In this vulnerable and deeply honest episode of the Fully Expressed Podcast, we explore what it means to grow, evolve, and heal—while staying in relationship with your family.
As you begin to do the inner work—through therapy, healing, personal development, or spiritual growth—you naturally start to shift. But what happens when the people closest to you, especially your family, still see you through the lens of your old identity?
We unpack the complex dynamics that arise when your self-expression begins to evolve, but your siblings or parents still expect you to show up as the “you” they’ve always known.
0:02: Welcome to the Fully Expressed podcast.
0:04: We’re your host Karenna and Samantha.
0:06: This show is your permission slip to stop holding back.
0:10: Here we talk about what it really means to live unapologetically you in your relationships, your business, and your everyday life.
0:17: We believe the most magnetic version of you is rooted in self-expression, honesty, vulnerability, and showing up fully as you are.
0:24: When you own that, you naturally attract the people, the opportunities, and the life that is meant for you.
0:30: Today’s episode is a solo episode with Karenna and I, and we are talking all about family dynamics, the good, the bad, the ugly, everything in between, and how to show up as your fullest expressed self.
0:43: So something that a lot of people don’t really talk about is when you’re starting to step into your most fullest expressed self, whether that’s authentic or not apogelic or boldly, maybe your family knows a different version of you.
0:55: So when you’re returning back to Thanksgiving or for holidays, like how do you show up More as you, whether people are not fully on board with you, and what does it look like to step into your most confident self and be who you really want to be, even if your family doesn’t fully understand who this version of you is yet.
1:13: So we hope that you enjoy this episode and that you really walk away feeling like you can be your fullest expressed self in your family and beyond.
1:23: Yep, you’ll get the tools, exactly what you need to do when you listen to it.
1:28: Have a good time.
1:30: So let’s talk about what it looks like to be your fullest expressed self and family.
1:34: And I feel like this is such an important topic because our families are how we relate to our families has been a part of us for the longest time, right?
1:44: Like from the way that we were kids to we were older, there’s this long-term relationship, kind of like we were talking about with Bailey, right?
1:50: Like we’ve been this way, we’ve been programmed this way.
1:53: And so, One thing I think a lot of us struggle with or can struggle with is as like as you’re stepping into becoming more of your fullest express self, really coming into stepping into your confidence, really coming into sharing your own opinions, really coming into evolving in your own way, there could be this sense of unease as to like how will my mom take it?
2:11: How will my dad take it?
2:14: And We don’t really know how to do that.
2:16: It’s kind of like when you go, like we’re gonna have like a holiday episode one day and like you’ve been healing and then all of a sudden you get put in front of your family and then you get triggered all over again.
2:24: You’re like, wait, these wounds haven’t been here because in such a, in a year, but I’m seeing them and then you get activated.
2:29: Yeah, Ram Das says if you think you’re enlightened, go spend two weeks with your family.
2:34: Yeah, exactly.
2:35: I also think siblings are interesting too because they hold on to our old identities and even not just your parents, but like if you have siblings, that’s also another layer.
2:44: Of trying to unravel when you’re showing up as a new version of yourself to get them to see like what that looks like to see who you are as this adult version of yourself versus like the sibling dynamic you had when you were younger.
2:58: I know you have a sister.
2:59: I have a brother.
3:00: So yeah, as you’re bringing that up, like I’m already kind of getting into like problem solving mode because I think my, I’ve always had that with my sister, like the way that we related to one another and as we were changing, I was like, I remember like specific fights that we get into and I’m like, I’m starting to find my voice and she’s like yelling at me even louder and I’m like, you never listen to me because I never had a voice, you know, as someone who was like really quiet.
3:22: But now that as you said that, something that I’ve like realized is like because I thought that she wasn’t going to accept the new me.
3:31: I was projecting on to her that I wasn’t gonna accept her knew her, you know, and I think something that happens when relationships transition is like, what does it look like?
3:41: To date again to like get to know someone again and kind of get to know that new version of them.
3:47: But I felt like since like you know when you judge someone it’s because you’re judging yourself.
3:51: It’s the same situation with my sister specifically.
3:53: I was like because I was holding, I thought she was holding onto this version of me.
3:57: It’s because I was also holding a version of her.
4:00: I love that.
4:01: Can you speak a little further into that like What did, what did the shift look like to navigate like learning to find a new version of each other?
4:10: Well, I think there was definitely some like tension because a lot of like myself, like the way I like to look at like transformation or like stepping into my own thing like we’re always going through this like recalibration period.
4:19: It’s a new air, like a new season of how we relate to one another.
4:23: And I think a lot of the times the inner conflict that we feel is like honestly, not like self sabotage, but we’re kind of creating the story in front of us.
4:32: And so I think inviting my sister and specifically or inviting my mom into things, I haven’t really done this with my dad as much, but like with my mom and my sister like inviting them into the conversation is like I’m wanting to show up differently and I’m nervous about that.
4:48: I don’t know what you’re going to think.
4:49: I have my opinions and it can also evolve into you not having to do that at all.
4:53: But I think there’s like the healing that you have to do on yourself to be like, OK, what does it look like for me to be emotionally safe in this relationship?
5:01: Whether they create the emotional safety or not.
5:04: And I think that’s like the ultimate challenge because we cannot control.
5:07: how other people respond to us.
5:09: 100%.
5:10: I agree.
5:11: I think one of the biggest healing, healings and like healing lessons for myself was recognizing that I may never have the relationship with my mom that I like I thought I wanted or thought I needed.
5:24: And when I accepted her for who she was, like, one, she surprised me in ways that she has shown up over the years, like in moments where I didn’t think she was capable of showing up in that way, but also like I recognized I don’t need that from her.
5:36: I could just be who I am and she can meet me where I’m at, wherever she’s at.
5:41: Like I don’t have to have her see all of me.
5:43: I can see all of myself and like accepting her for exactly who she was and not holding her to expectations that she’s not capable of meeting.
5:50: And I think that oftentimes like when we’re going through this transition of expressing ourselves more fully and Speaking our truth more, we want them to see us and be, especially our parents.
6:01: We’re like, see me, I’m here, look at me showing up.
6:04: I’m so awesome.
6:05: Like, can’t you see how great I am?
6:07: And I think when you can give that validation to yourself, like what you’re speaking to of like being OK within, you recognize that you don’t actually need it from them anymore because you’re giving it to yourself.
6:19: What were some of the things that you so deeply wanted your mom to see you for?
6:22: , I think, you know, I look back on my childhood and like I went to a school where there was only 20 kids in the class and we stayed together from preschool all the way to 5th grade until I left the school and there were only 7 girls and it was the same 7 girls and every single mother was a stay at home mom except for my mom.
6:42: And so I always wanted my mom to like be at the PTA or like.
6:47: On the field trips and she was always working.
6:49: And I think even now as an adult, like, it’s really interesting.
6:54: My brother and I have an interesting dynamic, we could speak to.
6:58: But my mom spends a lot of her time focused on my brother and she has my whole life.
7:03: Like, I think they just connect, they get each other.
7:06: They have a different connection.
7:08: My brother’s very, he was very like analytical and, and school-minded and all these things.
7:14: And I’m very creative and my parents are both lawyers.
7:16: Like they just related to him.
7:18: Now as an adult, I realized that.
7:19: Like they related to him and I was kind of like the wild card.
7:22: They’re like, I don’t know how to relate to you, but I think I wanted her to relate to me.
7:25: I wanted her to like do art with me or be interested in the things I was interested in.
7:30: And even recently as an adult, my mom said something like she said, oh, you never really tell me anything about yourself.
7:39: And I said to her, well, you don’t really ask anything.
7:41: And she goes, well, I didn’t know I needed to ask.
7:45: And my, and I think the reason she said, she said that is because my brother just talks about himself a lot, you know, I mean, bless his heart.
7:51: I love him, but he’s more seeking her validation.
7:56: And because I’m not seeking the validation, like if she asked me questions, I would love to answer them, but I don’t think she actually wants to or maybe isn’t capable.
8:03: capable of getting to know me in that depth.
8:05: That’s just not who, that’s not our dynamic.
8:08: I don’t want to say that’s not who she is.
8:09: That’s just not our dynamic.
8:11: So I think for a very, very, very long time, I wanted that depth with her.
8:15: I wanted her to see like all the parts of me, the creative parts of me.
8:18: Like even when I would do an art project, this is just an interesting story.
8:22: We would do, I would do an art project and She would be like, oh, that’s nice, like cute, or just like very dismissive of it from my perception.
8:32: I wanted her to be like, wow, you’re so talented.
8:35: That’s so amazing, you know.
8:36: And my aunt who I was close with was like way more supportive.
8:39: And so I would give a lot of my art projects to my aunt because she was like, you’re amazing.
8:43: You could do anything.
8:44: Like she was super into it and supportive and like so grateful for any of those things.
8:49: And so I think I like resonated the mother energy with her more.
8:52: But then when I was older, my mom shared with me that like she, that really hurt her, that I never really gave my art to her, that I always gave it to my aunt.
8:59: And I recognized as an adult that that connection, it wasn’t there for whatever reason, like we were missing each other and it wasn’t that she didn’t want it.
9:07: She just didn’t know how to meet me there.
9:09: There’s so much to unpack there.
