Join us for a candid and transformative conversation with sexuality coach and embodiment guide Heidi Revay, as we explore how to reclaim pleasure, deepen intimacy, and fully inhabit your body.
0:02: Welcome to the Fully Expressed podcast where your host Karenna and Samantha.
0:06: This show is your permission slip to stop holding back.
0:10: Here we talk about what it really means to live unapologetically you in your relationships, your business, and your everyday life.
0:17: We believe the most magnetic version of you is rooted in self-expression, honesty, vulnerability, and showing up fully as you are.
0:24: When you own that, you naturally attract the people, the opportunities, and the life that is meant for you.
0:29: In today’s conversation, we’re so excited to share with you the depths of what’s available to us through our sexuality, our sensuality, and through our pleasure.
0:38: We know that there is so much available to us when we dive into our sexual energy, which is connected to our creativity.
0:45: This episode, our guest is Heidi Revay, who is an intimacy and love coach who helps ambitious heart-led women heal the root of their relationship patterns, feel safe in their bodies, and step into their full magnetism in life, love, and purpose.
0:59: With over 20 years of experience and training with leaders like Alison Armstrong, Layla Martin, and John Wineland, Heidi Blen’s embodiment, nervous system.
1:06: healing and archetypal wisdom to guide women back to their true essence.
1:11: Her work is about more than just relationships.
1:14: It’s about liberation, deep self-trust, and reclaiming your personal power.
1:18: What Samantha and I loved about this episode was that we’ve done so much healing when it comes to our own sexuality, our own sensuality, and really connecting back to our bodies.
1:27: Yet there were Still so many beautiful gems in this conversation with Heidi.
1:31: We were able to really learn more about what it would look like to actually expand our threshold for pleasure.
1:37: It was truly one of our favorite conversations.
1:40: If you start to listen or if this conversation sounds like something that you know someone who would want to hear it, we would love for you to share it.
1:47: Without further ado, here is our episode with Heidi.
1:51: Hi, happy to be here.
1:53: So glad to have you.
1:54: Yeah, thank you so much for being here today.
1:56: Yeah, I love how we met because one you got connected to us by a friend and then you went on one of our walks and just like feeling your energy, we were both like.
2:06: I think I wanna get to know her more so we invited you to be on, which I loved because that day I when you guys did What Light Are You?
2:15: The red, green, and yellow, yeah, and I remember sharing like I’m in this yellow to red like I’m so for you to receive that energy like I just see we can show up however we are in truth and you never know.
2:29: We’re like yellow, yes, our people.
2:32: Well, vulnerability and honesty are people, yeah, totally.
2:37: So let’s start there’s so much we wanna unpack and there’s so many things that you do and we haven’t actually had anyone on the podcast talk talk about some of these topics which I feel are somewhat taboo sometimes and uncomfortable for us as women to talk about but also so empowering and we have.
2:54: A lot of friends that do like sex magic and and all that kind of stuff.
2:58: So what got you into like intimacy, love coaching, all this kind of what brought you into this world?
3:04: What’s your story?
3:05: Like give us a little background.
3:07: You know, I was sitting with this because my story, I feel like it changes through the years and If I was to like start from the beginning, like raised in a Mormon household and so with that conditioning, there’s so much that you’re not allowed to touch yourself.
3:24: You’re not allowed to have sex before marriage.
3:26: masturbation is bringing in the devil.
3:29: there’s so much that’s against you even like feeling anything from the neck down unless you’re talking to God and you feel the Holy Ghost.
3:37: And so Holy Ghost acceptable, yeah, everything else, no.
3:43: And so from that, I rebelled and I’d rebelled against my childhood completely and went the opposite end and, you know, married someone who wanted an open relationship and that was a divorce and Then, got into a relationship that was, you know, very safe and loving, but it was lacking any type of sex.
4:06: Like we, every time we came to the bedroom, there was a lot of anxiety on his part and I made it wrong and didn’t understand it.
4:13: And we’d be in tears because there was no sexual intimacy.
4:17: And so through that struggle and like what I don’t, I don’t know how to help this.
4:24: What do I do?
4:25: I went into just researching and exploring in Tantra and found, Layla Martin’s course that was a year course on sex, love and relationships.
4:36: To this day was the most incredible course because it had you go through.
4:42: Everything on your own first, like feeling it in your body and lots of conscious touch and masturbation and like getting to know like what is my pleasure and who am I and what are the stories I have against feeling my body and my pleasure.
4:58: And so I got to, you know, with wanting to go, I’m going to fix this situation in my relationship and help him heal, it became, whoa, like my own conditioning and stories and how Women, at least with the women I work with, we’re afraid to even say what we desire.
5:18: We don’t even know what we desire, or we put the responsibility on our partner to pleasure us and to give us an orgasm and to turn us on and it’s like it’s not their responsibility.
5:30: It’s so much about us learning our bodies and that it’s OK to Explore our bodies and touch and feel and so through that journey I got to meet myself and through our pleasure and turn on an orgasm, not just like a quick orgasm with a vibrator, it’s like no really allowing yourself to turn on to all these different levels like your powers there and there’s this is a power that now going back in so much women’s studies is.
6:03: What the church wants us to forget.
6:05: They don’t want us to remember this power that we have and it’s not about dressing in mini skirts and wearing stilettos and swinging from a pole or sleeping with lots of people because you think that’s sexual empowerment, that’s actually the complete opposite.
6:18: Like it’s really about the sacredness with your body and building this intimacy with this power that we hold and it’s in our turn on and it doesn’t even have to be sexually.
6:31: It could be.
6:33: What is your desire for life?
6:35: What is your desire?
6:36: What is your hunger and your curiosity?
6:38: So all of that just really awakened me and I had done so much work, even just therapy and I did a lot of relationship courses like Alison Armstrong, which were amazing in my twenties.
6:52: But it wasn’t until this full exploration of body and pleasure and what sexuality even was that I was like, whoa, we are like really powerful beings like we have so much and I have forgotten many times since, you know, starting that work and.
7:10: It’s, it’s like the last thing on the list, like, oh, I don’t have time to do that with myself.
7:14: Oh, even sex with your partner like, oh, I don’t have time to do that.
7:18: Like that’s gotta come last.
7:20: We got to get everything else done first and it’s like, why?
7:23: Yeah, it’s really such a, it’s a glue for your relationships.
7:28: It’s, a turning on and like a a life force, a power, a fuel for yourself in your life.
7:35: So yeah.
7:36: Oh, there’s so much to unpack there, and I’m so, yeah, I’m so happy you’re here because you can talk about it from such a beautiful space.
7:43: like hearing you speak about this, it’s like really giving women the opportunity to be like this is the power and the life that’s within you.
7:51: And literally just from getting to love your body.
7:53: And as you were talking something I think about that is a struggle for and was a struggle even for myself before I got really like in love with my body and really learned how to receive pleasure and be intimate was the the stories around how this body is bad.
8:08: Like if I touched myself in this way, I am wrong.
8:12: So what was that like for you and like what would you be, what would you say to someone that feels that way that they’re like.
8:18: I can’t, I can’t touch myself.
8:20: What do you mean that’s wrong?
8:22: one thing I think about, I remember when I was like a little girl.
8:25: I was gonna be this is gonna be on in the world, that’s what I’m thinking about like, do I really wanna say this?
8:30: Do I not?
8:32: as a little girl I started to feel things and I wanted to masturbate.
8:35: Like I remember like my body wanted to do things, but I immediately thought to myself like I shouldn’t be doing this.
8:41: So I’m curious like where does that even come from for stuff for women.
