08: She's like, no, like you're not gonna do these things, Christina. 
 29:10: Like it's OK. 
 29:11: Like it's just this recurring thought that you can't get rid of intrusive thought. 
 29:17: Is that what happens? 
 29:18: Like some, I'm so curious like to speak for someone else, like, do you get stuck on these thoughts and you just can't ruminate on ruminate on them? 
 29:27: So what are the types of things you're able to do to get out of that? 
 29:30: Yeah, I do a lot of brain dumping. 
 29:32: That's been the most helpful thing. 
 29:34: So just going and journaling and just getting it all out because I feel like my brain moves at 1000 miles a minute all of the time and it's kind of like I'm trying to catch the different thoughts because they're just all going in different directions. 
 29:46: , and so brain dumping and just getting everything out on paper, even if, even if it doesn't make sense, has really been helpful for me. 
 29:54: And then of course, meditation and affirmations. 
 29:58: I'm kind of trying to like fight the intrusive thoughts with good thoughts. 
 30:02: so that's been like my Power 3, tools that I've been using together that kind of really help support me in my OCD and the interests of thoughts at least. 
 30:14: How do you navigate this with entrepreneurship? 
 30:17: Yeah, it's a lot of highs and lows, which also entrepreneurship is I was gonna say entrepreneurship brings that anyways so it's like a layer, yeah, I have kind of come into a system where some days I just need a little bit of extra support or extra sleep or do I need to go to yoga or meditation class and start my day that way, but what I love about entrepreneurship. 
 30:45: Because it gives me more of that freedom where it's if I was going to a 9 to 5, like I can't really do that. 
 30:51: so surprisingly, once I got over the fear of starting my own business, it actually has kind of helped my OCD and like my ruminating thoughts because it's always been really hard for me to focus on things, especially things that like don't motivate me. 
 31:08: So being in a 9 to 5, it was really hard for me to do tasks because I'm like, I don't get the point of this. 
 31:14: Like I don't see the vision or like this is just pointless mindless work or whatever it is. 
 31:20: now it's like I'm doing everything for a greater purpose. 
 31:24: I'm able to represent clients that I really believe in, which is really cool and so it kind of once I got over the fear of starting the thing, it's been a really supportive for my mental health actually which was kind of one of my worries when I started is like, oh, is this going to trigger my mental health because I I gonna feel more stressed, but. 
 31:43: As always, there's high and low days and so I kind of just respond with what my body needs that day. 
 31:48: There's a lot of flexibility and entrepreneurship. 
 31:50: Yeah, yeah, like once you kind of get to the place of like I got a business, I know what I'm doing, I'm selling and things like that, yeah, you can say, I don't got to show up today, and that's OK. 
 32:01: I still have tomorrow. 
 32:03: Yes, yeah, yeah, versus feeling that like corporate. 
 32:06: Masculine energy, like, no, you gotta show up. 
 32:09: You gotta be this, you got that. 
 32:11: And also sounds like the, yeah, the mini man which I loved and also sounds like you've been able to like listen more to your body's cues and get more connected with her and say like, what do you need? 
 32:22: Yeah, I have always struggled with routine, but this has helped me create a routine in my own way that really works for me. 
 32:29: , and so that's been so helpful too, and I knew that going into it is, I'm gonna have to figure out a way to create structure for myself. 
 32:40: so that when I have the days where I wake up and I'm like, oh, I just, my brain is not there today. 
 32:45: I'm there, I'm able to kind of check out, take a half day or whatever it is, rework my week around. 
 32:51: , so having, I mean, I've never been a planner girlie, but I'm now a planner girlie because I've seen that it actually does work. 
 32:59: Yeah, yeah, something I was curious about that you mentioned a little bit ago was about recognizing that the feelings you were feeling were yours, the neighbors, the dogs, like all the things. 
 33:11: How do you identify that and like what's your practice? 
 33:14: To like releasing, like, does it matter to you if you know what the energy you're feeling, like who it belongs to, or do you have a, I'm curious if you have a practice of like how do I figure out, oh, that's not my shit, that's someone else's that I'm taking on, and like how do you release that for yourself? 
