In this episode, Samantha and Karenna have an honest and deeply personal conversation about healing from an eating disorder, redefining beauty, and stepping into a fully expressed, strong, and vibrant body.
Together, they explore what it truly means to love and honor your body—not just in healing, but in the ongoing journey of self-acceptance and growth.
0:02: Welcome to the Fully expressed podcast.
0:03: We are your hosts, Samantha and Karenna.
0:06: This is a show where we invite you into your fullest expressed self and life, relationships, and business.
0:11: We believe that if you crave more, you are meant for more.
0:14: There is room for all of us to be fully expressed.
0:17: Along with the show, we’ve created a virtual community to connect you with fellow listeners.
0:22: Make sure to check out the fully expressed community membership.
0:25: You’ll find the link to join in the show notes and on our website.
0:28: So excited to see you there.
0:30: Enjoy this new episode.
0:35: Welcome to a new episode on the Fully expressed podcast this week.
0:39: We’re so excited to have you.
0:40: , today we get to have a little solo episode between the two of us, so you’re gonna hear us talk today.
0:48: Yeah, and we, we thought about what topic we really wanted to talk about, and something that’s been coming up for both of us is body image, which Karina has spoken about before on the podcast, but we’re going to be talking about it from a different lens.
1:02: And so just so you, if you’re listening to this, and I just want to say we’re going to be very delicate and very understanding.
1:08: , but also this could be maybe a little triggering for you, and what we’re hoping to give you insight into really our process with this journey.
1:17: I know I’ve openly spoken about my eating disorder, my body image dysmorphia, and just not having a really good relationship with my body and food, and it’s been quite the journey of healing that.
1:31: And I know Sam hasn’t really openly talked about this on the podcast, but Sam, do you want to share with them a little bit about your journey and what that has looked like for you?
1:40: Yeah, I think we’ve bonded before on having very similar stories when it comes to the relationship with our body.
1:47: Definitely also experienced an eating disorder, bulimia, and just overall, honestly, until my, I’d say mid to late twenties, did not have a healthy relationship with food, was taught to use food as an emotional tool.
2:03: , you know, when I didn’t feel well, it was like, oh, you’re sad, like, let’s bake cookies, and let’s not just eat one, let’s eat all 12 of them.
2:11: So it has been a long journey for me too, and I think I know we’re going to dive into how it’s showing up in different ways now, more nuanced maybe, but for me, I would say that really learning to be intuitive with eating.
2:29: And to learn how to just love my body and honor it for being, you know, this vessel that carries me every single day has been a huge part of the healing journey, but I think I’ve had, yes, many experiences very similar to yours in terms of my relationship with food.
2:44: Totally.
2:45: And I think something that you and I have in common that we’ve talked about, is that a lot of our, I want to say, like, yes.
2:53: I think there were definitely people in my life that shared an interesting they also struggled with their own unhealthy relationship with food that was projected onto me.
3:05: But I think the catalyst to all this stuff has been social media, where, you know, especially like in high school or in college, you know, the idea of wanting to look a certain way.
3:18: I think is the main crutch of mine.
3:20: I mean, yes, I also use it as emotional eating.
3:23: I also had did bulimia, had bulimia, did bulimia, how did that work?
3:29: I don’t know.
3:31: but I, and what I’ve learned throughout like my certification that bulimia was just a way of me being able to express emotions, like almost trying to get a release of what I was experiencing internally.
3:41: So it’s been this interesting dance between like, yes, I experience body image issues or dysmorphia or having an unhealthy relationship with my body and with food.
3:52: And because of social media, because of you’re supposed to eat this way, you’re supposed to look this way, this is what guys want, this is what it looks attractive, or this is what’s cute, this is what’s sellable.
4:07: There’s so many stories behind the scene that are Constantly observing with social media.
4:11: So I think early on for me, it was like coming from a place of wanting to be perfect, also coming from a place of wanting to be accepted and wanting to be wanted.
4:20: And I thought that if I changed my body or if I let my body looked like these other women.
4:27: And that I would essentially be more desirable, if you will, whether that was by men or by women, it was just being accepted even in just groups, like it wasn’t just one or the other.
4:42: but yeah, social media for me was like a huge part to that puzzle, even though there was also this emotional aspect of it.
4:50: As well, like when I’ve been experiencing, what’s it called?
4:54: When I was experiencing like very heavy seasons or not expressing my emotions, trying to control my emotions, not showing my emotions, not expressing my emotions, then I would see them come out in the same way that you mentioned, which is like eating a shit ton of food and then throwing up.
5:11: Like, that was definitely a part of my process.
5:13: Yeah, same.
5:14: I think too, it’s interesting because when I think back, so for me, I didn’t really have bulimia until I was like in my early 20s.
5:22: In high school, I definitely had 100% body dysmorphia.
5:26: I just like didn’t think about that as an option, you know, and I, you know, I’m not laughing, it’s not a laughing matter, but I laugh at just like my thought process at the time.
5:38: But I think that for me in high school, it was more looking at the the girls that I perceived as thin, or as the body that I wanted, and that was my only comparison, and then in my twenties was when social media like Instagram specifically really exploded, and all of a sudden you’re seeing models and you’re seeing, you know, I mean the Victoria’s Secret fashion show.
5:58: I remember watching that and thinking like, I just want to look like them.
6:02: And now So interesting being older, looking back or even, you know, reflecting, you know, it just came back this year, they did it again for the first time in a long time and some, a lot of videos resurfaced around their routines of how they maintain their bodies, and they’re so unhealthy, obviously, you know, like they’re not eating for several days before the event and just probably even hearing that at the time and thinking, oh, OK, that’s what I have to do, Yeah, I think it was a lot of comparison, but the deeper part was definitely the emotional release.
6:34: Feeling so much, discomfort in myself around my image and how I felt about myself, and feeling like that was the only way it it felt so energetically healing, healing.
6:45: It was like, yeah, really weird, yeah, yeah, and, and I think too, because we’ve both experienced repressed, feelings and emotions, that was like the one way that I could express myself fully, even though it was extremely not the healthy way to do it.
7:02: I had no awareness of why I was even doing it for so long.
7:06: I used to think of it as like, we don’t have to go on the wholesars, but like I used to think of it as like, I We would just lose control.
7:12: Like it was almost like blacking out.
7:13: Like my whole system was just taking action and just doing.
7:19: and so it was so interesting at that time to go there and so that really, once I got to a place, I think in 2019 was when I first hired my first intuitive eating coach, Tyler Rolling.
7:32: Which she’s still a friend of mine and super deep to mine, but I just had it.
7:36: Like I, I think there was this part of me that I was like, there has to be another way to live.
7:41: Like, I’m tired of restricting myself.
7:45: I’m exhausted of thinking about how much I’ve worked out today.
7:49: I am just fucking done.
7:51: Like there needs to be another way.
7:52: And I think that was just God speaking to me of like, there is another way.
7:57: And what I remember, she really taught me how to eat and Intuitively.
8:01: And it was just wild.
8:02: Like the repair that I had to go through, the, the level of self-trust that I had to learn within myself that I knew how much I wanted to eat and what was good for me versus like working through all the different diets, all the different rules, everything that you saw on social media, what was supposed to be as you should eat.
8:24: and yeah, it was such a dance and it took some time, but I had to Comfortable with eating with what my body wanted.
8:31: Because on the other side of that, I also experienced like, because I was restricting myself so much, my body was so malnourished that like I also needed to eat way more because my body has basically been starving for the last 58, 10 years, whatever long it was before I got to this stage in 2019 where I was like, I really want to change the way I was doing because I was counting macros.
8:55: I was doing everything you could to restrict yourself.
8:57: And I was like, just always trying to be in a calorie deficit, because I heard calorie deficit means I’m going to lose weight, which is a whole thing in itself.
9:06: So you can just imagine like the internal trust that I had to learn within myself again to be able to say, oh, I know what a hunger cue is.
9:15: Like, I didn’t even know what a hunger cue is because I was constantly being like, nope, you should stop eating by now, or you’ve eaten too much, or you’ve had too many carbs, or whatever.
9:24: And then it came to like Like, oh, you haven’t eaten enough protein, whatever that was.
9:29: So that’s just what a little bit of what mine was like.
9:32: Yeah, it’s interesting because for me, I, I remember specifically a moment where I thought, I will never, like, what, what would it feel like to have a healthy relationship with food?
9:42: And I kind of had just accepted that I never would because, I mean, I, I was raised like on TV dinners and eating, I would say majority of meals of dinner meals, except for maybe the weekends we’re eating.
9:53: In front of the TV, like at my grandma’s house.
9:56: And so there was no connection.
9:58: Of course, I didn’t know what full felt like or nourishment felt like.
10:02: we ate fast food every single day after school, which is probably why I’m so adverse to it now, because I’ve eaten enough of it for a lifetime.
10:09: And, it was actually when I met Austin, my husband, who we’ve had on the show, but when I met him, and he finally created a container for me to feel safe and was also like, you don’t need to do that, you know, like, There are other ways to, I think just talking like being seen all of me and having a place to release those emotions.
10:30: And then that coupled with, it’s funny, I remember being on set at a job that I was when I was working in the film industry, and making a comment about losing weight being hard.
10:41: And one of the guys was like, losing weight’s easy, like what are you talking about?
10:45: You know, and I don’t know if it was just in the moment or the way he said it, but something in my brain clicked.
10:50: And I came home and I told Austin about it, and he’s like, well, it seems like you’ve been trying to lose weight for so long, like it had probably been 5 or 6 years when I really wasn’t doing what I needed to do, you know, I was engaging in this negative sort of behavior, and this patterning, and he, he just said, you know, I think you just need to try something different.
11:09: And so I started, for me, I used reprogramming and I started saying, I love my body, losing weight is easy.
11:15: I let go.