8:46: Well, a lot of times it just comes from our parents like wanting to like protect us and it’s, it comes from a very honest place or sometimes our parents had experiences earlier on in their lifetime and like, oh, I know where that goes like I better stop it there.
9:03: And so we’re shamed and this can happen in so many areas, not just sexuality, but it’s like, oh, that’s wrong, that’s bad.
9:11: I’m gonna lose love, I’m gonna lose, and those are our core wounds as children.
9:15: It’s like love, safety and belonging.
9:18: So we’ll choose over being authentic, we choose appeasing and so we start to lose our authenticity.
9:25: , so whether it’s sexual shame from touching ourselves or shame from being loud and a leader, it’s like all of a sudden we start to dim whatever it is down so that we can belong and fit in because we’re helpless creatures at that age.
9:40: Yeah, and that’s what we all want.
9:41: I think biologically we all want to belong, right?
9:44: I be accepted.
9:45: We want to be a part of community.
9:46: I think that’s something that humans want.
9:48: They crave to be with others.
9:50: So if there’s a chance that You’re not gonna be accepted or loved or belong anymore.
9:55: Like that’s really, really scary.
9:57: And I think the religious dogma is such a profound part of us being sexually.
10:05: Denied or frustrated or muted.
10:09: I can’t think of the word I was thinking of, but I feel like so many of us grew up with like I grew up religious and it was like, oh you, I thought I had to marry my first boyfriend because I had sex with him and I’m gonna go to hell and you know, da da da, all these stories we tell ourselves and then carry them forward even after maybe we detach a little from those experiences, and so how do you How do you guide women through that process?
10:33: Like what does it look like to start to encourage women to explore themselves in a sexual way or in a in a intimate way?
10:42: Yeah, I mean, before anything, it’s really helping a woman feel safe, And she has to learn how to do that within her own body because if we don’t feel safe, then pleasure’s the last thing that we are even gonna touch or allowing ourselves to experience orgasm and so it really starts with like safety and how do you feel safe?
11:05: what is safe?
11:06: How do you resource what are the parts within you that don’t feel safe?
11:10: Let’s bring them out, let’s speak to them, let’s, you know, bring them, have them have a seat at the table so that you can get to know yourself.
11:18: So before you we dive into sexuality work, there’s so much like inner child work, but then from there it’s if you were to start all over again and receive a sexual story versus the one you received, so the narrative you received around sexuality or the lack thereof, so many of us didn’t even receive anything, what would you want to hear?
11:40: And so, yeah, a lot, I learned that through the coursework I did and it’s like record your voice.
11:48: If you were to hear from like an elder at 12 years old or whenever you started bleeding, or whenever a man started to feel something in his body, like, what would you want to hear?
11:58: And so I have them do a whole script and then they play that back to themselves and then they get to feel, where does it feel sticky?
12:06: Where does it feel not true?
12:07: Where does it like, I can’t really get on board with that.
12:10: We bring that part to the table, we talk to it, we, we see that most of the time it’s a protector.
12:16: And so how can we let this protector know like, hey, I’m in charge now, and I want a different story for my life and so I’m going to keep you safe and you’re OK and we’re gonna just start with some like touching of the thighs or like maybe just holding my breasts and it’s not gonna go any more further than that.
12:37: And in order to even get to that point, it’s knowing our bodies, yes and no.
12:43: And so I’ll guide them through a practice of like place your hands just over your belly and listen.
12:49: Does your body want your hands on your belly?
12:51: Is it a yes.
12:52: Is it a no?
12:53: Is it a maybe?
12:54: If it’s a maybe, OK, hang out there for a little longer.
12:56: If it’s a no, let’s let’s come back later, and then we’ll move maybe to the breast.
13:01: Same thing, and then we’ll move to genitals, same thing.
13:04: And you want to wait for your body to go, OK, maybe a little.
13:07: Closer, OK, like it’s such a slow process that I don’t want to ever push anyone into this because there is so much conditioning of, oh, I’m doing something bad.
13:19: oh, I’m gonna lose love, I’m gonna lose belonging.
13:21: So it’s a slow process.
13:23: And then from there, like just going deeper into exploration of the body, whether it’s, you know, breast massage, which is a big way women open sexually through their breasts, through their hearts, through.
13:38: Like we don’t go straight to gentles on a woman, but a man does.
13:41: That’s how he opens his heart is through his genitals.
13:43: So it’s like we’re backwards.
13:45: And so how do we honor each other’s unique sexualities, and learn to open each other in a different way.
13:52: That’s taking it even further into couples work.
13:55: But that talks a little bit about the dynamics.
13:58: Yeah, yeah.
13:59: So yeah, starting, starting with just boundaries and touch and stories and new narratives and Which I think is a beautiful place to start just because I just don’t think women are thinking about that daily, you know, like whether maybe you do put lotion on your body every single day, but it just feels like I have this vision of this like high achieving woman that’s just like, alright, yeah, and now I got.
14:21: Shower da da da da da like you didn’t feel anything in your body, right?
14:25: Like there is no sense of like, that feels really good, or scratching feels really good or like the sensation feels really good.
14:31: So you’re talking about like connecting to their body’s language of how they communicate back to you.
14:37: And everybody, everybody, everybody is different.
14:41: , like, even like, what, what’s it feel like to just like stroke your face?
14:45: And I’m not saying it’s not bad to like get in the shower and like do like I’m out way most times and sometimes I actually need to set an actual container for myself to be in this work because we all lead very busy lives and we can’t slowly caress our bodies with lotion every day after a shower.
15:04: So it’s like how do you now set the container for yourself, like a ritual where you light a candle and put on some music and.
15:11: And like, oh, OK, I like this.
15:14: OK, this, this feels a little weird or it’s just literally just an exploration.
15:19: Hm, I, I, I did this for myself when I was single and so interesting now that I’m in a, in partnership that I don’t really set time like I do sometimes like when I do like my Semitic practices and I dive in, but but like from an intimacy perspective or like touching myself and connecting to my pleasure, I don’t think I do as often just because I received so much of that in my container.
15:41: So I wonder like shifting maybe a little bit into like couples work like.
15:45: One, what does it look like to do this in couple work, but then two, like remembering that you also have to take care of yourself and like what does that look like to create your own rituals for you.
15:54: Yeah, even though you aren’t maybe you have already called in this partnership where you feel so divinely connected and you receive what you receive, but there’s nothing like you being with you.
16:05: Yeah, and we don’t.
16:07: I want to also take away the myth that you you know you’re the right partner when they do know how to touch your body right in the right ways or you have the best sex from the start or it’s like, no, that’s actually not, that doesn’t mean you’re in the right partnership, for so many reasons.
16:28: Let’s talk about that.
16:29: , yeah, it’s so it’s, I, I come, I’ve come across this in my own life.
16:36: I’m with my now partner.
16:37: It’s been 2.5 years and I had my, my practices in the beginning and coming from Tantra and this background which so many of us don’t even talk about sexuality.
16:49: It’s like.
16:49: Oh, sexuality work?
16:51: What’s that?
16:51: OK, I’m, I, I go to therapy.
16:52: That’s enough for I’m gonna go to this retreat.
16:54: OK, that’s enough.
16:55: And it’s like nobody really wants to touch this part.
16:57: So most people haven’t done sexuality work and that’s OK.
17:03: So when I came into my partnership today of like, OK, let’s do let’s do eye contact and breathing and That’s just so massage.
17:14: Like he’s like, oh wait, what?
17:16: Like he, you know, didn’t say that, but it was very like, you gotta slow down with me.
17:22: Like not everybody is ready to be glared at in the eyes and deep belly breathing and opening our hearts together like so I got to be humbled.
17:32: I love it.