 33:30: Yeah, I always have to schedule in or like make a point to have a certain amount of alone time. 
 33:39: Not necessarily every day because sometimes that's just not possible, especially when you live with other people or you're busy and you know, having a podcast and a business and things, but I always schedule like a free day for myself, like usually like a Saturday or Sunday so that I can have a, a check-in moment, but even just those times before bed when I'm doing my nighttime routine. 
 34:02: Having that time to just decompress, and I've realized that my OCD is kind of a superpower because I'm always thinking and analyzing so it kind of helps me process the feelings too so I kind of have these check-ins with myself at night like when I'm getting ready for bed and it helps me really identify that but I. 
 34:27: It used to take me a really long time to shake off people's energy, and now I just, I can recognize it pretty quickly and I've shake it off, I move my body around, do some somatic movement, do some yoga, and really slough the extra energy off. 
 34:44: so good. 
 34:45: Yeah, I love that. 
 34:47: Yeah, I feel like it's, it's hard sometimes, especially like I live with other people too, to like figure out what. 
 34:54: I think the more you become aware and you create these practices, you can be like, oh, this isn't my stuff, this isn't my feeling. 
 35:00: But it is so hard when you're an empath to like not, I mean to move through the world and not feel all the fields for everything that's occurring. 
 35:08: And I'm curious how that like comes into your podcast, like how that brought you and Danny into this world and like how you navigate that or help people navigate that. 
 35:19: And first of all, I want to preface that this Me getting to a place where I can identify it quicker than I used to be able to is a very new development like in the last year. 
 35:29: So I don't have everything figured out and everything is a practice and everything's evolving. 
 35:34: So, just for encouragement for people like I've, I'm not a professional. 
 35:39: I don't have it all figured out. 
 35:41: Do any of us, I feel like we're all exactly, but I didn't want to like come and I didn't want to come off as like, oh, I've figured out the secret. 
 35:50: I haven't. 
 35:51: I just, Know what to do for myself faster now and I feel like I'm trying to give solutions, but it's kind of individualized. 
 36:01: Yeah, like I feel like everyone starts somewhere like there's a gap right between like this is happening to me, to my experience and I think over time we learn how to bridge the gap smaller and smaller and smaller so we can like Figure that out and then there's gonna be a new layer and someone's gonna throw you a wrench and you're gonna be like, yeah, I thought I had this figured out, but it was close, and now I need to start over, you know, so it's OK. 
 36:22: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but to answer your question, kind of like what I had mentioned before, we both were going through a lot of big life transitions at the same time. 
 36:33: That now looking back, I'm like, it's really beautiful that they mirrored each other so much because we were learning from each other while we were also in the thick of it and going through it. 
 36:45: And it's nice to always have a friend who understands and can help support you and be there for you, but then having somebody who's like, I'm going through the same exact thing with a different person. 
 36:55: I'm going through the same exact thing, but in just a different career or a different field. 
 37:01: so it kind of started as like we both had crashed and burned and I had moved in with her and it was beautiful because we're like, well, we both wanted to live together, like who knew that it was under these pretenses kind of thing. 
 37:13: And we would just have these like chats where we would stay up late and we would just talk about kind of the things that we felt like weren't being talked about in the on social media and things and how we felt like when you're an empath, you, even when somebody hurts your feelings or disappoints you or doesn't show up for you, whatever it is, it's like, well, why am I the one feeling bad for it? 
 37:39: You know, why have I felt like I'm the one that's done something wrong, but like I'm allowed to have, you know, my feelings and my truth about it too, but the other person isn't even aware of that. 
 37:51: and so we just kept having these conversations and one day her mom was like, you guys like need to talk about this more. 
 37:58: Like I think people would really be able to benefit from that. 
 38:01: I'm like, yeah, yeah, and I had. 
 38:04: I had like we're like things are cooking up here and I had wanted to start a podcast for a while but again like the with the confidence and everything and the imposter syndrome, I was like, what do I have to say that like is possibly different from what's already out there? 
 38:18: Why would somebody want to listen to me and what I've been through? 
 38:21: I'm just a normal girl and just through. 
