Ever feel like your emotions are driving the car, and you’re just along for the chaotic ride? This week, Sam and I sit down with the fabulous Alexis Bates to unpack how you can actually take the wheel and master your nervous system. Think of this episode as the ultimate guide to regulating your inner chaos so you can show up as your boldest, most fully expressed self.
Alexis spills the tea on everything from embodied confidence to using your voice like the boss you are. Nervous system? More like power system after this convo. If you’ve ever felt stuck, scared to be seen, or just plain overwhelmed, trust us—this episode will have you vibing and thriving.
You can read the full podcast transcript for this episode below:
0:02: Welcome to the Fully Express podcast.
0:03: We are your hosts, Samantha and Karenna.
0:06: This is a show where we invite you into your fullest expressed self in life, relationships and business.
0:11: We believe that if you crave more, you are meant for more.
0:14: There is room for all of us to be fully expressed.
0:17: Along with the show, we’ve created a virtual community to connect you with fellow listeners.
0:22: Make sure to check out the fully expressed community membership.
0:25: You’ll find the link to join in the show notes and on our website.
0:28: So excited to see you there.
0:30: Enjoy this new episode.
0:34: Welcome to this week’s episode on the Fully Express podcast.
0:38: I’m so excited to have a really special guest on here that I actually got to meet in person at the Fully Express podcast launch party last year.
0:48: Her name is Alexis Bates.
0:50: She is a somatic practitioner, a psychotherapist licensed clinical social worker, as well as like hyper focuses on nervous system regulation, parts work somatics.
1:02: So you can tell that she, for me, she’s like my somatic sister.
1:06: I was so excited to invite you Alexis onto the podcast because one I love somatics and everything that you talk about is so important and you’re also taking your journey with somatics to the whole way, right?
1:18: You’re in the middle of doing S E I, which is somatic experiencing institution.
1:24: That’s what it is.
1:25: So, thanks Alexis for being here.
1:27: Thank you so much for having me and I felt so aligned to come on your podcast just based on like what you’ve talked about and being fully expressed.
1:35: It just felt so yeah.
1:36: Correct.
1:37: So I’m super happy to be here.
1:39: Thank you so much for coming.
1:40: So, yeah, you were at the podcast launch party and then like, we’ve created a relationship over the last year, which has been so sweet.
1:45: I remember us being like on a walk, we were on a walk together, I think, what was it five months ago now?
1:50: I mean, we were just talking about this because you went full time in your business.
1:55: That’s so exciting.
1:56: And on that walk, we were just talking so much about the importance and see this throughout your content about regulating your nervous system, talking about how you can create in a nervous system that’s flexible enough and adaptable to support our fullest express self.
2:09: So I would love to maybe we can start with like, what is the nervous system?
2:14: What is it?
2:14: What is somatic?
2:15: It’s kind of defining it because one, as much as it’s a hot topic and I think a lot of people are hearing it.
2:22: I would love to still define what that actually means.
2:25: Yeah, absolutely.
2:26: I think that’s a really good place to start.
2:28: And I think there’s a lot of pieces to that.
2:30: But basically with our nervous system, we have all of these different nervous system states that we can be in.
2:37: And what people talk about when they talk about regulation is being in that ventral vagal state, that state where you feel calm, you feel compassionate, you feel connected topped in like you’re, you know, feeling like your most aligned self in that way.
2:51: But there’s all these different other states that we can get in.
2:54: And one of the common ones that you talked about online is the sympathetic state, which is our fight or flight state.
3:00: And that is a beautifully adaptive state to protect us and to either help us move towards or move away from whatever perceived threat.
3:08: So when we’re in that sympathetic response, our nervous system has this process called neuro exception.
3:13: And so neuro exception it’s on right now as we’re talking, it’s looking around and it’s like, ok, is this safe, dangerous or life threatening?
3:21: And at any time it’s going through those categories and it’s like, where do I need to put your nervous system state in response?
3:27: And so when it perceives it as dangerous, we go into that fight or flight state and when our nervous system perceives it as life threatening, we go into that dorsal veal complex, which is our shutdown state.
3:38: And so in our fight or flight state, you know, you may be feeling anxious or irritated or angry or you may be feeling like you want to run away and want to be like, so avoidant of like all of the things that you’re worried about because it feels too big.
3:53: So first line of defense fight, second line of defense, flight try to run away and third line of defense is, oh, this is too big, too scary.
4:00: I have to shut down and completely like collapse.
4:04: And then there’s a few blended states in between there.
4:06: But those are a little bit more nuanced and a lot of practitioners talk about them in different ways.
4:10: But that would be like a fun or a functional freeze of like you’re still able to do things, but you’re also like very shut down.
4:17: So the role that Somatics plays is somatics is like the experiencing of the body or somatic experiencing is the experiencing of the body.
4:26: And what we’re doing is we’re looking at not only where do I feel these sensations and things, but like what happens when some of those defense responses aren’t completed?
4:36: So sometimes like we want to fight back but we can’t.
4:39: And so our nervous system shuts down.
4:40: And so it’s like restoring some of that and really helping us learn to move all of these sensations and things that we experience through our body thematically.
4:50: So we’re able to experience more of that like ventral vagal regulation and experience more of that peace and contentment and all of those type of things.
4:59: But we can’t do that if we’re stuck in survival states.
5:02: And that what can happen to people after a traumatic thing is like all of that energy gets stored somewhere in your body and ST and somatics targets like how do we get that energy out of there and be able to really experience some liberation from that?
5:18: I think even like you say, sharing all of that makes me think even of the small moments like when you’re driving and someone cuts you off and your heart jumps and you feel your whole like body vibrates.
5:28: And a lot of times we can, can’t actually express how we want to express in that moment because you’re in a car, you’re contained in a car and you shake it out, shake it out or anything.
5:37: And so that’s a lot of it.
5:39: And you know, I use the word liberation, but a lot of it is like getting back in touch with like our primal nature of like, oh we actually want to move our bodies.
5:47: And what’s that impulse to move your body?
5:50: Because in a lot of situations like we distract or deny or numb, like all of these very human cognitive strategies that we do and we override our natural system that would tell you to shake and be like, like that was scary.
6:05: I almost got hit or whatever the case is.
6:07: I love that you’re bringing that up because literally, I think recently on Instagram, I literally talked about this.
6:11: It’s like, it’s such a primal thing.
6:13: And I was like, and I think that part right?
6:15: There is something that we’re not comfortable, right?
6:18: Like really creating a safety to literally express like I might look crazy right now on the outside, but this is what my body needs and it’s so primal to us.
6:27: So like, what are your thoughts on?
6:29: How can we access more of that primal ness within us or like our intuitive state?
6:34: Because you know, you and I practiced so much of the shaking.
6:37: Even before we dropped into the episode today, we’ve created structure around shaking and stretching and moving your body and whatever needs like, oh I feel this stuck, like how do I get that kink out?
6:47: You know what I mean?
6:47: Whatever that looks like and it’s so nice to have that guidance.
6:50: What would be your thoughts on talking to someone directly as to like, how do you get in touch with your and your expression?
6:59: I think a great place to start is on your own in the privacy of your own space and just like rolling out a yoga mat.
7:07: And you know, I always recommend like finding a Spotify playlist that like pairs with the emotion you’re experiencing and then allowing yourself just to like move.
7:16: So it’s like if you’re, if you’re raging, like find a rage playlist on Spotify, like there they exist and not judging your expression at all, just letting whatever comes through and you know, you can let the people in your life if you have partners or people that you live with to, you know, this is like my time and I need it or plan it around like no one’s home or whatever, but like dipping your toes in it, it’s in the privacy of your own heart, you know, to be able to really just start dipping your toes in and then the, the more you can dip your toes in when you’re alone and in that comfortable environment, the more that you’re like, oh wait, I’m building the nervous system like architecture to be able to then bring this outside of there.
7:54: So it’s like, I always tell people it’s like confidence is an embodied experience.
7:58: It’s like if you experience what confidence feels like before you actually feel confident and you’re fully expressing fully like being in your own power on your own, then like, you’re going to be able to do it on the dance floor in front of other people, you have to like hardwire that in and like get the codes of like, what does that actually feel like?
8:14: Yeah, to feel confident or what does that actually feel like to be wildly expressive in the privacy of my own space and then be able to, you know, widen your capacity to be like, how much of me can I be with in these other environments too?
8:28: So, as someone who doesn’t do or isn’t as well versed in somatic work, other than what has so graciously taught me about what are some specific examples that you might express in a situation like that?
8:42: I mean, I know shaking is a big one.
8:44: But what are some other like, just to give people an idea of what it looks like?
8:47: Absolutely.
8:48: Yeah.
8:48: So I love the concept of intuitive movement.
8:52: So it’s going to look different every day and that’s ok.
8:54: But I think like, it depends on which state you’re in.
8:57: So like if you’re in a shutdown state or you’re feeling really frozen, a lot of like really small micro movement is going to be beautiful.
9:06: So it’s almost like you think about your body being frozen and you have to like DEA it.
9:10: So it’s like, let’s get really curious with like the wrists, like let’s move our wrists, let’s move our spine, let’s like, just go so, so slow and really like drop the pressure to have to have it look a certain way or have a certain form.
9:26: And I think that’s, that’s really big.
9:28: And then like, if you’re in a sympathetic response, like if it’s a fight response, you might need to like, you know, use your like fists and bundle them up and you might need to stop and you might need like that bigger expression to really like, move it.
9:41: And with a flight response, sometimes even just like the visualization of like viewing yourself, like running into a field and just running like just going like if you could, will give your nervous system that feeling and you can even like pedal with your legs, like if you’re like in an all fours position or if you’re like standing, but like pedaling it out and being able to like, feel what it would feel like to just run to just go and then you can choose if like, that’s actually the appropriate response or if it’s just from that nervous system state.
10:12: So I have different practices that I do with clients based on what state they’re in.
10:17: But a lot of those things like the premises and the basics are so simple of like, really being like, ok, I’m gonna go through and identify what state I’m in and then I’m gonna see what impulse does my body have to move because it’s going to change and it’s gonna look different day to day.
10:33: And sometimes it’s just like Ka said, like, where you’re like, where is sticky?
10:37: Where is a kink?
10:38: Like where do I need to move into?
10:39: Because you can’t maybe identify exactly what state you’re in.
10:42: But you’re like, I don’t know, my hips feel tight.
10:44: So it’s like, can we just do some circles, can we just do?
10:47: And I think that’s part of the barrier.