17:33: Oh my God.
17:34: It’s so true because if you start this work on your own and you go to those rooms, right, you’re in the containers and you’re like eye contact, yes, that’s eye glaze and like we’re breathing and it feels so natural to us, but then when you introduce that to someone else, they’re like.
17:49: What are you talking Yeah, I mean, just in my, with my partner now, I mean, it’s been such a beautiful unraveling or unbecoming of.
18:01: Like if I would have in the beginning went off of oh like he can’t meet me right now and with this I contract right now I’m gonna leave like he’s not my person, yeah, like I would have missed out on no like there is, yeah, especially for a man like they open at a different pace like it’s we’re not, they don’t even open like a woman like with vulnerability like they haven’t been taught that that’s even safe.
18:25: So the patience that I got to humbly.
18:31: Practice with myself, with him.
18:34: And now today, like our intimacy and our rituals and our practices, like they’re rich and he feels safer in them to actually sit there and look at me in my eyes and breathe.
18:49: And because I didn’t make him wrong, and I didn’t shame him because he couldn’t meet me there.
18:56: It was, no, like.
18:59: You can, I feel that for the most part women are ahead in spirituality work or personal development, and we are, we’re the feminine, we’re always looking for more and we’re always gonna be that way, and our men aren’t supposed to be right there with us on the same path.
19:14: Like we are the leaders in that, especially in love, we are the leaders in love.
19:18: So I would say got way off topic off your question, but I yeah, we love it.
19:25: I would say that.
19:28: How do you, how do you want to bring this in with your partner is, is being curious with what they’re comfortable with, or, hey, can we just try this for a minute?
19:37: And literally like maybe even setting a timer of can we just sit together, cross-legged or facing each other or straddling each other.
19:45: Maybe it’s not even eye contact yet.
19:46: Maybe we’re just like sinking our breath together, and that’s it.
19:51: And we just do it for a minute and let’s just like ease our way into it.
19:54: And so I would say that’s huge if you’re bringing this to your partner for the first time, and then for self practice or like your own ritual.
20:05: There’s something that you get when you’re on your own or by yourself in a practice of of it can go at your pace, you can slow down, you can Take yourself into places maybe you can’t do with a partner right away because you’re more comfortable by yourself.
20:25: And so there’s such this this safety that you can have more exploration by yourself versus with a partner at first.
20:33: Because intimacy is scary and intimacy is vulnerable and even couples who have been together for 5, 10 years like some we don’t really even cross cross these thresholds because it’s scary.
20:47: And so when we put those that time away for ourselves to explore our bodies, it just feels safer before you bring that into your partnership.
20:58: I love that you’re saying take the breath even like something so simple because Anyone, you know, a lot of people that listen to this, like they’re very mind oriented.
21:08: They’re very like task oriented, do do do do.
21:11: And there is something like I can attest in my own relationship like when you drop into your body, the connection and the passion and just the energy that’s going together is so much more powerful than when you’re like in your head trying to be intimate and also like, did I do this?
21:30: Did I do that?
21:30: Did I do that?
21:31: And then you’re like, why can’t I orgasm?
21:32: Why can’t I do this?
21:33: It’s like, oh well, I’m thinking about 20 different things over here.
21:37: So I feel like it’s beautiful that you can, it really can be simple, is what I hear you’re saying.
21:42: It doesn’t have to be like we don’t have to go into like, let’s try these 10 tantra positions.
21:48: Like maybe we just take 5 deep breaths together before we like become intimate together or connect and I love that.
21:54: I think it’s such a great starting point for people that are that are listening that are just like, I, you know, setting the time aside.
22:02: Yeah, and I love that you’re bringing that up about how you’re in your head and we come into sex and it’s like, why am I not orgasming?
22:09: And, and this is why it’s so important for a woman to a woman to orgasm because it’s where she finally gets to detach from the mind because a woman is going.
22:22: In 50 million different directions in her mind at all times.
22:26: And this is also why she loves when her man plans a date because it’s like, oh, I don’t have to think about it.
22:31: So it’s the same with sex.
22:32: It’s like, how do you take the responsibility for yourself and not put it on your partner to bring you pleasure, to put you in your body, and this is where pleasure is so important for a woman because it’s her fuel.
22:46: Like for my partner and I, if we’ve had really long weeks and we now have like.
22:51: We have a scheduled sacred sex date now once a week that we have time.
22:57: And if we’re not feeling it yet, like for me, it’s, I take on like the responsibility for my own self.
23:05: Like I’m gonna like bring on my own pleasure.
23:08: I’m gonna put on some music and dance for him or because it feels good to my body or I’m gonna like just rub up against him and put on some lingerie because it feels good for my body and what it’s what helps me drop into From the head to the body and pleasure.
23:23: Like our pleasure is used for so many, like it’s a tool.
23:27: It’s not just, oh, frivolous.
23:29: It really is a tool.
23:31: So now you bring up scheduling sex, which I love and we’ve done that.
23:35: And I and I actually, I love scheduling sex because one, when you’re living such a full life, like especially like if you are a woman that’s listening to this, like you want more for your life, so you’re probably doing.
23:46: The corporate and the side hustle and the business and doing all the things and so it can get so easy or when you have kids and you’re like, but the kids are so much more important like connecting is the last thing I’m thinking about.
23:56: But I’m thinking about someone in my life that had tried to schedule.
24:02: Intimacy dates with their partner and their partner was just so like you want to start scheduling sex.
24:09: Like that’s not gonna happen.
24:11: Like, what do you mean?
24:12: Like they made it about themselves.
24:14: Like clearly something came up within them.
24:16: So if women start to bring up this idea, so like, hey honey, like everyone’s there every Sunday or whatever our date is this week, like I would love for us to like drop it and connect.
24:25: And I think the other thing I want to add to that, like I feel like it doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual either.
24:30: Like connecting can be as simple as like touching and giving each other a hug, you know, it could be as simple as like eye contact that you say.
24:37: And so when, how would you suggest a woman that’s having that conversation inviting their partner in because like you said, women tend to lead in this love.
24:47: And so what would you say to that person that struggles to like, oh but my husband’s not on board with this idea.
24:53: What do I do?
24:55: First, don’t demand it.
24:59: I, I, I, that’s a lesson I continue to have to humble myself in, but I come, I come across this a lot is, well, the myth out there and what media shows us is it should just be spontaneous and if it’s not spontaneous, then we’re either in the wrong partnership or we’re doing something wrong or we’re not sexy enough to draw in our husband or partner’s attention and it’s like.
25:26: No, like you said, there’s so many other things going on that if we don’t create the container for us to explore, sometimes it never gets done.
25:36: And so how do we invite them in is, hey, I’d really, I really love to like kiss and make out.
25:43: Can we spend some time maybe such and such day, or, hey, I’d really love to feel your body on mine and spend some time naked.
25:51: Can we, you know, put this on the calendar like.
25:54: Starting with what you’d love to feel from them, starting with what you’d love to experience with them and inviting them in that way versus, hey, we need this, we haven’t had sex in a while.
26:06: I’m I’m saying this because this is a learned experience of how do I like let you know what I’m really feeling and it’s vulnerable like that’s where you build the intimacy is.
26:17: I really want to feel like, I really wanna I really wanna feel you worship my body.
26:22: I really want to feel close to you.
26:24: And just start there.
26:26: I think what’s hard for some women is like they’ll say like, I just won’t feel close to you, but they don’t really know what that means.
26:33: You know, like what does that mean?
26:35: Like you know you’re like you feel like you’re so far away and like you’re living your world and I’m living my world, but like you feel like you’re so far away I just want you to get closer to me.