9:12: Well, I think what’s interesting in your story that I like came through as you were talking, I think there’s also this element of missing each other happens when we expect people to meet us like that.
9:21: But I think when we talk about this in like early childhood, like, you’re not talking like a little girl going up to your mom and being like, I want you to ask me about me.
9:29: You know what I mean?
9:30: Like they’re not taught to say those things.
9:32: They’re not really taught to say those things, but we are constantly receiving the thing or not having the thing being met and then we make that our reality and then we get upset about it when we’re older, whatever that looks like, and then we grow up and we’re like, well, we can have this whole different perspective.
9:45: That was like my perception of the situation.
9:47: But also like I think our mothers, my father, anyone that relates to me like they’re having their own perception of the situation.
9:54: I think that is growth.
9:57: And so I think the struggle is like, how do we have that awareness like that above vision, the observer role that I like to talk about like become the observer.
10:06: But also integrated that into reality.
10:08: And when we talk about integrating that in reality, it’s like speaking up and asking for what you want and saying what you want and having the harder conversations and we get to do that in older life and I think one of us, it takes us to take the action to be like I’m going to express myself fully whether they understand or not.
10:23: And It’s really nerve-wracking.
10:26: Like I can have like visuals of like me starting to step into my voice and me thinking something and I’m like, wow, I, I also end up, I’ve experienced like in expressing my voice with my mom, my sister, whatever.
10:37: It was weird, not because of how they would respond, but it was also weird because I never spoke.
10:43: So it was weird to let myself speak in relationship with them.
10:47: And like there is like recalibration period of like holy shit, that’s what Kinna’s voice sounds like, like.
10:51: I know it sounds weird, but there’s like this like I haven’t heard my voice before, so that in itself is like a wow moment, especially if you felt like muted or silenced or not listened to or not heard or not felt or like let’s say for you, I don’t know if it’s like this for you, but like if you were expressing yourself creatively and you’re like making art, and then all of a sudden you’re going to your mom and you’re just showing her your art, you’re like maybe at first it’ll be like, well, this is weird.
11:16: I don’t know if she really wants to hear it, but like I’m gonna bring.
11:19: it anyways and it’s like it’s like this weird element because you’ve never done it before.
11:24: Or that’s not how you related to I don’t get it.
11:26: I’m like it’s OK.
11:27: You don’t have to get it.
11:28: Yeah, and then that’s the key, but you’re talking about it’s like, OK, how do I still create the piece, say the thing, whether they get it or not.
11:37: And I think we’re constantly trying to find safety and like do they get it?
11:40: There’s so much safety and understanding.
11:42: There’s so much safety and like oh they want this of me.
11:45: I think.
11:46: Where I think where parents are invited and even for us as friends, like if there’s friends in our world that we don’t get why they’re doing it, but to them it means so much to them or they say something.
11:57: I’m like, cool, tell me more.
11:58: I might not resonate with you, but how can I still bring the level of excitement that you bring so I can see you even though I don’t get it.
12:05: I think we so deeply want that.
12:08: But in older traditions that isn’t so easy and so how do you continue to be yourself even though you’re not being met is like the the question of the day.
12:18: Two things I have, first of all, I have to laugh because you said like you as you found your voice, you got louder.
12:23: I definitely went through a period.
12:24: time, even when I met Austin, he was like, why are you yelling?
12:28: Why?
12:28: And I used to be really shy and really quiet.
12:31: And then when I started finding my voice, like, I didn’t even realize I was yelling.
12:35: He’s like, I’m right here, you know what the opposite Nick is the opposite.
12:38: He’s like, I’m like, babe, I’m yelling.
12:39: He’s like, you’re not yelling.
12:41: Because to me it was loud.
12:43: OK, but, but to you to Austin it was loud.
12:45: So like I feel like in Austin it was actually like quite a few friends would be like, you’re talking really loud.
12:50: I’m like I am, I couldn’t hear it because for so long I just said nothing.
12:53: So then I was like, oh, I’m here.
12:55: Here’s my voice, but I love.
12:56: But you were quiet and you’re like, hi, I’m here and you’re like, I’m sorry, I’m yelling.
13:01: No, I feel like normal like Nick and I are like fighting or whatever.
13:04: I’m like, babe, I’m so sorry I’m yelling at you.
13:05: He’s like, you are not yelling at you.
13:08: But his, his experience with like people in his life have yelled.
13:11: He’s like, I’ve heard yelling.
13:12: Yeah, but to your to the question of the day, right?
13:16: It’s like how do you continue to show up?
13:18: It’s really interesting because personally for me, I’ve never cared what strangers think ever.
13:22: That’s never been an issue for me.
13:24: Like I’ve, for whatever reason I’m able to show up and like fully be me and I don’t give a damn, at least as an adult.
13:30: But for years, I cared so much what my family thought.
13:33: Like they were the end all be all be all for me and it’s ironic because my parents until I met Austin, I never even realized that my parents really didn’t see me in the depth of who I am, in the way I wanted to be seen.
13:46: Whether they see, I mean, I can’t speak for them because they have their own perception.
13:50: But it was interesting because it felt like a never-ending loop of me seeking their validation, but never feeling like I was receiving it.
13:56: And I think that when you start to really show up fully expressed and you start to validate yourself, you don’t crave their validation as much.
14:07: And You start to actually see the like the faults in them or the and I don’t even mean that in a negative way, but I think I started to realize like, oh, they’re not gods.
14:17: Like when we’re kids, our parents are everything to us.
14:19: And I think like if they approved of me then that, then I made it.
14:24: Yeah, and you start to realize like, oh, like some of my family is kind of fucked up.
14:29: You know, or they have their own shit going on, like they’re doing the best they can, or even with my mom, like my mom, I’m sure she could have deeper conversations if she really wanted to.
14:37: I think she’s afraid.
14:38: She’s afraid to go into those, into the discomfort because she came from such abuse as a child, which now I understand.
14:45: And I’m like, oh, she doesn’t want to touch that because that’s too painful.
14:49: And I’ve Seen it come out in moments of vulnerability, so I know it’s there.
14:53: And instead of trying to like force that, I just accepted her for what she’s willing to like meet me at.
14:58: And I think that’s the key is like, and I, and I know you could speak to your mom, you guys have your own dynamic, but I feel like when you can meet them where they’re at and you stop like trying to push them further, trying to get them to do.
15:10: You know, to be something different than they can be in the moment.
15:13: I think personally it sounds like you went through something similar, or maybe you haven’t, but I personally went through these stages where I was like, OK, I’m gonna find my voice.
15:21: OK, great.
15:22: I’m gonna start doing that with my friends.
15:23: Awesome, started doing that.
15:24: Some friends went away, some friends stayed, new friends came, new friends were easy.
15:28: Like slam dunk.
15:29: I’m like, I don’t even have, you don’t know me at all.
15:31: I can just literally be whoever the fuck I want to be.
15:34: Those are the phases and then I went to like my parents and I specifically went with my mom and like the thing that I like my mom, I remember a specific fight that we had.
15:41: I was like, you’re always trying to fix me or problem solve.
15:44: I just want you to hear me.
15:46: And that’s what she was saying.
15:48: I was saying, you know, she was like when I would call her, I was like in a moment of like I just want to be heard.
15:53: I don’t want to be fixed.
15:53: I don’t want to problem solve.
15:54: I’ve got it.
15:55: I know what I need to fucking do.
15:57: I just want to be seen in my situation and we would go head to head and completely miss each other and I was like, Mom, I just want you to hear me.
16:05: And when I got to that level of like yelling, it wasn’t like it felt like I was doing.
16:10: Yeah, but it was, it kind of was yelling, but I guess or yelling, Kreta yelling because Nick laughs at me.
16:16: but I felt like I needed to say that because I felt that my entire life.
16:22: Now, as I’ve evolved, I’ve gone to the place with you where I’m like, OK, my mom might hear me in that and like now we have these like conversations where I’m like, do you want advice?
16:31: Do you want to get, you want to be heard?
16:33: You want me to validate you?
16:34: We’ve learned our.
16:35: Like ways.
16:36: But it really did start with me just accepting her and accepting my sister, accepting who they are and like meeting them and it has been the most beautiful gift to bring it back to you is like, oh my gosh, I can actually see them for who they are and who they get to be versus like me making them want to be in a certain box.
16:53: And I was like the last thing I want to be is put in a box and I was trying to force them into a box so I could feel better.
16:58: So I could feel validated and I think Why am I going to put that pressure on them when they want to love me?
17:03: They’re just loving me in the way that they can and what they have capacity for instead of me getting upset with how they perceive me.
17:09: Yeah, and I think I was gonna add to that is that like that’s also recognizing that they’re meeting you where they can meet you and you’re showing up at your fullest capacity and maybe it’s like sometimes it’s a connection and sometimes it’s a little bit of a miss, but I think when you can love them through that and realize that they’re doing their best, maybe to them that’s their, that’s their, they’re at their edge, you know, like we don’t, I feel like we tell all these stories with our family and it’s so interesting like the journey of childhood into adulthood because you have such a different view of your family when you’re young and then you get older and you’re reflecting or you’re healing your trauma or you’re doing all these things you’re like, oh, that really wasn’t what I thought it was when we were younger, you know, but I agree, I think.
