We need to talk about the silence that happens right before you ask for what you really desire. You know the one. It is that split second where you convince yourself that you are being annoying, that you should just be grateful for what you have, or that you can probably just figure it out on your own. In Episode 116 of The Fully Expressed Podcast, we decided to tackle this head-on because, frankly, your inability to ask is keeping your life small.
The “Good Girl” Conditioning vs. The Audacious Ask
There is a distinct difference between how men and women often approach asking in business and life. Samantha shared a pivotal moment from her past when she was working as a Pilates instructor making $30 an hour. She was terrified to ask for a raise, convinced she should just be grateful for the opportunity. Then, she found out the male instructor before her—who likely had the same or less experience—had walked in on day one and demanded $50 an hour.
This isn’t just about money; it is about the internal narrative. We often feel we need to prove our worth for years before we are allowed to make a request, whereas others simply assume they are worthy from the start. We have to stop waiting for permission to be valuable. The reality is that people cannot give you what you want if you don’t give them the chance to say yes. By not asking, you are actually robbing people of the opportunity to support you.
Why Rejection Isn’t About You
The biggest block to the audacious ask is the fear of the “No.” We attach our entire identity to the outcome. If they say no to the raise, the date, or the podcast pitch, we spiral into thinking we are the problem. But here is the truth: rejection is rarely personal. It is usually just a mismatch of timing or needs.
We discussed the “ASK” framework to help navigate this: Acknowledge that you are feeling resistance, Seek understanding of where that fear is coming from, and then Keep it real and keep it moving. If you get a no, the best thing you can do is not make it weird. When you attach a heavy, awkward energy to rejection, you make it harder to ask the next time. But if you can stay unattached to the outcome, you build a resilience that makes you magnetic.
Upgrading Your Identity Through Asking
Asking is also a way to upgrade your self-concept. Whether it is Samantha realizing she actually has a taste for luxury—like a $4,000 top she admired—or simply asking for help with a website, the act of asking signals to the universe that you are ready for more. It is about expanding your capacity to receive. If you want to live a fully expressed life, you have to get comfortable with the vulnerability of being seen in your desire.
So, this week, we challenge you to fail. Go out and get a “no.” Ask for something so audacious that it makes your palms sweat. Because the only thing worse than being rejected is realized you never gave yourself a chance to receive the “yes”.
Listen to Episode #116: The Audacious Ask: How to Ask for what You Want & Actually Receive It