11:16: I Eat intuitively, and I would repeat them consistently every single day for months and months.
11:22: And that is when I started shifting, like what I was eating, how I was eating, and started really one thing I bless Austin for this is he would never let us eat in front of the TV ever.
11:33: Like he was just like, we’re not eating in front of any TV.
11:36: We’re eating together, we’re enjoying our meal.
11:39: And that really shifted everything for me because especially I was a lot, I was single for quite a A while before I met him and it was so easy to just, I mean, I didn’t want to eat alone at a table in the quiet.
11:48: It was way too quiet.
11:49: So I would eat in front of a TV.
11:50: So it was kind of the same patterning that I had been living, and he really helped me repattern that.
11:55: And yeah, now I can actually say I have a pretty solid relationship with food, which is amazing.
12:01: I never thought I’d get there.
12:02: You know.
12:03: But what’s interesting, and I think that brings us to the crutch of this episode, what we want to talk about is because Even though we’ve stepped into having this like really healthy relationship with food or having a healthy relationship with my body, like I can honestly say, like I feel really confident in my body in the bedroom.
12:23: I feel very confident in my body being naked around other people, like, which I’ve shared around the podcast.
12:29: Like there is, I feel good in my body.
12:32: Like I’m not constantly, like I remember like little Cranna or like I was like constantly comparing like my thigh and how it looks like in addition to something else like aars into something else in the moment or constantly thinking about like, does my arm look fat?
12:47: Like does it look fat next to this thing and it’s like so like when you take the picture and you’ll be like, oh my God or like every photo that I ever took was like I was so judgmental about myself and like picking myself apart.
13:00: Do you ever look back on photos and just think, wow, I was so beautiful, so skinny, so whatever, and I can’t believe I thought I was, oh my gosh, yes, yeah, that’s why I, I mean, the part that makes me sad is like, now I get really sad because the parts where I was like super small.
13:13: I mean, I was very small, like the smallest I’ve ever been.
13:17: I look back at those photos and I was like, how did I ever think that I was fat?
13:21: You know what’s really sad?
13:22: My ex, bless his heart.
13:24: We broke up for a summer, we used to break up and get back together all the time.
13:27: And I remember I had not eaten that whole Summer I spent the majority of the summer in bed crying.
13:31: I was so heartbroken.
13:32: It was like the first big time we had ever broken up.
13:35: I was the skinny as I’d ever been.
13:36: I was probably like a size bigger, like 42, whatever, and he was like, wow, this is the best you’ve ever looked.
13:43: Well, fuck him.
13:44: Like I was like, I think back and in that moment I was just like, thank you so much.
13:50: And I look back and I thought, my God, Samantha, come on.
13:54: But yeah, those are the moments.
13:55: So you’re just, it’s so crazy, but anyways, looking back on it, but it’s wild, but that’s, I mean, that just like talks to so much about also the other fucked up part of it, right?
14:04: Like now we’ve attracted men that like literally I could be looking like the ugliest bum in the world, and he’s like, I want to have so much sex with you, like I love you so much.
14:15: Like he’s like, damn, I would, I would like I would go down on you right now.
14:19: Like things like that, and I’m just like, ha ha.
14:22: Like at the beginning, I’m like, wait, what honey?
14:26: Like, I was like, I, and it was so nice to receive, but also I think men play a part of this as well, and I’m not trying to be like rude, but men are also attracted to a specific image, and they’re putting that onto women and they’re saying like, oh, you should lose the 20 pounds, or like, oh, when I married you.
14:43: You were smaller.
14:45: Austin legitly at me.
14:46: Why are you insecure?
14:47: I loved you when you were 50 pounds heavier.
14:49: Yeah, like, I don’t know.
14:51: And I always look back at Nick when he first and I first started dating, like I had so much inflammation in my face because I was, I mean, healing from hormones and things like, yeah, I’m like, say, wow, honey, you loved me.
15:01: I was like, he’s like, we had a glow, OK.
15:04: have a glow up, but it’s like a healthy glow up.
15:07: I like think about.
15:09: but what I was saying, you know, that I think we really want to talk to you is like, even though we’ve eat intuitively, we trust our bodies to do what they’re meant to be.
15:18: We trust that they’re strong.
15:20: Something that I’ve been personally navigating recently has been stepping into wanting to make my body strong.
15:26: And also wanting to meet my edge.
15:28: And what I’ve realized that I’ve been doing because I’ve been really comfortable accepting and loving my body as it is, that I have avoided my edge and wanting to potentially change it.
15:42: And I, there was this moment about maybe 2 weeks ago, maybe 3 weeks ago, it was the weekend before my period.
15:50: I was so hormonal.
15:51: I mean, Nick literally looked at me, he’s like, are you depressed?
15:54: And I was like, you’ve never said that to me before.
15:57: And then I was talking so negatively about my body, and he was like, you really haven’t talked so negatively about your body like this in a long time.
16:04: And I was like, it’s just really, and he was just talking to himself I’m like listening and he’s like washing the dishes, and he’s like, it just really gives me insight into where you’re really at, like, what mind space you’re in or where your mental health is, or your mind like what space you’re in.
16:19: And I was like, I just stood quiet and it like triggered the fuck out of me because I was like, oh shit, he’s right.
16:26: Like, I am picking myself apart right now and I am getting mad at myself for certain things, and I was like so sad, cause I was like, I haven’t been like this in a long time and I get emotional because I haven’t felt that way about myself in a long time.
16:42: And I was just like, what is wrong?
16:46: And I got so triggered, and he’s like, do you want to talk about it?
16:48: And I was like, no.
16:49: And I was like, never not want to talk about it, but I did not want to talk about it because I was like processing, like, I haven’t felt this way about my body in years, and I felt really sad as to like why do I feel this way?
17:00: Where is it coming from?
17:01: Like where is it coming from?
17:03: And what I realized, and I eventually ended up telling him in the morning, I was like, you know, honey, like what’s what’s really coming up for me is like I realized that we’ve been going to the gym more.
17:12: We’ve been talking more about like me wanting to work on my health in a specific way.
17:17: And I have so much fear and resistance to restriction and to working out hard in the gym.
17:24: And I think because I relate those two things to wanting to pick myself apart.
17:30: And as I was expressing this to him, I was telling him.
17:33: You know, it’s very difficult, like when you go to the gym and you know that so many people in there are looking at themselves in the mirror, trying to see if their butt grew or if they’ve gotten smaller and I’ve just completely taken myself out of that because I did not feel safe in that and I didn’t have the capacity to be in that.
17:49: And now I’m trying to create the capacity to be in that while still trying to You know, get stronger, get leaner, get healthier, restrict myself a little bit when it comes to food or like eating a certain way because I want to work on something specifically, while also keeping my balance.
18:08: And I think I met my edge because we were so consistent with going to the gym, that I was like so scared that I was gonna fall back into it.
18:17: And I didn’t know, I, I think I’m still in the process of figuring out what that actually looks like to show up and be like, I have a healthy relationship with food.
18:26: Yeah, I have a healthy relationship with my body, I love my body.
18:30: And God tells me that I could have everything.
18:34: So why can’t I have the body that feels healthy, strong, fit in the way that I want?
18:40: Yeah, and I think that I think when you’ve gone through the things we’ve gone through or dealt with body dysmorphia or any of that, there’s always going to be the fear that what if this comes back, or what if this triggers something or, and I also think that I don’t care who you are, or if you’ve had an eating issue or not.
18:58: I mean, all of us as Women are subjected to scrutiny and and a certain standard of beauty in any capacity.
19:06: It doesn’t matter what ethnicity you are, what, you know, age you are.
19:10: I think we’re all, I think it’s it’s impossible to escape it in the Western world at least.
19:15: And I think that that’s always going to be playing in the background, even if you love your body, even if you have a healthy relationship with it, because that you feel good, you’re like, I feel good, I feel strong today, and then you go on Instagram and you’re like, oh.
19:30: Hello, that’s a nice bum.
19:32: That’s not what my bum looks like or whatever, you know.
19:35: So I think that just to speak into that is like, I think that that’s always going to be operating underneath and the gym just magnifies that perception or that persona.
19:45: So yeah, I think that’s a valid fear.
19:47: But I also, you know, what does it look like if you lean into that and you do become healthy and you do get that body and you do, you know, restrict in a healthy way.
19:57: In a way that’s serving your betterment versus like trying to be a size 4.
20:03: Totally.
20:04: And that’s like to your point, like I also want to like reframe a little bit about restriction.
20:08: So when I talk about restricting, like I’m not necessarily saying it’s not about calories or calories or anything like that.
20:14: So, you know, my partner is a holistic health practitioner.
20:18: He lives on a fucking program.
20:19: He’s so structured and you should check out this episode 59.
20:22: It was really good.
20:23: It’s good.
20:24: It basically blew.
20:25: I think it was really cool.
20:26: It’s amazing.
20:28: but anyways, like, you know, we’re really in this place of preparing my body in a different way.
20:32: And so like, I’m not trying to say restricting, I’m trying to say like even like programs like, and I’m trying to find freedom in that versus before I did it from a way of controlling what I ate, which this purpose is not.
20:45: It’s more of like, OK, if I have a program, I have something to follow, like I’ll eat that.
20:49: Because I do think like with food, like I’ve gone to a place where I’m So lax about everything.
20:55: It’s just making sure that I’m eating specific foods so my body’s getting a specific nutrient and that in itself feels restricting, but it’s not meant to be restricting.
21:04: That’s because my fear of being restricting is making it feel like it’s restricting, but if anything, it’s giving me more.
21:11: It’s just learning to get over that hump now because I’ve basically been like on the other end and I’m like, OK, now I have to try and find the balance, the balance.
21:19: , and then the other thing that I wanted to mention too that like really threw me off, like I had voice noted a friend because she had asked me how I was doing, and I was like, I’m really not doing well.