26:44: And I think when someone hears that they’re like, what do you mean babe?
26:47: I’m like right here, we do life together.
26:50: But and so I think the invitation there for women that are listening too.
26:52: like getting really clear on journaling.
26:54: I don’t know if there’s like a journaling exercise, but asking like what does that actually mean to you?
26:59: Like details details because I think even for women it’s difficult if you’re not used to feeling safe to express this or don’t feel vulnerable enough to say like, I just want to feel us naked together.
27:11: Like that in itself feels so good when you’re just like hugging your partner and you’re just laying in bed naked together and you’re just connected.
27:19: And so I think for women, there’s also that invitation to get a little clear on what you really want.
27:26: And I love that you’re bringing this up because if we’re here to become responsible and sovereign, and that’s sovereign in your desires, if you’re the one desiring the sex, or if you’re the one desiring the closeness, or you’re the one desiring, you want to feel your partner closer to you, I know I’ll say a lot, like I just I want to feel your heart.
27:49: And yeah, for a man, they need more details.
27:52: They need to know, well how, so how can I invite him into an experience where he can feel his heart or where we can like play and so it’s like if I think there.
28:05: There’s a princess narrative out there with Disney and media that it’s like he should just want me and chase me and desire me and know exactly what to know exactly what to do.
28:16: And if he’s not, then I’m doing something wrong and I got to go fix something.
28:21: And it’s like, no.
28:23: But you are the one with the desire, and are you truly open for him to come closer or are you in your like controlling and demanding and criticizing?
28:34: Like, are you an invitation for him even to get closer to you?
28:38: And this doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, but it’s more like just taking an inventory of like.
28:43: Am I the invitation for that?
28:45: And if I’m not like, well, how not without shaming myself, well, what is it?
28:49: Like, do I need to go have a day taking care of myself?
28:53: Do I need to go have a ritual where I can drop back into my body so that I can feel myself so that he can feel me?
29:01: Like it’s so much it starts with us.
29:04: I love that you say that again, like I have to feel myself so that he can feel me.
29:09: Like, are you, yeah.
29:13: Well, it’s so much with like, like say in sex is I want to feel my man’s heart.
29:19: So if I want to feel my man’s heart in sex, I need to show more of my heart.
29:24: Like it’s, it always comes back to I am receiving the mirror to a certain degree, not exact or identical, but if I’m, if this person is my mirror, how am I showing up?
29:36: You only go as deep as you’re willing to open with somebody, but it starts with ourselves.
29:41: Yeah, I love that.
29:43: So good.
29:45: Wow, I’m learning so much.
29:48: I’m like reflecting on my own experiences.
29:51: I love this and it’s never perfect.
29:52: Yeah, like I teach this stuff because I needed to learn it and I’ve been teaching this stuff or coaching in this stuff for 6 years and I’m still humbled every day.
30:02: Yeah, I was just reflecting too on the fact that.
30:04: I mean, I could implement a lot of this and I love it and I’m going to, I think it’s, it’s all sinking in the back of my mind, but I think about how when my husband and I first met, there was so much sexual trauma between separately for each of us, a lot on my part too.
30:19: And what like by creating those intimate containers, we’ve healed so much and the sex is just better than ever.
30:25: And I think that there’s always more.
30:27: To do, as you say, like we can implement more of this, but there is, it’s just like really reiterating, wow, this stuff really works when you do it, you know, but we do avoid it.
30:37: Like even now, and we get busy and we put it as the last thing, even though like we are creators and it is our creative energy.
30:47: and I sometimes like think about as an artist, like how much.
30:50: More I could unlock if I focused more time on that.
30:54: And I think that we, it’s really easy in today’s world.
30:56: I want, and I think you could probably test this of like, it’s so easy we like put the priorities backwards, like the connection with ourselves, the connection with our intimacy, the connection with our partners seems to be at the back and like making money and and achieving and all these other superficial things are kind of at the forefront.
31:13: And I think that this is such a beautiful reminder that like when you put this in the forefront all the other stuff comes even more so and so that leads me to my question, which is what are some of the results and the things that you’ve seen in your life or in client’s life that has come from prioritizing like this experience like how can we share with people like hey, if you do this, this is what you get.
31:40: And you can hear more than one.
31:41: Great question.
31:43: Well, you think about like.
31:47: There’s something out there that says, which I’m here to debunk, there’s something out there that says, married men live longer.
31:56: Married men live happier lives, and married women aren’t as happy.
32:02: Married women don’t live as long.
32:05: And I know this isn’t directly related to your question, but it’s going to lead there.
32:09: It’s like, no, we can debunk that because I believe that’s the, that’s the.
32:15: What’s the word I’m looking for?
32:18: That’s the statistic because women aren’t living fully expressed because women aren’t sharing what’s on their heart because they’re living with resentment because they’re over caretaking and forgetting about themselves because, so I believe that statistic is there because of that.
32:33: And when we prioritize love, intimacy, sex, like that is our glue.
32:42: Like if you go, when I go more than a week without having sex with my partner.
32:46: You can feel it in our house.
32:47: There’s more tension between us.
32:49: There’s stuff that’s I’m more sensitive to.
32:52: He’s more stressed out.
32:53: And the moment that we like have some time with intimacy, however that looks, like we’re both like, oh my God, it’s such medicine.
33:03: And although When we get into ejaculation and like a man’s chi and how that can deplete him, like that’s a whole another topic.
33:12: So we’re very careful like we don’t, we don’t want to do that all the time for a man because that does deplete him from his mission.
33:19: But when we are bringing in intimacy as the focus.
33:24: The home is more calm.
33:26: He’s able to step more into his career from a much more centered place.
33:30: I’m more creative in my business.
33:33: business is flowing in more because we’ve got that connection in our home.
33:38: it’s actually proven that you make more money when you are prioritizing sex.
33:44: This is all sex magic.
33:46: It’s like when there’s pleasure and there’s connection and you’re at that high vibration because pleasure is such a high vibration.
33:52: What it is you’re wanting to create that vision in the world has a place to attach to, has a vibration to go with the manifestation.
34:01: So this is why sex magic happens or works because of that reason.
34:06: So when you’re bringing in that positive or higher vibration between you and your partner, it emanates not just in your home, but in your businesses, in your communities.
34:16: And this is why I believe sacred union or divine union is such a buzzword right now because If you’re living truly a conscious relationship and you’re shining a light on all the things that are not love and bringing them to love to that truth, which love is, higher vibration.
34:32: Then that goes out into your worlds.
34:34: And so you’re not only doing it for you and him and the relationship, it is so much bigger than that and people feel your vibration and are inspired by that.
34:44: So sex and intimacy is like, yeah, that is your glue, that is your foundation for the rest of your lives.
34:52: Not just for you though, for your, your communities.
34:54: I love that.
34:55: Too, because so many people, I always like my true deep belief is that if you heal yourself, you will heal the world.
35:03: If you want to see change in the world, you have to start here.
35:06: If you could go volunteer at a soup kitchen and do all the things, but if you’re emanating anger, frustration, fear, sadness, like that energy is so much more powerful in the wrong way than like going.
35:17: And volunteering versus healing your heart and coming from love and being love as you walk through the world.
35:23: So just props to that statement because amen sister, like that’s so true, you know, is that it’s so powerful when you’re living from your heart space and sex, well, not all sex, but sex and intimacy sacred union with your partner.
35:41: Helps you drop into your heart, helps you drop into that different vibration.
35:45: You lead a little softer, you lead a little more embodied and you’re whoever you’re surrounded by picks up on that.
35:54: And so yeah, if you’re going to the soup kitchen and you’re angry and resentful, it’s like you’re not truly serving.
