Episode #63: Behind the Scenes: Lessons from Loving Fully Expressed Women

0:02: Welcome to the Fully expressed podcast.
0:03: We are your hosts, Samantha and Karenna.
0:06: This is a show where we invite you into your fullest express self and life, relationships, and business.
0:11: We believe that if you crave more, you are meant for more.
0:14: There is room for all of us to be fully expressed.
0:17: Along with the show, we’ve created a virtual community to connect you with fellow listeners.
0:22: Make sure to check out the fully expressed community membership.
0:25: You’ll find the link to join in the show notes and on our website.
0:28: So excited to see you there.
0:30: Enjoy this new episode.
0:34: Welcome back to another episode of the Fully expressed podcast.
0:37: I’m joined here by Karenna Soto, Samantha Hollingsworth, and Austin Griffin.
0:43: , my name’s Nick Boleto.
0:44: , welcome.
0:47: , so you could see that we have some fun guests on today’s episode.
0:53: Our partners are here to join us today.
0:58: Welcome.
0:59: Thank you so much for being here, you guys.
1:00: It really means a lot, and I’m so glad that we threw your energy, babe, at the beginning because it’s gonna be fun to have some masculine energy on the podcast today.
1:09: You know, maybe it makes sense.
1:10: I would, I’m not gonna introduce you, so you would can introduce yourself.
1:13: What do you do, who you are, and how can they get to know you?
1:17: Kick us off, Austin.
1:20: Oh boy, who am I?
1:22: Hmm, I’m a human being.
1:25: Breach it.
1:26: Preach it, brother.
1:27: , I don’t really identify with my name.
1:30: No, I’m just kidding.
1:31: , yeah, my name is Austin Griffin.
1:33: I’m a mindset coach.
1:34: I Just love supporting you guys’ endeavor.
1:38: I think this is just so cool, so fascinating what you guys are doing and getting people to step into their power, step into their authenticity and start expressing themselves.
1:47: I mean, that’s, I really see myself as a supporter of just you really and becoming You’re fully expressed self, stepping into your feminine power, you know, being a good partner.
1:57: I think there’s like a big, truly it’s like a huge part of my life, like, I mean, going beyond career labels and stuff, like, just being a good partner and supporting it, this has been a huge, huge part of why I am where I am.
2:08: Yeah.
2:09: Cool.
2:09: Well said, you know.
2:10: That was so good, so good.
2:15: That’s what I get for calling you just to follow up that act.
2:18: My name is Nick Bleto.
2:19: Some of you regular listeners may recognize me from season one.
2:24: You got to be on 2 upsize right.
2:26: Yeah.
2:27: Yeah, so I’m certified holistic health practitioner.
2:31: I work with mostly entrepreneurs and overcoming anxiety through nutrition, lifestyle, supplementation and fitness.
2:40: And Austin really summed it up beautifully though.
2:43: I think one of, if not the largest role in my life really has been as your partner and supporter, so it’s beautifully said I will copy and paste what he’s.
2:57: Cliff notes.
2:57: We did not give them, they did not tell them what to say before you said, which is funny because like, you know, that is exactly what we’re gonna be talking about today.
3:06: Yeah, I think Austin, you just took it in the right direction from the start, and I’m so excited for this conversation.
3:11: So, for those that are listening, what we’re really gonna dive into today is actually get like real time, like real feedback.
3:18: For men that are in relationship with Sam and I, and Sam and I are both living our fullest expressed self and are constantly evolving as, as women, as through our passions, through our purpose, to who we are in relationships, who we are as family, whatever that looks like.
3:33: And so we have the gift of being able to do this in partnership with our people.
3:37: I mean, Sam and Austin are married.
3:40: So they have decided to do life together forever and then Dick and I are on that way of making that like really big commitment, you know, we’re recently engaged and.
3:49: You know, I think selfishly, I wouldn’t have, I feel so supported by Nick and in my fullest expression, and we wanted to give you guys insight into like what that really looks like.
3:59: Yeah, yeah.
4:00: I feel like we’ve had a few guests now that have talked to men that are champions, and I feel like we both have champion style men.
4:08: Alejandra was one of those women who spoke about that and I feel like it’s so incredible to be in a partnership where we just fully support one another, and it is like we’re in it, we’re in it together, and we really want to see each other succeed, and I know that’s what you guys possess as well, as well as like this depth of just like going, going into the thick of, of the thick of the woods.
4:31: I don’t know what you would call it, like all the shit.
4:35: And yeah, the depth of the soul, depth.
4:37: Of the, of the psyche, and then coming out together, no matter what shows itself.
4:42: I love that you said that.
4:42: Maybe we should redefine what champion means, because Alejandro really, really, really peeled it back.
4:47: There’s like, such thing as being like a cheerleader in your relationship that she mentioned, she’s like, you can definitely that person that’s like, go, babe, go after your dreams, go do what you, I believe in you, you got this.
4:58: But like a real champion is like, hey, you’re going out to go do this.
5:01: Say, let me help you set up the studio.
5:04: Let me, how can I be there for you today?
5:06: Like, let me be, do the things that are really going to support you.
5:08: And I just feel like both of you have done that so beautifully for us, even this weekend, as we’ve been recording all weekend.
5:15: I mean, Austin, you’ve been really showing up literally tech and sound tech and the sound guy and has taken, you know, taking the time away from like you creating your dreams to support Sam’s dreams.
5:26: And I see you do that over and over again, watching the pups at home.
5:30: Yeah, watching Cuzco from you while I’m traveling and speaking or whatever that looks like, or you’re always saying like, I wish I could be there for you and you’re just celebrating and setting me up in a different way.
5:40: How is it?
5:41: I want to hear from you guys, like, how is it to be in a relationship with us as we really want to continue evolving to being our truest selves, and that can look, that probably looks a lot different than what you guys started when you guys first met us, but it probably feels the same at the same time.
5:57: So yeah, I’ll pass that over to you guys and whoever wants to take it.
6:00: Well, I would say it feels very expansive, I would say is like the main word that comes to mind.
6:08: I mean, seeing you be your fullest expressed self is very inspirational to me to want to pursue the same for myself.
6:17: , and it’s expansive, not only in the sense that it’s inspirational, but it’s also challenging as well.
6:25: I was like, I’ve been like, ruminating as you guys have been introducing the topic of today’s episode.
6:31: And something that Austin and I share in common is that we’re both younger than you guys.
6:36: And I think it’s very interesting because most solid relationships, I would say, are built with because women are so much more emotionally intelligent, and usually at a much younger age, usually the like better relationships are built when a man is older, and has kind of like built their kingdom, and then they like invite a woman into it.
7:01: And I think that’s been something that was like really cha it’s continues to be like such an opportunity for me is like, how can I hold the like masculine container, being younger and like further behind in a lot of ways, and then you’re also not only so successful.
7:21: In like a tangible way, but then on top of it, you’re stepping into and embodying this like continually more and more fully expressed version of yourself.
7:30: And so it like challenges and expands me.
7:33: And, you know, it’s like some sometimes it’s like you’re winning the race that nobody else on earth could win.
7:42: And then sometimes it’s like you’re scrambling to just like keep things afloat.
7:46: So that’s, that’s what I would say it’s like.
7:49: I can relate to that, bro, for sure.
7:51: And I love that you said opportunity, like we said challenge and then he’s turned it into opportunity because it really has been an opportunity for me supporting you guys because the last couple of weeks, I’ve been really pushing to get my thing going.