17:53: You show up anyways, and there is this period of discomfort that I think we all go through when you start to fully express yourself because there’s a recalibration and your relationships do shift and sometimes they shift for the better.
18:06: And, you know, it’s different with family like, yes, you could write your family off, but oftentimes that’s not really what we’re doing or what we want to do.
18:13: But it’s like you show up anyways and you keep expressing yourself regardless of how they receive it.
18:18: Yeah, totally.
18:19: I will also say like, I will express the like if you If it’s tight, the tension is hard and you’re trying to like fit a round hole into a square peg or whatever, you know, it’s, I think it’s also OK to take some time to like go heal and not force yourself into this like relationship like with my parents specifically like my I with my mom, I think we took like 6 months of not talking.
18:40: I went through a period of not talking about my mom and it wasn’t necessarily like because and I could have felt bad about that, but like I needed to find.
18:47: Healing on my own.
18:48: Like I’ve mentioned this before, like a really good coach once said there’s healing in the moment and there’s healing outside the moment and I think the opportunities where we get triggered or activated or our shit comes up or we’re just feeling like wounded or still unseen or not heard.
19:02: That’s my work to go go do and be like, OK, what stories am I creating?
19:07: Which ones that I experienced in like little Corea or like how is it showing up in my life and I don’t think that we have to constantly want our families to fix that for us.
19:18: It’s up to us to fix it, but there’s something about wanting your mom or your dad to fix it, you know, like to be the heel, like they’re gonna give you the magic wand and say like I love you so fully and I’m gonna be blessed and I think because we want that so bad, sometimes we’re just completely missing on how our parents love us today.
19:37: And so I took some time, like 6 months, I think it was or maybe longer, or we didn’t talk because we’re just missing each other and we were doing more harm than good because we were both trying to meet each other but we just didn’t know how and I had to take some time.
19:50: Yeah, and I think I love that.
19:52: I think there’s nothing wrong with that.
19:54: I think when you do that, you’re also, it’s almost like you’re emotionally going out of that childhood dynamic into adulthood and with your family specifically, because you’re giving yourself a period to re-evaluate who you are.
20:07: Outside of that unit.
20:09: And sometimes you can’t when you’re living with them or when you’re constantly talking to them, you don’t even have the capacity or the space to reflect something like that, to realize, oh, I need to identify who I am, Samantha or Corina, outside of that total unit.
20:25: And I think about like, you know, we chose our parents before we came to this earth, right?
20:30: So God literally said, I’m gonna give you the parents that you need to evolve.
20:34: Yeah, maybe not the ones you want, not the ones that you want or you need, but you chose them, right?
20:38: Like I hear, I’ve heard David Gilham talk about like, you know, you’re an adopted child and you, you become the adopted child.
20:44: You chose those parents because you were adopted because your soul was here to evolve and and heal into the it’s next level of whatever.
20:53: and I keep that in my mind because I’m like whatever timeline you’re on because I specifically remembered like me blowing up with my mom was like, When I moved to like San Diego, it was like 2020, 2021, and now I live with her and like I was worried going home to be like, oh shit, is all of our shit gonna come up?
21:10: Am I gonna be like so overwhelmed by like being around her?
21:13: If anything, like it has been healing because I kind of went through my season that I needed to be able to come home and not be activated as much and like being able to express myself.
21:23: Yes, there’s still moments where I’m like.
21:25: Mom, you’re talking so much and you’re not listening, but I’m able to accept her and love her and not react as much because I’m like, OK, you be you.
21:33: I want you to be you.
21:34: I’m not gonna like mute you because I want to be loud and louder.
21:38: I think that’s such a beautiful thing and I, it makes me think actually about one of the, maybe not first conversations we had like in our friendship, but I remember we were at the beach in La Jolla and we were talking about moms and you were asking me like how I got to that place of accepting her for who she was.
21:52: I can’t remember the whole conversation.
21:54: But it, it does make me realize to like the other side of things is when you start to become fully expressed, you and you kind of become more emotionally mature and you’re healing these things, it’s really easy to, to want to change our parents to like, oh well, I see this and this and this, because speaking to what I was earlier is like you start to see them as humans and not as your parents and you’re like, But I see all this potential in you.
22:18: I see where your blocks are.
22:20: I see where you’re not showing up fully, where you’re not like being your most expressed self.
22:24: And I think that’s the next step is speaking to what you’ve really done well and worked on that I’ve seen and to what you’re just saying is like, oh, I love and accept you for exactly who you are.
22:34: And if you never reach this level of actualization or change, like, beautiful, that’s OK.
22:40: Instead of, there’s definitely, I, I, I think you went through it.
22:43: I definitely went through it of like, But mom, like, I need you to, like, what if we just talked about this more?
22:48: What if you like, you need to like, especially with my mom’s health, like I’m always like, Mom, you could do so much more.
22:53: Like you’re not, you’re just skating by in the health world.
22:57: Like you have Hashimoto’s, like there’s all these things that you could do to help you.
23:00: She’s been on the same Synthroid medication for 35 years or 50 years now.
23:04: , and I had to just let that go because that’s not, she doesn’t, that’s not her thing.
23:09: Like she’s just not interested and I had to just be like, OK, I love you no matter what, what you’re talking to.
23:14: I think it’s just like getting on board is like every person, every human, every soul has its own timeline and like as much as we want to like control as to like how they get there, where they get there, or like if we see things in them and you’re like, you can get here faster if you just do this.
23:28: It’s like Shit, I have to let you honestly move through the motions yourself because this is your opportunity to evolve and like I by me trying to tell you what to do, I can’t get you there any faster.
23:40: And that’s also really hard, especially as you start to grow into your own awareness and you start to evolve that, but it’s really beautiful that you’re able to like be like, OK, I’m just not, I’m not going to be that person to tell you how to work on your health, but I will support you.
23:54: I will love you.
23:55: I will be with it with you if you need me to.
23:57: But maybe I’m not that person.
23:59: I think it was Wayne Dyer or Ram Dass, one of them said, you know, that when you try to fix someone else or solve their problems, like you’re doing them a disservice because you’re blocking them on their own path, like you’re actually could be impeding their lessons by trying to fix it for them.
24:12: And I think that I think about that a lot when I feel like I knew what was best for them, you know, and now that I realized like I don’t want to be told what to do, like I don’t want them to dictate who I am as a fully expressed person, so why would I do that to them?
24:26: And I think that is Another layer of fully expressing yourself of like letting go of that need to control, even going back to what you said, like control the perception of how your, how your family is perceiving you, how they’re taking you in, or like it’s not your problem what anyone else thinks of you.
24:44: And I think it’s the hardest to live by that inside your family.
24:47: Oh, for sure.
24:48: I mean, especially I feel like there’s different dynamics like maybe you felt like quote unquote the black sheep of your family your whole life and you’re the one that your family doesn’t agree with, see with, whatever, or maybe you’re the golden child and you grew up being the golden child and then all of a sudden you start coming into a lot of different opinions.
25:06: You’re like, well, I don’t wanna mess up the weather feathers, you know, whatever, like I’m the golden child.
25:10: They love me.
25:12: So I think I’m the favorite.
25:14: I can’t mess that up, you know, I think there’s just like different dynamics and I will also say like, how do I say this?
25:20: There’s so much healing that we get to do on our own and yes, it’s a mirror and yes, we don’t want to manage how they’re perceiving us.
25:26: And if there is a family member that is disrespectful, you can absolutely distance yourself 100%.
25:32: And I don’t think you necessarily have to make it work.
25:35: You can also set boundaries like energetic boundaries as to what does it look like because I think in some, maybe we have the awareness and The consciousness to see how things are playing out.
25:48: However, maybe they don’t and they still attack you and they still maybe call you names or give you stabs, you know, like people, when people are hurt, you know, they can like really stab you.
25:57: And I think in those moments, you have to also realize like, let them, you know, let them, but distance yourself too like you’re not responsible for fixing how they speak to you.
26:08: you can defend yourself, but also you can distance yourself and create a boundary if you need to.
26:12: Yeah, I agree with that.
26:14: Because I think especially like I don’t know.
26:18: You start to come into your own political views and all of a sudden politics gets brought up at the table and they’re like, Who do you think you are?
26:24: Da da da da like they’re attacking you and it’s like, OK, well, I’m not here to get attacked.
26:28: Like if you want to have a good conversation about this, I’m here to lean in, but I’m not gonna harm myself.
26:32: So I can be my fullest expression.
26:34: I mean, that’s my personal opinion.
26:35: Like I think I will express myself and set my boundary, but I will also keep an energetic boundary because sometimes some fights are not worth fighting.
26:43: Yeah.
26:44: You kind of have to pick like where do you want to like lean in and where you don’t.
26:48: Yeah, I think being fully expressed doesn’t mean you have to be right.
26:51: It’s just being fully open to who you are and sharing that no matter what situation you are in or are in.
27:00: Yep, exactly.
27:01: It’s like sharing your opinion even though.
27:04: You just share what’s on your mind.
27:06: It’s literally just expressing whatever comes up to you without having to perform or shrink or massage or chameleon your way through, right?
27:15: Like there’s so many ways that we try to protect ourselves so that we can make what we say better.
27:21: It is interesting because I think about it, I’ll think about situations where I’ve spoken truth.