21:29: And she was like, you know, I’ve gone to this place where like, if I want to look good, I want to look good, and it’s OK.
21:36: And when she said that, I was like so taken back.
21:39: I’m like, I could hear the voice in my head of saying like, no, I’m not allowed to look good because looking good is bad or wanting to look good is bad.
21:47: Like I had this narrative of like wanting to look good is bad because I worked so hard to like love myself as I am.
21:57: And so it’s like the fear of like, maybe you have to change yourself to let then love yourself.
22:01: Yes, exactly, and I don’t want to play into the fear of, I’m trying to change myself, you know, I want to play into that, and that’s where I was getting caught up in like this like internal dialogue of like, I spent so many years trying to change myself and I didn’t love myself.
22:16: What is it, you know, I think we’re trying to define, like, what does it look like to love.
22:21: Yourself in a way that changes you.
22:24: But that’s already what I think you’re speaking to reframing, that it’s really about going to the gym because you want to be strong and you wanna, you wanna reflect that strength and you wanna feel good and vibrant in your body.
22:38: And I just think that if we take out aesthetics, OK, like naturally, we are not meant to be big people.
22:45: Like We aren’t meant to carry lots of fat on our bodies, and maybe if you live in Alaska or somewhere like that would make a little more sense.
22:52: But I feel like, I think that it maybe it’s less about the number and more about if your focus is, I want to feel vibrant, I want to feel strong, you’ll naturally your body will morph to fit that and you will look good, I think, instead of, I think it’s so easy for all of us as women to get caught up in I want to be a size 4 or a size 2, or I want this inch waist or I want this size bum or whatever, instead of just being like, how can I show up and feel the best in my body?
23:18: Totally.
23:19: And that’s where I’m trying to get to.
23:21: Yeah.
23:21: Like I’m in that season right now where I’m like, oh, I I love my body as is, and now I want to make it strong, or now I want to lean out, or now I want these things and making myself OK for wanting those things.
23:34: But it’s again not coming from a place of I want other people to accept me.
23:38: Yeah, because I feel as we as I am.
23:41: Yeah.
23:41: Does that make sense?
23:42: Totally.
23:43: Did that come up for you at all?
23:44: Yeah, I mean, I think for me, my, we’ve spoken a little about this, but for me, I feel strong already and sometimes I feel like the outside doesn’t reflect the the inside.
23:54: I mean, I know my issue’s probably more stress.
23:58: I carry stress well, but not well cause nobody carries stress well.
24:03: And so I feel like that plays a big role in my moods and how I feel about my body.
24:08: I think for me, I also have that relationship with restriction or putting, I’m always afraid that like I’ll step one step too far and then it will send me.
24:17: Back to where I was and I worked so hard not to get there, but I too want to look good.
24:22: So I’m not saying I don’t feel I look good, but I, I would love to see my body in one other iteration, like one new iteration different.
24:30: and that’s more just for myself, like when how I want to feel, I just want to feel like, toned and, but I also had to accept, kind of like how you’re speaking to, that maybe I started, especially like a month ago when this was really coming up for me, and I think too, you know, as you age, as a woman, and it’s so easy to fall into like, I don’t want wrinkles, I don’t want to look old, I don’t want to look this way, but I think for me, actually my biggest thing is, you know, we’re heading into a season of wanting to become mothers, and I really I want to feel so solid in my body.
25:01: One, to carry a healthy baby, because I am older than, you know, the the normal age of having a baby.
25:07: And also I just want to feel a really strong sense of a love for my body and how strong it is and how capable it is before I then go and expand it, physically and emotionally and mentally.
25:21: Yeah, so, so for me what I was gonna just say is like looking at little things where like, I love to bake and being honest with myself, like, yeah, maybe if I’m eating cookies at 8 o’clock at night, I’m not shaming myself for eating the cookies, but like if I really want to have a toned body, that might not be an every night occurrence.
25:39: Maybe I should just have it like once a week or so those are kind of the concessions I’m Trying to make without getting into that super restrictive space, but also being honest, like I think I’ve told you before, I I was drinking a lot of like lollipops and sodas, and when you’re trying to actually like slim down and you’re already I would consider myself slim to begin with, it’s like those little things I think do can be make a difference in just the way you’re processing them, like we talk about glucose and eating.
26:07: , certain things, you know, to slow the glucose down and protein and things like that, and I think, you know, it all plays a role in.
26:13: So I think being honest with myself, but also not, you know, at that line where you’re like, OK, I’m gonna go real extreme on this.
26:21: I still love, I, I will always love food and love eating, and I’m if it requires me, like restricting where I can’t enjoy my meal.
26:28: Then I probably won’t ever be the shape that I want to be.
26:32: And I think that’s the balance that you and I are trying to figure out because I think we have this history, you know, we know what it looks like to step too far.
26:41: And I’m like, I don’t want to step too far.
26:43: I got lost in stepping too far and I think there’s this inner personal journey that we are going through in this moment of like, in this part of this journey of really learning how to be our fullest expressed selves through our bodies, right?
26:57: Like confident in our bodies, stepping into our bodies, loving our bodies, and feeling strong in our bodies.
27:04: But there’s this dance where we now have to work with the other parts that are going to be like, No, Sam, don’t go.
27:10: Too much or like, you should probably not restrict too much because we’ve been down this route that’s so scary.
27:17: The part that’s scariest for me too is the obsession that comes at it because it consumed so much of my world and I feel like when I was able to have a healthy relationship with my body and food, like the whole world opened to me, and I don’t know if you feel the same way and I felt like freedom.
27:33: And it still feels like freedom and so like.
27:35: That’s, I guess that’s the biggest thing that we’re talking about is like as we’re stepping into like really preparing our bodies for motherhood in a lot of ways, like saying, like trying to get strong, trying to be healthy.
27:46: There’s things, certain protocols that we can follow to make us feel a certain way or to prepare our bodies.
27:52: But it’s really the fear that we’re coming up against because we don’t want to feel what it feels like to not be free.
28:00: Like we have Literally, you know, when you, when you do get to this place where you are so in love with your body and you have a good healthy relationship food, it feels like you can live again.
28:11: versus before, like the obsession that you’re talking about, it seems everything so fucking consuming that you’re constantly running analytics in your brain or data’s running, filtering through one thing like I should be eating this, but if I eat this, I got to do this, and if I do this, I got to do that, blah blah blah blah blah.
28:27: And it’s just, it’s not fun to live in a mind like that.
28:31: You miss out on so much.
28:32: I look back and I’m like, wow, how often was I not even present?
28:36: Like I missed out on so much.
28:37: I think I love that you said that because it’s so true.
28:42: The space that we’ve stepped into most days, almost every day, feeling free to just be and not worry about your body image is just a.
28:55: pounds lighter energetically, like you can just feel the weight come off your shoulders.
29:01: You’re like I could take a fucking breath.
29:03: This is so nice.
29:04: Yeah, and I feel like even in the moments where I’m like, oh, this wrinkle or this belly or whatever, the thought may be delusional or not or true.
29:12: I think it lasts like a moment or maybe a day, if we’re really having a rough time, versus weeks and months and years, you know, so it’s like I also give myself grace cause I’m like, I’m still a woman, and I’m still, you know, you can’t not compare yourself.
29:27: It’s so hard not to.
29:28: It doesn’t matter.
29:29: We have some of the most beautiful friends that are skinny, mini, and so fit, and I was like, I could be as disciplined as you, and they are insecure, you know, so it’s like we all feel this, we’re all subjected to it.
29:40: There’s always something that each of us wants to change, or, and I think it is like when you can find that freedom, when you can allow yourself to just accept, like, even if you want to lose weight or you, or you’re not feeling enough or, you know, you don’t feel pretty enough, or you don’t, you’re not conventionally beautiful or whatever, I think that we all feel this way, and I think when you can find your way to that freedom, to that inner peace, to that presence, you realize like, I think also like the mindset shift of this.
30:08: This is a vessel that literally carries us every day.
30:11: It breathes.
30:12: Our bodies breathe without us thinking.
30:14: Our heart beats, you know, all day long to keep us alive.
30:18: Like it is sometimes when I’m really feeling low, I actually go and watch some of those like videos, the microscopic videos that show what our white blood cells are doing or our mitochondria are doing, and you’re like, oh, it’s so cool.
30:29: I’ll send you some.
30:30: And you’ll just be like, holy shit, our bodies are insane.
30:33: Why am I hating myself?
30:34: Like, why?
30:36: I mean, I think that it’s life’s too short.
30:39: Like this one video I watched of these what the white blood cell does, you know, you like takes, obviously we all went to school and we learn about biology, but you don’t think about it.
30:47: And then when you see this, it’s literally this, this round, you know, odd like oval shaped cell and it’s going and it’s like, hey you, hey you, how you doing?
30:55: And he’s like pushing all the red blood cells and he’s touching them all and he’s like, you’ve been drinking tonight, you’re doing this?
30:59: Like, how you feeling?
31:00: How you doing?
31:01: How any anything going on?
31:03: And it’s like, that’s Literally what it looks like in this thing.
31:05: It’s amazing.
31:07: And you’re just, I don’t know, it just brings you back to like, wow, our bodies are so incredible.
31:13: And why would we ever want to punish them?
31:15: Why would we ever want to make them feel like they’re not good enough because you have an extra roll of fat or you have, you know, an eyebrow that’s higher than the other one or whatever, you know, and I think that the more we can come back to that, the more we can find that freedom.
31:32: Yeah, I love that you said that.
31:33: It’s so true.
31:34: We are this body is literally carrying us every single day, and that’s what magnificent about it.
31:41: I think living with Nick, he tells me so much about the body.
31:45: I’m like, it does that.
31:46: Your eyeballs do that.