36:00: You’re not here with the ego serving, not the heart serving.
36:04: I love that and I think it’s, it could be said exactly as you mentioned earlier, like if you’re not in partnership, just being with yourself and tapping in.
36:12: That’s, I know that some of the, I know not everyone might know what sex sex magic is, but it can be done alone.
36:18: Maybe you can actually share what it is.
36:20: You’re that yeah, exactly like I’m the one to butcher it, but I know it doesn’t even have to be.
36:26: We, what, you know, the tauntra practice of sex magic, it could literally just be like, for me, I would just set a timer like I’m going to be in my room for 30 minutes.
36:35: I’m going to light some candles and set an intention and play some music and maybe dance or a little sensual movement to drop into my body or lay there on my bed with my hands cupping my breasts and breathing and just feeling like, what’s alive?
36:50: What’s there?
36:51: How am I feeling?
36:52: Like as I’m Defrosting from my day like what wants to come through and so the the.
37:00: The practice of sex magic is turning your body on, maybe starting with some self-body massage or breast massage, and then moving to, your root chakra around, you know, the base of your spine and bringing pleasure there and letting that pleasure move up from the root to your sacral.
37:22: And you’ll literally feel, just as we feel turn on in our genitals, you can start to move that energy up your chakras.
37:29: And so, As you go in with that intention or whatever you’re wanting to call in, you bring it into that pleasure practice and that pleasure as you’re moving it, you’re slowly bringing it up all the chakras, so you’ll sit there for a little while and feel the pleasure.
37:45: Can you move the pleasure from your yoni to your heart?
37:48: And can you just play in that pleasure for a little while and then can you move it to your throat and feel the buzzing or the sensation?
37:54: And it doesn’t mean your throat can’t be like has an orgasm.
37:57: Maybe it can depending on what you’re doing, but it’s like just about feelings, energy move and feeling sensation on that level.
38:06: And then bringing it to the third eye, and then feeling that yourself get closer to climax maybe.
38:12: And then with that intention or manifestation, bringing that pleasure all the way up through the crown of your head, and as you’re climaxing, it’s like you’re shooting it up and out into the ethers, into the universe, into God, and then you’re maybe moving into like the microcosmic orbit breath where you’re circling it up from root chakra to the crown of the head, back down the spine.
38:35: And then being in that vibration of orgasm, pleasure, just it could be, it doesn’t even have to be a full climax, but allowing yourself to really move pleasure throughout your entire chakra system.
38:48: As you talk about this, I think about like, OK, you’re talking about a lot of time.
38:54: Be like that’s a really beautiful practice and not because I’ve also learned how to slow down with myself.
38:59: So I think about this for women like I think when you talk about pleasure, especially in an intimate space, it’s like I want it quick.
39:05: I want it quickly.
39:06: What do you mean?
39:06: I have to sit here and be in the pleasure without touching myself.
39:09: I have to breathe the aliveness through my chest and I’m like, yes, it’s a beautiful practice.
39:14: And so I’m curious like what has it been like for you or any of your clients to like.
39:18: Great capacity to hold pleasure.
39:21: I think so many people think that’s hard and it’s like I think men do this as well.
39:24: So I know from like a men’s perspective, but from a woman’s perspective, like learning to slow down and learning to enjoy the feelings.
39:32: I be like, oh, because I found like in learning how to slow down and be in pleasure in myself, there’s like this magic that happens.
39:39: I give myself permission to feel things and do things in the bedroom that I didn’t think I liked, you know what I mean?
39:46: But it’s from a place like if my mind was thinking like, oh if I do that.
39:51: That’s a little ed shouldn’t do it.
39:52: And so when you create this capacity for pleasure, one, how do you do that?
39:56: And then 2, what does it unlock for even more pleasure and things that you didn’t think you liked to go through.
40:02: I love that.
40:03: , you’re, I mean, there’s a, there is a thing there.
40:07: We have thresholds.
40:07: So just like we have thresholds for pain, we have thresholds for pleasure, and the more that we can allow pleasure, we move that threshold and the more that we can be in our pain, we move the threshold for pleasure as well.
40:20: So it’s like there’s a quote out there, it says something, it’s like, The more you can feel your pain, the more you have access to your pleasure.
40:26: And yeah, we actually get uncomfortable with pleasure.
40:30: If we hit too much or it’s gone too long, it’s like, OK, I can’t, I can’t receive anymore.
40:35: We look like we start to, yeah, tap down.
40:38: I can’t do anymore.
40:40: And as well as a person who thought that, you know, fast sex was the way that you were supposed to have sex and that clitoral orgasm was the way that you were supposed to get turned on.
40:50: But when we slowed down, like you said, there’s like so much more magic there.
40:54: Like a woman truly doesn’t open like a minimum of 20 to 30 minutes.
41:02: And why I believe a lot of women can’t orgasm is because we’re, it’s too fast, because she hasn’t been able to open and fully engorge because when she can engorge, she has access to so much more pleasure.
41:16: And so knowing that there’s something there we are missing when we just use a vibrator or we’re just having a quickie, and this is something my part partner has been able to learn through me is like, No, no, let’s, let’s like draw it out for a couple of hours, and he’s like, what?
41:35: Like that’s a long time.
41:37: And now that we’ve been practicing this, and if we’ll have an occasional quickie, he’s like, oh yeah, I like the slower sex so much better because there’s so much more to feel and so much laughing because in like an hour.
41:54: Yeah, I mean it.
41:55: Yeah, my husband probably loved that.
41:59: I gotta work on that.
42:01: Well, you just start like you said, like timing, like that’s why the calendar date is so important.
42:07: That and I think when you, I, for my own personal experience, once I gave myself permission to feel pleasure, time was forgotten it is it is an hour and I’m not thinking about it.
42:17: Yeah, like sometimes like I’m like, babe, it’s 10:30.
42:22: We go to bed at 8.
42:23: What do you do?
42:24: I’m like, wait, what?
42:25: I’m going to a late tomorrow.
42:27: But I think when you give yourself to surrender and to drop into what you’re speaking, there’s so much that happens that you’re just nothing else exists, but it’s really hard for women when you’re thinking so much.
42:38: Yeah, because keep going when we.
42:40: I mean, there’s that quote of like, you know, you you can something about like a woman can talk, you can talk to God when you allow yourself to have slow sex like because you get into such this altered state and this is where I believe like sex is spiritual.
42:59: Sex is does open you up to, you’re mixing energies with someone.
43:03: This is also why I don’t believe in casual sex.
43:05: Like, you are taking on someone else’s everything with your everything.
43:11: And so when you’re in this for a period of time that’s longer than just wham bam, thank you, ma’am, like.
43:18: You’re getting to meet each other in deeper ways.
43:21: You’re getting to feel things that maybe neither one of you have felt with each other in a deeper way.
43:26: I, I find the longer and the slower a woman is drawn to tears or laughter or like anger or like there’s, there’s stuff.
43:36: There that comes up.
43:38: This is why also sex is so healing.
43:40: And so in order to to get there, and it’s not like a goal, but in order to like achieve, in order to access that, you need the you need the time so that you can drop into your body because like you said, we’re in our minds a lot.
43:55: So we need time to to to drop in to feel.
43:58: I love that you say like crying and opening.
44:01: I’ve cried so much during over the years and I think it is because and you know, I feel very blessed to have a partner that was able to hold me in that space, but I also think knowing.
44:10: That that’s OK and like giving yourself permission to feel the discomfort, the anger, the frustration, the, the sadness, like whatever’s in there coming up.
44:21: I, I just think that’s such a beautiful invitation for people listening.
44:25: I also feel like Something I hear a lot, especially from like really type A women is I’m not creative.