27:26: And maybe even later been like, oh, that was like spicy.
27:29: I don’t know if I should have said that, you know, but it’s always received.
27:32: When it comes from a place of authenticity and love, I feel like it’s always received in the moment.
27:37: Now, maybe when people reflect, it’s different, but I, I feel like, at least in my own personal experience when I’ve spoken truth, it’s received well.
27:44: I’ve never gotten like, no, you’re wrong or whatever.
27:46: But when I’m coming from a place of needing to be right, that’s when the conflict comes in.
27:50: And I think in family dining.
27:51: Dynamics, at least from my own experience, that’s the hardest place to come from a place of truth and love and authenticity because we’re just like, all those underlying dynamics are at play.
28:01: And so I think back to situations where I’ve triggered my aunt or my brother or my mom or my dad, and it’s like, oh no, I’m poking the bear.
28:08: Like I’m not coming from a place of love and authenticity.
28:10: I’m just like, ha ha no, see me, you know, like I’m right or let me express myself, but really it’s just like It’s a jab versus an energetic jab, even if the words are not cruel or kind, kind, and you can feel that in your energy.
28:25: Yeah, it’s you know the difference, like you know the difference between like, I’m saying this because I want to jab you and like call you out and like be a little mean or I’m saying this because it’s how I feel and that’s it.
28:37: Like I think when it comes to fully expressing yourself in relationship and especially with family specifically like it’s getting to a point like what you say.
28:46: You’re not responsible for what’s on the other side.
28:47: It just is.
28:49: Some to like what we try and just be like, what if your words were just words, like they were just that.
28:54: Yes, words have a beautiful way of impacting people and they allow people to feel you.
28:59: But what if it was just, you just said it.
29:02: Yeah.
29:02: Like I think about this with like hard conversations.
29:04: I’m like just say it.
29:05: Like it’s OK or like express it, but I can also feel and understand like the emotions that come from it.
29:11: It’s like scary, it’s edgy, yeah.
29:13: , and I want to dive into like what are some practical tools, what are some practical tools that people can do to start to do this and like what I think about is like practice with people like I always say, especially when it comes to expressing yourself, find people that you feel safe with, practice there first.
29:33: And then if it comes to family, like, you know, maybe it’s like out of your, we have a dimension of a 4, so like my sister might be the easiest and then I’ll start practicing with her and then I’ll practice with my mom and then I’ll go to my dad.
29:45: You know, just like tackle everyone at the same time and be like, you know, my family of 20 I’m gonna stand in front of the table and express myself and share my opinions with everyone.
29:53: But I think what we need is like more practice and just finding the opportunities to start expressing ourselves slowly versus thinking like I’m a whole new evolved person.
30:02: I’m gonna come in and Be fully expressed and I don’t care what people think.
30:07: I think we can find like these levels of like practicing and integrating what it really feels like to hear our own voices and those relationships and also learn what it feels like to say something without worrying about what people think on the back end.
30:22: Yeah, I agree with all of those.
30:24: I think too, once you start to do like emotional work and become Gain more emotional maturity and be able to step out and really be more of an observer in situations, which again, I think the family is like the last place to do that cause it’s like you said, it’s harder and you can start with friends, but I think asking yourself, like, am I showing up to fully express myself or am I showing up to prove a point or am I showing up?
30:47: To like make them see me.
30:49: I think when you can start to identify those feelings that are like the underneath, you realize, one, I think you create a safer space for yourself to express in front of your family specifically, and I think that you realize sometimes there’s nothing to be said.
31:04: Like sometimes you can just be with the family dynamic and you don’t, you can just be there.
31:10: You can just, and that is your fullest expression.
31:13: Sometimes it’s not words.
31:14: Sometimes it’s just being there.
31:16: I think when I started listening more and observing more, I really recognized that oftentimes when I felt I needed to speak, it was because I wasn’t feeling seen versus when I started seeing myself a lot of times, even most recently, like I live with my family too.
31:31: , at this moment, maybe not by the time this podcast is released, I’m just kidding, but I holding the vision, I realize now like I say a lot less.
31:42: I say a lot less and I seek a lot less from them, and it feels like a very healthy place for me specifically to be, but I think when I first started speaking my truth, I was loud and I said a lot.
31:55: I love that you said that because David talks about this too.
31:58: David Guilla in the course that we’re doing and he talks about he’s like when you’re coming from a place of lack, like, are you showing up to a conversation because you want to take from someone and like taking looks like receiving their validation, trying to get them to make you feel worthy, reminding you that you’re loving, so you’re trying to take from them.
32:14: So you’re not just like coming into a conversation because you want to add value.
32:18: Like you’re coming into the conversation because you want to prove something, you want to receive something, you want to take something from them.
32:24: And I think that is such a beautiful like, I feel like the whole episode should just be about that where it’s like, are you sharing because you feel called to share?
32:33: Are you sharing because you’re so deeply wanting to be heard and you want everyone to hear you like that energy is like, OK, so what if they don’t hear you, you know, I think you have to be OK.
32:42: With never being seen or heard by your family specifically.
32:45: And, well, anyone for sure, but I think, I think when you start expressing yourself, you will find the people who see you.
32:52: You know, so I think, but in the family, you may never have a family that sees you fully in the way you want to be seen, and that’s OK.
32:58: I think you have to find that understanding and be OK with it.
33:02: And then oftentimes I think your family actually ends up surprising you when you let go of the expectation of being seen.
33:09: Not always.
33:09: I mean, some people maybe you won’t be seen, but I think like to break that down, like personally, I think the more unattached you can be from being seen in any relationship, that’s what that is.
33:20: I do think that when you want to find the people that meet you, you’re gonna hold a high kind of standard that I’m only gonna love or I’m only gonna welcome or surround myself with people that do meet me and like that’s a standard that you get to create for yourself, but At the end of the day, coming from a place of like an attachment, whether you see me or not see me, you will be surprised more than not because your reality is like, well, I’m gonna put myself out there and if you have an experience being seen, you’re going to experience people not seeing you and you’ll continue to get that lesson over and over again until you learn that you are perfect as you are and you see you and that’s all that matters.
33:53: 100% agree.
33:55: Yeah, so I think I hope that you guys found this episode really helpful, because Samantha and I have both navigated this so many times and I think there’s still opportunities for this in general and we wanted to have a very specific conversation about what it looks like to find your fullest expression itself and then evolve into that and how you bring into family dynamics because they know you in ways that not a lot of people know you and they’ve been a part of your life for the longest time.
34:21: Yeah.
34:22: Yeah, anything else you want to say?
34:23: Just that also it takes time to evolve within a family unit when you’re finding your fullest expression.
34:30: So understanding that even if right now you’re in a rocky place with your family, like it can change, and I would don’t let that stop you from expressing yourself.
34:41: So good.
34:41: And however you get there is perfect.
34:43: I think that’s like the other thing, right?
34:44: So like wherever you are on the journey of like learning to Use your voice to learning how to be unattached from people seeing you, to wanting to take space from your family so you can recalibrate like there’s just so much that hap that is happening when you are embodying your fullest expressed self from a very confident and grounding space so you can show up in your most authentic loving space and not want to take or receive validation from others.
35:10: It makes me think of that, have you ever seen that graph?
35:13: It’s like a picture of two graphs and one is the path we think we’re on, and it’s just like this linear straight line like where we’re headed at the end goal and it’s like the actual path is just this up and down bumpy like the heart rate monitor going up and down.
35:26: And I think that the more you can recognize that, the better you’ll be letting go.
35:31: Yeah.
35:31: And if you take one thing away from this episode, that’s it.
35:34: Like that’s perfect.
35:35: Like whatever you heard from this episode that applies to you today and meets you in that way, that is where you are on that road.
35:40: , and then you’re going to find your next thing.
35:44: Thank you so much for tuning in today.
35:46: Thank you.
35:48: See you on the next one.
35:48: See you on the next one.
35:50: Thank you so much for tuning in.
35:52: We really appreciate you being here.
35:54: If you enjoyed this episode, we’d be grateful if you could leave us a review and share it with a friend.
35:59: Also, we would love to hear from you.
36:01: Reach out to us on Instagram and let us know where you feel inspired to express yourself as you embrace this next era.
36:09: We’re here to support you and encourage you.
36:11: Before we go, we want to remind you that you are powerful and deserving a fully Expressing who you are.
36:17: Embracing your journey toward authenticity is a vital part of that process, and we’re grateful to be alongside you.
36:23: If you’re looking to dive deeper and connect with others who celebrate their true selves, we invite you to join our community.
36:29: It’s a virtual space for connection and accountability where you can share your experiences and grow together.
36:35: You can find the link in our show notes.
36:38: We can’t wait to welcome you.
36:39: See you on the next one.
0:04: We’re your host Karenna and Samantha.
0:06: This show is your permission slip to stop holding back.
0:10: Here we talk about what it really means to live unapologetically you in your relationships, your business, and your everyday life.
0:17: We believe the most magnetic version of you is rooted in self-expression, honesty, vulnerability, and showing up fully as you are.
0:24: When you own that, you naturally attract the people, the opportunities, and the life that is meant for you.
0:30: Today’s episode is a solo episode with Karenna and I, and we are talking all about family dynamics, the good, the bad, the ugly, everything in between, and how to show up as your fullest expressed self.