8:02: It’s been all about me mentally.
8:04: It’s been all about me focusing on my thing and pushing for, you know, to build my business.
8:09: And then when this came about, I was resistant at first because I was like, oh, I really have to take my time to like help set up this thing, you know, like this is like not what I want to be doing with my energy right now, but then at the same time, it has provided me a huge breath of like, am I going in the right direction?
8:24: Like, am I pushing too hard?
8:26: Am I folk like using too much effort to make this other thing happen?
8:30: And what’s crazy is like the more I’ve leaned into helping you guys, the more it has.
8:34: It’s really been an opportunity to just like let go and to just be like, OK, like, I don’t need to be so forceful.
8:40: I don’t need to be like, let me just help, let me just show up for them and support them building this beautiful thing that is totally just flowing, like totally just like, I mean, like, like, unlike anything I’ve ever seen, just naturally like having so many guests and everything just totally being divinely guided and it’s just so cool, like the more I step out of my way.
8:59: And see this as an opportunity to help you guys.
9:01: I’m like, I’m growing because I’m just like, wow, it’s for me, I’ve been a little bit selfish in my for my shadow, like there’s been a little bit of selfishness of like making it all about me and doing it all on my own and then just seeing how much that it’s released, the more I support without like conditions or like without expectations.
9:19: It’s just really beautiful.
9:20: It’s just like, wow, OK, like this, this is a masculine role.
9:24: This is being Supportive in the way that they need, like, OK, like this is, maybe it’s not like financially or monetarily, but maybe it’s energetically and supporting them blossom and become their fully expressed selves.
9:36: So, yeah, dude, total opportunity.
9:39: It’s really wild.
9:40: You know, just like surrendering to what is and like what is right now is that the two of you are crushing.
9:48: Like, when you get out of your own way of like, well, I’m not.
9:52: Then you’re able to be with what is, which is amazing.
9:56: Right, right.
9:58: I’m curious, like, how is it for you guys finding that dance, right?
10:01: Like, you’re seeing our selves and our identity become something, and how do you guys manage and find the time to find and dance with your identity and your own evolution?
10:13: What does that really look like?
10:15: I mean, you talked a little bit to it’s like, how can I find The selfishness and the support, like it feels like there’s a duality there, but what is supportive and you guys also finding your fullest express self as we step into our fullest express self, and Nick, you kind of hit it a little bit where there’s, there’s expansion happening for you while you’re supporting me and so it seems like it’s also inviting you into your fullest express self and what does that look like?
10:39: For sure, for sure.
10:41: I mean, for sure, I’ve noticed that too, like, not only is our role to support you guys, but to also step into our own power and our own truth, and, and for me, like seeing you guys blow this up and seeing it become so successful so quickly and just like feeling the energy behind it has brought me the inspiration that I’ve been looking for because I’m like, wow, like they are in the flow and it’s just inspired me to really like I.
11:03: Said soften instead of being so forceful, instead of being so like, this way, I’m like, well, what are they doing that’s really working?
11:10: Like more of a surrendering you to surrender.
11:13: It’s helping me surrender.
11:15: And I’m like, wow, like that is helping me step into that power and to support myself by learning from the feminine and learning from you guys how beautiful it is to see that creative flow.
11:25: And I’ve realized over the last couple days I’m like, I need more of that.
11:29: I was leaning way too much on the mind and the pushing and the efforting and nothing was flowing, the will, yeah, and nothing was, which is like, don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely helpful to have that, but like, nothing was flowing creatively, like it felt like I was pushing against like a boulder and it wasn’t moving.
11:48: And then the last couple of days, as much as I encountered this resistance, I was like, OK, I’m gonna just soften and just like lean into this a little bit, and all of a sudden, like, wow, I’m being too forceful.
11:57: Like, I need to learn from their energy and and just kind of go with the flow.
12:04: So, yeah, I mean, I think what has been beautiful to witness about you guys is that there are still things that you’re figuring.
12:15: Right now, like part of what season two of the podcast is from like a business perspective is figuring out how to make the podcast profitable, like you guys still haven’t fully figured that piece out yet.
12:26: , but you’re just like pouring into it and moving along, like, what is in a lot of ways the path of least resistance, like you guys obviously are working hard, but you’re just going with the way that the universe is guiding you.
12:41: And I feel like Just in the last week, we’ve been having a conversation of like, I just keep slamming my head against a wall, and like, the universe does not want me going any further in this direction that I so badly want like convinced I have to, right.
13:00: And yeah, just like, I think to Austin’s point, like, one of the takeaways from conversation that you and I had recently was like, If I just slow down enough to witness how the universe is directing me, then maybe there is a new opportunity that is not.
13:19: Such a big change from what I’m currently doing, but maybe it’s just more of a pivot, which you guys have like really mastered kind of like the art of the pivot.
13:28: Yeah, you and Austin are so similar and I feel like Corin and I are so similar, and I think Crain and I have talked about this before, is like, you guys get stuck on something, and I think this is a masculine thing too, but definitely you guys are very similar, like, it’s like, This is what I’m gonna do.
13:44: And in your mind, there’s like A and B, like there’s two ways to do it.
13:48: There’s, and for us, we’re like, but there’s a whole rainfall.
13:50: Like there’s a whole, there’s like 500 ways to do it.
13:53: What do you mean there’s only two ways?
13:54: But it’s like your mind just needs those 1212.
13:58: Like that’s it.
13:58: And then it, it is, it’s like a box that traps you and versus like, I do feel like we, we’re just doing this, we love it.
14:07: And it’s flowing and it feels aligned and so you don’t have everything figured out.
14:12: Yeah, you know, and I think that you kind of hit the nail on a little bit is like, you know, Sam with the podcast and I guess it’s, I mean, we basically have all of our guests for the rest of the year, which is fucking crazy.
14:23: Yeah, but like a couple days.
14:25: Yeah, I know actually I’m really impressed like we literally put this together in like a couple of weeks.
14:29: Yeah, like, I mean, we really made it.
14:31: Decision and we leaned in.
14:33: Yeah.
14:33: And so there’s a little bit of that too, like in our process, I think as women that we do this so well is like, we feel the pains and we just do, yeah, right?
14:44: Even if we don’t know how it’s going to work and there’s like a sense of like trust and surrender in that process that’s also happening like, like, I know, like, for example, like Sam, we were talking about this earlier, like, Sam’s like, I got the website.
14:56: The landing pages, don’t worry, da da da da da.
14:57: I’m like, OK, like that’s not my zone of genius and I trust that she’s going to do it and I’m not gonna old me would be caught up on like, what to hire someone for the website.
15:05: How am I going to do that?
15:06: What branding color is going to be and like we’re just like taking little steps and in the right direction and then like everything is flooding in on us, which is so cool.
15:16: Bran is sending all the emails because I definitely we have no.
15:21: I feel like, oh, we’re supposed to send an email.
15:24: She’s like, did you see the show notes?
15:25: I’m like,-huh, where are the show notes?
15:28: She’s like in the calendar.
15:29: I was like, oh right, OK.
15:31: Of course, yes, absolutely.
15:34: This is where my corporate background.
15:35: I love it.
15:38: I’m so awesome, this is my corporate background where everything’s like, there’s an email, there’s this that we’re good.
15:43: It’s all in place.
15:44: , but you know, you guys are talking about this so well and you guys talked a lot about the challenges.