 38:28: Having these, these talks and going deeper and deeper each time and the healing that it brought both of us, which I think is really beautiful too in a friendship is having somebody that you can heal with because I think a lot of times we think about like healing and solitude, which is I've had to have those moments, definitely, but when you can heal with somebody else and you're supporting each other's journey even though you may need different things, That kind of was what birthed the podcast and we just decided that we wanted a space for people who were like us, who are in their 30s and Or late 20s, 40s, wherever age does not define your journey and where you should be, and that's kind of what we're trying to show as you can be at any point in your life and you can decide that you want to start over or you can be disappointed maybe that you're not at a certain point but you're still working your way your way towards that but we wanted to show it without like the social media filter of. 
 39:29: You know, everything's OK. 
 39:30: I have everything that I need. 
 39:32: Like look at me on social media. 
 39:33: I have this, this and this and all of the boxes are checked and I'm like, well, it's not like half the days I feel like a hot mess. 
 39:41: And I was, I as a, as a listener and somebody who has loved podcasts for a long time, I'm like, I love when somebody can be authentic and be like, listen. 
 39:50: I don't have the answers. 
 39:52: I, my life feels like a hot mess right now, but I'm making the steps forward and you can come with me on the journey and I was like, I feel like that's what we need to do, be completely authentic and show all of the highs and lows of it. 
 40:08: And yeah, some days it's hard and but most times it's really rewarding. 
 40:12: And we're both doing separate things. 
 40:15: She's going back to school so she can be a therapist and I'm starting my business and everything, but we're showing that no matter what the age, you can still start over and keep building your life even though society tends to make us feel like we need to already be there by now. 
 40:31: Yeah, we're over the hill, whatever, yeah, yeah. 
 40:36: I can go. 
 40:38: I was just gonna say I feel like what's really cool and TikTok is getting is definitely better than Instagram at this. 
 40:44: It's like there's a realness and there's an opportunity to get to hear voices that like, like I might not be exposed to, you know, like Instagram is so filtered and I feel like TikTok brings like I see so many amazing like people of color. 
 40:58: I've learned so much and I have opened my mind so much to different cultures like people all over the world, people of color, like their perspective. 
 41:05: I feel like you're being exposed to so much and then to like start a podcast, it's like you're taking it that step deeper into like, here's my life, it's not perfect, but like this is how we're figuring it out. 
 41:17: And I kind of love that because I think I think it's easy to look at celebrities or influencers or people that are like really big and and and see their life a certain way. 
 41:27: And as you said, it's like a presentation. 
 41:30: And I think when you get to hear, I love hearing voices of people that maybe you wouldn't know otherwise because I think there's so much to relate to. 
 41:39: There's so much humanness coming in and it sounds like that's what you guys are bringing to the world as well, like this conversation. 
 41:47: That like we would have with each other on the couch. 
 41:50: And you know, we have that moment sometimes we're like, people need to hear this conversation, you know, and I love that you're bringing that to an audience and like sharing these deeper conversations. 
 42:01: And I'm curious what some of the big aha moments have come for you and Danny through these conversations, like how has this podcast helped you guys evolve and like what are some of the like Nuggets that you've taken from going deeper into these conversations but then recording them and sharing them. 
 42:20: Yeah, of course. 
 42:21: I think that the biggest aha and like oh this is why we're meant to do this and this is our biggest purpose is I was working at a podcast agency and I had found this statistic that said, you know, less than 14% of podcasters are black and less than 7% of podcasters are Latina. 
 42:40: , or Hispanic and that's without even breaking it into male and female and I was like that's really low and I think that from the get go we took that bit of information and we're like, OK, part of the purpose of our podcast is to have voices on our podcast that you may not hear somewhere else we really love to. 
 43:05: Highlight, you know, bypo creators, therapists, authors on our podcast, because just knowing that we already have less seats at the table, I feel it makes it lights me up that I can kind of invite more people in and that our podcast can be a space for that. 
 43:25: So that was like the the biggest aha and the driver, but we, after every single episode, we always just look at each other and we're like wow. 