31:48: He’s like, you’re telling me, now he puts me to, I might go down the spiral, but Nick at night before bed, I’m like with my eye mask and I’m like, babe, what did you learn today?
31:57: And he’s like teaching me all these facts, and he was telling me he’s like, your brain is not, your eyes are a part of your brain.
32:02: And he’s like, they’re a part of your brain.
32:04: They’re not separate from your brain.
32:06: They’re a part of your brain.
32:06: But if I’m blind, does that There’s something wrong with the brain.
32:10: I have to ask him.
32:11: You can ask him.
32:12: He was actually telling me that he has been considering, he told me he’s like, I think I might be able to do this.
32:16: I think he can fix his eyesight with lights.
32:18: I actually just saw someone talk about that, and they also said,, not tallow.
32:25: What’s the oil that everyone’s been talking about you like put it for hair growth and not argan oil, but,, castor oil, yes, and, yeah, and that that’s like improving their eyesight.
32:35: Yeah, there’s specific things that you can do like about light light exposure.
32:40: Apparently there’s someone that using different colors of light because your eyes are the things that absorb light.
32:45: Like I was telling you today, like our contacts are blocking your eyesight, you are blocking the good light from coming in.
32:52: You can talk to him about it, but he, because Nick is also blind, I might be blinder than him though.
33:00: I think I’m pretty sure I think so.
33:02: I mean your glasses are so thick compared to his.
33:08: I’m like Belma from.
33:09: Literally like she had like a mountain on her.
33:12: I mean, it’s sad but true.
33:14: It’s the shade I’ve ever seen.
33:16: I’ve worn contacts in 2nd grade.
33:18: All right, anyway, we digress, we digress.
33:20: But anyways, like, you know, that our bodies are so beautiful and that’s where like I’m really stepping into is like, this next evolution of my body is coming to a place of like, I want to be healthier, I want to be stronger, I want to be resilient, especially with my underlying like health conditions.
33:36: And so even the idea of dabbling in those things, it’s brought up a lot of fear, which I think is what I want to talk about.
33:42: And what we really want to highlight today is like, let’s say you’ve been on this journey of healing your relationship with your body, or maybe you’re on the other side where you feel really good and you’ve been avoidant of restrictions, avoidant of diets, avoidant of working with someone because you want to better your health, because of the fear that potentially goes on.
33:58: And we want to highlight that because I think it’s a part of the journey.
34:03: And when I come up against that, like, I just get really compassionately curious and just remind myself that these parts of me are coming up because they want to protect me from feeling a certain way.
34:14: And like you and I were just talking, like, these parts of us don’t want us to feel obsessed again.
34:20: These parts of us do not want us to feel like we are drowning in our minds thinking about what we’re eating all the time, how much we’ve worked out and counting calories.
34:30: And I think we are in the process right now of figuring out what it feels like to go through that and to be on the other side of that.
34:38: Totally.
34:38: I think I would add to that too, that something I, something Austin actually said to me before and I really agreed upon reflection, is that the weight for me specifically felt very tied to my emotions.
34:53: And as I lost weight, I felt more vulnerable.
34:56: And I felt more emotional.
34:59: And I had a lot of releasing, specifically when I was losing like the 50 pounds that I was speaking to earlier, but even now, it’s interesting because I have a rash on my arm that I was showing Kerner earlier and you were asking me what I think it’s from, and I’m just thinking about what Austin said before, which is every time I’ve ever leveled up in my life, I break out in this kind of rash.
35:20: So he always loves to say like, you’re just leveling up, you’re just releasing more emotions or more stored energy, and even though it sounds really woo woo, I actually think there is some truth to that in terms of even sometimes the fear, even as simple as, you know, women live in an underlying state of fear to a certain extent from men, and I think that also sometimes Weight is that protection that we hold against ourselves because we have idealized the standard of women to be like this way, a thin, you know, model, whatever that looks like a Kim Kardashian or whatever.
35:51: And when you, I think there is, I think that we can also hold a layer of protection of ourselves, of like, well, I can, I, it’s like a safety thing almost.
36:00: Yeah, that would be my one addition I think that I think about sometimes is like, what, what’s at the deeper root of and it doesn’t even have to be the weight itself, but like what’s at the deeper root that is maybe blocking you from allowing yourself to be healthier, more vibrant, stronger, whatever it may be.
36:19: When you were saying that, there was this woman that I was thinking about, that’s an influencer, I should show you to her, she talks, she’s like a businesswoman for spiritual people or for spiritual coaches and things like that.
36:29: I’ve been following her journey and she lost so much weight working with Joy Wellness, which I’m working with too, but she’s lost a lot of weight to the point where like she had so much skin on her body and she has been talking so much about the content, about how she decided to get plastic surgery to help get with the skin, and she’s been saying it’s a spiritual up level.
36:52: It’s a spiritual awakening.
36:54: And she’s like, I know there’s so many people on here that do not believe that me changing my body or me going to get surgery or plastic surgery is a spiritual awake.
37:02: She’s like, but I’m so fucking tired of carrying all of my trauma and I’ve been healing for the last 13 years.
37:10: It’s time to take this weight off, and it kind of talks to like what you’re talking to where like, our bodies do hold trauma.
37:18: It does, you know, they’ve said that fat or certain things.
37:22: Like that’s your body trying to protect itself.
37:24: It’s trying to keep it safe.
37:26: And so I can see how you’re talking about the fact that when you did like step into losing weight, you became more seen, more vulnerable, more emotional, because you were getting underneath the layers that have been protecting you for so long.
37:40: Yeah, and if I really had to go back, I would say that I was very objectified when I was like 1819, 20, because I was very thin and like I did have that idealized body and, I was conventionally attractive, you could say, and I feel like I was then hurt by men, and so I feel like it was my protection.
37:58: And so then as it came off, because I felt so safe with Austin, it was so vulnerable to to be feeling all this stuff come up.
38:06: And I forget, I want to say her name is Carolyn Mass, but she wrote a book called Molecules of Emotion.
38:12: She talks about that, like how all of our emotions are like stored in the.
38:16: Molecules of our body, which is why probably somatics works so well and fascial release and all these things because it’s literally just stored as energy because we are energy.
38:26: We definitely are.
38:27: Well, as we wrap up this episode, I really just want to invite anyone that’s listening to this and like, whether you’re early on in your journey of like learning how to fall in love with your body, whether you’re like deep in the midst of trying to figure out and navigate what that looks like, or maybe you’re in a place.
38:42: where similar to us, where you’re like, you have really honed in and grounded into the freedom of loving your body, but you’re wanting to step into a new level or a spiritual up level of yourself, and that truly means your body also becoming a reflection of what that looks like.
39:02: We’re here for you, and I hope this episode tells you that it’s an ongoing journey for sure.
39:08: And also So like I just want to remind you guys that every part that comes up for you, like you’re meant to go through the stages, you’re meant to go through the phases.
39:15: Like if I didn’t go through this part of my season of like learning to intuitively create this self trust, create this inner balance, get to a place where I completely avoided diets for my own safety because my body needed to learn what it felt safe in that.
39:30: You know, maybe you’re in the part of that journey and as we just wanted to share that we’re still in it.
39:34: In a different way, yeah.
39:36: And also give you guys permission that if you are in our place, that it is OK to want to go through the spiritual up level and have your body be a representation of that.
39:47: And if you’re aware we were in our past selves, there’s light on the other side, like you can heal from like disordered eating, you can heal from body dysmorphia, from all of it.
39:57: Like you can let it go and be free.
40:01: And if you ever want to talk more about this, like, please DM us on Insta.
40:04: I am, we don’t want people to feel alone.
40:07: I think there’s so many of us, men included, not just women and men that are constantly battling their own internal conversations about their body, and don’t probably want to say them out loud because you don’t want to admit to the fact that they’re happening.
40:22: But if they are happening like you aren’t alone.
40:24: , we love you and we see you, and we also just want to invite that you can be your fullest express self through every up level that you go through, whatever that looks like.
40:34: And I truly believe our bodies can match that.
40:38: Yeah, definitely.
40:39: But that doesn’t mean you’re not going to run into your own shit along the way.
40:43: Also true.
40:45: So that’s true.
40:46: Yeah, anything else you wanna say?
40:48: One thing I actually just wanted to reflect to you really quick, I was thinking about is that, you know, you’re saying you want to go to the gym to feel stronger, and I would say maybe the reframe really is like, look how resilient you are, look how strong you already are mentally, and what you’ve overcome.
41:02: So now you just need the outside, you’re wanting the outside to match what’s already on the inside.
41:06: Damn, you took that from what I just said, didn’t you?
41:09: That’s pretty good.
41:12: Maybe this was a therapy session that I needed for both of us, but that is true, and I like that.
41:18: I do like that, yeah, you’re already strong.
41:20: Yeah, so, oh yeah, you are literally strong.
41:23: And on that note, thanks so much for listening.
41:27: We love you guys so much and yeah, let us know what you guys thought about this episode.
41:31: It was really just us free freestyling it, giving you some insight into what’s going on in our lives as we continue to step into our fullest express self, and our next up level of life.
41:43: Yeah, see you on the next one.
41:45: All right, love you.
41:46: peace.
41:47: Thank you so much for tuning in.
41:48: We really appreciate you being here.
41:50: If you enjoyed this episode, we’d be grateful if you could leave us a review and share it with a friend.
41:55: Also, we would love to hear from you.
41:58: Reach out to us on Instagram and let us know where you feel inspired to express yourself as you embrace this next era.
42:05: We are here to support you and encourage you.
42:07: See you on the next one.
0:03: We are your hosts, Samantha and Karenna.
0:06: This is a show where we invite you into your fullest expressed self and life, relationships, and business.
0:11: We believe that if you crave more, you are meant for more.
0:14: There is room for all of us to be fully expressed.
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0:22: Make sure to check out the fully expressed community membership.