0:43: So something that a lot of people don’t really talk about is when you’re starting to step into your most fullest expressed self, whether that’s authentic or not apogelic or boldly, maybe your family knows a different version of you.
0:55: So when you’re returning back to Thanksgiving or for holidays, like how do you show up More as you, whether people are not fully on board with you, and what does it look like to step into your most confident self and be who you really want to be, even if your family doesn’t fully understand who this version of you is yet.
1:13: So we hope that you enjoy this episode and that you really walk away feeling like you can be your fullest expressed self in your family and beyond.
1:23: Yep, you’ll get the tools, exactly what you need to do when you listen to it.
1:28: Have a good time.
1:30: So let’s talk about what it looks like to be your fullest expressed self and family.
1:34: And I feel like this is such an important topic because our families are how we relate to our families has been a part of us for the longest time, right?
1:44: Like from the way that we were kids to we were older, there’s this long-term relationship, kind of like we were talking about with Bailey, right?
1:50: Like we’ve been this way, we’ve been programmed this way.
1:53: And so, One thing I think a lot of us struggle with or can struggle with is as like as you’re stepping into becoming more of your fullest express self, really coming into stepping into your confidence, really coming into sharing your own opinions, really coming into evolving in your own way, there could be this sense of unease as to like how will my mom take it?
2:11: How will my dad take it?
2:14: And We don’t really know how to do that.
2:16: It’s kind of like when you go, like we’re gonna have like a holiday episode one day and like you’ve been healing and then all of a sudden you get put in front of your family and then you get triggered all over again.
2:24: You’re like, wait, these wounds haven’t been here because in such a, in a year, but I’m seeing them and then you get activated.
2:29: Yeah, Ram Das says if you think you’re enlightened, go spend two weeks with your family.
2:34: Yeah, exactly.
2:35: I also think siblings are interesting too because they hold on to our old identities and even not just your parents, but like if you have siblings, that’s also another layer.
2:44: Of trying to unravel when you’re showing up as a new version of yourself to get them to see like what that looks like to see who you are as this adult version of yourself versus like the sibling dynamic you had when you were younger.
2:58: I know you have a sister.
2:59: I have a brother.
3:00: So yeah, as you’re bringing that up, like I’m already kind of getting into like problem solving mode because I think my, I’ve always had that with my sister, like the way that we related to one another and as we were changing, I was like, I remember like specific fights that we get into and I’m like, I’m starting to find my voice and she’s like yelling at me even louder and I’m like, you never listen to me because I never had a voice, you know, as someone who was like really quiet.
3:22: But now that as you said that, something that I’ve like realized is like because I thought that she wasn’t going to accept the new me.
3:31: I was projecting on to her that I wasn’t gonna accept her knew her, you know, and I think something that happens when relationships transition is like, what does it look like?
3:41: To date again to like get to know someone again and kind of get to know that new version of them.
3:47: But I felt like since like you know when you judge someone it’s because you’re judging yourself.
3:51: It’s the same situation with my sister specifically.
3:53: I was like because I was holding, I thought she was holding onto this version of me.
3:57: It’s because I was also holding a version of her.
4:00: I love that.
4:01: Can you speak a little further into that like What did, what did the shift look like to navigate like learning to find a new version of each other?
4:10: Well, I think there was definitely some like tension because a lot of like myself, like the way I like to look at like transformation or like stepping into my own thing like we’re always going through this like recalibration period.
4:19: It’s a new air, like a new season of how we relate to one another.
4:23: And I think a lot of the times the inner conflict that we feel is like honestly, not like self sabotage, but we’re kind of creating the story in front of us.
4:32: And so I think inviting my sister and specifically or inviting my mom into things, I haven’t really done this with my dad as much, but like with my mom and my sister like inviting them into the conversation is like I’m wanting to show up differently and I’m nervous about that.
4:48: I don’t know what you’re going to think.
4:49: I have my opinions and it can also evolve into you not having to do that at all.
4:53: But I think there’s like the healing that you have to do on yourself to be like, OK, what does it look like for me to be emotionally safe in this relationship?
5:01: Whether they create the emotional safety or not.
5:04: And I think that’s like the ultimate challenge because we cannot control.
5:07: how other people respond to us.
5:09: 100%.
5:10: I agree.
5:11: I think one of the biggest healing, healings and like healing lessons for myself was recognizing that I may never have the relationship with my mom that I like I thought I wanted or thought I needed.
5:24: And when I accepted her for who she was, like, one, she surprised me in ways that she has shown up over the years, like in moments where I didn’t think she was capable of showing up in that way, but also like I recognized I don’t need that from her.
5:36: I could just be who I am and she can meet me where I’m at, wherever she’s at.
5:41: Like I don’t have to have her see all of me.
5:43: I can see all of myself and like accepting her for exactly who she was and not holding her to expectations that she’s not capable of meeting.
5:50: And I think that oftentimes like when we’re going through this transition of expressing ourselves more fully and Speaking our truth more, we want them to see us and be, especially our parents.
6:01: We’re like, see me, I’m here, look at me showing up.
6:04: I’m so awesome.
6:05: Like, can’t you see how great I am?
6:07: And I think when you can give that validation to yourself, like what you’re speaking to of like being OK within, you recognize that you don’t actually need it from them anymore because you’re giving it to yourself.
6:19: What were some of the things that you so deeply wanted your mom to see you for?
6:22: , I think, you know, I look back on my childhood and like I went to a school where there was only 20 kids in the class and we stayed together from preschool all the way to 5th grade until I left the school and there were only 7 girls and it was the same 7 girls and every single mother was a stay at home mom except for my mom.
6:42: And so I always wanted my mom to like be at the PTA or like.
6:47: On the field trips and she was always working.
6:49: And I think even now as an adult, like, it’s really interesting.
6:54: My brother and I have an interesting dynamic, we could speak to.
6:58: But my mom spends a lot of her time focused on my brother and she has my whole life.
7:03: Like, I think they just connect, they get each other.
7:06: They have a different connection.
7:08: My brother’s very, he was very like analytical and, and school-minded and all these things.
7:14: And I’m very creative and my parents are both lawyers.
7:16: Like they just related to him.
7:18: Now as an adult, I realized that.
7:19: Like they related to him and I was kind of like the wild card.
7:22: They’re like, I don’t know how to relate to you, but I think I wanted her to relate to me.
7:25: I wanted her to like do art with me or be interested in the things I was interested in.
7:30: And even recently as an adult, my mom said something like she said, oh, you never really tell me anything about yourself.
7:39: And I said to her, well, you don’t really ask anything.
7:41: And she goes, well, I didn’t know I needed to ask.
7:45: And my, and I think the reason she said, she said that is because my brother just talks about himself a lot, you know, I mean, bless his heart.
7:51: I love him, but he’s more seeking her validation.
7:56: And because I’m not seeking the validation, like if she asked me questions, I would love to answer them, but I don’t think she actually wants to or maybe isn’t capable.
8:03: capable of getting to know me in that depth.
8:05: That’s just not who, that’s not our dynamic.
8:08: I don’t want to say that’s not who she is.
8:09: That’s just not our dynamic.
8:11: So I think for a very, very, very long time, I wanted that depth with her.
8:15: I wanted her to see like all the parts of me, the creative parts of me.
8:18: Like even when I would do an art project, this is just an interesting story.
8:22: We would do, I would do an art project and She would be like, oh, that’s nice, like cute, or just like very dismissive of it from my perception.
8:32: I wanted her to be like, wow, you’re so talented.
8:35: That’s so amazing, you know.
8:36: And my aunt who I was close with was like way more supportive.
8:39: And so I would give a lot of my art projects to my aunt because she was like, you’re amazing.
8:43: You could do anything.
8:44: Like she was super into it and supportive and like so grateful for any of those things.
8:49: And so I think I like resonated the mother energy with her more.
8:52: But then when I was older, my mom shared with me that like she, that really hurt her, that I never really gave my art to her, that I always gave it to my aunt.
8:59: And I recognized as an adult that that connection, it wasn’t there for whatever reason, like we were missing each other and it wasn’t that she didn’t want it.
9:07: She just didn’t know how to meet me there.
9:09: There’s so much to unpack there.
9:12: Well, I think what’s interesting in your story that I like came through as you were talking, I think there’s also this element of missing each other happens when we expect people to meet us like that.
9:21: But I think when we talk about this in like early childhood, like, you’re not talking like a little girl going up to your mom and being like, I want you to ask me about me.
9:29: You know what I mean?
9:30: Like they’re not taught to say those things.
9:32: They’re not really taught to say those things, but we are constantly receiving the thing or not having the thing being met and then we make that our reality and then we get upset about it when we’re older, whatever that looks like, and then we grow up and we’re like, well, we can have this whole different perspective.
9:45: That was like my perception of the situation.
9:47: But also like I think our mothers, my father, anyone that relates to me like they’re having their own perception of the situation.
9:54: I think that is growth.
9:57: And so I think the struggle is like, how do we have that awareness like that above vision, the observer role that I like to talk about like become the observer.
10:06: But also integrated that into reality.
10:08: And when we talk about integrating that in reality, it’s like speaking up and asking for what you want and saying what you want and having the harder conversations and we get to do that in older life and I think one of us, it takes us to take the action to be like I’m going to express myself fully whether they understand or not.