15:50: I’m Curious, like, what else kind of stirs up within you guys as you guys see us, it can be good or bad, just want to give people as much light into what it looks like to be in a relationship where we’re fully expressing ourselves and you guys are also trying to fully express yourself.
16:07: Dude, you nailed it when you said like you’re banging the head against the wall, cause that’s literally how I felt the last like, like I said.
16:12: Couple weeks 7 years.
16:16: That’s a way to call.
16:17: I mean, pretty much, honestly, it’s, it’s crazy because it’s like, I feel like for us as guys, we do get this idea in our head of like what like when you said it’s like you A and B, like this is option 1, option 2, maybe not even option 2, just this, this is the only path and I’m just gonna hit it hard.
16:33: And for me, I’ve realized that like that.
16:35: It’s so true.
16:36: Like I’ve had this realization recently where it’s like when we’re so narrow minded on one thing, we’re shutting off all of the other opportunities, and I’ve seen this financially in my own life, how, and I’m focused on,, this is it, this is the one avenue, and if it’s not from this, then I’m not interested in anything else.
16:51: And it literally just like turns the faucet of the finances and just cranks it off and you’re like, what the hell happened?
16:56: Why why is no money coming in?
16:58: And it’s because for me I’ve realized, OK, like, I need to be more flexible.
17:01: Like, if I’m not, if I’m forcing too much, which I have a habit of doing like you, where it’s like, this is the only thing.
17:09: It just sometimes it’s weird.
17:11: It’s like sometimes the universe is saying like, hey, like, maybe you need to open your mind to other avenues of fulfillment.
17:18: Maybe you need to like take your ego out of the equation as much as you want to be like the head of the podcast or like doing something like on social media or whatever it is, like, maybe lean into supporting your partner, maybe lean into allowing them to become that fully expressed version of themselves.
17:34: And by doing that, maybe you can tap into more of your genuine.
17:38: like, do you even want to be on social media?
17:41: Do you even want to be a mindset coach?
17:43: Do you even want to be doing these things?
17:44: And that’s what’s crazy is like, the more I’ve started really supporting you and seeing how successful this is, it’s helped me, and I’ve said, confront a lot of the shadow of like sitting down with my own ego and be like, do you really want to do this?
17:59: Or is this something that’s in your mind?
18:02: Like, have you like taken on this idea over the last couple of years that you need to be doing?
18:07: Social media, which doesn’t even resonate with you?
18:09: Like, does it even resonate with you to be showing up in this way?
18:13: And it’s crazy, like, the more I lean into just supporting and being a supporter and enjoying that and then pursuing my creative endeavors just without expectation.
18:21: It’s just, you see how it flows.
18:24: I think what’s really cool in here you say that, like, I feel like Sam and I have been through that in our own ways.
18:29: Like, I think we’ve both like, how do I say this like personally in business myself, I thought I had to market myself in a certain way.
18:38: And then I tried to put myself in a corner and like be like, this is how the box fucking fits and it’s going to fit.
18:44: And I just kept getting stuck.
18:46: It just wouldn’t click, you know, it was like, no, the edges are a little more round.
18:50: I’m a little bit different.
18:52: My puzzle piece looks different.
18:54: And so it seems like You know, we have been able to also, I think we’re in a place now where we’re just leaning into what feels good.
19:02: Yeah, and also receiving feedback from that, you know, like, I think personally, when it comes to like social media, like, yeah, I show up pretty well.
19:10: I get a lot of good responses and stuff, but it doesn’t fulfill me the same way as podcasting and speaking.
19:16: I’m like, that’s my, that’s my channel.
19:18: I’m like, and it works, you know, the feedback.
19:21: Back, you know what I mean?
19:21: like clients come in, people are emailing me, people want more of me, and I’m like, Oh, here it is where it is, but it’s so easy to get stuck on.
19:29: It’s this way or this way.
19:32: There’s only left or right, and we’re like, you go in circles with a lot, like, you know, there’s no way.
19:37: And it’s so cool that by us going through our own process, you’re also being invited into a very similar process.
19:44: Yeah, for sure.
19:45: I agree for sure, which for me meant confronting a lot of that shadow, a lot of that.
19:50: So it has been really frustrating the last couple of days and I’ve been, I mean, yesterday I was wiped out the whole, I literally like would set up the cameras, get everything recording and go lay on the couch because I was like, what is happening right now?
20:00: Like, the fuck I’m like going through some major shadow work, right?
20:05: This is crazy, you know, and, and it’s crazy too because it’s just like you said, it’s like finding.
20:10: Maybe it’s like what, what you’re good at, like, maybe like getting out of that like this, I’ve got to force this to make this work instead of going, well.
20:18: You know, I’m good at this, maybe I do that, you know, and and trust that the path will unfold.
20:24: Yeah, I feel like there’s like, for me, it’s just been like major like cognitive dissonance where in certain aspects of my life, I’m so committed to curiosity, like I, I just like tweeted the other day that like, Observing the health space, it’s so interesting how people get educated, and then they get more narrow minded versus in like historically speaking, when you got educated, you then went into research, which is inherently open minded.
20:59: But what we’re seeing is like people are getting more educated, they get more closed minded and It is like hitting me in this conversation, and I think it’s been like hitting me over the course of the last few days is in my life, I am learning things from the universe, not like, you know, typical education, but I am learning things from life.
21:19: Yeah, and I’m getting more more closed minded, and right, like seeing that transcended or transgress in my business and like in a lot of other areas of my life as well, where I’m not maintaining that curiosity of feeling, well, why?
21:32: Does it have to be this way?
21:33: Is there another avenue?
21:35: And you guys do that so well.
21:37: Austin’s point.
21:39: I feel like women in general are are being given this, and I think it could be for everyone, but I just see it so much happening with women.
21:45: Is this collaboration happening?
21:47: And I feel like that’s not as common with men.
21:50: There’s this more like I got to do it on my own.
21:52: And we’re just like, I can’t do it.
21:54: I’m tired.
21:55: I don’t want to do it on my own.
21:56: No, stop.
21:57: It’s.
22:00: For join up who wants to be in on this together because your girl doesn’t want to do it alone.
22:06: And I feel like men actually feel the same way, but they’re either one, afraid to like create that or two, maybe feel like that’s not an like that’s not a possibility for them in what they’re doing.
22:17: And I feel like this has been a perfect example of how when you align and it feels aligned and it’s just like a yes from day one, and it just, everything has just unfolded so.
22:27: Beautifully.
22:27: And yeah, we are putting in our energy and our time and working hard, but it feels good.
22:33: Like I want to give my time to it, and I want to continue investing in it.
22:37: I agree with that, and it kind of made me think about one of our other interviews that we’ve had, I’m forgetting on which one, but like, awesome when you were saying like supporter to San, you know, this is the same thing in business, I think, right?
22:48: Like, oh, that’s who it was.
22:49: The astrologers that we had on here, she was like, Catherine, she was like fully owning the fact that But she’s like, I’m airy, I’m all over the place.
22:57: I want to launch something.
22:57: I’m gonna go launch something.
22:58: And her assistant’s like, Wait, what are you doing?
23:00: All right, I gotta go.
23:01: I’m gonna go put all the pieces for her.
23:02: And she’s like, literally said, she’s like, I know that I’m in my zone of genius and I’m going to be channeling and doing my best and receiving most money when I am running that way.
23:13: And if I’m going to live in this space, like, she’s like, I literally don’t have capacity to be organized like a Virgo or a Gemini that’s like doing all the details that report.
23:22: and stuff and she’s like, this is what makes me successful, but that also is what makes that person successful.