10:51: A lot of times for somatic work is, people are like, I don’t know where to start or I’m going to get it wrong.
10:55: What if I’m not doing it?
10:56: Right?
10:56: And it’s like, it’s just truly being in more devotion to your body of like, every single day, I’m just going to be in a little bit more devotion of like, I’m just going to try to see what’s there.
11:07: If anything they let that be.
11:09: Yeah.
11:09: And I was going to add, I think in my own experience with this work because, you know, the program that I went through, we did like literally exercises by exercise and it was so nice to have the structure to have to like, OK, this is, I’m going to try this out and see how this feels.
11:23: But I think it comes down to like you creating this deep connection with your body because at the end of the day, you know, what feels good.
11:28: And so I think giving yourself the chance or the opportunity or just being open to moving in ways that you don’t move and seeing like, oh, that does feel good.
11:38: OK, I’m going to do a little bit more of that.
11:40: And then slowly I think over time you’ll find even more ways of your expression, you know, like the intense, I think a lot and we can do a whole another podcast on this, you know, the slowness of somatics feels really good.
11:51: You know, the intuitive, stretching the, the shaking out feels really good.
11:55: I think like anger and rage are like a whole other world that I think so many people are scared to tap into because one, they’re like, well, I’m not allowed to be angry right now.
12:05: Anger is bad or like, they have their own concepts of identifying with anger or rage.
12:10: But to bring it all back, it’s so important to, in my opinion, to you’ll find ways to access that and move it through you.
12:16: If not, I get stuck.
12:17: Is that fair?
12:18: Yes.
12:19: Yeah, definitely.
12:19: And that’s a lot of what trauma is, is like, it’s like it’s, it’s stuck and it’s like that stored energy that’s, that’s trapped within our bodies.
12:27: And so it’s like finding expressions for it.
12:29: And I think to speak to the piece about anger, it’s like a lot of times our, our modeling around anger is like that outward anger of anger at someone else.
12:38: And it’s like anger needs to be liberated, it needs to be expressed and it’s like find regulation through expression.
12:44: So whether that’s singing, dancing, yelling, screaming, but like we need to figure out how to do it in ways that are, I don’t want to say contained because contained isn’t always the word I think about when it comes to anger.
12:55: But safe containers of like where do you put that, like, where do you put that when you have all of that anger?
13:01: Because it’s like, it needs to go somewhere because it’s gonna just be, like, be in you.
13:06: And so it’s like, really, like wanting to honor that, but also find your way to express that and like, with safe people and in places that it, it feels like more appropriate, I guess, than like yelling at someone on the street or whatever, taking it out on other people.
13:25: Yeah.
13:25: Or taking it out on yourself because a lot of times it’s like if people aren’t expressing outwardly, then they’re inwardly like it’s moving towards like inward annihilation and it’s like feeling like all of that self hatred is going towards them, which is also just as to, and I think the long term detriment of that is sickness, right?
13:43: Is your body stores it and then you can’t release it and then you get sick like your body breaks down because there’s no expression.
13:49: Yeah, absolutely.
13:50: And I think to speak to your question too about like where people can start.
13:54: It’s like looking at like, what are your forms of expression?
13:57: Like where do you, where, where’s your outlet?
14:00: Because it’s like, it doesn’t have to be like, always like, you know, screaming or crying to express an emotion.
14:06: It can be like singing, dancing, like what are you creating?
14:10: Because it’s like if you’re never in that expression, it’s like, it’s like you think about like the energy of no expression and it’s like stagnancy and it’s like that could easily turn into your nervous system.
14:20: Feeling really shut down because you’re not expressing any of it.
14:24: It’s all just there and it’s held.
14:26: I feel like this is a great position to transfer a little bit into parts work because in order to create safety with the different parts of us, to be on board with our fullest expression, can we talk a little bit about what’s parts work?
14:38: And how do you identify the different parts of you?
14:41: Because one, you could create space for it be like I do want to express myself, express myself in this way and there could be also this other part of you that’s telling you like, no, that’s not how you do it.
14:51: So can we like kind of break that?
14:52: So as someone says, listening, they might be like I hear you Alexis like I understand what you’re saying and I’m having this whole internal experience with the different parts of me that are just fighting me and if anything are blocking me from leading into my expression.
15:07: So and there’s so many people that say I’m not creative at the time and like everyone is creative, everybody, it just looks different.
15:14: Absolutely.
15:15: So parts work is this idea that we have all of these different parts or aspects of us, but we have this core self or core like I I like to compare it to the soul where it’s like this is a part of you that’s not a part, it’s like the core essence of who you are.
15:31: And this version of you is compassionate, curious, open wants to connect creative, like all these things in parts work.
15:41: It is from internal family systems, which is a modality founded by Richard Schwartz.
15:46: And he talks about the eight CS that describe what like that self energy is and I consider it soul energy.
15:55: He doesn’t use those words, but those are mine.
15:56: And basically, like, we have all these different parts and aspects of us that come up and are present on the day to day.
16:05: So it’s like a part of you that feels really intrigued and curious about this work.
16:11: And then there’s a part of you that’s like in resistance because it’s like, well, this is different than what I’ve been taught.
16:16: And I’m skeptical or like, you know, just these different aspects in this way.
16:21: And the idea with parts work is to get any parts that are, you know, really inhibiting us from being in that cell for soul energy, get them on board.
16:32: And so we’re not trying to get rid of them.
16:33: We’re not trying to like remove any parts of ourselves, even like shadow parts or parts that, you know, maybe historically haven’t liked, we’re not trying to get rid of any of them.
16:42: We’re trying to get them like build a relationship with each different part.
16:46: So they’re able to step aside.
16:47: So we can say, hey, I’m going to go do this thing right now.
16:51: This practice, I know it might feel a little edgy for you, but I need you to trust me enough that like this is really going to help, this is really going to help us get to a place of regulation.
17:01: And so then you’re able to ask that part to step aside and it’s able to actually step aside and we can’t really do that if we don’t have any relationships with these parts.
17:10: So if there’s a part, we’ve historically ignored for years.
17:12: Like that part of us not, may not want to talk to us.
17:15: Like for example, like an inner child part, like maybe you’ve ignored that aspect of you that, you know, gets really anxious in moments and maybe you’ve been like, I don’t have anxiety like that’s not me, that’s not my story.
17:27: And that part of you is still there like that scared little girl or scared little boy.
17:31: And so it’s like when we voice that, ok, this is real, there’s a part of us here, it leaves room for dialogue, it leaves room for conversation and it leaves room for a relationship and we have a relationship.
17:41: It’s like those parts trusted us and then they’re like, maybe you do know the way, like maybe our soul does know the way and maybe we can be able to relax and sometimes these parts, like, they have beautiful roles, like they have gifts, like, maybe that anxious part is, like, really thorough and detail oriented and make sure you, like, have all of the things in a row and like, that can be a strength.
18:02: But when it’s like in the driver’s seat and it’s out of control, then it’s like, can feel very disorienting and feel like, very, not ourselves in that way.
18:11: Yeah, I love that you broke that down.
18:13: I think the way that I used to think about this so much is like, if we bring these parts onto our team, they’re going to be with you, but there’s nothing wrong with them being there.
18:22: I think so often.
18:23: Like we’re trying to create be like, well, you’re right, you’re wrong.
18:26: I got to keep you separate and you’re talking so much to, in order to support our fullest express self is actually learning how to love all parts of you.
18:34: And like, while all parts of you, it’s like I’m going to love the shadowy ones.
18:37: I’m going to love the ones that are trying to protect me because I think especially when you start doing personal development work, you can be like, well, that’s ego, that’s bad, you know, and like ego is bad.
18:47: I know and you know, the ego is there to protect you and safety and the same thing with these parts, right?
18:51: They’re trying to protect you, they’re trying to manage your experience, they’re trying to keep you safe.
18:55: And it’s like, well, how can this part of me get on board with me?
18:59: You know what I mean?
19:00: It’s like, oh, how can I love you?
19:01: How can I see you?
19:02: How can I hear you?
19:03: How can I give you the reassurance that my decision to go in this direction or my decision to express myself in this way is the best for both of us.
19:11: It’s not just the best part of one part of me, it’s the best for both of us and all of us.
19:15: And what can I do to make you feel safe in that?
19:17: Yeah, I heard a really good analogy once similar to this is like you, you’re driving a van and you can let the shadow parts or the anxiety or anything drive the van, right?
19:27: We’re not throwing the anxiety out of the van.
19:30: Everyone has to get to the same destination, but it’s like which part of you is going to drive that van and like accept that everyone’s in the van, maybe not driving.
19:38: I loved that for me, like a visual.
19:40: I love a good one.
19:42: I really like you want to kick them out of the van.
19:45: Really annoying.
19:47: I mean, they’re part of the van and I think it speaks to us stepping into a role of like our adult competent protector and being able to be like, if I were really in that like soul energy.
20:02: Like how would I actually treat this part?
20:04: Because if we’re looking at it from the part, from judgment, it’s like we’re usually in another part.
20:09: Like if we’re judging that part, it’s like that’s another part that’s judging it.
20:12: The soul is not feeling that way about that part.
20:15: There’s like to say almost like heart centered like when you’re heart centered.
20:18: Yeah.
20:18: And you’re able to look at it with complete compassion, curiosity and be able to be like, what’s your story?
20:24: What’s going on here?
20:25: Because even with every part, there’s usually nervous system responses paired to it.
20:30: And so that’s where somatic parts where it comes up of like if I was just looking at somatic and I was just looking at parts like it would be two different modalities and I could do that and there are practitioners that do it, but I look at both because usually the parts have a story.
20:43: So it’s like if I’m in an inner child part, does my body curl up?
20:46: Does it want to like hide?
20:48: Do I want to like make myself smaller?
20:51: And when I’m able to like liberate that part, oh, my nervous system has new patterns and new possibilities that it can get into and we can work with those like pattern responses within the parts too, which is really interesting.
21:04: Yeah, I’m so glad that you brought that up because I think that is a missing piece.
21:07: Even when I went through this myself, like I was like, wow, I am feeling some, I’m going through this entire session and I’ve just felt so many different things from like anger to frustration to like, oh I love you.
21:18: This is sad to like I’m cute.
21:20: Like there’s this whole experience that we’re going through when you are diving into the different parts of yourself.
21:25: But we’re also going through that on a day to day basis.
21:28: It’s like I want to bring that back.
21:30: Like we’re talking about like that was me in an hour session.