44:32: I’m not creative, but this is like a form of creativity.
44:35: So maybe this is your creativity that we can encourage women to like play with, but I feel like we love to block ourselves sometimes of these opportunities to go deeper or to to invite ourselves into discomfort and this is like another, this is the ultimate level I think maybe you’d agree of discomfort that we sit in or avoid.
44:57: Absolutely, yeah, I wanna transition a little bit into like where this has brought you now in your life.
45:05: So obviously this has been quite a journey for everything you’ve shared and how is it how is it taking you to where you are now and like what, what is your desire now to to manifest or bring into the world?
45:17: Like how has it evolved to you?
45:20: That’s a big one.
45:21: , You know, looking back when I started the sexuality work and where I was at, I had done, you know, some relationship courses with like Alison Armstrong.
45:35: I had done some John Wyland work and David Dao was some polarity work.
45:39: I had done a lot of talk therapy and it was all living in the head and it was all this, which is this is how we, I believe we learned the steps to learning.
45:51: It’s like all of a sudden you’ve got all this knowledge and But it hasn’t, you don’t know it yet.
45:56: And so for a while, I just lived in, oh, this is how I have to be and this is what I have to do.
46:02: And then I dropped into this, the sexual work, the sexuality work, and I was like, OK, now I’m feeling OK.
46:10: I, I know pleasure is good and I know that I can be this expressed woman, but it was still like coming from my mind because I still hadn’t had enough practice in my body.
46:21: And so through the years and through.
46:27: Hardships and challenges of getting to meet myself.
46:33: Gosh, it, it, it’s so much more than just.
46:37: Either theory and knowledge and like having an orgasm is to like, oh wait, I’m a full ecosystem.
46:45: So I can provide not only pleasure and knowledge for my brain, it’s how do I create safety in my body on even such a deeper level by someone breaking your trust or betrayal or like All these invitations we get from the outside world to like, how do I strengthen my being?
47:06: How do I become fully expressed not only with my desires and my pleasure and my play, but also my grief and my longing and the darker emotions.
47:19: And so I would say it started out as head and orgasms, and then it went into, we A second, I’m missing like all these parts of myself, whether it was parts of me that have people pleased, and parts of me that have not trusted, and parts of me that have carry around a wound of betrayal because I’m abandoning myself, or parts of me that are so scared of abandonment because I’m abandoning myself.
47:46: So it went to such a deeper level like it dropped me into the darker shadowy parts.
47:53: That I got to feel on a really embodied level.
47:56: I just came out of a really deep portal with my partner and his addiction journey and recovery and what I got to see in myself through a break of trust, I got to learn to trust myself.
48:08: Through a betrayal, I got to see where I was betraying myself.
48:12: Through feeling abandoned, I got to show up for my inner child.
48:16: And so it’s gone to all these.
48:18: deeper levels of sovereignty of like this power that may start as knowing in the mind and orgasms to a fully expressed woman.
48:32: Whether I’m not just expressing my pleasure and my play and my happiness and my femininity, it’s like, no, your femininity is so much even deeper than that or your emotions go so much deeper like.
48:43: It’s safe to be in my rage.
48:45: It’s safe to be in my anger.
48:48: It doesn’t mean I get to project it on you.
48:49: That’s coming from a wound, but it’s safe to feel everything, the full range, the full expression, and the more that I can live in that, the more I’m living in truth.
48:59: And so I would say that’s kind of where I’m at today is how do I show up in truth no matter what the cost is, no matter, no relationship, no friendship, no client is more important than me being true to myself.
49:14: Amen.
49:14: Yes, like this is what the podcast is about.
49:18: It was just funny because when that question I was like, huh, what is like what are we gonna talk about today?
49:23: It’s really like, yeah, I think what’s so beautiful about what you just said is like you’re inviting all parts of you.
49:30: You’re inviting the ones that you admire and that you love and that you want to play in, but you’re also inviting the parts of you that are messy and.
49:37: Weird and scary and too much to yourself, right?
49:40: And then eventually once they feel welcome, they’re like, oh, I’m holding the capacity with all of it.
49:45: And I love so much what you said too, you also said that it’s not like you taking it out on someone else because that’s coming from a wound, but giving yourself permission to just feel it because it’s there.
49:55: And I think that is such a gift.
49:56: I also received that gift you’re like my somatic course and it was one of the permissions that I was like, wait.
50:01: I can feel angry and like not make this about anyone else.
50:05: Like I just give myself to be angry because it’s here and I get to be with that and love it and get to know it and be like, what does this part need or what does it desire?
50:13: What does it what does it get to be with and explore that depth of myone and it creates a capacity to open other doors like.
50:20: I have felt in my own like anger, for example, being able to express anger, be in my rage in like a way that doesn’t feel like I’m pushing it on to someone else or making it about them, like being in my own process and releasing it.
50:31: I feel so much clarity on the other side of it.
50:34: I’m like, wow, I feel so much more connected to myself.
50:37: Like, why did I avoid this rage that I have within me?
50:40: That rage can sound scary, but in a lot of ways it’s a part of our process, it’s part of our being, and it’s talking to us, like another part of us.
50:47: Yeah, I mean, I used to make anger wrong especially like if it came from my partner.
50:53: Don’t raise your voice.
50:54: Yeah.
50:54: And I was like, wait, why am I not being with my own anger?
50:58: How am I not being OK with anger?
51:00: And anger is really powerful, so powerful.
51:03: Yeah, and what I’ve learned with anger like it wants to be met with anger.
51:06: So like I think sometimes people are like, oh, like I’m just gonna to release anger, but it’s really like, how do I meet myself in the anger because it wants to be expressed, it wants to be met.
51:15: And what’s so interesting in relationship dynamics because I also expressed this because when my mom would scream so much when I was younger and I’d be like, that’s too much for me screaming.
51:24: Yeah, he would be like, I don’t like this.
51:26: And so when everyone else would scream, I would just like shrink and get really small.
51:30: And then once I learned how to be with my own anger, it was like, wow, I can meet you in this and I can actually not run away from this, but I can get curious about like what’s coming up for you.
51:39: What’s going on behind the scenes?
51:41: Like, wow, let’s talk about it.
51:42: Like, let’s be in that together.
51:44: Like I’m not shutting down.
51:45: Like I’m gonna be able to hold this with you and I get to learn more and it’s been interesting like meeting anger in the same capacity, not by like fighting at each other, but with love and compassion, then we both soften.
51:57: A big celebration to you because that is not easy spiritual work.
52:02: It’s hard.
52:02: I think it’s also what you spoke to about it’s a mirror for you to invite yourself into the feeling that is coming up through the partner, the friend, the experience.
52:12: That’s been like the ultimate question that I try to ask myself is what is this showing to me?
52:17: What is this?
52:18: Ming to me and that’s what it sounds like you got to invite yourself into your own betrayal, into your own frustration.
52:24: And so often we like immediately go, it’s your fault.
52:27: Like we want to place the blame on the other person instead of going, oh, they’re inviting me into this feeling in myself, because if it wasn’t a trigger, you would just be like, oh, OK, you did that, and that sucks, like, or not.
52:39: Even affected, not even, it’s like when I try to tell people like you can experience something when it’s not a trigger for you, you can hold that space and just sit in that that place and observe, but when it’s a trigger it’s inviting you to heal it in yourself.
52:52: And I think that’s the ultimate like realization and challenge that we all face when we’re like dealing with partnerships and relationships and.
53:00: Being fully expressed.
53:02: Yeah, I think, I think so much about like men in my life where they’re like scared to let that part of them through, especially like anger or rage because they’ve been holding it for so long.