0:25: You’ll find the link to join in the show notes and on our website.
0:28: So excited to see you there.
0:30: Enjoy this new episode.
0:35: Welcome to a new episode on the Fully expressed podcast this week.
0:39: We’re so excited to have you.
0:40: , today we get to have a little solo episode between the two of us, so you’re gonna hear us talk today.
0:48: Yeah, and we, we thought about what topic we really wanted to talk about, and something that’s been coming up for both of us is body image, which Karina has spoken about before on the podcast, but we’re going to be talking about it from a different lens.
1:02: And so just so you, if you’re listening to this, and I just want to say we’re going to be very delicate and very understanding.
1:08: , but also this could be maybe a little triggering for you, and what we’re hoping to give you insight into really our process with this journey.
1:17: I know I’ve openly spoken about my eating disorder, my body image dysmorphia, and just not having a really good relationship with my body and food, and it’s been quite the journey of healing that.
1:31: And I know Sam hasn’t really openly talked about this on the podcast, but Sam, do you want to share with them a little bit about your journey and what that has looked like for you?
1:40: Yeah, I think we’ve bonded before on having very similar stories when it comes to the relationship with our body.
1:47: Definitely also experienced an eating disorder, bulimia, and just overall, honestly, until my, I’d say mid to late twenties, did not have a healthy relationship with food, was taught to use food as an emotional tool.
2:03: , you know, when I didn’t feel well, it was like, oh, you’re sad, like, let’s bake cookies, and let’s not just eat one, let’s eat all 12 of them.
2:11: So it has been a long journey for me too, and I think I know we’re going to dive into how it’s showing up in different ways now, more nuanced maybe, but for me, I would say that really learning to be intuitive with eating.
2:29: And to learn how to just love my body and honor it for being, you know, this vessel that carries me every single day has been a huge part of the healing journey, but I think I’ve had, yes, many experiences very similar to yours in terms of my relationship with food.
2:44: Totally.
2:45: And I think something that you and I have in common that we’ve talked about, is that a lot of our, I want to say, like, yes.
2:53: I think there were definitely people in my life that shared an interesting they also struggled with their own unhealthy relationship with food that was projected onto me.
3:05: But I think the catalyst to all this stuff has been social media, where, you know, especially like in high school or in college, you know, the idea of wanting to look a certain way.
3:18: I think is the main crutch of mine.
3:20: I mean, yes, I also use it as emotional eating.
3:23: I also had did bulimia, had bulimia, did bulimia, how did that work?
3:29: I don’t know.
3:31: but I, and what I’ve learned throughout like my certification that bulimia was just a way of me being able to express emotions, like almost trying to get a release of what I was experiencing internally.
3:41: So it’s been this interesting dance between like, yes, I experience body image issues or dysmorphia or having an unhealthy relationship with my body and with food.
3:52: And because of social media, because of you’re supposed to eat this way, you’re supposed to look this way, this is what guys want, this is what it looks attractive, or this is what’s cute, this is what’s sellable.
4:07: There’s so many stories behind the scene that are Constantly observing with social media.
4:11: So I think early on for me, it was like coming from a place of wanting to be perfect, also coming from a place of wanting to be accepted and wanting to be wanted.
4:20: And I thought that if I changed my body or if I let my body looked like these other women.
4:27: And that I would essentially be more desirable, if you will, whether that was by men or by women, it was just being accepted even in just groups, like it wasn’t just one or the other.
4:42: but yeah, social media for me was like a huge part to that puzzle, even though there was also this emotional aspect of it.
4:50: As well, like when I’ve been experiencing, what’s it called?
4:54: When I was experiencing like very heavy seasons or not expressing my emotions, trying to control my emotions, not showing my emotions, not expressing my emotions, then I would see them come out in the same way that you mentioned, which is like eating a shit ton of food and then throwing up.
5:11: Like, that was definitely a part of my process.
5:13: Yeah, same.
5:14: I think too, it’s interesting because when I think back, so for me, I didn’t really have bulimia until I was like in my early 20s.
5:22: In high school, I definitely had 100% body dysmorphia.
5:26: I just like didn’t think about that as an option, you know, and I, you know, I’m not laughing, it’s not a laughing matter, but I laugh at just like my thought process at the time.
5:38: But I think that for me in high school, it was more looking at the the girls that I perceived as thin, or as the body that I wanted, and that was my only comparison, and then in my twenties was when social media like Instagram specifically really exploded, and all of a sudden you’re seeing models and you’re seeing, you know, I mean the Victoria’s Secret fashion show.
5:58: I remember watching that and thinking like, I just want to look like them.
6:02: And now So interesting being older, looking back or even, you know, reflecting, you know, it just came back this year, they did it again for the first time in a long time and some, a lot of videos resurfaced around their routines of how they maintain their bodies, and they’re so unhealthy, obviously, you know, like they’re not eating for several days before the event and just probably even hearing that at the time and thinking, oh, OK, that’s what I have to do, Yeah, I think it was a lot of comparison, but the deeper part was definitely the emotional release.
6:34: Feeling so much, discomfort in myself around my image and how I felt about myself, and feeling like that was the only way it it felt so energetically healing, healing.
6:45: It was like, yeah, really weird, yeah, yeah, and, and I think too, because we’ve both experienced repressed, feelings and emotions, that was like the one way that I could express myself fully, even though it was extremely not the healthy way to do it.
7:02: I had no awareness of why I was even doing it for so long.
7:06: I used to think of it as like, we don’t have to go on the wholesars, but like I used to think of it as like, I We would just lose control.
7:12: Like it was almost like blacking out.
7:13: Like my whole system was just taking action and just doing.
7:19: and so it was so interesting at that time to go there and so that really, once I got to a place, I think in 2019 was when I first hired my first intuitive eating coach, Tyler Rolling.
7:32: Which she’s still a friend of mine and super deep to mine, but I just had it.
7:36: Like I, I think there was this part of me that I was like, there has to be another way to live.
7:41: Like, I’m tired of restricting myself.
7:45: I’m exhausted of thinking about how much I’ve worked out today.
7:49: I am just fucking done.
7:51: Like there needs to be another way.
7:52: And I think that was just God speaking to me of like, there is another way.
7:57: And what I remember, she really taught me how to eat and Intuitively.
8:01: And it was just wild.
8:02: Like the repair that I had to go through, the, the level of self-trust that I had to learn within myself that I knew how much I wanted to eat and what was good for me versus like working through all the different diets, all the different rules, everything that you saw on social media, what was supposed to be as you should eat.
8:24: and yeah, it was such a dance and it took some time, but I had to Comfortable with eating with what my body wanted.
8:31: Because on the other side of that, I also experienced like, because I was restricting myself so much, my body was so malnourished that like I also needed to eat way more because my body has basically been starving for the last 58, 10 years, whatever long it was before I got to this stage in 2019 where I was like, I really want to change the way I was doing because I was counting macros.
8:55: I was doing everything you could to restrict yourself.
8:57: And I was like, just always trying to be in a calorie deficit, because I heard calorie deficit means I’m going to lose weight, which is a whole thing in itself.
9:06: So you can just imagine like the internal trust that I had to learn within myself again to be able to say, oh, I know what a hunger cue is.
9:15: Like, I didn’t even know what a hunger cue is because I was constantly being like, nope, you should stop eating by now, or you’ve eaten too much, or you’ve had too many carbs, or whatever.
9:24: And then it came to like Like, oh, you haven’t eaten enough protein, whatever that was.
9:29: So that’s just what a little bit of what mine was like.
9:32: Yeah, it’s interesting because for me, I, I remember specifically a moment where I thought, I will never, like, what, what would it feel like to have a healthy relationship with food?
9:42: And I kind of had just accepted that I never would because, I mean, I, I was raised like on TV dinners and eating, I would say majority of meals of dinner meals, except for maybe the weekends we’re eating.
9:53: In front of the TV, like at my grandma’s house.
9:56: And so there was no connection.
9:58: Of course, I didn’t know what full felt like or nourishment felt like.
10:02: we ate fast food every single day after school, which is probably why I’m so adverse to it now, because I’ve eaten enough of it for a lifetime.
10:09: And, it was actually when I met Austin, my husband, who we’ve had on the show, but when I met him, and he finally created a container for me to feel safe and was also like, you don’t need to do that, you know, like, There are other ways to, I think just talking like being seen all of me and having a place to release those emotions.
10:30: And then that coupled with, it’s funny, I remember being on set at a job that I was when I was working in the film industry, and making a comment about losing weight being hard.
10:41: And one of the guys was like, losing weight’s easy, like what are you talking about?
10:45: You know, and I don’t know if it was just in the moment or the way he said it, but something in my brain clicked.
10:50: And I came home and I told Austin about it, and he’s like, well, it seems like you’ve been trying to lose weight for so long, like it had probably been 5 or 6 years when I really wasn’t doing what I needed to do, you know, I was engaging in this negative sort of behavior, and this patterning, and he, he just said, you know, I think you just need to try something different.
11:09: And so I started, for me, I used reprogramming and I started saying, I love my body, losing weight is easy.
11:15: I let go.
11:16: I Eat intuitively, and I would repeat them consistently every single day for months and months.
11:22: And that is when I started shifting, like what I was eating, how I was eating, and started really one thing I bless Austin for this is he would never let us eat in front of the TV ever.
11:33: Like he was just like, we’re not eating in front of any TV.
11:36: We’re eating together, we’re enjoying our meal.
11:39: And that really shifted everything for me because especially I was a lot, I was single for quite a A while before I met him and it was so easy to just, I mean, I didn’t want to eat alone at a table in the quiet.
11:48: It was way too quiet.
11:49: So I would eat in front of a TV.
11:50: So it was kind of the same patterning that I had been living, and he really helped me repattern that.
11:55: And yeah, now I can actually say I have a pretty solid relationship with food, which is amazing.