21:33: Like I would sign up, I would be working with my practitioner or whatever or like I would, I would do with clients and we take you through a whole journey, but really, that’s only one hour of your life.
21:42: And so I want to talk to you a little bit about like, how can we also apply this to our day to day life, right?
21:48: Because the way that you feel in the morning is not going to be consistent throughout the day.
21:53: You know, you might have car, you know, you might be almost get an accident.
21:57: You know, someone may cut you off work might all of a sudden something that you weren’t plan to happen is going to come out of nowhere.
22:05: And so how can we create fluidity and flexibility and adaptability and still create capacity to be with all of it?
22:14: Because I think sometimes we can be like, well, I’m just gonna, I don’t want to work hard, you know, or I don’t want to deal with my families too much.
22:21: I just got to avoid them at all costs.
22:23: But the truth is, it’s like, I think it’s in like learning how to welcome with it and be with it because we can’t change that, but we can learn how to be with it and one more thing and being with it, you’re not necessarily giving permission that it’s OK.
22:36: Like let’s say it’s something that you feel like, well, if I’m adapting to it, am I making it giving it permission or am I enabling it?
22:44: Whatever that is right?
22:46: But that’s not the key here.
22:47: The key is like, how can my nervous system be with that experience and still choose what’s best for me?
22:52: I think you speak to something really important.
22:54: I this is something that comes up almost always when I start doing somatic work with someone that’s not super familiar with it or they’re new to it is I’m scared that if I allow myself to be with it that it’s just going to swallow me and that I’m never gonna be able to get out of this and that like I will be stuck in it.
23:10: And it’s this idea that I’m not going to be able to have the capacity for it and it’s going to be too much for my system.
23:18: And I’m going to get worse or it’s gonna make it worse and yes, or to, like, be with the sadness or be with the grief or like whatever it is or anxiety or whatever and that, you know, is very protective, right?
23:30: It’s trying to keep you in your window of tolerance.
23:32: But that’s where the beauty of, you know, working with practitioner comes in is someone to pace and titrate how much you do so that you’re able to go deeper over time on your own and with bringing it back to on your own, it’s like we like so a practice that a practitioner that I worked with did with me is instead of reaching for your phone in the morning, you wake up and you put your hand on your heart and you check in and you’re like, how are you art?
24:00: How are you like, what’s going on, what’s here for you in this moment and you can do the same thing with your parts and with your nervous system of being able to just carve out that intentional time.
24:12: And this doesn’t have to be a two hour morning practice.
24:15: This can be 10 minutes to just be like, who’s here, like who’s in the room or who’s like in the car or the bus like today, you know, who’s present, who’s like making themselves most known today?
24:27: And how can I support you?
24:29: Because after doing, you know, thousands of hours of sessions with people with parts work in somatic.
24:34: It’s like the reoccurring theme I see with parts is they just want you to check in with them and they want you to know, hey, I’m here and it may be like I’m feeling really, the part may be like, I’m feeling really anxious today.
24:46: I’m really unsure.
24:47: I’m kind of second guessing myself, you know, and you just validate like you would like a little kid or one of your friends, like just talking to them in that way of like, I see you, I’m here for you.
24:57: I’m not gonna take this step forward until you feel ready or we might take a step forward and I know you’re scared but we’re going to do it anyway.
25:04: And so it’s like talking to them in that way and just checking in is like a great way to just be like, ok, I’m really integrating this work and anyone can do that.
25:14: You don’t have to work for the practitioner to like, check in with your parts or check in with your nervous system and be like, all right, where are we at today?
25:20: Like, what’s our, what’s our pulse check?
25:22: That reminds me of like when you’re in a relationship with someone or like, even as a little kid, as my mom, like if my mom ignored my expression or something, it would get louder and I would be more upset and it was just like, oh, like, why don’t you see me, you don’t hear me?
25:36: Da, da, da, da, da.
25:37: And I created this story versus like I know and I know my mom has done this, but this is just an example.
25:43: Like if my mom just took the time to be like, hey, what’s going on?
25:46: See me?
25:47: And that takes 2345 minutes, maybe 30 minute conversation.
25:51: That’s kind of similar to what you’re talking about about your internal parts is like, really taking the time to be like, hey, I’m here.
25:57: What’s up?
25:58: And it’s wild.
25:59: I’ve experienced this too.
26:00: How they just, they soften so quickly.
26:03: They, they lose the energy, the attention is gone.
26:07: It’s kind of like,, ok, I was feeling that way and my state has changed the way that I feel about it has changed and it doesn’t take that much effort to your point.
26:17: It’s like very small little things that we can do.
26:21: Absolutely.
26:21: And you can feel it in your body like that softening.
26:24: And I think that’s how, you know, you really, like, checked in and took in time for a part is like, you’ll feel that of like, ok, my anxiety went from an eight to like a four and it’s like that part is still present and may need a little bit more support today.
26:38: But like it went down on the scale and that’s beautiful.
26:42: It’s the same thing with emotion.
26:43: It’s like a lot of times like, if we have a big emotion coming up, we think it will last forever.
26:48: But when we actually be with it and actually like, and I don’t mean just like, be with it in terms of like people say, sit with it and I prefer saying like, be with it because it’s like you might move with it, you might do something with it.
26:58: It’s not always just sitting inside with it, but it may only last 30 seconds or like a minute or you know what I mean?
27:05: And a lot of that after that is like the story and the part having a story that they’re holding on to.
27:11: But if we fully allow ourselves to be with what’s coming up, it usually passes like fairly quickly and that’s like such a gift to be able to give yourself of like, I can actually support myself longer term throughout this day by taking this 10 minutes or taking this 20 minutes at the start.
27:29: And then, you know, you may have to check in again of like what’s going on, like what’s coming up like, but just having that baseline of like willingness to again be in devotion to not only your body, like I said earlier, but the parts of you and to understanding your internal landscape of like, you know what if I, I didn’t understand all of my internal landscape?
27:49: Like, can I go from that lens of curiosity about the parts as, as you progress throughout the day I love what you said about the story too because I think we don’t give enough credence to the fact that like something happens in a moment.
28:01: I think the car one is a great example because it’s like, you know, and then we live in that story, like, how dare he or I can’t believe that happened and then we go on and on and on and it can steal a day a week, a month, a year of our life.
28:14: Instead of, as you’re saying, just like in that moment, ok, I’m going to take a deep breath or I’m just going to like, shake my hands or I’m gonna scream at that person.
28:22: If you know what I mean?
28:22: If that’s what feels good, you’re collapsing that whole potential timeline.
28:27: That could be being so caught up in that story.
28:30: And Joe Dispenza speaks to this where he talks about how if you have something bad happen to you, like, let’s say you get cut off or you get in a car accident and you let that story fester.
28:41: It’s like over weeks, it can turn into the story and then it turns into your personal reality and then that can turn into your personality.
28:47: And so it’s like, really being able to be like, all right, let’s drop the story.
28:52: What is my body telling me about the situation?
28:55: And usually if we’re hanging on to the story, we’re like, under feeling what happened And so there’s a quote that I’ve been, I don’t know whose quote this is, but I’ve been really resonating with, but it’s like, overthinking is under feeling.
29:06: And so it’s like, in those moments, it’s like if you’re really wrapped up in it, it’s, it’s usually because we’re not fully feeling it and also if it’s that big hysterical reaction, it’s usually from our past history.
29:19: And so it’s like a trauma response.
29:21: Yeah.
29:21: So it’s like the bigger the reaction, like the more so that we’re like, we’re just in a nervous system pattern that’s from way before.
29:29: And so it’s like, ok, maybe it’s not about this person cutting me off, like, maybe it’s about, you know, the feeling of feeling disrespected and it’s like, where did that story start?
29:39: And like, let’s go to the nervous system pattern underneath that and work with that and then eventually when you release some of that from your body, you’re not going to be as upset if you feel like someone’s disrespecting you because you don’t like, feel like there’s any room like room for that in your body anymore.
29:54: And also like you are talking to yourself with respect and your parts with respect.
29:58: So you’re like, I just don’t get that energy from people anymore, you know, or I don’t experience that same feeling when someone isn’t able to respect you in that way or whatever that part is so important.
30:09: Yeah, because I feel like it is just an, the concept that everything and everyone is a mirror for us.
30:13: So once you lose the trigger, you don’t get the same reaction anymore.
30:19: Yeah.
30:19: Absolutely.
30:20: It’s like, really wild how much shifting things in your nervous system can change the outward reality too because it’s like all of a sudden you’re not seeing things from this fight energy.
30:30: You’re not seeing things as me versus you.
30:32: It’s like I’m seeing it as from connection and I’m not seeing things as like I have to run away.
30:37: It’s like, no, it’s actually safe to move towards and there’s so much, there’s so much there.
30:42: But like really just knowing that like, it can change your entire worldview.
30:48: And I say that with people too is like, your thoughts are a really good indicator where your nervous system is at.
30:52: And so if your thoughts are like, I have to do this right now, we have to have this conversation right now.
30:56: It’s like sympathetic state.
30:58: If your thoughts are like, what’s the point?
30:59: Who cares?
31:00: It’s like you’re in a shut down state.
31:02: The thoughts are like, I need to get away.
31:04: This feels too big.
31:05: You’re in a flight state.
31:06: And so it’s like really when you shift the nervous system state, then all of a sudden your thoughts are, the universe is on my back.
31:13: Like the universe has my back, like everything is happening for me, you know, there’s an abundance of time, time isn’t scarce.
31:20: Everyone is looking out for me and like, I feel connected to everyone and you just feel like you’re able to, to, to just trust the timing of your life, the people in your life yourself because you’re coming from that state.
31:33: And so any time you’re like, not and your thoughts are reflecting something different or the parts are reflecting something different.
31:38: It’s usually because you’re in a, like a nervous system response.
31:41: And in one of those other survival based states, I love the way that you broke that down.
31:46: I think that’s so helpful because I think people don’t realize that they’re in a state, right?
31:50: They just realize, well, they did this, they left me out, they didn’t tell me about it.
31:55: You know, there’s this like they, they, they at them.
31:57: So I think even like starting there, like if you feel like your energy going at them, then clearly you might be also in a nervous system state, you know, that might be like a fight or flight.
32:06: Th I mean, freeze is literally shut down.
32:09: So for sure.
32:10: Yeah.
32:10: And it’s like because that’s the energy of the fight state is move towards.
32:15: It’s like if let’s say you were on a hike and you encountered a, a bear and your nervous system would go through the options.