23:27: Yeah, she was saying her assistant gets a lot of joy and validation in organizing and creating that structure and creating that structure.
23:34: And so to bring it back to what you were saying, I feel like we’re in a place right now with like partnerships and collaborations and we’re just like, who, who matches me, what puzzle pieces like really work?
23:44: And even she said that that that’s added as a collective.
23:47: Yeah, I feel like men are just more resistant to it.
23:49: Yeah, in general, you talk about this all the time.
23:52: My experience is like, men are just so competitive.
23:55: I, yeah, you know, like, even in spaces that are specifically created for collaboration, there’s just like an undertone of competition that is just like it’s so hard and I think like for men in particular, as like women continue to lead the way and feminine continue to lead the way in this movement, those spaces are going to become like more and more important for men because I think while you guys can come be your full express selves and all the the messiness that you are.
24:33: And that the containers that we create is not the same for us, like we can’t necessarily do that what and still hold the container and for us, finding those opportunities with other men where we actually can go bring that stuff is going to be so important for us to continue to hold the way with you guys.
24:56: Yeah, but those faces right now are just like.
25:00: They’re competitive.
25:01: Well, yeah, I mean, the masculine feminine dynamics.
25:04: I mean, you get that, you mentioned that now that’s so is like, I feel like the shadow of the masculine is that mind that’s very like, going to make this happen and be forceful.
25:13: I’m going to just, you know, use excessive will and will it to be.
25:16: And it’s like, I feel like right now that’s not necessarily working anymore.
25:20: And we see that, right?
25:21: It’s more like, are you aligned with your soul’s purpose?
25:25: Are you aligned with your heart?
25:27: Do you feel fulfillment by what you’re doing, like you can’t fake it anymore.
25:32: And I feel like with you guys, the feminine is really asking us to soften.
25:37: It’s asking us to really let go and to just like go with the flow and embrace the heart and surrender and just trust.
25:44: Whereas like, if we have wounding in that area, which I feel like a lot of men do, it’s hard for us to let go and maybe tap into our creativity, maybe open our mind to a more Creative solution to a problem instead of being like, no, this is it.
25:58: It’s like, well no, we got to like let off the gas, you know, put the car in neutral instead of just revving it in first gear like you’re like burning out the engine like trying to get it it’s like, dude, the car’s overheating.
26:13: We’re just like I’d rather b I’d rather blow the motor than pull over and give and just like re-evaluate.
26:21: My chosen direction.
26:23: Well, the amount of times that I’ve wanted to shaken and be like, there’s so much more here, and he’s like, I’m gonna run you to the wall.
26:32: And I’m over here like, no, you could solve this problem a million fucking ways.
26:37: Right.
26:38: It’s a trip, dude.
26:39: It’s a trip.
26:40: And you mentioned cognitive dissonance because that’s what we’re experiencing.
26:43: It’s like instead of like taking a like the foot off the gas and changing the beliefs and reeva.
26:48: e va lu ating and opening our mind, we’d rather just like go down the old path because the mind has those neural pathways where it’s like, this is what’s worked before, maybe it’s outdated, like 10 years outdated 10 or like 10 generations, right, right, but it worked.
27:06: It worked once to do it again and do it right, right, it worked in the 1800s.
27:13: We’re gonna keep making it work and that’s that.
27:16: Oh, it was so good.
27:17: I want to transition maybe from like business to like interpersonal, like relationships.
27:21: , he’s like, you know, we talk a lot about the masculine our fullest expression.
27:25: So part of us being fully expressed is also being all of our emotions and being our different people, different woman identity, human being every single day differently.
27:37: And so I’m so curious what it’s like to be in a relationship like one day next to be like, you were so happy today.
27:41: He’s like, are you OK today?
27:42: , where he’s like, you seem really mad at me today, and I don’t know why.
27:47: So what is it like to, to also tackle that in the middle of all this that we’re going through, right?
27:52: And he says, not only.
27:55: I’m not gonna say anything I think that very much is the definite.
28:02: There you go, that’s it.
28:04: Next,.
28:07: And give some tips, you know, whatever you want.
28:09: Now, tip number one is to have a traumatic childhood.
28:14: If you.
28:16: With extremely emotionally unavailable parental figure, extremely chaotic household growing up, and this is a piece of cake.
28:24: OK.
28:25: I mean, that is that one genuine answer.
28:28: I mean, for me, I find it interesting more than anything, like it’s, it’s really not that much of a challenge because the fluctuations are not that extreme for what my nervous system is used to.
28:43: Can you explain that a little bit more for people?
28:45: , sure.
28:47: I mean, like, I spent a lot of my childhood walking on eggshells because I didn’t have a lot of emotional stability at home.
28:57: And so, like, I grew up with a who in retrospect was very much fully expressed, maybe like had repression in some ways that would have been very useful for my upbringing, but as far as like the quote unquote difficult emotions to handle, like she was very expressed in those.
29:17: And so, I feel like I’ve been getting trained for almost 30 years to handle the fullest expression.
29:24: So for me, if anything, when you’re like fully expressed in your joy and your love and your happiness, like those are like a little Those, those will put me back.
29:35: I’m like, what is this?
29:36: , but, you know, the, the things that I think most men would like roll their eyes over or like feel like are hard to hold like that for me is actually challenging.
29:49: I get that.
29:50: Yeah.
29:50: Yeah, it’s interesting you say that because I actually think I struggled more with your joy at times, like when you’d be singing in the car or like expressing yourself, I would actually feel myself get kind of triggered, kind of worked up, like kind of like, is it OK to be this happy?
30:04: Like, is it OK to let her sing and not tear her down or like the hit that note wrong like actually not that good.
30:13: Like there’s this song.
30:15: Maybe we should have.
30:17: But that’s what I feel like that’s the wound that’s reacting, right?
30:20: It’s because it’s like we’re, if we had that traumatic upbringing, if we had that heart wound, you’d call it that, you know, where it’s like we don’t feel safe now to express ourselves and have fun and to let go.
30:32: I feel like then it’s easier to tear down the feminine because it’s, and I think that’s what happens in a.
30:36: A lot of relationships.
30:38: I think the feminine comes out and it’s like you’re beautiful, you’re playful, you’re expressive, you’re wild, you’re chaotic.
30:43: And I think it’s easy for the man to be like, oh, well, that’s not safe.
30:46: Like, let’s just create this more of a let’s try to kind of suffocate that light in a way, you know, and control that.
30:53: And what’s interesting is, for me, what I’ve learned is like, yeah, the the the upsets are hard to for me because I didn’t.
31:00: I grew up really suppressing my emotions in a lot of ways and kind of isolating and shutting myself down and kind of retreating into the bedroom and just spending a lot of time alone.
31:08: That was the way I coped with what I grew up with.
31:11: My mom was expressive too, but she, I don’t know, she, she definitely repressed a lot.
31:15: But one thing that has been hard for me is really finding out how to regulate my emotions when you’re maybe not regulated or maybe not expect you to coddle me or help me out when you’re having a bad day or or want to fix you because I want to.
31:29: Jump in and be like, why are you upset?
31:30: I do a lot where it’s like, why are you upset?
31:32: What’s wrong?
31:32: Can’t we just fix that?
31:33: Like, what’s, what’s the solution here?
31:35: Like, why are we going to just sit, you know, like I, I definitely would.
31:39: You’re right, right serving you.