12:01: I never thought I’d get there.
12:02: You know.
12:03: But what’s interesting, and I think that brings us to the crutch of this episode, what we want to talk about is because Even though we’ve stepped into having this like really healthy relationship with food or having a healthy relationship with my body, like I can honestly say, like I feel really confident in my body in the bedroom.
12:23: I feel very confident in my body being naked around other people, like, which I’ve shared around the podcast.
12:29: Like there is, I feel good in my body.
12:32: Like I’m not constantly, like I remember like little Cranna or like I was like constantly comparing like my thigh and how it looks like in addition to something else like aars into something else in the moment or constantly thinking about like, does my arm look fat?
12:47: Like does it look fat next to this thing and it’s like so like when you take the picture and you’ll be like, oh my God or like every photo that I ever took was like I was so judgmental about myself and like picking myself apart.
13:00: Do you ever look back on photos and just think, wow, I was so beautiful, so skinny, so whatever, and I can’t believe I thought I was, oh my gosh, yes, yeah, that’s why I, I mean, the part that makes me sad is like, now I get really sad because the parts where I was like super small.
13:13: I mean, I was very small, like the smallest I’ve ever been.
13:17: I look back at those photos and I was like, how did I ever think that I was fat?
13:21: You know what’s really sad?
13:22: My ex, bless his heart.
13:24: We broke up for a summer, we used to break up and get back together all the time.
13:27: And I remember I had not eaten that whole Summer I spent the majority of the summer in bed crying.
13:31: I was so heartbroken.
13:32: It was like the first big time we had ever broken up.
13:35: I was the skinny as I’d ever been.
13:36: I was probably like a size bigger, like 42, whatever, and he was like, wow, this is the best you’ve ever looked.
13:43: Well, fuck him.
13:44: Like I was like, I think back and in that moment I was just like, thank you so much.
13:50: And I look back and I thought, my God, Samantha, come on.
13:54: But yeah, those are the moments.
13:55: So you’re just, it’s so crazy, but anyways, looking back on it, but it’s wild, but that’s, I mean, that just like talks to so much about also the other fucked up part of it, right?
14:04: Like now we’ve attracted men that like literally I could be looking like the ugliest bum in the world, and he’s like, I want to have so much sex with you, like I love you so much.
14:15: Like he’s like, damn, I would, I would like I would go down on you right now.
14:19: Like things like that, and I’m just like, ha ha.
14:22: Like at the beginning, I’m like, wait, what honey?
14:26: Like, I was like, I, and it was so nice to receive, but also I think men play a part of this as well, and I’m not trying to be like rude, but men are also attracted to a specific image, and they’re putting that onto women and they’re saying like, oh, you should lose the 20 pounds, or like, oh, when I married you.
14:43: You were smaller.
14:45: Austin legitly at me.
14:46: Why are you insecure?
14:47: I loved you when you were 50 pounds heavier.
14:49: Yeah, like, I don’t know.
14:51: And I always look back at Nick when he first and I first started dating, like I had so much inflammation in my face because I was, I mean, healing from hormones and things like, yeah, I’m like, say, wow, honey, you loved me.
15:01: I was like, he’s like, we had a glow, OK.
15:04: have a glow up, but it’s like a healthy glow up.
15:07: I like think about.
15:09: but what I was saying, you know, that I think we really want to talk to you is like, even though we’ve eat intuitively, we trust our bodies to do what they’re meant to be.
15:18: We trust that they’re strong.
15:20: Something that I’ve been personally navigating recently has been stepping into wanting to make my body strong.
15:26: And also wanting to meet my edge.
15:28: And what I’ve realized that I’ve been doing because I’ve been really comfortable accepting and loving my body as it is, that I have avoided my edge and wanting to potentially change it.
15:42: And I, there was this moment about maybe 2 weeks ago, maybe 3 weeks ago, it was the weekend before my period.
15:50: I was so hormonal.
15:51: I mean, Nick literally looked at me, he’s like, are you depressed?
15:54: And I was like, you’ve never said that to me before.
15:57: And then I was talking so negatively about my body, and he was like, you really haven’t talked so negatively about your body like this in a long time.
16:04: And I was like, it’s just really, and he was just talking to himself I’m like listening and he’s like washing the dishes, and he’s like, it just really gives me insight into where you’re really at, like, what mind space you’re in or where your mental health is, or your mind like what space you’re in.
16:19: And I was like, I just stood quiet and it like triggered the fuck out of me because I was like, oh shit, he’s right.
16:26: Like, I am picking myself apart right now and I am getting mad at myself for certain things, and I was like so sad, cause I was like, I haven’t been like this in a long time and I get emotional because I haven’t felt that way about myself in a long time.
16:42: And I was just like, what is wrong?
16:46: And I got so triggered, and he’s like, do you want to talk about it?
16:48: And I was like, no.
16:49: And I was like, never not want to talk about it, but I did not want to talk about it because I was like processing, like, I haven’t felt this way about my body in years, and I felt really sad as to like why do I feel this way?
17:00: Where is it coming from?
17:01: Like where is it coming from?
17:03: And what I realized, and I eventually ended up telling him in the morning, I was like, you know, honey, like what’s what’s really coming up for me is like I realized that we’ve been going to the gym more.
17:12: We’ve been talking more about like me wanting to work on my health in a specific way.
17:17: And I have so much fear and resistance to restriction and to working out hard in the gym.
17:24: And I think because I relate those two things to wanting to pick myself apart.
17:30: And as I was expressing this to him, I was telling him.
17:33: You know, it’s very difficult, like when you go to the gym and you know that so many people in there are looking at themselves in the mirror, trying to see if their butt grew or if they’ve gotten smaller and I’ve just completely taken myself out of that because I did not feel safe in that and I didn’t have the capacity to be in that.
17:49: And now I’m trying to create the capacity to be in that while still trying to You know, get stronger, get leaner, get healthier, restrict myself a little bit when it comes to food or like eating a certain way because I want to work on something specifically, while also keeping my balance.
18:08: And I think I met my edge because we were so consistent with going to the gym, that I was like so scared that I was gonna fall back into it.
18:17: And I didn’t know, I, I think I’m still in the process of figuring out what that actually looks like to show up and be like, I have a healthy relationship with food.
18:26: Yeah, I have a healthy relationship with my body, I love my body.
18:30: And God tells me that I could have everything.
18:34: So why can’t I have the body that feels healthy, strong, fit in the way that I want?
18:40: Yeah, and I think that I think when you’ve gone through the things we’ve gone through or dealt with body dysmorphia or any of that, there’s always going to be the fear that what if this comes back, or what if this triggers something or, and I also think that I don’t care who you are, or if you’ve had an eating issue or not.
18:58: I mean, all of us as Women are subjected to scrutiny and and a certain standard of beauty in any capacity.
19:06: It doesn’t matter what ethnicity you are, what, you know, age you are.
19:10: I think we’re all, I think it’s it’s impossible to escape it in the Western world at least.
19:15: And I think that that’s always going to be playing in the background, even if you love your body, even if you have a healthy relationship with it, because that you feel good, you’re like, I feel good, I feel strong today, and then you go on Instagram and you’re like, oh.
19:30: Hello, that’s a nice bum.
19:32: That’s not what my bum looks like or whatever, you know.
19:35: So I think that just to speak into that is like, I think that that’s always going to be operating underneath and the gym just magnifies that perception or that persona.
19:45: So yeah, I think that’s a valid fear.
19:47: But I also, you know, what does it look like if you lean into that and you do become healthy and you do get that body and you do, you know, restrict in a healthy way.
19:57: In a way that’s serving your betterment versus like trying to be a size 4.
20:03: Totally.
20:04: And that’s like to your point, like I also want to like reframe a little bit about restriction.
20:08: So when I talk about restricting, like I’m not necessarily saying it’s not about calories or calories or anything like that.
20:14: So, you know, my partner is a holistic health practitioner.
20:18: He lives on a fucking program.
20:19: He’s so structured and you should check out this episode 59.
20:22: It was really good.
20:23: It’s good.
20:24: It basically blew.
20:25: I think it was really cool.
20:26: It’s amazing.
20:28: but anyways, like, you know, we’re really in this place of preparing my body in a different way.
20:32: And so like, I’m not trying to say restricting, I’m trying to say like even like programs like, and I’m trying to find freedom in that versus before I did it from a way of controlling what I ate, which this purpose is not.
20:45: It’s more of like, OK, if I have a program, I have something to follow, like I’ll eat that.
20:49: Because I do think like with food, like I’ve gone to a place where I’m So lax about everything.
20:55: It’s just making sure that I’m eating specific foods so my body’s getting a specific nutrient and that in itself feels restricting, but it’s not meant to be restricting.
21:04: That’s because my fear of being restricting is making it feel like it’s restricting, but if anything, it’s giving me more.
21:11: It’s just learning to get over that hump now because I’ve basically been like on the other end and I’m like, OK, now I have to try and find the balance, the balance.
21:19: , and then the other thing that I wanted to mention too that like really threw me off, like I had voice noted a friend because she had asked me how I was doing, and I was like, I’m really not doing well.
21:29: And she was like, you know, I’ve gone to this place where like, if I want to look good, I want to look good, and it’s OK.
21:36: And when she said that, I was like so taken back.
21:39: I’m like, I could hear the voice in my head of saying like, no, I’m not allowed to look good because looking good is bad or wanting to look good is bad.
21:47: Like I had this narrative of like wanting to look good is bad because I worked so hard to like love myself as I am.
21:57: And so it’s like the fear of like, maybe you have to change yourself to let then love yourself.
22:01: Yes, exactly, and I don’t want to play into the fear of, I’m trying to change myself, you know, I want to play into that, and that’s where I was getting caught up in like this like internal dialogue of like, I spent so many years trying to change myself and I didn’t love myself.