10:23: And It’s really nerve-wracking.
10:26: Like I can have like visuals of like me starting to step into my voice and me thinking something and I’m like, wow, I, I also end up, I’ve experienced like in expressing my voice with my mom, my sister, whatever.
10:37: It was weird, not because of how they would respond, but it was also weird because I never spoke.
10:43: So it was weird to let myself speak in relationship with them.
10:47: And like there is like recalibration period of like holy shit, that’s what Kinna’s voice sounds like, like.
10:51: I know it sounds weird, but there’s like this like I haven’t heard my voice before, so that in itself is like a wow moment, especially if you felt like muted or silenced or not listened to or not heard or not felt or like let’s say for you, I don’t know if it’s like this for you, but like if you were expressing yourself creatively and you’re like making art, and then all of a sudden you’re going to your mom and you’re just showing her your art, you’re like maybe at first it’ll be like, well, this is weird.
11:16: I don’t know if she really wants to hear it, but like I’m gonna bring.
11:19: it anyways and it’s like it’s like this weird element because you’ve never done it before.
11:24: Or that’s not how you related to I don’t get it.
11:26: I’m like it’s OK.
11:27: You don’t have to get it.
11:28: Yeah, and then that’s the key, but you’re talking about it’s like, OK, how do I still create the piece, say the thing, whether they get it or not.
11:37: And I think we’re constantly trying to find safety and like do they get it?
11:40: There’s so much safety and understanding.
11:42: There’s so much safety and like oh they want this of me.
11:45: I think.
11:46: Where I think where parents are invited and even for us as friends, like if there’s friends in our world that we don’t get why they’re doing it, but to them it means so much to them or they say something.
11:57: I’m like, cool, tell me more.
11:58: I might not resonate with you, but how can I still bring the level of excitement that you bring so I can see you even though I don’t get it.
12:05: I think we so deeply want that.
12:08: But in older traditions that isn’t so easy and so how do you continue to be yourself even though you’re not being met is like the the question of the day.
12:18: Two things I have, first of all, I have to laugh because you said like you as you found your voice, you got louder.
12:23: I definitely went through a period.
12:24: time, even when I met Austin, he was like, why are you yelling?
12:28: Why?
12:28: And I used to be really shy and really quiet.
12:31: And then when I started finding my voice, like, I didn’t even realize I was yelling.
12:35: He’s like, I’m right here, you know what the opposite Nick is the opposite.
12:38: He’s like, I’m like, babe, I’m yelling.
12:39: He’s like, you’re not yelling.
12:41: Because to me it was loud.
12:43: OK, but, but to you to Austin it was loud.
12:45: So like I feel like in Austin it was actually like quite a few friends would be like, you’re talking really loud.
12:50: I’m like I am, I couldn’t hear it because for so long I just said nothing.
12:53: So then I was like, oh, I’m here.
12:55: Here’s my voice, but I love.
12:56: But you were quiet and you’re like, hi, I’m here and you’re like, I’m sorry, I’m yelling.
13:01: No, I feel like normal like Nick and I are like fighting or whatever.
13:04: I’m like, babe, I’m so sorry I’m yelling at you.
13:05: He’s like, you are not yelling at you.
13:08: But his, his experience with like people in his life have yelled.
13:11: He’s like, I’ve heard yelling.
13:12: Yeah, but to your to the question of the day, right?
13:16: It’s like how do you continue to show up?
13:18: It’s really interesting because personally for me, I’ve never cared what strangers think ever.
13:22: That’s never been an issue for me.
13:24: Like I’ve, for whatever reason I’m able to show up and like fully be me and I don’t give a damn, at least as an adult.
13:30: But for years, I cared so much what my family thought.
13:33: Like they were the end all be all be all for me and it’s ironic because my parents until I met Austin, I never even realized that my parents really didn’t see me in the depth of who I am, in the way I wanted to be seen.
13:46: Whether they see, I mean, I can’t speak for them because they have their own perception.
13:50: But it was interesting because it felt like a never-ending loop of me seeking their validation, but never feeling like I was receiving it.
13:56: And I think that when you start to really show up fully expressed and you start to validate yourself, you don’t crave their validation as much.
14:07: And You start to actually see the like the faults in them or the and I don’t even mean that in a negative way, but I think I started to realize like, oh, they’re not gods.
14:17: Like when we’re kids, our parents are everything to us.
14:19: And I think like if they approved of me then that, then I made it.
14:24: Yeah, and you start to realize like, oh, like some of my family is kind of fucked up.
14:29: You know, or they have their own shit going on, like they’re doing the best they can, or even with my mom, like my mom, I’m sure she could have deeper conversations if she really wanted to.
14:37: I think she’s afraid.
14:38: She’s afraid to go into those, into the discomfort because she came from such abuse as a child, which now I understand.
14:45: And I’m like, oh, she doesn’t want to touch that because that’s too painful.
14:49: And I’ve Seen it come out in moments of vulnerability, so I know it’s there.
14:53: And instead of trying to like force that, I just accepted her for what she’s willing to like meet me at.
14:58: And I think that’s the key is like, and I, and I know you could speak to your mom, you guys have your own dynamic, but I feel like when you can meet them where they’re at and you stop like trying to push them further, trying to get them to do.
15:10: You know, to be something different than they can be in the moment.
15:13: I think personally it sounds like you went through something similar, or maybe you haven’t, but I personally went through these stages where I was like, OK, I’m gonna find my voice.
15:21: OK, great.
15:22: I’m gonna start doing that with my friends.
15:23: Awesome, started doing that.
15:24: Some friends went away, some friends stayed, new friends came, new friends were easy.
15:28: Like slam dunk.
15:29: I’m like, I don’t even have, you don’t know me at all.
15:31: I can just literally be whoever the fuck I want to be.
15:34: Those are the phases and then I went to like my parents and I specifically went with my mom and like the thing that I like my mom, I remember a specific fight that we had.
15:41: I was like, you’re always trying to fix me or problem solve.
15:44: I just want you to hear me.
15:46: And that’s what she was saying.
15:48: I was saying, you know, she was like when I would call her, I was like in a moment of like I just want to be heard.
15:53: I don’t want to be fixed.
15:53: I don’t want to problem solve.
15:54: I’ve got it.
15:55: I know what I need to fucking do.
15:57: I just want to be seen in my situation and we would go head to head and completely miss each other and I was like, Mom, I just want you to hear me.
16:05: And when I got to that level of like yelling, it wasn’t like it felt like I was doing.
16:10: Yeah, but it was, it kind of was yelling, but I guess or yelling, Kreta yelling because Nick laughs at me.
16:16: but I felt like I needed to say that because I felt that my entire life.
16:22: Now, as I’ve evolved, I’ve gone to the place with you where I’m like, OK, my mom might hear me in that and like now we have these like conversations where I’m like, do you want advice?
16:31: Do you want to get, you want to be heard?
16:33: You want me to validate you?
16:34: We’ve learned our.
16:35: Like ways.
16:36: But it really did start with me just accepting her and accepting my sister, accepting who they are and like meeting them and it has been the most beautiful gift to bring it back to you is like, oh my gosh, I can actually see them for who they are and who they get to be versus like me making them want to be in a certain box.
16:53: And I was like the last thing I want to be is put in a box and I was trying to force them into a box so I could feel better.
16:58: So I could feel validated and I think Why am I going to put that pressure on them when they want to love me?
17:03: They’re just loving me in the way that they can and what they have capacity for instead of me getting upset with how they perceive me.
17:09: Yeah, and I think I was gonna add to that is that like that’s also recognizing that they’re meeting you where they can meet you and you’re showing up at your fullest capacity and maybe it’s like sometimes it’s a connection and sometimes it’s a little bit of a miss, but I think when you can love them through that and realize that they’re doing their best, maybe to them that’s their, that’s their, they’re at their edge, you know, like we don’t, I feel like we tell all these stories with our family and it’s so interesting like the journey of childhood into adulthood because you have such a different view of your family when you’re young and then you get older and you’re reflecting or you’re healing your trauma or you’re doing all these things you’re like, oh, that really wasn’t what I thought it was when we were younger, you know, but I agree, I think.
17:53: You show up anyways, and there is this period of discomfort that I think we all go through when you start to fully express yourself because there’s a recalibration and your relationships do shift and sometimes they shift for the better.
18:06: And, you know, it’s different with family like, yes, you could write your family off, but oftentimes that’s not really what we’re doing or what we want to do.
18:13: But it’s like you show up anyways and you keep expressing yourself regardless of how they receive it.
18:18: Yeah, totally.
18:19: I will also say like, I will express the like if you If it’s tight, the tension is hard and you’re trying to like fit a round hole into a square peg or whatever, you know, it’s, I think it’s also OK to take some time to like go heal and not force yourself into this like relationship like with my parents specifically like my I with my mom, I think we took like 6 months of not talking.
18:40: I went through a period of not talking about my mom and it wasn’t necessarily like because and I could have felt bad about that, but like I needed to find.
18:47: Healing on my own.
18:48: Like I’ve mentioned this before, like a really good coach once said there’s healing in the moment and there’s healing outside the moment and I think the opportunities where we get triggered or activated or our shit comes up or we’re just feeling like wounded or still unseen or not heard.