31:41: That’s, I would definitely approach her that way and sometimes and I realized, right, and I because I I didn’t realize at the time when she was going through that, that what she did need was a hug and support and love.
31:55: And instead, I would try to fix you.
31:57: And I realized.
31:58: When you called me out on that one time, it just really shifted something because you’re like, I really just need you to not fix me.
32:04: I need you to just hold the space for me.
32:06: And I was like, OK, like that’s new.
32:09: I’ll try that, you know, and, and it’s crazy because the more I stopped trying to fix you, the more I’ve seen that it does pass.
32:16: It’s like a wave, you know, it’s like if we stop resisting the wave, if you just let it go and just hold the, I love you.
32:22: Anything you need from me, right?
32:24: Like anything I can help you with?
32:25: OK, no, OK, that’s all right.
32:27: You know, and it just, it, it passes, whereas when we try to jump in and we’re like, fix yourself, it just makes things worse, you know, it makes it, that’s one thing I’ve learned anyway, just step it back to like not take things personally.
32:39: Yeah, totally, yeah, cause it would feel personal.
32:42: Yeah.
32:42: Yeah, I mean, just like recognizing that you have your own experience and I have my own experience and our experiences could be interdependent, but that’s as far as it goes, you know, it doesn’t have to be our experiences are dependent on each other.
33:00: That’s.
33:01: Huge codependency was actually a big theme at the beginning of our relationship because I’d be dependent on her to be in a good mood or to pick me up when I was feeling bad.
33:09: And instead it was like, shoot, this goes both ways.
33:12: Like I, we have to be able to be independent in ourselves and take care of our own, our own nervous system and regulate our own emotions.
33:19: In order to come together more whole and complete, and that’s been a huge, huge lesson.
33:25: When she would be upset, even if it wasn’t at me, I’d be like, be 5 p.m. and I’d be like, why have I cleaned the whole house today?
33:34: What’s going on?
33:35: I didn’t work at all, but man, the bathrooms are both spotless, and it was sort of like, yeah, like.
33:41: Any minor inconvenience that I could like foresee making her any worse, just like eliminating those proactive dude.
33:50: That’s crazy to say clean the house.
33:52: That was literally what I would do all the time, especially like growing up in high school, I would just like clean the whole house for I’m like, maybe I can help my mom this way, like, I just clean the whole house, she can come home and chill out instead.
34:03: Of like being so worked up about something, like you could just feel, I think when you’re a child, you can feel you’re trying to solve the problem through like the little things that you think could help, right?
34:14: Clean the car, clean the house, do the things that you think could help.
34:16: It’s like, but it’s deeper than that, obviously, Mom’s still going to drink the whole bottle of wine doesn’t matter like what you do.
34:22: Like you can help, but it’s like she’s still going through her own thing.
34:25: Yeah.
34:27: Yeah, I feel like, I mean, we’ve been together almost 10 years now, and it’s like to see the evolution.
34:33: Of being so co-dependent cause we both came from trauma, and playing on that, and not realizing we were playing on it, so like going in these like big roller coasters of like, what is happening?
34:44: And then slowly over time, like, having deeper conversations, which I think is a huge part, and I know you guys share such a strong like communication bond, which we do too, and I think that is truly like the answer to everything is like being able to talk about it.
34:57: But I feel like the more we worked on ourselves, Which is why I related to Alejandro’s story so much, but the more we worked on ourselves, and like, I stopped taking it personal and he would shut down, or like, he would stop taking it personal if I was grumpy or whatever.
35:09: I feel like it has gotten us to a place now where Yeah, like, we still have upsets or like annoyances sometimes, but it’s way more like, I’ll just wake up and be like, I’m kind of grumpy, I’m not gonna lie, but it’s not personal, you know, like I love you.
35:21: And it’s kind of grumpy right now, like, don’t push my buttons, you know.
35:25: Instead of before I’d be grumpy and then he just like, let’s fix it, and then I’d get grumpier and then, you know, or whatever, right?
35:30: Like you have, you’re in your luteal phase and you’re like, leave me the f alone, literally.
35:35: Yeah.
35:36: Not today, not today.
35:38: First bedrooms that week every month.
35:42: I’m going to ask another question that is more relevant to like how you’ve seen yourself evolve since you started dating us.
35:51: I guess it’s a good way.
35:52: So like, past version of you on day one comparative version to of you right here.
35:58: Yeah.
36:00: That’s huge.
36:01: I mean, that’s like.
36:02: He’s a different person, in a lot of ways, literally, like I can say like night and day, like the old me and the new me is completely different, like.
36:11: I mean, you, I think you’d be OK to share like you had a porn addiction.
36:14: I had no emotional regulation skills, no grounding.
36:18: But you were.
36:19: I mean, I was grounded, but I was more, yeah, not emotionally regulated, not emotionally regulated, deeply insecure, not even aware of my fears, not even.
36:28: been aware of like what I was afraid of.
36:29: I just knew something was off.
36:32: And when you came into my life, like the first couple of years were like intense, intense shadow work, like intense confronting the things that I never even knew were was there, you know, and A lot of it was stripping away the numbing mechanisms, a lot of it was becoming like, we really would talk about my porn addiction when we first got together because I was honest.
36:53: I was like, I’ve shared this with you, like, I use this to cope a lot, like, all the time.
36:58: And that was a process too, like filling her in.
37:01: Helping her helping me hold me accountable during that time.
37:05: What triggered it?
37:05: Like what, what caused you to relapse?
37:07: What caused you to, like, you know, want, want to watch porn, you know, and then you not taking it personal, like, that was huge, but like for me, the biggest shift was, the biggest shift has been Developing that emotional regulation and then learning how to be just in the healthy partnership in in what it means to be in intimacy, because I never had that before, like, flings don’t count, like, I never had a serious relationship.
37:32: I never had something that was like committed and You know, holding the mirror for me to do the work.
37:40: And when I started understanding that, I think that’s when the biggest shift started happening was like, when I realized that there whenever there was a trigger, whenever there was something reactive or whatever was causing the problem when I started looking at it as a mirror, I was like, OK, like, it’s time to do the work, like it’s time to really go within and give yourself what you didn’t have from your mother, from your father, like it’s time to Do that work and I’d say that’s been the biggest shift for me is just developing those coping skills and then coming more into myself, so that I can be in a partnership, like just completely shifted my identity in so many ways, like, Benjamin Buttoned our relationship.
38:14: They always say that because it really is true like we started off like just with very charmatically and like it’s almost like we started off in like a 50 year old marriage, and it’s like the end of the marriage, and you’re just like, what’s happening?
38:31: Truly, it was so intense.
38:33: It was like for me at least, it was like because she was triggering me so causing so much pain to come out.
38:38: I literally, there were times where I really felt like I hate, I hated you on the, but I didn’t know what what it was.
38:45: Wow, so I’m learning so much about both of you right now.
38:48: I mean, I’ve heard little bits and pieces from Sam, but like hearing from you, I feel like there was definitely a sense of like being in a relationship with Sam was at the beginning.
38:56: Triggering as fuck, to be frank, and it was also like such a beautiful invitation.
39:00: So like, what, what kept you wanting to lean into the hard, right?
39:05: Like, even though there are moments or days where you were like, oh I don’t know what to do with you right now.
39:11: Like, I, I feel like I want to run away or like is this really working for me?
39:15: What was like the thing that kind of kept you steady in that?
39:18: I have to stop for a second cause I’m kind of feeling some emotion going up.
39:23: So beautiful.
39:24: I’ll be cool.