53:13: And I’ve heard them say in relationship, like, I don’t know if I bring this if my like my woman, my partner can hold it.
53:20: And I feel for men so much sometimes in that because I’m like, I, I get it.
53:24: Like sometimes men can get really scary and like if it comes from a wound, it’s not to your point, not healthy.
53:31: But what would it be like for us women, I think sometimes like if I create the capacity for me to be with my own anger and rage, I have the capacity to hold someone else’s.
53:40: Yeah.
53:41: It’s like the deeper that we go within ourselves and we create capacity within ourselves, the deeper we get to meet in that.
53:46: It goes back to your pleasure.
53:47: The deeper that I create a pleasure capacity for pleasure in myself, the more I’ll be able to meet someone else in their pleasure.
53:54: And like literally it just feels like magic.
53:57: It just feels like being met in a way that neither of you waver.
54:00: It’s just being met.
54:03: So conscious relationships, I mean yeah, I’m so grateful for my partner because of the challenges that I, through those challenges, I really got to meet more of myself like, wow, thank you for the struggles and the hardships and what we faced together, because I got to meet more of who I am.
54:24: And the beauty is we talk about this is like you can feel those feelings and you can face them in yourself and and at the same time you can recognize the beauty of your partnership and the person that you love and like, oh I love him because of all A, B, C, D, E, but also holy shit, I’m so angry about that, you know, like it gives you permission.
54:44: Yeah, instead of being like, well, I can’t say that because he does all these things, right?
54:47: So it’s It’s OK.
54:48: It’s like, no, I’m angry and I love you too, you know, like, and that is also an invitation to people to be like, you can hold all of it.
54:56: Like it’s like when you lose somebody in your life, it’s like you can hold the grief and find joy.
55:00: It’s like the beauty of death and birth and rebirth and I think we’ve lost our way in like giving ourselves permission to to hold more than one thing at once.
55:12: Amen.
55:12: Yeah, yeah, love it.
55:15: I mean, we didn’t even get to ask you a question directly, but is there anything else in your life today that you feel called to be more fully expressed?
55:23: This is new life, relationships, or business.
55:25: Like I would just love to hear like, where are you feeling called to step into your fullest expression and really honor this like divine truth that you’ve stepped into.
55:33: Yeah, I, I love the question and Taking myself out of the equation.
55:41: It’s, it’s not personal.
55:43: So I, what I’ve done a lot is like, oh, I can’t share that or oh who am I to share that or who am I to lead that or who am I to host a retreat.
55:53: And it’s like, it’s not about me.
55:55: I have medicine that’s there and I’m the vessel for it to come through and I’m serving.
56:02: It’s not like this ego thing of like, oh, I’m doing this thing so that I can get this thing.
56:08: So I think where my invitation is now is lean into more the serving person or serving identity versus like, who am I to do this or who am I to be.
56:20: Like a witch or a healer or a sex magic facilitator, or it’s not, it’s not about that.
56:26: It’s like, who are you not to or where do I get to serve people who need this exact medicine.
56:33: So, most of my work is online and so as I was sharing with you earlier of like really being called to be in person and to feel people and for us to be in a more intimate container, and so whether that’s retreats or really wanting to hold something monthly that’s a regular thing where we get together.
56:52: And then I love couples work, so I would love to have like a monthly date night where men and women come and gather and I guide them through an intimacy practice or something for them and it’s once a month.
57:05: Like I’m, I, I feel that calling as well, but it’s all in person.
57:08: What, what’s next?
57:11: I love that.
57:12: yes to all of you.
57:13: So yeah, I love it.
57:17: That’s so great.
57:18: So where can people find you or?
57:21: Get to know more of you if they want to tap in.
57:23: , my name, Heidi Reve.com is my website and then also my Instagram is, that’s where I’m mostly at.
57:32: That’s been a relationship I had to heal as well as social media, but as I’m healing that I’m coming back more online, but that’s also first and last name, is my handle at IT.
57:46: A beautiful.
57:46: You have, I mean, you are the medicine that you carry and so I’m so excited for you to bring it to the world because just like as you’re sharing today, I hope you get to be on more podcasts.
57:56: Yeah, so you get to like put yourself out there because there’s so much to share and I think, yeah, I’m just so excited for people to feel you.
58:03: Thank you.
58:03: tapped into your femininity and your, I just that that it’s like you’re exuding a sexual energy that’s so embodied versus like flaunting or I don’t know, like no judgment in any capacity, but I love that you’re, you give off this like sexual confidence, but in a very ingrained and what’s the word aligned embodied way.
58:24: Thank you.
58:25: Yeah, I’m not, I’m not here to Give it away.
58:29: Yeah, no, I get something from someone.
58:32: Yeah, I am, yeah, and it’s so sacred.
58:34: Thank you.
58:35: One last compliment I will say too is like the language that you use.
58:38: We’ll just keep going.
58:40: I’ll just yeah just receive the language that you use and how you teach and how you share.
58:46: Like it’s a really beautiful way of how you explain it, so I just wanted to tap.
58:50: Thank you.
58:51: Thanks for having me.
58:51: Thank you so much.
58:54: This is a great time.
58:55: Thank you.
58:57: Thank you so much for tuning in.
58:58: We really appreciate you being here.
59:00: If you enjoyed this episode, we’d be grateful if you could leave us a review and share it with a friend.
59:05: Also, we would love to hear from you.
59:08: Reach out to us on Instagram and let us know where you feel inspired to express yourself as you embrace this next era.
59:15: We are here to support you and encourage you.
59:18: Before we go, we want to remind you that you are powerful and deserving a fully Expressing who you are.
59:23: Embracing your journey toward authenticity is a vital part of that process, and we’re grateful to be alongside you.
59:30: If you’re looking to dive deeper and connect with others who celebrate their true selves, we invite you to join our community.
59:36: It’s a virtual space for connection and accountability, where you can share your experiences and grow together.
59:42: You can find the link in our show notes.
59:44: We can’t wait to welcome you.
59:46: See you on the next one.
0:06: This show is your permission slip to stop holding back.
0:10: Here we talk about what it really means to live unapologetically you in your relationships, your business, and your everyday life.
0:17: We believe the most magnetic version of you is rooted in self-expression, honesty, vulnerability, and showing up fully as you are.
0:24: When you own that, you naturally attract the people, the opportunities, and the life that is meant for you.
0:29: In today’s conversation, we’re so excited to share with you the depths of what’s available to us through our sexuality, our sensuality, and through our pleasure.
0:38: We know that there is so much available to us when we dive into our sexual energy, which is connected to our creativity.
0:45: This episode, our guest is Heidi Revay, who is an intimacy and love coach who helps ambitious heart-led women heal the root of their relationship patterns, feel safe in their bodies, and step into their full magnetism in life, love, and purpose.
0:59: With over 20 years of experience and training with leaders like Alison Armstrong, Layla Martin, and John Wineland, Heidi Blen’s embodiment, nervous system.
1:06: healing and archetypal wisdom to guide women back to their true essence.
1:11: Her work is about more than just relationships.
1:14: It’s about liberation, deep self-trust, and reclaiming your personal power.
1:18: What Samantha and I loved about this episode was that we’ve done so much healing when it comes to our own sexuality, our own sensuality, and really connecting back to our bodies.
1:27: Yet there were Still so many beautiful gems in this conversation with Heidi.
1:31: We were able to really learn more about what it would look like to actually expand our threshold for pleasure.
1:37: It was truly one of our favorite conversations.
1:40: If you start to listen or if this conversation sounds like something that you know someone who would want to hear it, we would love for you to share it.
1:47: Without further ado, here is our episode with Heidi.