32:24: Ok.
32:25: Number one, can I fight this?
32:26: Like you would first be like, am I big enough to fight this?
32:28: You weren’t, you’d say I have to run away if you felt like it was too big and you couldn’t run away, you would, like, completely shut down and it would be like a life threat where you would, like, go into like some sort of state that’s almost like hibernation where you would go into like, that complete freeze in that way.
32:45: And so it’s like, in any time, it’s like we’re assessing what state we need to be in and people that are really, really feeling that fight energy, it’s like you’re just in that state where you’re just like perceiving it as like, you know, I can, I can take this person like they’re bigger than me or like, I’m bigger than them and like I can, I can take them.
33:05: But it’s like when we’re not in that state, we know that like, we don’t need to have our hands up to begin with, you know, they can be down and we can still be powerful.
33:13: Oh That part, I think we have to start wrapping up.
33:17: But I would like, I think we have like one question I want to like tailor it to you.
33:21: Do you want to, you want to go, we always end with asking since doing this work and like in this next year moving forward, like what’s one area of life you would still like to show up more fully expressed?
33:33: Yeah, I love this question.
33:34: I think it’s so, it’s so beautiful.
33:36: To have at the end of the podcast.
33:38: But I feel like for me right now, I’m like, I, you know, this, like five months ago, I went full time with my business and I feel like I’m really just like on the edge of like, fully, fully stepping, stepping into the game, like I’ve been in the game, but I’m like, I feel like there’s like more that I can give and I think a lot of that honestly is surrounding my voice and sharing my voice.
33:59: And so I thought it was just divine that you had asked me and like I expressed earlier, I’m going to be on another podcast on Monday.
34:05: And it’s just like the opportunity to be more in my voice because a lot of my own nervous system responses are more of that of like fun, roll over, shut down.
34:15: Like, don’t say what’s actually on your heart or what you actually mean because it may be historically hasn’t always felt safe to do so.
34:22: And I think a lot of women are in that.
34:24: And so I’m stepping up in the way that like, I’m wanting to be more in my voice and in my power and knowing that like that doesn’t take away from any other women’s power.
34:32: Like that’s just like we all can be in our power and we can all use our voice and it’s like, even people that are in really aligned field, it’s like this is like how we create such magic together by being able to be like, we’re doing a similar thing.
34:45: We have a similar mission and let’s use our voices to amplify each other and instead of being like, it’s this or that or competition in that way.
34:53: And so I think for me right now, it’s like stepping into my voice and fully, fully owning that.
34:58: I’ve been doing a lot of like creation lately and I just, it felt, it’s felt so good to be able to use my voice and not just only only be seen in like a session context, like I’m being seen outside of just my one on one sessions and being like, OK, impact is one of my top values.
35:15: It’s like, how can we, I think way bigger in that way and how can more and more people hear about this work?
35:21: I love that.
35:23: I love it.
35:24: So, yeah, I was just going to say, I feel like you are showing up in that way on your Instagram for sure.
35:29: Like I love all your content that’s been like the last since 2024.
35:35: So since January, I like, made a commitment to myself to just really go all in on like expressing on there and sharing like I share just reels and things like 3 to 4 times a week and really being able to be like own some of those the shadow parts that are like, oh, this is cringe this is that, but it’s like, no, it’s like this is my soul mission.
35:55: This is like the one, one thing that I want to do with my life and I’m so passionate about.
35:59: And so it’s like really peeling back all of those layers to be able to be like, can I just be comfortable being so seen?
36:06: And that is a whole nervous system journey in itself to be comfortable being seen.
36:10: So that’s a life journey.
36:14: Yeah, I can definitely relate to that.
36:16: I just want to say I relate to a lot of that.
36:18: I think this podcast for me has really been owning my voice in the last year, which has been so beautiful.
36:23: The other thing that I have found in my voice expression has been singing, which Sam knows, I don’t know if you feel that like even like on the way over here for an hour, like I literally just like hit all voice, all different parts of myself, even in the car the other day, I was like, babe, I know I’ve been working on this for like the last two years, but there’s still moments where like I hear myself speak and I’m like, what did she just say?
36:44: Was that her, was that her voice?
36:46: You know what I mean?
36:46: Like there’s a part of me that’s still recalibrating to that.
36:49: So I can totally resonate with everything that you’re stepping into and I’m just so proud of you because I really do think there’s just so much gift when we all share our voice because in sharing our voice, I think also people feel us more.
37:01: They get to really know us and where I was like, stuck.
37:04: I was like, wow, I want people to see me but I’m not even giving them an opportunity to see me, you know, and I was like, which is like a whole thing.
37:11: And I’m like, right, it’s like, wow, I’m not even giving them an opportunity to see me.
37:15: I think with that too, it’s like fully seeing yourself and being able to like, and that’s, you know, we spoke about this earlier, but if you have trouble letting people see, you practice fully seeing yourself in the privacy of your own space of like, can you start there fully seeing yourself in your power and your confidence in your bigness?
37:34: Can you let yourself be really big in your expression on your own?
37:38: Because that will translate.
37:39: It’s like you can take pieces of that with you and it might take time and be like incremental at first.
37:44: But it’s like more and more than you’re like, wait, like I, this is safe because it feels safe within your body.
37:50: And so then you’re like, I don’t really care what anyone else has to say about my expression because I accept my expression and in doing that, I will say I’ve done that too.
37:59: Like it actually feels really good when you, when you stop and you’re like, we don’t give it, sorry.
38:05: We don’t give a shit about how people perceive you or what’s coming up for you and you’re in it.
38:09: You’re like, wow, what have I been missing out on this entire time?
38:12: I’m like, that feels like it just like all light bulbs go off in your body and you’re like, like zinging, you know, they’re like, yeah, you’re like, yay, she’s lit up.
38:21: She’s here so good when you’re in your life, it is.
38:25: And I feel like when you’re in your fullest expression, you’re going to trigger people.
38:29: So if someone’s attacking you, especially on social media, I feel like it’s so easy to attack people just because there’s no repercussion really.
38:35: And you’re not like saying it to someone’s face but anyone that’s doing that is just deeply insecure.
38:40: And I feel like the more you realize that you’re like, oh, it’s not, this isn’t even about me.
38:44: Like, let them have their opinion.
38:46: I send them love, you know, and there, I feel like the more you’re in your light and embodiment you’re like that flame like you attract them or you repel them and you can’t, it’s not your concern either way.
38:55: Yeah.
38:56: Yeah.
38:56: It’s none of your business like what other people.
38:59: And it’s like all of those opportunities, like you can view them as opportunities when things like that happen of the trigger or the response or like they’re saying, the thing that you’ve always deeply felt about yourself or whatever it is.
39:11: And then all of a sudden it’s like, all right, let’s work with this part.
39:14: And how can I make this part feel so safe that like, even if this person from my school doesn’t agree with me, like I agree with myself and I feel like the way I’m teaching this or the way I’m sharing, this feels in alignment for me.
39:27: And like that is all that matters and all of your people will be like, you know, got your back.
39:33: You know, it will be like, oh my God, like I see your message and I want to raise it up and I agree with you and like the people that are for you just always find you and are always like magnetized by your message.
39:44: And so it’s like all the rest of it is like, doesn’t matter because I’m like the high school people, the high school people because they just don’t, you know, they, they still hold on to a vision of who you are.
39:56: You know, I think, I think that’s family too and I think that’s like such deep acknowledgement in itself is like that everyone is a new version of you every time you see them, every time you interact with them.
40:07: And it’s like that is true evolvement to be able to acknowledge that and your friends and your people in your life of like, I’m going to love you in every chapter in every season and I’m not going to hold you to the expectation of who you were two years ago because it’s like, would you want people that were the same as they were two years ago?
40:23: It’s like, no, you want people that are involved.
40:26: And so it’s the same thing with, with your people where sometimes it’s like, really just being like, I’m going to grow a lot really quickly and like who’s on board, who’s coming with me and like people that are the same, you know, same speed at that way.
40:39: And I will say, as we close up, you know, I think we just got to give people the opportunity.
40:43: I think when we’re trying to express ourselves, we’re already stopping ourselves from the op opportunity.
40:47: I’ve also received the opposite where like my mom and my dad and people that I would be like, you’re not going to like this part of me.
40:53: They’re actually like, I love you.
40:55: This is great.
40:56: I love seeing you.
40:57: So you can for those that are listening, you know, you can also receive the really good from expressing yourself.
41:03: And that part is so healing and that part is also so necessary to the journey.
41:08: So it’s like, don’t, don’t prevent yourself or give your give up on yourself before you even give yourself a chance.
41:13: It’s like, go for it.
41:15: Yeah, it’s liberating because then you don’t have to have a mask with certain people or in certain places.
41:21: It’s like a lot of that is that, that fun response of being like, I have to show up in this way else I won’t be loved or the love will be taken away.
41:29: I won’t feel good enough.
41:30: And it’s like when you can really make peace with all the parts of you, even the ones that maybe aren’t what people expect of you and you’re able to show up and be like, here’s all of me and like, I don’t have to put on a mask or I don’t have to be a certain way to be here.
41:44: I can just be myself.
41:45: And I think that’s like so beautiful to be able to be like, there’s no difference between my work, my family life, my friend life, all of it because I’m able to bring my fullest expression to every facet and it all comes to like the safety that you feel within yourself.
41:59: So, thank you so much.
42:01: This is such a great conversation.
42:04: Where can people find you?
42:06: Yeah.
42:06: So my website is Alchemy by Alexis.
42:08: That’s also my Instagram and you can find me on there and you can also email me at Alexis at Alchemy by Alexis dot com and all of that will be in the show notes.
42:18: Of course, if you want to quickly access that.
42:20: But Alexis, it was such a pleasure to have you on the podcast Thank you so much for one saying yes.
42:26: And I’m so happy that the podcast has been a platform to also support your fullest express self and your next version.
42:33: And I’m so excited for the listeners to listen.
42:34: So, thank you.
42:35: Thank you so much.
42:36: Thank you.
42:37: Thank you so much for tuning in.
42:38: We really appreciate you being here.
42:40: If you enjoyed this episode, we’d be grateful if you could leave us a review and share it with a friend.
42:46: Also, we would love to hear from you, reach out to us on Instagram and let us know where you feel inspired to express yourself as you embrace this next era.
42:55: We are here to support you and encourage you, see you on the next one.
0:03: We are your hosts, Samantha and Karenna.