22:16: What is it, you know, I think we’re trying to define, like, what does it look like to love.
22:21: Yourself in a way that changes you.
22:24: But that’s already what I think you’re speaking to reframing, that it’s really about going to the gym because you want to be strong and you wanna, you wanna reflect that strength and you wanna feel good and vibrant in your body.
22:38: And I just think that if we take out aesthetics, OK, like naturally, we are not meant to be big people.
22:45: Like We aren’t meant to carry lots of fat on our bodies, and maybe if you live in Alaska or somewhere like that would make a little more sense.
22:52: But I feel like, I think that it maybe it’s less about the number and more about if your focus is, I want to feel vibrant, I want to feel strong, you’ll naturally your body will morph to fit that and you will look good, I think, instead of, I think it’s so easy for all of us as women to get caught up in I want to be a size 4 or a size 2, or I want this inch waist or I want this size bum or whatever, instead of just being like, how can I show up and feel the best in my body?
23:18: Totally.
23:19: And that’s where I’m trying to get to.
23:21: Yeah.
23:21: Like I’m in that season right now where I’m like, oh, I I love my body as is, and now I want to make it strong, or now I want to lean out, or now I want these things and making myself OK for wanting those things.
23:34: But it’s again not coming from a place of I want other people to accept me.
23:38: Yeah, because I feel as we as I am.
23:41: Yeah.
23:41: Does that make sense?
23:42: Totally.
23:43: Did that come up for you at all?
23:44: Yeah, I mean, I think for me, my, we’ve spoken a little about this, but for me, I feel strong already and sometimes I feel like the outside doesn’t reflect the the inside.
23:54: I mean, I know my issue’s probably more stress.
23:58: I carry stress well, but not well cause nobody carries stress well.
24:03: And so I feel like that plays a big role in my moods and how I feel about my body.
24:08: I think for me, I also have that relationship with restriction or putting, I’m always afraid that like I’ll step one step too far and then it will send me.
24:17: Back to where I was and I worked so hard not to get there, but I too want to look good.
24:22: So I’m not saying I don’t feel I look good, but I, I would love to see my body in one other iteration, like one new iteration different.
24:30: and that’s more just for myself, like when how I want to feel, I just want to feel like, toned and, but I also had to accept, kind of like how you’re speaking to, that maybe I started, especially like a month ago when this was really coming up for me, and I think too, you know, as you age, as a woman, and it’s so easy to fall into like, I don’t want wrinkles, I don’t want to look old, I don’t want to look this way, but I think for me, actually my biggest thing is, you know, we’re heading into a season of wanting to become mothers, and I really I want to feel so solid in my body.
25:01: One, to carry a healthy baby, because I am older than, you know, the the normal age of having a baby.
25:07: And also I just want to feel a really strong sense of a love for my body and how strong it is and how capable it is before I then go and expand it, physically and emotionally and mentally.
25:21: Yeah, so, so for me what I was gonna just say is like looking at little things where like, I love to bake and being honest with myself, like, yeah, maybe if I’m eating cookies at 8 o’clock at night, I’m not shaming myself for eating the cookies, but like if I really want to have a toned body, that might not be an every night occurrence.
25:39: Maybe I should just have it like once a week or so those are kind of the concessions I’m Trying to make without getting into that super restrictive space, but also being honest, like I think I’ve told you before, I I was drinking a lot of like lollipops and sodas, and when you’re trying to actually like slim down and you’re already I would consider myself slim to begin with, it’s like those little things I think do can be make a difference in just the way you’re processing them, like we talk about glucose and eating.
26:07: , certain things, you know, to slow the glucose down and protein and things like that, and I think, you know, it all plays a role in.
26:13: So I think being honest with myself, but also not, you know, at that line where you’re like, OK, I’m gonna go real extreme on this.
26:21: I still love, I, I will always love food and love eating, and I’m if it requires me, like restricting where I can’t enjoy my meal.
26:28: Then I probably won’t ever be the shape that I want to be.
26:32: And I think that’s the balance that you and I are trying to figure out because I think we have this history, you know, we know what it looks like to step too far.
26:41: And I’m like, I don’t want to step too far.
26:43: I got lost in stepping too far and I think there’s this inner personal journey that we are going through in this moment of like, in this part of this journey of really learning how to be our fullest expressed selves through our bodies, right?
26:57: Like confident in our bodies, stepping into our bodies, loving our bodies, and feeling strong in our bodies.
27:04: But there’s this dance where we now have to work with the other parts that are going to be like, No, Sam, don’t go.
27:10: Too much or like, you should probably not restrict too much because we’ve been down this route that’s so scary.
27:17: The part that’s scariest for me too is the obsession that comes at it because it consumed so much of my world and I feel like when I was able to have a healthy relationship with my body and food, like the whole world opened to me, and I don’t know if you feel the same way and I felt like freedom.
27:33: And it still feels like freedom and so like.
27:35: That’s, I guess that’s the biggest thing that we’re talking about is like as we’re stepping into like really preparing our bodies for motherhood in a lot of ways, like saying, like trying to get strong, trying to be healthy.
27:46: There’s things, certain protocols that we can follow to make us feel a certain way or to prepare our bodies.
27:52: But it’s really the fear that we’re coming up against because we don’t want to feel what it feels like to not be free.
28:00: Like we have Literally, you know, when you, when you do get to this place where you are so in love with your body and you have a good healthy relationship food, it feels like you can live again.
28:11: versus before, like the obsession that you’re talking about, it seems everything so fucking consuming that you’re constantly running analytics in your brain or data’s running, filtering through one thing like I should be eating this, but if I eat this, I got to do this, and if I do this, I got to do that, blah blah blah blah blah.
28:27: And it’s just, it’s not fun to live in a mind like that.
28:31: You miss out on so much.
28:32: I look back and I’m like, wow, how often was I not even present?
28:36: Like I missed out on so much.
28:37: I think I love that you said that because it’s so true.
28:42: The space that we’ve stepped into most days, almost every day, feeling free to just be and not worry about your body image is just a.
28:55: pounds lighter energetically, like you can just feel the weight come off your shoulders.
29:01: You’re like I could take a fucking breath.
29:03: This is so nice.
29:04: Yeah, and I feel like even in the moments where I’m like, oh, this wrinkle or this belly or whatever, the thought may be delusional or not or true.
29:12: I think it lasts like a moment or maybe a day, if we’re really having a rough time, versus weeks and months and years, you know, so it’s like I also give myself grace cause I’m like, I’m still a woman, and I’m still, you know, you can’t not compare yourself.
29:27: It’s so hard not to.
29:28: It doesn’t matter.
29:29: We have some of the most beautiful friends that are skinny, mini, and so fit, and I was like, I could be as disciplined as you, and they are insecure, you know, so it’s like we all feel this, we’re all subjected to it.
29:40: There’s always something that each of us wants to change, or, and I think it is like when you can find that freedom, when you can allow yourself to just accept, like, even if you want to lose weight or you, or you’re not feeling enough or, you know, you don’t feel pretty enough, or you don’t, you’re not conventionally beautiful or whatever, I think that we all feel this way, and I think when you can find your way to that freedom, to that inner peace, to that presence, you realize like, I think also like the mindset shift of this.
30:08: This is a vessel that literally carries us every day.
30:11: It breathes.
30:12: Our bodies breathe without us thinking.
30:14: Our heart beats, you know, all day long to keep us alive.
30:18: Like it is sometimes when I’m really feeling low, I actually go and watch some of those like videos, the microscopic videos that show what our white blood cells are doing or our mitochondria are doing, and you’re like, oh, it’s so cool.
30:29: I’ll send you some.
30:30: And you’ll just be like, holy shit, our bodies are insane.
30:33: Why am I hating myself?
30:34: Like, why?
30:36: I mean, I think that it’s life’s too short.
30:39: Like this one video I watched of these what the white blood cell does, you know, you like takes, obviously we all went to school and we learn about biology, but you don’t think about it.
30:47: And then when you see this, it’s literally this, this round, you know, odd like oval shaped cell and it’s going and it’s like, hey you, hey you, how you doing?
30:55: And he’s like pushing all the red blood cells and he’s touching them all and he’s like, you’ve been drinking tonight, you’re doing this?
30:59: Like, how you feeling?
31:00: How you doing?
31:01: How any anything going on?
31:03: And it’s like, that’s Literally what it looks like in this thing.
31:05: It’s amazing.
31:07: And you’re just, I don’t know, it just brings you back to like, wow, our bodies are so incredible.
31:13: And why would we ever want to punish them?
31:15: Why would we ever want to make them feel like they’re not good enough because you have an extra roll of fat or you have, you know, an eyebrow that’s higher than the other one or whatever, you know, and I think that the more we can come back to that, the more we can find that freedom.
31:32: Yeah, I love that you said that.
31:33: It’s so true.
31:34: We are this body is literally carrying us every single day, and that’s what magnificent about it.
31:41: I think living with Nick, he tells me so much about the body.
31:45: I’m like, it does that.
31:46: Your eyeballs do that.
31:48: He’s like, you’re telling me, now he puts me to, I might go down the spiral, but Nick at night before bed, I’m like with my eye mask and I’m like, babe, what did you learn today?
31:57: And he’s like teaching me all these facts, and he was telling me he’s like, your brain is not, your eyes are a part of your brain.
32:02: And he’s like, they’re a part of your brain.
32:04: They’re not separate from your brain.
32:06: They’re a part of your brain.
32:06: But if I’m blind, does that There’s something wrong with the brain.
32:10: I have to ask him.
32:11: You can ask him.
32:12: He was actually telling me that he has been considering, he told me he’s like, I think I might be able to do this.
32:16: I think he can fix his eyesight with lights.
32:18: I actually just saw someone talk about that, and they also said,, not tallow.