19:02: That’s my work to go go do and be like, OK, what stories am I creating?
19:07: Which ones that I experienced in like little Corea or like how is it showing up in my life and I don’t think that we have to constantly want our families to fix that for us.
19:18: It’s up to us to fix it, but there’s something about wanting your mom or your dad to fix it, you know, like to be the heel, like they’re gonna give you the magic wand and say like I love you so fully and I’m gonna be blessed and I think because we want that so bad, sometimes we’re just completely missing on how our parents love us today.
19:37: And so I took some time, like 6 months, I think it was or maybe longer, or we didn’t talk because we’re just missing each other and we were doing more harm than good because we were both trying to meet each other but we just didn’t know how and I had to take some time.
19:50: Yeah, and I think I love that.
19:52: I think there’s nothing wrong with that.
19:54: I think when you do that, you’re also, it’s almost like you’re emotionally going out of that childhood dynamic into adulthood and with your family specifically, because you’re giving yourself a period to re-evaluate who you are.
20:07: Outside of that unit.
20:09: And sometimes you can’t when you’re living with them or when you’re constantly talking to them, you don’t even have the capacity or the space to reflect something like that, to realize, oh, I need to identify who I am, Samantha or Corina, outside of that total unit.
20:25: And I think about like, you know, we chose our parents before we came to this earth, right?
20:30: So God literally said, I’m gonna give you the parents that you need to evolve.
20:34: Yeah, maybe not the ones you want, not the ones that you want or you need, but you chose them, right?
20:38: Like I hear, I’ve heard David Gilham talk about like, you know, you’re an adopted child and you, you become the adopted child.
20:44: You chose those parents because you were adopted because your soul was here to evolve and and heal into the it’s next level of whatever.
20:53: and I keep that in my mind because I’m like whatever timeline you’re on because I specifically remembered like me blowing up with my mom was like, When I moved to like San Diego, it was like 2020, 2021, and now I live with her and like I was worried going home to be like, oh shit, is all of our shit gonna come up?
21:10: Am I gonna be like so overwhelmed by like being around her?
21:13: If anything, like it has been healing because I kind of went through my season that I needed to be able to come home and not be activated as much and like being able to express myself.
21:23: Yes, there’s still moments where I’m like.
21:25: Mom, you’re talking so much and you’re not listening, but I’m able to accept her and love her and not react as much because I’m like, OK, you be you.
21:33: I want you to be you.
21:34: I’m not gonna like mute you because I want to be loud and louder.
21:38: I think that’s such a beautiful thing and I, it makes me think actually about one of the, maybe not first conversations we had like in our friendship, but I remember we were at the beach in La Jolla and we were talking about moms and you were asking me like how I got to that place of accepting her for who she was.
21:52: I can’t remember the whole conversation.
21:54: But it, it does make me realize to like the other side of things is when you start to become fully expressed, you and you kind of become more emotionally mature and you’re healing these things, it’s really easy to, to want to change our parents to like, oh well, I see this and this and this, because speaking to what I was earlier is like you start to see them as humans and not as your parents and you’re like, But I see all this potential in you.
22:18: I see where your blocks are.
22:20: I see where you’re not showing up fully, where you’re not like being your most expressed self.
22:24: And I think that’s the next step is speaking to what you’ve really done well and worked on that I’ve seen and to what you’re just saying is like, oh, I love and accept you for exactly who you are.
22:34: And if you never reach this level of actualization or change, like, beautiful, that’s OK.
22:40: Instead of, there’s definitely, I, I, I think you went through it.
22:43: I definitely went through it of like, But mom, like, I need you to, like, what if we just talked about this more?
22:48: What if you like, you need to like, especially with my mom’s health, like I’m always like, Mom, you could do so much more.
22:53: Like you’re not, you’re just skating by in the health world.
22:57: Like you have Hashimoto’s, like there’s all these things that you could do to help you.
23:00: She’s been on the same Synthroid medication for 35 years or 50 years now.
23:04: , and I had to just let that go because that’s not, she doesn’t, that’s not her thing.
23:09: Like she’s just not interested and I had to just be like, OK, I love you no matter what, what you’re talking to.
23:14: I think it’s just like getting on board is like every person, every human, every soul has its own timeline and like as much as we want to like control as to like how they get there, where they get there, or like if we see things in them and you’re like, you can get here faster if you just do this.
23:28: It’s like Shit, I have to let you honestly move through the motions yourself because this is your opportunity to evolve and like I by me trying to tell you what to do, I can’t get you there any faster.
23:40: And that’s also really hard, especially as you start to grow into your own awareness and you start to evolve that, but it’s really beautiful that you’re able to like be like, OK, I’m just not, I’m not going to be that person to tell you how to work on your health, but I will support you.
23:54: I will love you.
23:55: I will be with it with you if you need me to.
23:57: But maybe I’m not that person.
23:59: I think it was Wayne Dyer or Ram Dass, one of them said, you know, that when you try to fix someone else or solve their problems, like you’re doing them a disservice because you’re blocking them on their own path, like you’re actually could be impeding their lessons by trying to fix it for them.
24:12: And I think that I think about that a lot when I feel like I knew what was best for them, you know, and now that I realized like I don’t want to be told what to do, like I don’t want them to dictate who I am as a fully expressed person, so why would I do that to them?
24:26: And I think that is Another layer of fully expressing yourself of like letting go of that need to control, even going back to what you said, like control the perception of how your, how your family is perceiving you, how they’re taking you in, or like it’s not your problem what anyone else thinks of you.
24:44: And I think it’s the hardest to live by that inside your family.
24:47: Oh, for sure.
24:48: I mean, especially I feel like there’s different dynamics like maybe you felt like quote unquote the black sheep of your family your whole life and you’re the one that your family doesn’t agree with, see with, whatever, or maybe you’re the golden child and you grew up being the golden child and then all of a sudden you start coming into a lot of different opinions.
25:06: You’re like, well, I don’t wanna mess up the weather feathers, you know, whatever, like I’m the golden child.
25:10: They love me.
25:12: So I think I’m the favorite.
25:14: I can’t mess that up, you know, I think there’s just like different dynamics and I will also say like, how do I say this?
25:20: There’s so much healing that we get to do on our own and yes, it’s a mirror and yes, we don’t want to manage how they’re perceiving us.
25:26: And if there is a family member that is disrespectful, you can absolutely distance yourself 100%.
25:32: And I don’t think you necessarily have to make it work.
25:35: You can also set boundaries like energetic boundaries as to what does it look like because I think in some, maybe we have the awareness and The consciousness to see how things are playing out.
25:48: However, maybe they don’t and they still attack you and they still maybe call you names or give you stabs, you know, like people, when people are hurt, you know, they can like really stab you.
25:57: And I think in those moments, you have to also realize like, let them, you know, let them, but distance yourself too like you’re not responsible for fixing how they speak to you.
26:08: you can defend yourself, but also you can distance yourself and create a boundary if you need to.
26:12: Yeah, I agree with that.
26:14: Because I think especially like I don’t know.
26:18: You start to come into your own political views and all of a sudden politics gets brought up at the table and they’re like, Who do you think you are?
26:24: Da da da da like they’re attacking you and it’s like, OK, well, I’m not here to get attacked.
26:28: Like if you want to have a good conversation about this, I’m here to lean in, but I’m not gonna harm myself.
26:32: So I can be my fullest expression.
26:34: I mean, that’s my personal opinion.
26:35: Like I think I will express myself and set my boundary, but I will also keep an energetic boundary because sometimes some fights are not worth fighting.
26:43: Yeah.
26:44: You kind of have to pick like where do you want to like lean in and where you don’t.
26:48: Yeah, I think being fully expressed doesn’t mean you have to be right.
26:51: It’s just being fully open to who you are and sharing that no matter what situation you are in or are in.
27:00: Yep, exactly.
27:01: It’s like sharing your opinion even though.
27:04: You just share what’s on your mind.
27:06: It’s literally just expressing whatever comes up to you without having to perform or shrink or massage or chameleon your way through, right?
27:15: Like there’s so many ways that we try to protect ourselves so that we can make what we say better.
27:21: It is interesting because I think about it, I’ll think about situations where I’ve spoken truth.
27:26: And maybe even later been like, oh, that was like spicy.
27:29: I don’t know if I should have said that, you know, but it’s always received.
27:32: When it comes from a place of authenticity and love, I feel like it’s always received in the moment.
27:37: Now, maybe when people reflect, it’s different, but I, I feel like, at least in my own personal experience when I’ve spoken truth, it’s received well.
27:44: I’ve never gotten like, no, you’re wrong or whatever.
27:46: But when I’m coming from a place of needing to be right, that’s when the conflict comes in.
27:50: And I think in family dining.
27:51: Dynamics, at least from my own experience, that’s the hardest place to come from a place of truth and love and authenticity because we’re just like, all those underlying dynamics are at play.
28:01: And so I think back to situations where I’ve triggered my aunt or my brother or my mom or my dad, and it’s like, oh no, I’m poking the bear.
28:08: Like I’m not coming from a place of love and authenticity.
28:10: I’m just like, ha ha no, see me, you know, like I’m right or let me express myself, but really it’s just like It’s a jab versus an energetic jab, even if the words are not cruel or kind, kind, and you can feel that in your energy.