39:25: I mean, it was like the love.
39:27: Really?
39:27: Wow.
39:29: We had conversations before, like, we would come to moments where it’s like, this feels so hard, it’s not supposed to be this hard.
39:35: Why does this feel so hard?
39:37: And we would say, like, is it, should we just move on?
39:40: Like, this isn’t, this feels too difficult, like, and nothing was actually like, there was, I mean, we’ve never yelled at each other, like, it was just like you were hitting these deep core wounds and it was getting to a place where it’s like, we should be joyful, and we were happy a lot, I mean.
39:54: had a lot of happy fun moments to it like we were just like in the and that’s it.
39:58: But I think that the moments where we were being triggered and asked to grow were so intense and like he was still processing what was happening internally.
40:06: But every time it was like, I don’t feel like it’s done yet.
40:09: Neither of us wanted to to.
40:11: No, and it was funny because it was like we would have the, I mean, we must have had the conversation at least like 4 times, I think.
40:18: More than that.
40:19: I mean, Where I would bring it up and I’d say, I don’t know what to do.
40:22: Like I was a lot.
40:23: And what happened was I realized like, OK, like this is, that was the love truly, that’s what kept us because I realized that that it was something I never felt before.
40:32: It was something I never, never experienced.
40:35: I experienced karmatic like I experienced passion with people.
40:38: I experienced extreme polarity, extreme sexual desire, but I never experienced gen.
40:44: and love to be with somebody.
40:47: Like I was like, what is this?
40:48: This is something I’ve never like, I love her as a person.
40:52: Like, I just wanted to be around you.
40:53: Like I was like, this person’s inspiring me to like to be to have fun, to like lighten up, to enjoy life.
41:00: And that was something that I hadn’t felt because I didn’t realize how shut down I was.
41:04: And so that was truly it.
41:06: It was like I I love being with you.
41:08: And, and that was just The anchor that kept kept us together was like, oh, this is there’s something here that I don’t know what it is, but there’s like a soul love, there’s like a meant to be aspect and it’s, it’s, I knew it was me making it difficult.
41:22: I knew it was which was the hardest part, because I was like, I know it’s my shit.
41:27: Like it’s a very clear that it’s me that has the problem.
41:30: So, how can I work through it because this is someone that I don’t want to lose.
41:35: And so, still one of the most the people.
41:41: Yeah but now it’s like our relationship is truly like I could ever want, really.
41:47: You’re like, I like you, I love you, you’re best friend.
41:50: I don’t feel like I hate you anymore on these things happen.
41:53: No, that’s the trauma though, that’s what’s so it’s so extremely and it can be that way.
41:56: And what’s crazy is you realize you’re like, oh, if I’m if I’m putting that out towards something, there’s a reason for that, and I didn’t realize that that was my ego, that was my, the shadow, that was I don’t want to do this work.
42:06: This is, this is too much.
42:08: I’d rather run away.
42:09: I’d rather go to my porn or go to my little comfort zone.
42:12: And the joy was actually, I think what was most trickery like that’s why we hardly fought.
42:18: It wasn’t like we didn’t get along.
42:19: It was like we would have these moments of joy and then or do something really fun and we’d be laughing or doing something, and then he’d just be like, like shut down like what just happened?
42:27: It was crazy.
42:29: It was like.
42:29: up and I wouldn’t let myself feel it.
42:31: I’m like, no, like you don’t deserve that, or no, you can’t, it can’t be this easy.
42:36: And it’d be like, just completely stoic, like just like, no.
42:39: Like, where did you go?
42:41: Yeah.
42:42: And not even knowing, that was the craziest part, like not even knowing what was, I’d say that was the hardest part, like, not knowing what was happening.
42:47: Like I’d be like, I don’t even know what to do.
42:49: Like this is just, I don’t know what what I’m facing right now.
42:52: I go hike, we lived in Up by the Griffith Observatory in LA and I would literally just go up at night and go hike by myself in the mountains because I would just be like, I need to go on like my like retreat.
43:05: You know, it’s going on.
43:07: Literally, so, wow, yeah.
43:10: That is so beautiful and like, it’s just so beautiful.
43:13: I feel like I got to know you in such a beautiful way, not that I haven’t.
43:16: I mean, we’re friends, but that was really nice.
43:18: And I think for the listeners, I mean, it really took Sam like you verbalizing and leaning in and getting curious with love, right?
43:25: So yeah, sometimes we think about our expression in relationship, you know, a lot of women can sometimes feel like, well, I’m just the one calling them out.
43:31: I’m the one that always has to bring it up, da da da da da da da.
43:34: But it seems like you didn’t take that path, really, like you took more of like, so what’s coming up for you?
43:39: Like what triggered it?
43:39: And there’s like more love and curiosity behind your expression, your in in the relationship, which invited Austin into a lot of things that he had to say.
43:48: Yeah.
43:49: But it was all from a place of love, which is where I’m coming, like bringing it all back to you, and it seems like it was coming from a place of love, and it was the love that kept you guys together.
43:57: And it was the curiosity because it was like, what could be causing this?
44:02: What?
44:02: And, and I was curious too because I was like, I like this is what I have to face.
44:07: Obviously, it’s what’s holding me back.
44:09: So like I’m now I’m curious, what is, what is causing it?
44:12: And you’re like, I’m curious, but I don’t know what it is.
44:15: Like I want to know, but I don’t.
44:17: There’d be so many.
44:18: I can’t, there’d be so many times where like, what’s wrong?
44:20: And I’d be, I would literally be like, I don’t know.
44:23: I don’t, I would fix it if I knew what was wrong.
44:26: And that would make me more upset, right?
44:28: Because I think, I don’t know.
44:30: asking me, and I have no idea, you know, but it’s a trip, man, trauma and just the way it gets stored and the way you just, you just, the way it comes out, you know, and, and that’s why I just, it’s like the more you can embrace that, like you said and just welcome it and just say, well, what is it showing me what’s it teaching me and leaning into it.
44:49: I mean, that’s, it’s changed, it changed my life like truly old me and new me wouldn’t even recognize.
44:54: They just like, who are you?
44:55: Like, you got a lot of work to do, bro, have fun.
44:58: It was actually a huge compliment.
45:00: We were at, like, saw his grandma recently, and we, we’ve had an interesting relationship, but we’re in a great place now, and I should say I am.
45:08: And like, he, she said to him, I think what shift is like, she really saw how happy he is and like how vibrant he is, and she like said, you’re so happy, you know, like, I think in the beginning she didn’t understand what was going on, cause she’s like, you’re miserable when you’re like together with her, like, do you even want to be with her?
45:25: What’s wrong with you?
45:26: And I think now she sees like, oh, we’re, you know, so happy and life is good, and that was a huge shift.
45:34: Compliment from her.
45:35: And my mom too the same way, same way.
45:38: She’s just like, wow, like Sam’s great.
45:40: I mean, that goes to a whole other conversation of like, you know, really holding on to what you know is true and not letting other people take that away from you or decide for you because I know when we’re going through hard.
45:50: Things or like people see from an outsider’s perspective and like, I’ve also seen this with like friends that I’ve seen them in relationships I’m like a part of me always wants to be like, what the hell are you doing?
46:00: But the other day it really comes down to you because the two people in the relationship know the truth about what’s going on and no one else on the outside can tell you differently.
46:09: Yeah, I mean, they have their own perspective.
46:10: That’s fair.
46:11: That’s valid.