32:25: What’s the oil that everyone’s been talking about you like put it for hair growth and not argan oil, but,, castor oil, yes, and, yeah, and that that’s like improving their eyesight.
32:35: Yeah, there’s specific things that you can do like about light light exposure.
32:40: Apparently there’s someone that using different colors of light because your eyes are the things that absorb light.
32:45: Like I was telling you today, like our contacts are blocking your eyesight, you are blocking the good light from coming in.
32:52: You can talk to him about it, but he, because Nick is also blind, I might be blinder than him though.
33:00: I think I’m pretty sure I think so.
33:02: I mean your glasses are so thick compared to his.
33:08: I’m like Belma from.
33:09: Literally like she had like a mountain on her.
33:12: I mean, it’s sad but true.
33:14: It’s the shade I’ve ever seen.
33:16: I’ve worn contacts in 2nd grade.
33:18: All right, anyway, we digress, we digress.
33:20: But anyways, like, you know, that our bodies are so beautiful and that’s where like I’m really stepping into is like, this next evolution of my body is coming to a place of like, I want to be healthier, I want to be stronger, I want to be resilient, especially with my underlying like health conditions.
33:36: And so even the idea of dabbling in those things, it’s brought up a lot of fear, which I think is what I want to talk about.
33:42: And what we really want to highlight today is like, let’s say you’ve been on this journey of healing your relationship with your body, or maybe you’re on the other side where you feel really good and you’ve been avoidant of restrictions, avoidant of diets, avoidant of working with someone because you want to better your health, because of the fear that potentially goes on.
33:58: And we want to highlight that because I think it’s a part of the journey.
34:03: And when I come up against that, like, I just get really compassionately curious and just remind myself that these parts of me are coming up because they want to protect me from feeling a certain way.
34:14: And like you and I were just talking, like, these parts of us don’t want us to feel obsessed again.
34:20: These parts of us do not want us to feel like we are drowning in our minds thinking about what we’re eating all the time, how much we’ve worked out and counting calories.
34:30: And I think we are in the process right now of figuring out what it feels like to go through that and to be on the other side of that.
34:38: Totally.
34:38: I think I would add to that too, that something I, something Austin actually said to me before and I really agreed upon reflection, is that the weight for me specifically felt very tied to my emotions.
34:53: And as I lost weight, I felt more vulnerable.
34:56: And I felt more emotional.
34:59: And I had a lot of releasing, specifically when I was losing like the 50 pounds that I was speaking to earlier, but even now, it’s interesting because I have a rash on my arm that I was showing Kerner earlier and you were asking me what I think it’s from, and I’m just thinking about what Austin said before, which is every time I’ve ever leveled up in my life, I break out in this kind of rash.
35:20: So he always loves to say like, you’re just leveling up, you’re just releasing more emotions or more stored energy, and even though it sounds really woo woo, I actually think there is some truth to that in terms of even sometimes the fear, even as simple as, you know, women live in an underlying state of fear to a certain extent from men, and I think that also sometimes Weight is that protection that we hold against ourselves because we have idealized the standard of women to be like this way, a thin, you know, model, whatever that looks like a Kim Kardashian or whatever.
35:51: And when you, I think there is, I think that we can also hold a layer of protection of ourselves, of like, well, I can, I, it’s like a safety thing almost.
36:00: Yeah, that would be my one addition I think that I think about sometimes is like, what, what’s at the deeper root of and it doesn’t even have to be the weight itself, but like what’s at the deeper root that is maybe blocking you from allowing yourself to be healthier, more vibrant, stronger, whatever it may be.
36:19: When you were saying that, there was this woman that I was thinking about, that’s an influencer, I should show you to her, she talks, she’s like a businesswoman for spiritual people or for spiritual coaches and things like that.
36:29: I’ve been following her journey and she lost so much weight working with Joy Wellness, which I’m working with too, but she’s lost a lot of weight to the point where like she had so much skin on her body and she has been talking so much about the content, about how she decided to get plastic surgery to help get with the skin, and she’s been saying it’s a spiritual up level.
36:52: It’s a spiritual awakening.
36:54: And she’s like, I know there’s so many people on here that do not believe that me changing my body or me going to get surgery or plastic surgery is a spiritual awake.
37:02: She’s like, but I’m so fucking tired of carrying all of my trauma and I’ve been healing for the last 13 years.
37:10: It’s time to take this weight off, and it kind of talks to like what you’re talking to where like, our bodies do hold trauma.
37:18: It does, you know, they’ve said that fat or certain things.
37:22: Like that’s your body trying to protect itself.
37:24: It’s trying to keep it safe.
37:26: And so I can see how you’re talking about the fact that when you did like step into losing weight, you became more seen, more vulnerable, more emotional, because you were getting underneath the layers that have been protecting you for so long.
37:40: Yeah, and if I really had to go back, I would say that I was very objectified when I was like 1819, 20, because I was very thin and like I did have that idealized body and, I was conventionally attractive, you could say, and I feel like I was then hurt by men, and so I feel like it was my protection.
37:58: And so then as it came off, because I felt so safe with Austin, it was so vulnerable to to be feeling all this stuff come up.
38:06: And I forget, I want to say her name is Carolyn Mass, but she wrote a book called Molecules of Emotion.
38:12: She talks about that, like how all of our emotions are like stored in the.
38:16: Molecules of our body, which is why probably somatics works so well and fascial release and all these things because it’s literally just stored as energy because we are energy.
38:26: We definitely are.
38:27: Well, as we wrap up this episode, I really just want to invite anyone that’s listening to this and like, whether you’re early on in your journey of like learning how to fall in love with your body, whether you’re like deep in the midst of trying to figure out and navigate what that looks like, or maybe you’re in a place.
38:42: where similar to us, where you’re like, you have really honed in and grounded into the freedom of loving your body, but you’re wanting to step into a new level or a spiritual up level of yourself, and that truly means your body also becoming a reflection of what that looks like.
39:02: We’re here for you, and I hope this episode tells you that it’s an ongoing journey for sure.
39:08: And also So like I just want to remind you guys that every part that comes up for you, like you’re meant to go through the stages, you’re meant to go through the phases.
39:15: Like if I didn’t go through this part of my season of like learning to intuitively create this self trust, create this inner balance, get to a place where I completely avoided diets for my own safety because my body needed to learn what it felt safe in that.
39:30: You know, maybe you’re in the part of that journey and as we just wanted to share that we’re still in it.
39:34: In a different way, yeah.
39:36: And also give you guys permission that if you are in our place, that it is OK to want to go through the spiritual up level and have your body be a representation of that.
39:47: And if you’re aware we were in our past selves, there’s light on the other side, like you can heal from like disordered eating, you can heal from body dysmorphia, from all of it.
39:57: Like you can let it go and be free.
40:01: And if you ever want to talk more about this, like, please DM us on Insta.
40:04: I am, we don’t want people to feel alone.
40:07: I think there’s so many of us, men included, not just women and men that are constantly battling their own internal conversations about their body, and don’t probably want to say them out loud because you don’t want to admit to the fact that they’re happening.
40:22: But if they are happening like you aren’t alone.
40:24: , we love you and we see you, and we also just want to invite that you can be your fullest express self through every up level that you go through, whatever that looks like.
40:34: And I truly believe our bodies can match that.
40:38: Yeah, definitely.
40:39: But that doesn’t mean you’re not going to run into your own shit along the way.
40:43: Also true.
40:45: So that’s true.
40:46: Yeah, anything else you wanna say?
40:48: One thing I actually just wanted to reflect to you really quick, I was thinking about is that, you know, you’re saying you want to go to the gym to feel stronger, and I would say maybe the reframe really is like, look how resilient you are, look how strong you already are mentally, and what you’ve overcome.
41:02: So now you just need the outside, you’re wanting the outside to match what’s already on the inside.
41:06: Damn, you took that from what I just said, didn’t you?
41:09: That’s pretty good.
41:12: Maybe this was a therapy session that I needed for both of us, but that is true, and I like that.
41:18: I do like that, yeah, you’re already strong.
41:20: Yeah, so, oh yeah, you are literally strong.
41:23: And on that note, thanks so much for listening.
41:27: We love you guys so much and yeah, let us know what you guys thought about this episode.
41:31: It was really just us free freestyling it, giving you some insight into what’s going on in our lives as we continue to step into our fullest express self, and our next up level of life.
41:43: Yeah, see you on the next one.
41:45: All right, love you.
41:46: peace.
41:47: Thank you so much for tuning in.
41:48: We really appreciate you being here.
41:50: If you enjoyed this episode, we’d be grateful if you could leave us a review and share it with a friend.
41:55: Also, we would love to hear from you.
41:58: Reach out to us on Instagram and let us know where you feel inspired to express yourself as you embrace this next era.
42:05: We are here to support you and encourage you.
42:07: See you on the next one.
Here’s what we dive into:
- The journey of healing from an eating disorder and rebuilding a loving relationship with your body
- How social media distorts beauty standards and the impact of constant comparison
- The deep wound of trying to change your body to feel more desirable
- The reality of “healing”—why body insecurities can still show up even after doing the work
- Reframing body love after healing: stepping into a new, more empowered perspective
- When the gym becomes a trigger—navigating old patterns while expanding into your strongest self
- Bridging the gap between self-love and embracing the body you feel called to be in
- Letting go of restriction and choosing health from a place of love, not punishment
- What it truly means to feel vibrant, strong, and fully alive in your body
- How to show up daily in a way that makes you feel your absolute best
This episode is for the woman who is ready to redefine her relationship with her body, embrace her strength, and step into the most vibrant version of herself.
Join The Fully Expressed Community, where you can be surrounded by other women who are also on the same path of personal growth, healing, and uncovering their authentic expression. Being in a community surrounded by others can truly be one of the most supporting and healing containers to support your personal invitation.
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Contact Karenna: hello@karennasoto.com