28:25: Yeah, it’s you know the difference, like you know the difference between like, I’m saying this because I want to jab you and like call you out and like be a little mean or I’m saying this because it’s how I feel and that’s it.
28:37: Like I think when it comes to fully expressing yourself in relationship and especially with family specifically like it’s getting to a point like what you say.
28:46: You’re not responsible for what’s on the other side.
28:47: It just is.
28:49: Some to like what we try and just be like, what if your words were just words, like they were just that.
28:54: Yes, words have a beautiful way of impacting people and they allow people to feel you.
28:59: But what if it was just, you just said it.
29:02: Yeah.
29:02: Like I think about this with like hard conversations.
29:04: I’m like just say it.
29:05: Like it’s OK or like express it, but I can also feel and understand like the emotions that come from it.
29:11: It’s like scary, it’s edgy, yeah.
29:13: , and I want to dive into like what are some practical tools, what are some practical tools that people can do to start to do this and like what I think about is like practice with people like I always say, especially when it comes to expressing yourself, find people that you feel safe with, practice there first.
29:33: And then if it comes to family, like, you know, maybe it’s like out of your, we have a dimension of a 4, so like my sister might be the easiest and then I’ll start practicing with her and then I’ll practice with my mom and then I’ll go to my dad.
29:45: You know, just like tackle everyone at the same time and be like, you know, my family of 20 I’m gonna stand in front of the table and express myself and share my opinions with everyone.
29:53: But I think what we need is like more practice and just finding the opportunities to start expressing ourselves slowly versus thinking like I’m a whole new evolved person.
30:02: I’m gonna come in and Be fully expressed and I don’t care what people think.
30:07: I think we can find like these levels of like practicing and integrating what it really feels like to hear our own voices and those relationships and also learn what it feels like to say something without worrying about what people think on the back end.
30:22: Yeah, I agree with all of those.
30:24: I think too, once you start to do like emotional work and become Gain more emotional maturity and be able to step out and really be more of an observer in situations, which again, I think the family is like the last place to do that cause it’s like you said, it’s harder and you can start with friends, but I think asking yourself, like, am I showing up to fully express myself or am I showing up to prove a point or am I showing up?
30:47: To like make them see me.
30:49: I think when you can start to identify those feelings that are like the underneath, you realize, one, I think you create a safer space for yourself to express in front of your family specifically, and I think that you realize sometimes there’s nothing to be said.
31:04: Like sometimes you can just be with the family dynamic and you don’t, you can just be there.
31:10: You can just, and that is your fullest expression.
31:13: Sometimes it’s not words.
31:14: Sometimes it’s just being there.
31:16: I think when I started listening more and observing more, I really recognized that oftentimes when I felt I needed to speak, it was because I wasn’t feeling seen versus when I started seeing myself a lot of times, even most recently, like I live with my family too.
31:31: , at this moment, maybe not by the time this podcast is released, I’m just kidding, but I holding the vision, I realize now like I say a lot less.
31:42: I say a lot less and I seek a lot less from them, and it feels like a very healthy place for me specifically to be, but I think when I first started speaking my truth, I was loud and I said a lot.
31:55: I love that you said that because David talks about this too.
31:58: David Guilla in the course that we’re doing and he talks about he’s like when you’re coming from a place of lack, like, are you showing up to a conversation because you want to take from someone and like taking looks like receiving their validation, trying to get them to make you feel worthy, reminding you that you’re loving, so you’re trying to take from them.
32:14: So you’re not just like coming into a conversation because you want to add value.
32:18: Like you’re coming into the conversation because you want to prove something, you want to receive something, you want to take something from them.
32:24: And I think that is such a beautiful like, I feel like the whole episode should just be about that where it’s like, are you sharing because you feel called to share?
32:33: Are you sharing because you’re so deeply wanting to be heard and you want everyone to hear you like that energy is like, OK, so what if they don’t hear you, you know, I think you have to be OK.
32:42: With never being seen or heard by your family specifically.
32:45: And, well, anyone for sure, but I think, I think when you start expressing yourself, you will find the people who see you.
32:52: You know, so I think, but in the family, you may never have a family that sees you fully in the way you want to be seen, and that’s OK.
32:58: I think you have to find that understanding and be OK with it.
33:02: And then oftentimes I think your family actually ends up surprising you when you let go of the expectation of being seen.
33:09: Not always.
33:09: I mean, some people maybe you won’t be seen, but I think like to break that down, like personally, I think the more unattached you can be from being seen in any relationship, that’s what that is.
33:20: I do think that when you want to find the people that meet you, you’re gonna hold a high kind of standard that I’m only gonna love or I’m only gonna welcome or surround myself with people that do meet me and like that’s a standard that you get to create for yourself, but At the end of the day, coming from a place of like an attachment, whether you see me or not see me, you will be surprised more than not because your reality is like, well, I’m gonna put myself out there and if you have an experience being seen, you’re going to experience people not seeing you and you’ll continue to get that lesson over and over again until you learn that you are perfect as you are and you see you and that’s all that matters.
33:53: 100% agree.
33:55: Yeah, so I think I hope that you guys found this episode really helpful, because Samantha and I have both navigated this so many times and I think there’s still opportunities for this in general and we wanted to have a very specific conversation about what it looks like to find your fullest expression itself and then evolve into that and how you bring into family dynamics because they know you in ways that not a lot of people know you and they’ve been a part of your life for the longest time.
34:21: Yeah.
34:22: Yeah, anything else you want to say?
34:23: Just that also it takes time to evolve within a family unit when you’re finding your fullest expression.
34:30: So understanding that even if right now you’re in a rocky place with your family, like it can change, and I would don’t let that stop you from expressing yourself.
34:41: So good.
34:41: And however you get there is perfect.
34:43: I think that’s like the other thing, right?
34:44: So like wherever you are on the journey of like learning to Use your voice to learning how to be unattached from people seeing you, to wanting to take space from your family so you can recalibrate like there’s just so much that hap that is happening when you are embodying your fullest expressed self from a very confident and grounding space so you can show up in your most authentic loving space and not want to take or receive validation from others.
35:10: It makes me think of that, have you ever seen that graph?
35:13: It’s like a picture of two graphs and one is the path we think we’re on, and it’s just like this linear straight line like where we’re headed at the end goal and it’s like the actual path is just this up and down bumpy like the heart rate monitor going up and down.
35:26: And I think that the more you can recognize that, the better you’ll be letting go.
35:31: Yeah.
35:31: And if you take one thing away from this episode, that’s it.
35:34: Like that’s perfect.
35:35: Like whatever you heard from this episode that applies to you today and meets you in that way, that is where you are on that road.
35:40: , and then you’re going to find your next thing.
35:44: Thank you so much for tuning in today.
35:46: Thank you.
35:48: See you on the next one.
35:48: See you on the next one.
35:50: Thank you so much for tuning in.
35:52: We really appreciate you being here.
35:54: If you enjoyed this episode, we’d be grateful if you could leave us a review and share it with a friend.
35:59: Also, we would love to hear from you.
36:01: Reach out to us on Instagram and let us know where you feel inspired to express yourself as you embrace this next era.
36:09: We’re here to support you and encourage you.
36:11: Before we go, we want to remind you that you are powerful and deserving a fully Expressing who you are.
36:17: Embracing your journey toward authenticity is a vital part of that process, and we’re grateful to be alongside you.
36:23: If you’re looking to dive deeper and connect with others who celebrate their true selves, we invite you to join our community.
36:29: It’s a virtual space for connection and accountability where you can share your experiences and grow together.
36:35: You can find the link in our show notes.
36:38: We can’t wait to welcome you.
36:39: See you on the next one.
In this episode, we explore:
- What it looks like when your family holds onto an old version of you
- The fear of: “Will they accept the new me?”
- How to navigate being fully expressed around parents, siblings, or relatives
- The process of getting to know your family again—and letting them get to know you
- Triggers that come up within family dynamics and how to move through them
- The mirror effect: How judgment you feel from others often reflects self-judgment
- How to invite your family into a conversation about your growth
- Healing for yourself—even when your family doesn’t fully understand or accept it
- Accepting and loving your parents for who they are, and letting them surprise you
- Letting go of expectations and opening to connection as it is
- How to practice, express, and integrate your truth while staying in relationship
Whether you’re headed home for the holidays, in the middle of a family transition, or simply trying to find peace between your healing and your roots—this conversation is here to remind you: You can honor your growth and your family. You can be fully expressed without needing others to fully understand.
This is the bridge between self-liberation and relational compassion.
Join The Fully Expressed Community, where you can be surrounded by other women who are also on the same path of personal growth, healing, and uncovering their authentic expression. Being in a community surrounded by others can truly be one of the most supporting and healing containers to support your personal invitation.
LET’S CONNECT!
The Fully Expressed Community: https://thefullyexpressedpodcast.com/the-fully-expressed-community/ –
The Fully Expressed Podcast with Karenna Website: https://www.instagram.com/thefullyexpressedpodcast/
The Fully Expressed Podcast with Karenna Instagram Profile: https://thefullyexpressedpodcast.com/podcast/
Karenna’s Personal Brand Instagram Profile: https://www.instagram.com/iamkarennasoto/
Contact Karenna: hello@karennasoto.com