 43:34: Because we always just have this moment of like, that was so good because we're curious and we're lifelong learners and so we try to have people on the podcast that We're also interested in learning whatever, you know, their expertise is. 
 43:50: I, one of the best tidbits that I got from somebody was they described being an empath as being an octopus and how it's kind of like this energy that's latching onto you and basically when you like feed the octopus and you give it what it needs, you don't do the. 
 44:11: The MAS tendency to ignore everybody but yourself, that's when the octopus kind of like attaches its tentacles and things. 
 44:19: So that was a really good nugget. 
 44:21: I think that honestly, from all of our podcast episodes, the one thing that it always comes back to is self-love is first and putting yourself has to come first, especially when you're somebody who's trying to serve and nourish a community. 
 44:37: So good. 
 44:38: Yeah, that's so true. 
 44:38: I love that. 
 44:39: , one question, this has been an amazing conversation. 
 44:42: I just love the depths of our conversation. 
 44:44: It's been like a level of entrepreneurship, mental health, and I learned some things about OCD like it was just like such a beautiful expansive and spectrum of conversation. 
 44:55: I enjoyed talking with you. 
 44:56: Guys, it was really fun. 
 44:57: One of the biggest questions that we love to ask all of our guests, are, where in your life do you feel called to be more fully expressed? 
 45:05: Like where are you? 
 45:06: This could be life, health, relationships, business, anywhere you're trying to be more of yourself and more of you. 
 45:14: Yeah, I think that With having some of the physical diagnosis that I've had, you know, being diagnosed with endometriosis and having to like have surgery for that and recovering from that, my body is a lot different than it looked 3 years ago before my diagnosis and so. 
 45:35: I would love to be more fully expressed just in how I love and accept my body and wearing clothes or expressing myself in a way that like I can love me at any stage, even if I'm not at the physical, you know, goal that I am right now. 
 45:50: Like I can still love her here. 
 45:53: And so not kind of like hiding in my clothes or, you know, wearing more things that are like, well, I'm here still and I still matter even if I haven't gotten to the end goal yet. 
 46:06: Yes, do it. 
 46:07: I love that. 
 46:08: I love that. 
 46:08: Yeah, yeah, I'm, I mean we could go on a whole topic about and everything, but I am curious like how and that experience like. 
 46:19: Brought you into more empathy like for yourself or for like you're saying you want to bring more empathy for your body. 
 46:26: Like what, what was that health journey like to be I guess it's like you went through that journey of like being asked, told by all these doctors this is one thing. 
 46:36: You're like, no, this isn't the thing. 
 46:38: And then you're, you find the thing and then what, how did you, how did you like bring that all together and like embody that and and allow that to not like take over your identity but also navigate through that experience. 
 46:51: Yeah, I mean, to be honest, it was really a tough diagnosis to get because there's so many what ifs with endometriosis, and I I know that there's ways that you can heal your body and I'm still, you know, on that path. 
 47:05: But you know, being told like you might not be able to have kids or whatever it is, you might have to get a hysterectomy if it gets to a certain stage and things like that. 
 47:14: I'm grateful for a doctor that was very transparent with me and was like, look, you kind of have to make changes. 
 47:19: Otherwise you're headed towards that. 
 47:22: but sorry, what was the, what was your question again? 
 47:25: I guess it was like how, how did that diagnosis lead you into like where you are. 
 47:29: Now and how did that inform like how you move through life differently? 
 47:34: Well, it definitely showed me I wasn't invincible and it allowed me to really take my health seriously now. 
 47:43: I think I always put it off and I was like, when I'm older, when I'm older and I'm older, but it really empowered me to start holistically looking at my health and maybe even things that aren't just affected by my endometriosis, but knowing that my family has a history of rheumatchar. 
 47:59: Arthritis and diabetes. 
 48:00: And I'm like, OK, well, I'm 33 now. 
 48:03: If I start working on these things now and paying attention to these things now, I won't get to the point again where I'm having to, you know, get an emergency surgery because I was ignoring my health for so long. 
 48:13: So it kind of really woke me up, woke me up and helped me feel more empowered to take control of my health instead of letting things happen to me or letting doctors, you know, dictate my health. 