0:06: This is a show where we invite you into your fullest expressed self in life, relationships and business.
0:11: We believe that if you crave more, you are meant for more.
0:14: There is room for all of us to be fully expressed.
0:17: Along with the show, we’ve created a virtual community to connect you with fellow listeners.
0:22: Make sure to check out the fully expressed community membership.
0:25: You’ll find the link to join in the show notes and on our website.
0:28: So excited to see you there.
0:30: Enjoy this new episode.
0:34: Welcome to this week’s episode on the Fully Express podcast.
0:38: I’m so excited to have a really special guest on here that I actually got to meet in person at the Fully Express podcast launch party last year.
0:48: Her name is Alexis Bates.
0:50: She is a somatic practitioner, a psychotherapist licensed clinical social worker, as well as like hyper focuses on nervous system regulation, parts work somatics.
1:02: So you can tell that she, for me, she’s like my somatic sister.
1:06: I was so excited to invite you Alexis onto the podcast because one I love somatics and everything that you talk about is so important and you’re also taking your journey with somatics to the whole way, right?
1:18: You’re in the middle of doing S E I, which is somatic experiencing institution.
1:24: That’s what it is.
1:25: So, thanks Alexis for being here.
1:27: Thank you so much for having me and I felt so aligned to come on your podcast just based on like what you’ve talked about and being fully expressed.
1:35: It just felt so yeah.
1:36: Correct.
1:37: So I’m super happy to be here.
1:39: Thank you so much for coming.
1:40: So, yeah, you were at the podcast launch party and then like, we’ve created a relationship over the last year, which has been so sweet.
1:45: I remember us being like on a walk, we were on a walk together, I think, what was it five months ago now?
1:50: I mean, we were just talking about this because you went full time in your business.
1:55: That’s so exciting.
1:56: And on that walk, we were just talking so much about the importance and see this throughout your content about regulating your nervous system, talking about how you can create in a nervous system that’s flexible enough and adaptable to support our fullest express self.
2:09: So I would love to maybe we can start with like, what is the nervous system?
2:14: What is it?
2:14: What is somatic?
2:15: It’s kind of defining it because one, as much as it’s a hot topic and I think a lot of people are hearing it.
2:22: I would love to still define what that actually means.
2:25: Yeah, absolutely.
2:26: I think that’s a really good place to start.
2:28: And I think there’s a lot of pieces to that.
2:30: But basically with our nervous system, we have all of these different nervous system states that we can be in.
2:37: And what people talk about when they talk about regulation is being in that ventral vagal state, that state where you feel calm, you feel compassionate, you feel connected topped in like you’re, you know, feeling like your most aligned self in that way.
2:51: But there’s all these different other states that we can get in.
2:54: And one of the common ones that you talked about online is the sympathetic state, which is our fight or flight state.
3:00: And that is a beautifully adaptive state to protect us and to either help us move towards or move away from whatever perceived threat.
3:08: So when we’re in that sympathetic response, our nervous system has this process called neuro exception.
3:13: And so neuro exception it’s on right now as we’re talking, it’s looking around and it’s like, ok, is this safe, dangerous or life threatening?
3:21: And at any time it’s going through those categories and it’s like, where do I need to put your nervous system state in response?
3:27: And so when it perceives it as dangerous, we go into that fight or flight state and when our nervous system perceives it as life threatening, we go into that dorsal veal complex, which is our shutdown state.
3:38: And so in our fight or flight state, you know, you may be feeling anxious or irritated or angry or you may be feeling like you want to run away and want to be like, so avoidant of like all of the things that you’re worried about because it feels too big.
3:53: So first line of defense fight, second line of defense, flight try to run away and third line of defense is, oh, this is too big, too scary.
4:00: I have to shut down and completely like collapse.
4:04: And then there’s a few blended states in between there.
4:06: But those are a little bit more nuanced and a lot of practitioners talk about them in different ways.
4:10: But that would be like a fun or a functional freeze of like you’re still able to do things, but you’re also like very shut down.
4:17: So the role that Somatics plays is somatics is like the experiencing of the body or somatic experiencing is the experiencing of the body.
4:26: And what we’re doing is we’re looking at not only where do I feel these sensations and things, but like what happens when some of those defense responses aren’t completed?
4:36: So sometimes like we want to fight back but we can’t.
4:39: And so our nervous system shuts down.
4:40: And so it’s like restoring some of that and really helping us learn to move all of these sensations and things that we experience through our body thematically.
4:50: So we’re able to experience more of that like ventral vagal regulation and experience more of that peace and contentment and all of those type of things.
4:59: But we can’t do that if we’re stuck in survival states.
5:02: And that what can happen to people after a traumatic thing is like all of that energy gets stored somewhere in your body and ST and somatics targets like how do we get that energy out of there and be able to really experience some liberation from that?
5:18: I think even like you say, sharing all of that makes me think even of the small moments like when you’re driving and someone cuts you off and your heart jumps and you feel your whole like body vibrates.
5:28: And a lot of times we can, can’t actually express how we want to express in that moment because you’re in a car, you’re contained in a car and you shake it out, shake it out or anything.
5:37: And so that’s a lot of it.
5:39: And you know, I use the word liberation, but a lot of it is like getting back in touch with like our primal nature of like, oh we actually want to move our bodies.
5:47: And what’s that impulse to move your body?
5:50: Because in a lot of situations like we distract or deny or numb, like all of these very human cognitive strategies that we do and we override our natural system that would tell you to shake and be like, like that was scary.
6:05: I almost got hit or whatever the case is.
6:07: I love that you’re bringing that up because literally, I think recently on Instagram, I literally talked about this.
6:11: It’s like, it’s such a primal thing.
6:13: And I was like, and I think that part right?
6:15: There is something that we’re not comfortable, right?
6:18: Like really creating a safety to literally express like I might look crazy right now on the outside, but this is what my body needs and it’s so primal to us.
6:27: So like, what are your thoughts on?
6:29: How can we access more of that primal ness within us or like our intuitive state?
6:34: Because you know, you and I practiced so much of the shaking.
6:37: Even before we dropped into the episode today, we’ve created structure around shaking and stretching and moving your body and whatever needs like, oh I feel this stuck, like how do I get that kink out?
6:47: You know what I mean?
6:47: Whatever that looks like and it’s so nice to have that guidance.
6:50: What would be your thoughts on talking to someone directly as to like, how do you get in touch with your and your expression?
6:59: I think a great place to start is on your own in the privacy of your own space and just like rolling out a yoga mat.
7:07: And you know, I always recommend like finding a Spotify playlist that like pairs with the emotion you’re experiencing and then allowing yourself just to like move.
7:16: So it’s like if you’re, if you’re raging, like find a rage playlist on Spotify, like there they exist and not judging your expression at all, just letting whatever comes through and you know, you can let the people in your life if you have partners or people that you live with to, you know, this is like my time and I need it or plan it around like no one’s home or whatever, but like dipping your toes in it, it’s in the privacy of your own heart, you know, to be able to really just start dipping your toes in and then the, the more you can dip your toes in when you’re alone and in that comfortable environment, the more that you’re like, oh wait, I’m building the nervous system like architecture to be able to then bring this outside of there.
7:54: So it’s like, I always tell people it’s like confidence is an embodied experience.
7:58: It’s like if you experience what confidence feels like before you actually feel confident and you’re fully expressing fully like being in your own power on your own, then like, you’re going to be able to do it on the dance floor in front of other people, you have to like hardwire that in and like get the codes of like, what does that actually feel like?
8:14: Yeah, to feel confident or what does that actually feel like to be wildly expressive in the privacy of my own space and then be able to, you know, widen your capacity to be like, how much of me can I be with in these other environments too?
8:28: So, as someone who doesn’t do or isn’t as well versed in somatic work, other than what has so graciously taught me about what are some specific examples that you might express in a situation like that?
8:42: I mean, I know shaking is a big one.
8:44: But what are some other like, just to give people an idea of what it looks like?
8:47: Absolutely.
8:48: Yeah.
8:48: So I love the concept of intuitive movement.
8:52: So it’s going to look different every day and that’s ok.
8:54: But I think like, it depends on which state you’re in.
8:57: So like if you’re in a shutdown state or you’re feeling really frozen, a lot of like really small micro movement is going to be beautiful.
9:06: So it’s almost like you think about your body being frozen and you have to like DEA it.
9:10: So it’s like, let’s get really curious with like the wrists, like let’s move our wrists, let’s move our spine, let’s like, just go so, so slow and really like drop the pressure to have to have it look a certain way or have a certain form.
9:26: And I think that’s, that’s really big.
9:28: And then like, if you’re in a sympathetic response, like if it’s a fight response, you might need to like, you know, use your like fists and bundle them up and you might need to stop and you might need like that bigger expression to really like, move it.
9:41: And with a flight response, sometimes even just like the visualization of like viewing yourself, like running into a field and just running like just going like if you could, will give your nervous system that feeling and you can even like pedal with your legs, like if you’re like in an all fours position or if you’re like standing, but like pedaling it out and being able to like, feel what it would feel like to just run to just go and then you can choose if like, that’s actually the appropriate response or if it’s just from that nervous system state.
10:12: So I have different practices that I do with clients based on what state they’re in.
10:17: But a lot of those things like the premises and the basics are so simple of like, really being like, ok, I’m gonna go through and identify what state I’m in and then I’m gonna see what impulse does my body have to move because it’s going to change and it’s gonna look different day to day.
10:33: And sometimes it’s just like Ka said, like, where you’re like, where is sticky?
10:37: Where is a kink?
10:38: Like where do I need to move into?
10:39: Because you can’t maybe identify exactly what state you’re in.
10:42: But you’re like, I don’t know, my hips feel tight.
10:44: So it’s like, can we just do some circles, can we just do?
10:47: And I think that’s part of the barrier.
10:51: A lot of times for somatic work is, people are like, I don’t know where to start or I’m going to get it wrong.
10:55: What if I’m not doing it?
10:56: Right?
10:56: And it’s like, it’s just truly being in more devotion to your body of like, every single day, I’m just going to be in a little bit more devotion of like, I’m just going to try to see what’s there.
11:07: If anything they let that be.
11:09: Yeah.
11:09: And I was going to add, I think in my own experience with this work because, you know, the program that I went through, we did like literally exercises by exercise and it was so nice to have the structure to have to like, OK, this is, I’m going to try this out and see how this feels.
11:23: But I think it comes down to like you creating this deep connection with your body because at the end of the day, you know, what feels good.