46:11: They see you, they want to keep, they want to keep you safe, just as much.
46:15: And it comes down to like, you guys really deciding, I’m in it, I’m not in it, I’m choosing this for me and yeah, it’s your path.
46:23: And not letting the external influence because that that was such a hard thing.
46:26: It’s like people were only seeing what I was going through and they didn’t understand, like, especially my parents and, and it was tough because their influence was like, well, you don’t have to be with her.
46:34: Well, you don’t have to, you know, and I’m like, well, no, I do.
46:37: There’s something here, but to not let those voices creep in and to sway you from the path is, is so essential, you know, because.
46:44: It can look to like.
46:46: And overgrowing like people’s judgments and our age difference and like, you just see how many, and even I can like judgments, you know, I was like, I never, I thought I’d be with an older man.
46:55: I’d be like, I’m gonna be with a 50 year old or something, you know, we’re such old souls, but he is like a 50, he’s like an he’s like a 500 year old on the inside, so it did end up happening different package.
47:07: That’s something that connected me to you when we started talking was when you started sharing more about the way you approach your relationship with.
47:14: Nick, and like, I know Nick has shared some of his journey, but I feel like the way you responded really resonated with me because I feel like you show up for him in the same way.
47:25: And I think it’s really a gift to be able to be with someone going through the depths of their the dark night of the soul, and, you know, overcoming some of these, these these programs and these wounds that you’re dealing with, and being able to stay in your joy and stay in your light and be like, this is not about me.
47:42: I love you.
47:43: I’m here.
47:43: For you, but like, I’m still gonna live my life.
47:47: And I, I know you, you have a very similar relationship.
47:50: And so I love, and I’ve seen, even in, I know, haven’t known Nick as long as some of your other friends, but like just seeing the joy and the light that’s coming to you.
47:59: Like even when you’re going through hard times, like you just, you find the joy or you find the joke, or you just like, you’re able to like find that humor in it, which there’s definitely like a greater spark in your eye than from like the first time I met you.
48:13: Yeah, it was funny when you were describing somebody said that you were so happy, but like the way they said it, it kind of sounds like they called you a slur.
48:21: I like, I, I had somebody to say to one of my friends recently, like, Nick is like, he’s from California, and it was like the same thing, like, it was definitely like that as a diss, but like, what they were acknowledging were positive changes, yeah.
48:39: So like, I really, and honestly, everything that you just served, like you could again like copy and paste it to me, like the things that were coming up for me was like, So insecure before like the version of me that started dating, it was so insecure and was so committed to taking that security.
48:58: And yeah, and like what ultimately shifted things for me was an unconditional love, and I feel like I hadn’t really experienced that before.
49:11: And so for me, Like I knew the same thing.
49:15: Like what got me through was knowing like, if any, if I’m ever going to heal this, it’s going to be here because I’ve, I’ve never had this unconditional love before.
49:28: And so I’m gonna, I’m gonna hold on to that and I figure this out.
49:32: And this is the environment for me to to heal in.
49:37: That’s what I was like trying to convey.
49:38: At your guys’s engagement party is like, I see so much of us in you.
49:42: Like, obviously, you’re a little more evolved because you’re meeting a like an older age per se, than when we met.
49:48: But like, I see that deep love and that is such a gift because it’s not only that, but because I know your communication styles and I know how well you guys are able to like get through the hard times together.
49:59: I know you will laugh.
50:00: Like, if we can do it, anybody can do it.
50:04: But I feel like when you have that foundation and you, you have that connection, it’s like, that’s just the perfect cocktail or mix of, of really coming out on the other side, like in such a deep union, which I think is what so many people crave and want, but don’t know how to get there.
50:21: Yeah, and something that I thought about when you were saying that was like, whoever you choose to be in relationship with, you’re going to have to go through this.
50:29: If you’re trying to live your life fully expressed.
50:31: Absolutely.
50:32: Like, so whether I love you, honey, but whether I choose you or choose the next person, like whatever shit I have to work through to, to come back to love, destantly, I’m gonna have to do that with the next person.
50:45: See, it’s gonna be that.
50:45: It’s really me choosing a partner, you know, at the end of the day that I want to do that with.
50:50: And now, I think being in a relationship with you has been like, wow, I mean, Yeah, we’re still working on the finances part, getting the marriage part and the kids part together, and like, we’re still going after our dreams and so many things are like up in the air, but and then also really solid at the same time.
51:07: It’s like this weird thing, and it’s like, well, in this relationship, I feel like my fullest expressed self.
51:13: I feel safe to be all of me, and that’s because of you.
51:16: And the same thing, I mean, I’m just saying that to like what you guys have gone through, like, you guys have chosen this because of love, and I think Sam and I are also choosing this because of love because we also received from you our path to fullest expression.
51:29: Yeah, I mean, I felt when we met, like, I one, I saw him, I mean, I do believe in just fate because I was just like, there you are.
51:39: It was so weird.
51:40: I’ve never I was in LA for like several years.
51:43: I was, you know, I bet went on dates and stuff and I was just like, oh no, you know, and the second I met him it was like, I need to know you, I need to know you.
51:50: But I also feel like, But yeah, I felt, I felt like there was a deep soul connection, but I also think that where am I going?
51:59: No, it’s just what you said was amazing.
52:02: I mean, the fact that you realize that if you want The love, it doesn’t matter who you’re going with it because that was the same realization I had that I would say was literally like a complete breakthrough moment was I was like, bro, this has been here all along.
52:18: Like you’re either going to do this with her or you’re going to be forced to do it with someone else or you’re going to have to keep playing numb and faking it your whole life, like just commit and do it now, get it over.
52:29: With it’s going to be uncomfortable, but like, realize that if it doesn’t work with her, you’re going to have to do this with someone else.
52:35: And it’s just going to be the same path until you can find the love in yourself.
52:39: It’s going to just keep coming up.
52:41: And I realized that, and that’s what that was the biggest truth.
52:43: And we’ve had that conversation so many times it was like, honestly, if we didn’t work out, like it would it’d be OK.
52:49: Yeah because we love each other, we have that love in ourselves, but it would be OK.
52:53: And that not need someone is like liberating, liberating.
52:58: Yeah, yeah.
52:59: And I remember what I was gonna say really quick too was that I felt seen by him for the first time in my whole life.
53:04: So I had that connection of like, I need to know you.
53:06: But then as we started to develop this beautiful friendship first before we became like really romantically involved, I felt so seen.
53:13: And I feel like when you have permission to do that, then you want to grow with that person.
53:17: You want, you can show up fully expressed, you can be invited into all your insecurities and your doubts on both sides.
53:25: Yeah, and being seen as like a whole topic in relationship, right?
53:27: We all want it and it’s also so scary because once the lights are on, you’re like, I.
53:33: Yep, those cobwebs are there.
53:35: I don’t know how long those shoes have been there.
53:37: Those are fucking old and welcome to my skeleton closet.
53:40: Use all the shit that I have.
53:41: And so it seems like a lot of our fullest Express self has also and put light on your guys’s like skeleton, to be fair.
53:49: But it also put it a lot on us, you know, we also had to step into a lot of our own vulnerability, our own opportunity to show you behind doors that we haven’t let other people into.
53:58: And I think by us doing it, I mean, it just makes and you guys creating a safe container and showing up for that, being in that with us, you know, gives us more permission to show you more.
54:09: And I think that’s always been kind of my like North Star or like my anchor as to like, who am I going to be in a relationship with or who am I going to do this with, not only to feel an unconditional love, but you can’t really feel unconditional love until you have someone has seen all your parts, right?