 48:25: I'm my own advocate now. 
 48:28: , and I'm really, I've gotten a lot more tenacious and fearless in asking for support or seeking out different alternatives. 
 48:37: I'm very into like alternative health and natural health. 
 48:40: And so that's just been really empowering on my journey because it feels like I, like my body is my own again after so many years. 
 48:49: Feeling like it wasn't and it was foreign to me. 
 48:52: I didn't know what this new body was like. 
 48:53: Now I'm like, OK, well, here's the building blocks. 
 48:57: We're gonna start from the beginning and we're gonna find the answers and the solutions and we're gonna try the things and eventually, I mean, I'm already feeling leaps and bounds better than I was, you know, 23 years ago, so I know that, yeah. 
 49:10: Your body's gonna love you so much for all of this. 
 49:13: Yeah, I feel like she already does. 
 49:14: She's like, thank you, thank you. 
 49:16: I love you. 
 49:17: It's like so full circle. 
 49:18: I was just curious because I know like health issues like that either like drive us further out of our body or push us in our body, and it sounds like through the parts work through all the things. 
 49:27: You did, it's like you've really merged your internal and external world. 
 49:32: And so it only seems like the next step that you would like fall deeper in love with yourself and deeper in love with your body and yeah, yeah, I really have been shown that everything is so interconnected. 
 49:44: Because I was somebody who would stuff down my feelings that manifested, you know, in an illness and disease because I was ignoring all of those things, you know, since I was a child. 
 49:55: And so now I'm learning like if everything's interconnected. 
 49:58: It starts with here. 
 50:00: It starts with here. 
 50:00: It starts with like, you know, you know, the mind blowing realization that oh, if I get, you know, enough sleep and drink water and like eat healthy, like maybe I'll feel better, you know. 
 50:09: It starts with something like that that you hear from such a young age and you're like, yeah, yeah, whatever. 
 50:13: I'm gonna keep eating the Hot Cheetos and then you really look into like what's in our food and you know, what am I, you know, what am I putting in my body that really matters and I think that it just It affects everything. 
 50:26: Yeah, yeah. 
 50:27: Oh, we can talk about that for days, yeah, that's a whole another topic. 
 50:32: Yeah. 
 50:33: Well, thank you so much. 
 50:34: How can people find you? 
 50:36: Yeah, of course. 
 50:37: So you can find the podcast you stream podcasts. 
 50:40: We're Ms Anonymous on YouTube and at Mpa Anon Pod on Instagram and TikTok. 
 50:48: You can. 
 50:49: Find me at christinacreative.com. 
 50:52: I offer PR for creatives and heart-led business owners who want to have an affordable way to promote their business. 
 51:00: So you can find me there and my Instagram is at ChristinaJrowtree if you want to find me just on my personals. 
 51:09: Hey, thank you so much for being such a light. 
 51:13: I really appreciate it. 
 51:14: Yeah, I love speaking with you guys. 
 51:16: You guys are so it's so easy to open up and be real with you guys. 
 51:22: Yeah. 
 51:23: Love you. 
 51:24: Thank you. 
 51:24: Love you. 
 51:25: Thank you guys. 
 51:25: Thank you so much for tuning in. 
 51:27: We really appreciate you being here. 
 51:29: If you enjoyed this episode, we'd be grateful if you could leave us a review and share it with a friend. 
 51:34: Also, we would love to hear from you. 
 51:37: Reach out to us on Instagram and let us know where you feel inspired to express yourself as you embrace this next era. 
 51:44: We are here to support you and encourage you. 
 51:46: Before we go, we want to remind you that you are powerful. 
 51:49: And deserving of fully expressing who you are. 
 51:52: Embracing your journey toward authenticity is a vital part of that process, and we're grateful to be alongside you. 
 51:59: If you're looking to dive deeper and connect with others who celebrate their true selves, we invite you to join our community. 
 52:05: It's a virtual space for connection and accountability where you can share your experiences and grow together. 
 52:11: You can find the link in our show notes. 
 52:13: We can't wait to welcome you. 
 52:15: See you on the next one.