11:28: And so I think giving yourself the chance or the opportunity or just being open to moving in ways that you don’t move and seeing like, oh, that does feel good.
11:38: OK, I’m going to do a little bit more of that.
11:40: And then slowly I think over time you’ll find even more ways of your expression, you know, like the intense, I think a lot and we can do a whole another podcast on this, you know, the slowness of somatics feels really good.
11:51: You know, the intuitive, stretching the, the shaking out feels really good.
11:55: I think like anger and rage are like a whole other world that I think so many people are scared to tap into because one, they’re like, well, I’m not allowed to be angry right now.
12:05: Anger is bad or like, they have their own concepts of identifying with anger or rage.
12:10: But to bring it all back, it’s so important to, in my opinion, to you’ll find ways to access that and move it through you.
12:16: If not, I get stuck.
12:17: Is that fair?
12:18: Yes.
12:19: Yeah, definitely.
12:19: And that’s a lot of what trauma is, is like, it’s like it’s, it’s stuck and it’s like that stored energy that’s, that’s trapped within our bodies.
12:27: And so it’s like finding expressions for it.
12:29: And I think to speak to the piece about anger, it’s like a lot of times our, our modeling around anger is like that outward anger of anger at someone else.
12:38: And it’s like anger needs to be liberated, it needs to be expressed and it’s like find regulation through expression.
12:44: So whether that’s singing, dancing, yelling, screaming, but like we need to figure out how to do it in ways that are, I don’t want to say contained because contained isn’t always the word I think about when it comes to anger.
12:55: But safe containers of like where do you put that, like, where do you put that when you have all of that anger?
13:01: Because it’s like, it needs to go somewhere because it’s gonna just be, like, be in you.
13:06: And so it’s like, really, like wanting to honor that, but also find your way to express that and like, with safe people and in places that it, it feels like more appropriate, I guess, than like yelling at someone on the street or whatever, taking it out on other people.
13:25: Yeah.
13:25: Or taking it out on yourself because a lot of times it’s like if people aren’t expressing outwardly, then they’re inwardly like it’s moving towards like inward annihilation and it’s like feeling like all of that self hatred is going towards them, which is also just as to, and I think the long term detriment of that is sickness, right?
13:43: Is your body stores it and then you can’t release it and then you get sick like your body breaks down because there’s no expression.
13:49: Yeah, absolutely.
13:50: And I think to speak to your question too about like where people can start.
13:54: It’s like looking at like, what are your forms of expression?
13:57: Like where do you, where, where’s your outlet?
14:00: Because it’s like, it doesn’t have to be like, always like, you know, screaming or crying to express an emotion.
14:06: It can be like singing, dancing, like what are you creating?
14:10: Because it’s like if you’re never in that expression, it’s like, it’s like you think about like the energy of no expression and it’s like stagnancy and it’s like that could easily turn into your nervous system.
14:20: Feeling really shut down because you’re not expressing any of it.
14:24: It’s all just there and it’s held.
14:26: I feel like this is a great position to transfer a little bit into parts work because in order to create safety with the different parts of us, to be on board with our fullest expression, can we talk a little bit about what’s parts work?
14:38: And how do you identify the different parts of you?
14:41: Because one, you could create space for it be like I do want to express myself, express myself in this way and there could be also this other part of you that’s telling you like, no, that’s not how you do it.
14:51: So can we like kind of break that?
14:52: So as someone says, listening, they might be like I hear you Alexis like I understand what you’re saying and I’m having this whole internal experience with the different parts of me that are just fighting me and if anything are blocking me from leading into my expression.
15:07: So and there’s so many people that say I’m not creative at the time and like everyone is creative, everybody, it just looks different.
15:14: Absolutely.
15:15: So parts work is this idea that we have all of these different parts or aspects of us, but we have this core self or core like I I like to compare it to the soul where it’s like this is a part of you that’s not a part, it’s like the core essence of who you are.
15:31: And this version of you is compassionate, curious, open wants to connect creative, like all these things in parts work.
15:41: It is from internal family systems, which is a modality founded by Richard Schwartz.
15:46: And he talks about the eight CS that describe what like that self energy is and I consider it soul energy.
15:55: He doesn’t use those words, but those are mine.
15:56: And basically, like, we have all these different parts and aspects of us that come up and are present on the day to day.
16:05: So it’s like a part of you that feels really intrigued and curious about this work.
16:11: And then there’s a part of you that’s like in resistance because it’s like, well, this is different than what I’ve been taught.
16:16: And I’m skeptical or like, you know, just these different aspects in this way.
16:21: And the idea with parts work is to get any parts that are, you know, really inhibiting us from being in that cell for soul energy, get them on board.
16:32: And so we’re not trying to get rid of them.
16:33: We’re not trying to like remove any parts of ourselves, even like shadow parts or parts that, you know, maybe historically haven’t liked, we’re not trying to get rid of any of them.
16:42: We’re trying to get them like build a relationship with each different part.
16:46: So they’re able to step aside.
16:47: So we can say, hey, I’m going to go do this thing right now.
16:51: This practice, I know it might feel a little edgy for you, but I need you to trust me enough that like this is really going to help, this is really going to help us get to a place of regulation.
17:01: And so then you’re able to ask that part to step aside and it’s able to actually step aside and we can’t really do that if we don’t have any relationships with these parts.
17:10: So if there’s a part, we’ve historically ignored for years.
17:12: Like that part of us not, may not want to talk to us.
17:15: Like for example, like an inner child part, like maybe you’ve ignored that aspect of you that, you know, gets really anxious in moments and maybe you’ve been like, I don’t have anxiety like that’s not me, that’s not my story.
17:27: And that part of you is still there like that scared little girl or scared little boy.
17:31: And so it’s like when we voice that, ok, this is real, there’s a part of us here, it leaves room for dialogue, it leaves room for conversation and it leaves room for a relationship and we have a relationship.
17:41: It’s like those parts trusted us and then they’re like, maybe you do know the way, like maybe our soul does know the way and maybe we can be able to relax and sometimes these parts, like, they have beautiful roles, like they have gifts, like, maybe that anxious part is, like, really thorough and detail oriented and make sure you, like, have all of the things in a row and like, that can be a strength.
18:02: But when it’s like in the driver’s seat and it’s out of control, then it’s like, can feel very disorienting and feel like, very, not ourselves in that way.
18:11: Yeah, I love that you broke that down.
18:13: I think the way that I used to think about this so much is like, if we bring these parts onto our team, they’re going to be with you, but there’s nothing wrong with them being there.
18:22: I think so often.
18:23: Like we’re trying to create be like, well, you’re right, you’re wrong.
18:26: I got to keep you separate and you’re talking so much to, in order to support our fullest express self is actually learning how to love all parts of you.
18:34: And like, while all parts of you, it’s like I’m going to love the shadowy ones.
18:37: I’m going to love the ones that are trying to protect me because I think especially when you start doing personal development work, you can be like, well, that’s ego, that’s bad, you know, and like ego is bad.
18:47: I know and you know, the ego is there to protect you and safety and the same thing with these parts, right?
18:51: They’re trying to protect you, they’re trying to manage your experience, they’re trying to keep you safe.
18:55: And it’s like, well, how can this part of me get on board with me?
18:59: You know what I mean?
19:00: It’s like, oh, how can I love you?
19:01: How can I see you?
19:02: How can I hear you?
19:03: How can I give you the reassurance that my decision to go in this direction or my decision to express myself in this way is the best for both of us.
19:11: It’s not just the best part of one part of me, it’s the best for both of us and all of us.
19:15: And what can I do to make you feel safe in that?
19:17: Yeah, I heard a really good analogy once similar to this is like you, you’re driving a van and you can let the shadow parts or the anxiety or anything drive the van, right?
19:27: We’re not throwing the anxiety out of the van.
19:30: Everyone has to get to the same destination, but it’s like which part of you is going to drive that van and like accept that everyone’s in the van, maybe not driving.
19:38: I loved that for me, like a visual.
19:40: I love a good one.
19:42: I really like you want to kick them out of the van.
19:45: Really annoying.
19:47: I mean, they’re part of the van and I think it speaks to us stepping into a role of like our adult competent protector and being able to be like, if I were really in that like soul energy.
20:02: Like how would I actually treat this part?
20:04: Because if we’re looking at it from the part, from judgment, it’s like we’re usually in another part.
20:09: Like if we’re judging that part, it’s like that’s another part that’s judging it.
20:12: The soul is not feeling that way about that part.
20:15: There’s like to say almost like heart centered like when you’re heart centered.
20:18: Yeah.
20:18: And you’re able to look at it with complete compassion, curiosity and be able to be like, what’s your story?
20:24: What’s going on here?
20:25: Because even with every part, there’s usually nervous system responses paired to it.
20:30: And so that’s where somatic parts where it comes up of like if I was just looking at somatic and I was just looking at parts like it would be two different modalities and I could do that and there are practitioners that do it, but I look at both because usually the parts have a story.
20:43: So it’s like if I’m in an inner child part, does my body curl up?
20:46: Does it want to like hide?
20:48: Do I want to like make myself smaller?
20:51: And when I’m able to like liberate that part, oh, my nervous system has new patterns and new possibilities that it can get into and we can work with those like pattern responses within the parts too, which is really interesting.
21:04: Yeah, I’m so glad that you brought that up because I think that is a missing piece.
21:07: Even when I went through this myself, like I was like, wow, I am feeling some, I’m going through this entire session and I’ve just felt so many different things from like anger to frustration to like, oh I love you.
21:18: This is sad to like I’m cute.
21:20: Like there’s this whole experience that we’re going through when you are diving into the different parts of yourself.
21:25: But we’re also going through that on a day to day basis.
21:28: It’s like I want to bring that back.
21:30: Like we’re talking about like that was me in an hour session.
21:33: Like I would sign up, I would be working with my practitioner or whatever or like I would, I would do with clients and we take you through a whole journey, but really, that’s only one hour of your life.
21:42: And so I want to talk to you a little bit about like, how can we also apply this to our day to day life, right?
21:48: Because the way that you feel in the morning is not going to be consistent throughout the day.
21:53: You know, you might have car, you know, you might be almost get an accident.
21:57: You know, someone may cut you off work might all of a sudden something that you weren’t plan to happen is going to come out of nowhere.
22:05: And so how can we create fluidity and flexibility and adaptability and still create capacity to be with all of it?
22:14: Because I think sometimes we can be like, well, I’m just gonna, I don’t want to work hard, you know, or I don’t want to deal with my families too much.