54:24: Not just the parts that we put out, not just Masks that we wear that we fake to, you know, be feel secure, right?
54:31: It’s also the parts of us that are insecure.
54:33: There are parts of us that we’re like, I don’t want anyone to see that.
54:40: You know, like, like, Oh yeah, and like, that’s how I’ve been able to tap into unconditional love and receive unconditional love, because I think as women, we naturally are very loving and motherly.
54:52: I think in a lot of ways, you know, we can create a A lot of love because we are connected to that.
54:57: I think in a much easier way you are feminine.
54:59: , however, it’s a whole another story as someone that exudes love to actually let myself receive love.
55:06: And so you guys have also done that, which it sounds like for you was like, Austin saw you and being seen is just God’s greatest gift.
55:15: And God isn’t the rarest love that you just don’t even know.
55:17: It’s like when someone sees you, feels you, and you’re like, and holds you and not, you’re like, fuck, where do I sign?
55:23: Yeah, yeah, sign me up for life.
55:28: Yeah, totally.
55:30: I think too, like code, you know, because I’m grateful for the and you may feel similar, but I’m grateful for all the times he shut down.
55:37: I’m grateful for all the times because I definitely had, I definitely had some codependence, and I feel like all those times he shut down forced me to love myself, forced me to be like Like this isn’t personal, this isn’t about me.
55:51: I’m still lovable.
55:52: I can love myself, I can show it for myself.
55:55: And that gave me that independence to where we are now to be able to say, yeah, I love you, but also I would be OK.
56:01: I know I could move forward and be OK on my own.
56:04: And that’s a big gift.
56:07: For sure.
56:07: So good.
56:08: Well, anything else that you guys want to add to this specific conversation before we ask you guys our last final question?
56:16: Anything else coming up for you?
56:17: No, but.
56:18: My Angus is peppered.
56:20: I mean, that’s the last question.
56:24: She said the Angus is Angus is you know, your Angus.
56:26: I thought I heard the first I was like wait what?
56:27: Oh, get your mind out of the gutter.
56:38: I got a relationship with you.
56:41: Get your mind out of your gutter.
56:44: I am a sweet boy.
56:45: No, you’re not.
56:47: Wait till people get real humor.
56:49: Yeah, I hope they do.
56:51: I definitely hope they do.
56:52: It’s a treat.
56:53: All right, you wanna ask her last question?
56:55: You ask it.
56:55: OK.
56:56: Only cause you asked it really well.
56:58: OK.
56:59: So, this next question is an invitation to just think about you guys more personally as to where in your life are you feeling more called to be more of your fullest expressed self.
57:09: Where, what, like, where, yeah, what are the rooms, what are the things that you could do or what are you craving to bring more of you into?
57:19: Nick.
57:19: , I, I mean, the thing that initially comes up for me is one that I already kind of mentioned earlier in the episode, I think for, for men, one of the amazing sacrifices that we get to make is we, in order to Maintain the masculine container.
57:38: There are certain things that we can’t bring into the vessel, and we need to bring them to our brothers.
57:45: And I think for me, that is one area that I would like to be more fully expressed in is like, I I have a decent amount of men in my life that I could go to with my problems, but I, I don’t.
58:00: I think that is like one area that I could really take a big step forward and is like, I’ve matured enough to no longer bring them to you most of the time,.
58:10: , but I haven’t taken that leap of courage to like bring it to another man and let him see me in that.
58:19: It’s not so much that like, I feel pretty comfortable being vulnerable, at least with the big things, but maybe it’s the more habitual practice of like bringing those.
58:28: You know, frustration, there are just those petty challenges or, you know, those things that I’m just struggling with and, and just, yeah, being being more fully expressed with brothers.
58:40: I like that yeah connection for me, it’s career.
58:45: You could bring him.
58:46: Yeah, yeah, true, actually, from his career, hands down, like just, that’s the first thing that comes up because I feel ready to get out of that forceful mentality that I mentioned because I feel like that’s been something that I’ve been carrying for so long and it’s just created so much trauma and pain and And I just feel ready to leap and not for something but trust, like following through, yes, like committing to a path and be like, this is what I really want, but then actually being able to flow where it needs to flow instead of being like, no, it needs to be a mindset coach or no, it needs to be best selling author, no, it needs to be this, it’s like, just show me and and help me have fun, like help me.
59:30: Bring that fun dimension, that love dimension to my career and I feel like that’s what’s been missing for me is like, got it in the relationship, but now it’s like I want to love what I do.
59:40: And in order for me to do that, it’s like another depth of healing that has to happen where it’s like instead of abusing myself and punishing myself for money and finances, like just softening and surrendering and allowing and and creating from that place of of trust and and Being fully expressed in that dimension of like opening the heart to something instead of like being all mind and all like, ego and forceful, like, I just want to be like, let’s trust, let’s have fun, and I really think that that is that magnetism that brings in the finances and the money when you’re really trusting and surrendering and like, enjoy.
1:00:15: what you do, because if you don’t enjoy it, like, people are going to feel it, and it’s just gonna be like this hot mess.
1:00:22: So yeah, I feel career is like hands down, the biggest part that I’m being initiated in at this point, and supporting you guys as well, like supporting you in your career, which then benefits the other partner as well.
1:00:34: Yeah.
1:00:36: So summary, yeah.
1:00:39: But thank you guys.
1:00:41: I was so on.
1:00:42: That was so much fun and thanks Austin for going to the depths.
1:00:45: Yeah, that was really.
1:00:47: I wasn’t expecting to, it just came up.
1:00:49: I love that.
1:00:50: Express.
1:00:52: Anyways.
1:00:53: Thanks guys.
1:00:53: We love you.
1:00:54: So, where can people reach out to you, connect with you, get to know you if they want to?
1:01:00: You want me to give them my phone number?
1:01:02: Text, email, yeah,, home address.
1:01:06: I’m on Instagram, Nick_leo.
1:01:10: I think I’m on, I think Twitter is Nick_leto.
1:01:13: Twitter and threads that’s where I’m hanging out most these days, post them on thoughts cause fucking making another reel is gonna be the death of me, so I feel bad, yeah.
1:01:28: But I have to film myself attitude one more time.
1:01:32: Some, some might have a tantrum, so.
1:01:35: Hey, at least you’re not filming yourself running.
1:01:37: I’ve done that a couple times.
1:01:38: I’m gonna go set my camera here and then I’m gonna go run back.
1:01:40: Can I, yep, it’s that’s gotta do 5 a.m., come on, push yourself.
1:01:45: Caseyad ruined a whole generation of content creation.
1:01:49: Literally, dude, what about you, babe?
1:01:51: Where did they find?
1:01:52: Instagram at rise with Austin,, I think, yeah, that’s probably the, yeah, that’s with Austin.com.
1:01:59: Yeah.
1:02:01: Well, thanks guys.
1:02:02: Yeah, this is such an amazing conversation.
1:02:04: We love you.
1:02:05: Love you.
1:02:07: Thank you so much for tuning in.
1:02:08: We really appreciate you being here.
1:02:10: If you enjoyed this episode, we’d be grateful if you could leave us a review and share it with a friend.
1:02:15: Also, we would love to hear from you.
1:02:18: Reach out to us on Instagram and let us know where you feel inspired to express yourself as you embrace this next era.
1:02:25: We are here to support you and encourage you.
1:02:28: See you on the next one.