22:21: I just got to avoid them at all costs.
22:23: But the truth is, it’s like, I think it’s in like learning how to welcome with it and be with it because we can’t change that, but we can learn how to be with it and one more thing and being with it, you’re not necessarily giving permission that it’s OK.
22:36: Like let’s say it’s something that you feel like, well, if I’m adapting to it, am I making it giving it permission or am I enabling it?
22:44: Whatever that is right?
22:46: But that’s not the key here.
22:47: The key is like, how can my nervous system be with that experience and still choose what’s best for me?
22:52: I think you speak to something really important.
22:54: I this is something that comes up almost always when I start doing somatic work with someone that’s not super familiar with it or they’re new to it is I’m scared that if I allow myself to be with it that it’s just going to swallow me and that I’m never gonna be able to get out of this and that like I will be stuck in it.
23:10: And it’s this idea that I’m not going to be able to have the capacity for it and it’s going to be too much for my system.
23:18: And I’m going to get worse or it’s gonna make it worse and yes, or to, like, be with the sadness or be with the grief or like whatever it is or anxiety or whatever and that, you know, is very protective, right?
23:30: It’s trying to keep you in your window of tolerance.
23:32: But that’s where the beauty of, you know, working with practitioner comes in is someone to pace and titrate how much you do so that you’re able to go deeper over time on your own and with bringing it back to on your own, it’s like we like so a practice that a practitioner that I worked with did with me is instead of reaching for your phone in the morning, you wake up and you put your hand on your heart and you check in and you’re like, how are you art?
24:00: How are you like, what’s going on, what’s here for you in this moment and you can do the same thing with your parts and with your nervous system of being able to just carve out that intentional time.
24:12: And this doesn’t have to be a two hour morning practice.
24:15: This can be 10 minutes to just be like, who’s here, like who’s in the room or who’s like in the car or the bus like today, you know, who’s present, who’s like making themselves most known today?
24:27: And how can I support you?
24:29: Because after doing, you know, thousands of hours of sessions with people with parts work in somatic.
24:34: It’s like the reoccurring theme I see with parts is they just want you to check in with them and they want you to know, hey, I’m here and it may be like I’m feeling really, the part may be like, I’m feeling really anxious today.
24:46: I’m really unsure.
24:47: I’m kind of second guessing myself, you know, and you just validate like you would like a little kid or one of your friends, like just talking to them in that way of like, I see you, I’m here for you.
24:57: I’m not gonna take this step forward until you feel ready or we might take a step forward and I know you’re scared but we’re going to do it anyway.
25:04: And so it’s like talking to them in that way and just checking in is like a great way to just be like, ok, I’m really integrating this work and anyone can do that.
25:14: You don’t have to work for the practitioner to like, check in with your parts or check in with your nervous system and be like, all right, where are we at today?
25:20: Like, what’s our, what’s our pulse check?
25:22: That reminds me of like when you’re in a relationship with someone or like, even as a little kid, as my mom, like if my mom ignored my expression or something, it would get louder and I would be more upset and it was just like, oh, like, why don’t you see me, you don’t hear me?
25:36: Da, da, da, da, da.
25:37: And I created this story versus like I know and I know my mom has done this, but this is just an example.
25:43: Like if my mom just took the time to be like, hey, what’s going on?
25:46: See me?
25:47: And that takes 2345 minutes, maybe 30 minute conversation.
25:51: That’s kind of similar to what you’re talking about about your internal parts is like, really taking the time to be like, hey, I’m here.
25:57: What’s up?
25:58: And it’s wild.
25:59: I’ve experienced this too.
26:00: How they just, they soften so quickly.
26:03: They, they lose the energy, the attention is gone.
26:07: It’s kind of like,, ok, I was feeling that way and my state has changed the way that I feel about it has changed and it doesn’t take that much effort to your point.
26:17: It’s like very small little things that we can do.
26:21: Absolutely.
26:21: And you can feel it in your body like that softening.
26:24: And I think that’s how, you know, you really, like, checked in and took in time for a part is like, you’ll feel that of like, ok, my anxiety went from an eight to like a four and it’s like that part is still present and may need a little bit more support today.
26:38: But like it went down on the scale and that’s beautiful.
26:42: It’s the same thing with emotion.
26:43: It’s like a lot of times like, if we have a big emotion coming up, we think it will last forever.
26:48: But when we actually be with it and actually like, and I don’t mean just like, be with it in terms of like people say, sit with it and I prefer saying like, be with it because it’s like you might move with it, you might do something with it.
26:58: It’s not always just sitting inside with it, but it may only last 30 seconds or like a minute or you know what I mean?
27:05: And a lot of that after that is like the story and the part having a story that they’re holding on to.
27:11: But if we fully allow ourselves to be with what’s coming up, it usually passes like fairly quickly and that’s like such a gift to be able to give yourself of like, I can actually support myself longer term throughout this day by taking this 10 minutes or taking this 20 minutes at the start.
27:29: And then, you know, you may have to check in again of like what’s going on, like what’s coming up like, but just having that baseline of like willingness to again be in devotion to not only your body, like I said earlier, but the parts of you and to understanding your internal landscape of like, you know what if I, I didn’t understand all of my internal landscape?
27:49: Like, can I go from that lens of curiosity about the parts as, as you progress throughout the day I love what you said about the story too because I think we don’t give enough credence to the fact that like something happens in a moment.
28:01: I think the car one is a great example because it’s like, you know, and then we live in that story, like, how dare he or I can’t believe that happened and then we go on and on and on and it can steal a day a week, a month, a year of our life.
28:14: Instead of, as you’re saying, just like in that moment, ok, I’m going to take a deep breath or I’m just going to like, shake my hands or I’m gonna scream at that person.
28:22: If you know what I mean?
28:22: If that’s what feels good, you’re collapsing that whole potential timeline.
28:27: That could be being so caught up in that story.
28:30: And Joe Dispenza speaks to this where he talks about how if you have something bad happen to you, like, let’s say you get cut off or you get in a car accident and you let that story fester.
28:41: It’s like over weeks, it can turn into the story and then it turns into your personal reality and then that can turn into your personality.
28:47: And so it’s like, really being able to be like, all right, let’s drop the story.
28:52: What is my body telling me about the situation?
28:55: And usually if we’re hanging on to the story, we’re like, under feeling what happened And so there’s a quote that I’ve been, I don’t know whose quote this is, but I’ve been really resonating with, but it’s like, overthinking is under feeling.
29:06: And so it’s like, in those moments, it’s like if you’re really wrapped up in it, it’s, it’s usually because we’re not fully feeling it and also if it’s that big hysterical reaction, it’s usually from our past history.
29:19: And so it’s like a trauma response.
29:21: Yeah.
29:21: So it’s like the bigger the reaction, like the more so that we’re like, we’re just in a nervous system pattern that’s from way before.
29:29: And so it’s like, ok, maybe it’s not about this person cutting me off, like, maybe it’s about, you know, the feeling of feeling disrespected and it’s like, where did that story start?
29:39: And like, let’s go to the nervous system pattern underneath that and work with that and then eventually when you release some of that from your body, you’re not going to be as upset if you feel like someone’s disrespecting you because you don’t like, feel like there’s any room like room for that in your body anymore.
29:54: And also like you are talking to yourself with respect and your parts with respect.
29:58: So you’re like, I just don’t get that energy from people anymore, you know, or I don’t experience that same feeling when someone isn’t able to respect you in that way or whatever that part is so important.
30:09: Yeah, because I feel like it is just an, the concept that everything and everyone is a mirror for us.
30:13: So once you lose the trigger, you don’t get the same reaction anymore.
30:19: Yeah.
30:19: Absolutely.
30:20: It’s like, really wild how much shifting things in your nervous system can change the outward reality too because it’s like all of a sudden you’re not seeing things from this fight energy.
30:30: You’re not seeing things as me versus you.
30:32: It’s like I’m seeing it as from connection and I’m not seeing things as like I have to run away.
30:37: It’s like, no, it’s actually safe to move towards and there’s so much, there’s so much there.
30:42: But like really just knowing that like, it can change your entire worldview.
30:48: And I say that with people too is like, your thoughts are a really good indicator where your nervous system is at.
30:52: And so if your thoughts are like, I have to do this right now, we have to have this conversation right now.
30:56: It’s like sympathetic state.
30:58: If your thoughts are like, what’s the point?
30:59: Who cares?
31:00: It’s like you’re in a shut down state.
31:02: The thoughts are like, I need to get away.
31:04: This feels too big.
31:05: You’re in a flight state.
31:06: And so it’s like really when you shift the nervous system state, then all of a sudden your thoughts are, the universe is on my back.
31:13: Like the universe has my back, like everything is happening for me, you know, there’s an abundance of time, time isn’t scarce.
31:20: Everyone is looking out for me and like, I feel connected to everyone and you just feel like you’re able to, to, to just trust the timing of your life, the people in your life yourself because you’re coming from that state.
31:33: And so any time you’re like, not and your thoughts are reflecting something different or the parts are reflecting something different.
31:38: It’s usually because you’re in a, like a nervous system response.
31:41: And in one of those other survival based states, I love the way that you broke that down.
31:46: I think that’s so helpful because I think people don’t realize that they’re in a state, right?
31:50: They just realize, well, they did this, they left me out, they didn’t tell me about it.
31:55: You know, there’s this like they, they, they at them.
31:57: So I think even like starting there, like if you feel like your energy going at them, then clearly you might be also in a nervous system state, you know, that might be like a fight or flight.
32:06: Th I mean, freeze is literally shut down.
32:09: So for sure.
32:10: Yeah.
32:10: And it’s like because that’s the energy of the fight state is move towards.
32:15: It’s like if let’s say you were on a hike and you encountered a, a bear and your nervous system would go through the options.
32:24: Ok.
32:25: Number one, can I fight this?
32:26: Like you would first be like, am I big enough to fight this?
32:28: You weren’t, you’d say I have to run away if you felt like it was too big and you couldn’t run away, you would, like, completely shut down and it would be like a life threat where you would, like, go into like some sort of state that’s almost like hibernation where you would go into like, that complete freeze in that way.
32:45: And so it’s like, in any time, it’s like we’re assessing what state we need to be in and people that are really, really feeling that fight energy, it’s like you’re just in that state where you’re just like perceiving it as like, you know, I can, I can take this person like they’re bigger than me or like, I’m bigger than them and like I can, I can take them.
33:05: But it’s like when we’re not in that state, we know that like, we don’t need to have our hands up to begin with, you know, they can be down and we can still be powerful.
33:13: Oh That part, I think we have to start wrapping up.
33:17: But I would like, I think we have like one question I want to like tailor it to you.
33:21: Do you want to, you want to go, we always end with asking since doing this work and like in this next year moving forward, like what’s one area of life you would still like to show up more fully expressed?
33:33: Yeah, I love this question.
33:34: I think it’s so, it’s so beautiful.
33:36: To have at the end of the podcast.
33:38: But I feel like for me right now, I’m like, I, you know, this, like five months ago, I went full time with my business and I feel like I’m really just like on the edge of like, fully, fully stepping, stepping into the game, like I’ve been in the game, but I’m like, I feel like there’s like more that I can give and I think a lot of that honestly is surrounding my voice and sharing my voice.
33:59: And so I thought it was just divine that you had asked me and like I expressed earlier, I’m going to be on another podcast on Monday.
34:05: And it’s just like the opportunity to be more in my voice because a lot of my own nervous system responses are more of that of like fun, roll over, shut down.
34:15: Like, don’t say what’s actually on your heart or what you actually mean because it may be historically hasn’t always felt safe to do so.
34:22: And I think a lot of women are in that.
34:24: And so I’m stepping up in the way that like, I’m wanting to be more in my voice and in my power and knowing that like that doesn’t take away from any other women’s power.
34:32: Like that’s just like we all can be in our power and we can all use our voice and it’s like, even people that are in really aligned field, it’s like this is like how we create such magic together by being able to be like, we’re doing a similar thing.
34:45: We have a similar mission and let’s use our voices to amplify each other and instead of being like, it’s this or that or competition in that way.
34:53: And so I think for me right now, it’s like stepping into my voice and fully, fully owning that.
34:58: I’ve been doing a lot of like creation lately and I just, it felt, it’s felt so good to be able to use my voice and not just only only be seen in like a session context, like I’m being seen outside of just my one on one sessions and being like, OK, impact is one of my top values.
35:15: It’s like, how can we, I think way bigger in that way and how can more and more people hear about this work?
35:21: I love that.
35:23: I love it.
35:24: So, yeah, I was just going to say, I feel like you are showing up in that way on your Instagram for sure.
35:29: Like I love all your content that’s been like the last since 2024.
35:35: So since January, I like, made a commitment to myself to just really go all in on like expressing on there and sharing like I share just reels and things like 3 to 4 times a week and really being able to be like own some of those the shadow parts that are like, oh, this is cringe this is that, but it’s like, no, it’s like this is my soul mission.
35:55: This is like the one, one thing that I want to do with my life and I’m so passionate about.
35:59: And so it’s like really peeling back all of those layers to be able to be like, can I just be comfortable being so seen?
36:06: And that is a whole nervous system journey in itself to be comfortable being seen.
36:10: So that’s a life journey.
36:14: Yeah, I can definitely relate to that.
36:16: I just want to say I relate to a lot of that.
36:18: I think this podcast for me has really been owning my voice in the last year, which has been so beautiful.
36:23: The other thing that I have found in my voice expression has been singing, which Sam knows, I don’t know if you feel that like even like on the way over here for an hour, like I literally just like hit all voice, all different parts of myself, even in the car the other day, I was like, babe, I know I’ve been working on this for like the last two years, but there’s still moments where like I hear myself speak and I’m like, what did she just say?
36:44: Was that her, was that her voice?
36:46: You know what I mean?
36:46: Like there’s a part of me that’s still recalibrating to that.
36:49: So I can totally resonate with everything that you’re stepping into and I’m just so proud of you because I really do think there’s just so much gift when we all share our voice because in sharing our voice, I think also people feel us more.
37:01: They get to really know us and where I was like, stuck.
37:04: I was like, wow, I want people to see me but I’m not even giving them an opportunity to see me, you know, and I was like, which is like a whole thing.
37:11: And I’m like, right, it’s like, wow, I’m not even giving them an opportunity to see me.
37:15: I think with that too, it’s like fully seeing yourself and being able to like, and that’s, you know, we spoke about this earlier, but if you have trouble letting people see, you practice fully seeing yourself in the privacy of your own space of like, can you start there fully seeing yourself in your power and your confidence in your bigness?
37:34: Can you let yourself be really big in your expression on your own?
37:38: Because that will translate.
37:39: It’s like you can take pieces of that with you and it might take time and be like incremental at first.
37:44: But it’s like more and more than you’re like, wait, like I, this is safe because it feels safe within your body.
37:50: And so then you’re like, I don’t really care what anyone else has to say about my expression because I accept my expression and in doing that, I will say I’ve done that too.
37:59: Like it actually feels really good when you, when you stop and you’re like, we don’t give it, sorry.
38:05: We don’t give a shit about how people perceive you or what’s coming up for you and you’re in it.
38:09: You’re like, wow, what have I been missing out on this entire time?
38:12: I’m like, that feels like it just like all light bulbs go off in your body and you’re like, like zinging, you know, they’re like, yeah, you’re like, yay, she’s lit up.
38:21: She’s here so good when you’re in your life, it is.
38:25: And I feel like when you’re in your fullest expression, you’re going to trigger people.
38:29: So if someone’s attacking you, especially on social media, I feel like it’s so easy to attack people just because there’s no repercussion really.
38:35: And you’re not like saying it to someone’s face but anyone that’s doing that is just deeply insecure.
38:40: And I feel like the more you realize that you’re like, oh, it’s not, this isn’t even about me.
38:44: Like, let them have their opinion.
38:46: I send them love, you know, and there, I feel like the more you’re in your light and embodiment you’re like that flame like you attract them or you repel them and you can’t, it’s not your concern either way.
38:55: Yeah.
38:56: Yeah.
38:56: It’s none of your business like what other people.
38:59: And it’s like all of those opportunities, like you can view them as opportunities when things like that happen of the trigger or the response or like they’re saying, the thing that you’ve always deeply felt about yourself or whatever it is.
39:11: And then all of a sudden it’s like, all right, let’s work with this part.
39:14: And how can I make this part feel so safe that like, even if this person from my school doesn’t agree with me, like I agree with myself and I feel like the way I’m teaching this or the way I’m sharing, this feels in alignment for me.
39:27: And like that is all that matters and all of your people will be like, you know, got your back.
39:33: You know, it will be like, oh my God, like I see your message and I want to raise it up and I agree with you and like the people that are for you just always find you and are always like magnetized by your message.
39:44: And so it’s like all the rest of it is like, doesn’t matter because I’m like the high school people, the high school people because they just don’t, you know, they, they still hold on to a vision of who you are.
39:56: You know, I think, I think that’s family too and I think that’s like such deep acknowledgement in itself is like that everyone is a new version of you every time you see them, every time you interact with them.
40:07: And it’s like that is true evolvement to be able to acknowledge that and your friends and your people in your life of like, I’m going to love you in every chapter in every season and I’m not going to hold you to the expectation of who you were two years ago because it’s like, would you want people that were the same as they were two years ago?
40:23: It’s like, no, you want people that are involved.
40:26: And so it’s the same thing with, with your people where sometimes it’s like, really just being like, I’m going to grow a lot really quickly and like who’s on board, who’s coming with me and like people that are the same, you know, same speed at that way.
40:39: And I will say, as we close up, you know, I think we just got to give people the opportunity.
40:43: I think when we’re trying to express ourselves, we’re already stopping ourselves from the op opportunity.
40:47: I’ve also received the opposite where like my mom and my dad and people that I would be like, you’re not going to like this part of me.
40:53: They’re actually like, I love you.
40:55: This is great.
40:56: I love seeing you.
40:57: So you can for those that are listening, you know, you can also receive the really good from expressing yourself.
41:03: And that part is so healing and that part is also so necessary to the journey.
41:08: So it’s like, don’t, don’t prevent yourself or give your give up on yourself before you even give yourself a chance.
41:13: It’s like, go for it.
41:15: Yeah, it’s liberating because then you don’t have to have a mask with certain people or in certain places.
41:21: It’s like a lot of that is that, that fun response of being like, I have to show up in this way else I won’t be loved or the love will be taken away.
41:29: I won’t feel good enough.
41:30: And it’s like when you can really make peace with all the parts of you, even the ones that maybe aren’t what people expect of you and you’re able to show up and be like, here’s all of me and like, I don’t have to put on a mask or I don’t have to be a certain way to be here.
41:44: I can just be myself.
41:45: And I think that’s like so beautiful to be able to be like, there’s no difference between my work, my family life, my friend life, all of it because I’m able to bring my fullest expression to every facet and it all comes to like the safety that you feel within yourself.
41:59: So, thank you so much.
42:01: This is such a great conversation.
42:04: Where can people find you?
42:06: Yeah.
42:06: So my website is Alchemy by Alexis.
42:08: That’s also my Instagram and you can find me on there and you can also email me at Alexis at Alchemy by Alexis dot com and all of that will be in the show notes.
42:18: Of course, if you want to quickly access that.
42:20: But Alexis, it was such a pleasure to have you on the podcast Thank you so much for one saying yes.
42:26: And I’m so happy that the podcast has been a platform to also support your fullest express self and your next version.
42:33: And I’m so excited for the listeners to listen.
42:34: So, thank you.
42:35: Thank you so much.
42:36: Thank you.
42:37: Thank you so much for tuning in.
42:38: We really appreciate you being here.
42:40: If you enjoyed this episode, we’d be grateful if you could leave us a review and share it with a friend.
42:46: Also, we would love to hear from you, reach out to us on Instagram and let us know where you feel inspired to express yourself as you embrace this next era.
42:55: We are here to support you and encourage you, see you on the next one.
In this episode with Alexis Bates, we chatted about:
- Nervous system regulation and how to create a flexible nervous system that supports your fully expressed self
- The different states you can experience
- What embodied confidence looks like
- Tactical strategies to support you in various nervous system states
- How to leverage parts work to navigate the different aspects of yourself
- Using your voice to amplify your mission and those of others
- What to do when you struggle to let people fully see you
Links & Resources
- Alexis Bates’ Website: Alchemy by Alexis
Find all her magic here! - Follow Alexis on Instagram: @AlchemybyAlexis
Her reels will change your life. - Learn About Parts Work: Internal Family Systems
(Because your inner child and inner badass deserve to be on the same team.) - Join the Sacred Somatics Membership: Join Here
Break free from the patterns keeping you stuck and live the embodied.
Love Notes from Us
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