1:51: Hi, happy to be here.
1:53: So glad to have you.
1:54: Yeah, thank you so much for being here today.
1:56: Yeah, I love how we met because one you got connected to us by a friend and then you went on one of our walks and just like feeling your energy, we were both like.
2:06: I think I wanna get to know her more so we invited you to be on, which I loved because that day I when you guys did What Light Are You?
2:15: The red, green, and yellow, yeah, and I remember sharing like I’m in this yellow to red like I’m so for you to receive that energy like I just see we can show up however we are in truth and you never know.
2:29: We’re like yellow, yes, our people.
2:32: Well, vulnerability and honesty are people, yeah, totally.
2:37: So let’s start there’s so much we wanna unpack and there’s so many things that you do and we haven’t actually had anyone on the podcast talk talk about some of these topics which I feel are somewhat taboo sometimes and uncomfortable for us as women to talk about but also so empowering and we have.
2:54: A lot of friends that do like sex magic and and all that kind of stuff.
2:58: So what got you into like intimacy, love coaching, all this kind of what brought you into this world?
3:04: What’s your story?
3:05: Like give us a little background.
3:07: You know, I was sitting with this because my story, I feel like it changes through the years and If I was to like start from the beginning, like raised in a Mormon household and so with that conditioning, there’s so much that you’re not allowed to touch yourself.
3:24: You’re not allowed to have sex before marriage.
3:26: masturbation is bringing in the devil.
3:29: there’s so much that’s against you even like feeling anything from the neck down unless you’re talking to God and you feel the Holy Ghost.
3:37: And so Holy Ghost acceptable, yeah, everything else, no.
3:43: And so from that, I rebelled and I’d rebelled against my childhood completely and went the opposite end and, you know, married someone who wanted an open relationship and that was a divorce and Then, got into a relationship that was, you know, very safe and loving, but it was lacking any type of sex.
4:06: Like we, every time we came to the bedroom, there was a lot of anxiety on his part and I made it wrong and didn’t understand it.
4:13: And we’d be in tears because there was no sexual intimacy.
4:17: And so through that struggle and like what I don’t, I don’t know how to help this.
4:24: What do I do?
4:25: I went into just researching and exploring in Tantra and found, Layla Martin’s course that was a year course on sex, love and relationships.
4:36: To this day was the most incredible course because it had you go through.
4:42: Everything on your own first, like feeling it in your body and lots of conscious touch and masturbation and like getting to know like what is my pleasure and who am I and what are the stories I have against feeling my body and my pleasure.
4:58: And so I got to, you know, with wanting to go, I’m going to fix this situation in my relationship and help him heal, it became, whoa, like my own conditioning and stories and how Women, at least with the women I work with, we’re afraid to even say what we desire.
5:18: We don’t even know what we desire, or we put the responsibility on our partner to pleasure us and to give us an orgasm and to turn us on and it’s like it’s not their responsibility.
5:30: It’s so much about us learning our bodies and that it’s OK to Explore our bodies and touch and feel and so through that journey I got to meet myself and through our pleasure and turn on an orgasm, not just like a quick orgasm with a vibrator, it’s like no really allowing yourself to turn on to all these different levels like your powers there and there’s this is a power that now going back in so much women’s studies is.
6:03: What the church wants us to forget.
6:05: They don’t want us to remember this power that we have and it’s not about dressing in mini skirts and wearing stilettos and swinging from a pole or sleeping with lots of people because you think that’s sexual empowerment, that’s actually the complete opposite.
6:18: Like it’s really about the sacredness with your body and building this intimacy with this power that we hold and it’s in our turn on and it doesn’t even have to be sexually.
6:31: It could be.
6:33: What is your desire for life?
6:35: What is your desire?
6:36: What is your hunger and your curiosity?
6:38: So all of that just really awakened me and I had done so much work, even just therapy and I did a lot of relationship courses like Alison Armstrong, which were amazing in my twenties.
6:52: But it wasn’t until this full exploration of body and pleasure and what sexuality even was that I was like, whoa, we are like really powerful beings like we have so much and I have forgotten many times since, you know, starting that work and.
7:10: It’s, it’s like the last thing on the list, like, oh, I don’t have time to do that with myself.
7:14: Oh, even sex with your partner like, oh, I don’t have time to do that.
7:18: Like that’s gotta come last.
7:20: We got to get everything else done first and it’s like, why?
7:23: Yeah, it’s really such a, it’s a glue for your relationships.
7:28: It’s, a turning on and like a a life force, a power, a fuel for yourself in your life.
7:35: So yeah.
7:36: Oh, there’s so much to unpack there, and I’m so, yeah, I’m so happy you’re here because you can talk about it from such a beautiful space.
7:43: like hearing you speak about this, it’s like really giving women the opportunity to be like this is the power and the life that’s within you.
7:51: And literally just from getting to love your body.
7:53: And as you were talking something I think about that is a struggle for and was a struggle even for myself before I got really like in love with my body and really learned how to receive pleasure and be intimate was the the stories around how this body is bad.
8:08: Like if I touched myself in this way, I am wrong.
8:12: So what was that like for you and like what would you be, what would you say to someone that feels that way that they’re like.
8:18: I can’t, I can’t touch myself.
8:20: What do you mean that’s wrong?
8:22: one thing I think about, I remember when I was like a little girl.
8:25: I was gonna be this is gonna be on in the world, that’s what I’m thinking about like, do I really wanna say this?
8:30: Do I not?
8:32: as a little girl I started to feel things and I wanted to masturbate.
8:35: Like I remember like my body wanted to do things, but I immediately thought to myself like I shouldn’t be doing this.
8:41: So I’m curious like where does that even come from for stuff for women.
8:46: Well, a lot of times it just comes from our parents like wanting to like protect us and it’s, it comes from a very honest place or sometimes our parents had experiences earlier on in their lifetime and like, oh, I know where that goes like I better stop it there.
9:03: And so we’re shamed and this can happen in so many areas, not just sexuality, but it’s like, oh, that’s wrong, that’s bad.
9:11: I’m gonna lose love, I’m gonna lose, and those are our core wounds as children.
9:15: It’s like love, safety and belonging.
9:18: So we’ll choose over being authentic, we choose appeasing and so we start to lose our authenticity.
9:25: , so whether it’s sexual shame from touching ourselves or shame from being loud and a leader, it’s like all of a sudden we start to dim whatever it is down so that we can belong and fit in because we’re helpless creatures at that age.
9:40: Yeah, and that’s what we all want.
9:41: I think biologically we all want to belong, right?
9:44: I be accepted.
9:45: We want to be a part of community.
9:46: I think that’s something that humans want.
9:48: They crave to be with others.
9:50: So if there’s a chance that You’re not gonna be accepted or loved or belong anymore.
9:55: Like that’s really, really scary.
9:57: And I think the religious dogma is such a profound part of us being sexually.
10:05: Denied or frustrated or muted.
10:09: I can’t think of the word I was thinking of, but I feel like so many of us grew up with like I grew up religious and it was like, oh you, I thought I had to marry my first boyfriend because I had sex with him and I’m gonna go to hell and you know, da da da, all these stories we tell ourselves and then carry them forward even after maybe we detach a little from those experiences, and so how do you How do you guide women through that process?
10:33: Like what does it look like to start to encourage women to explore themselves in a sexual way or in a in a intimate way?
10:42: Yeah, I mean, before anything, it’s really helping a woman feel safe, And she has to learn how to do that within her own body because if we don’t feel safe, then pleasure’s the last thing that we are even gonna touch or allowing ourselves to experience orgasm and so it really starts with like safety and how do you feel safe?
11:05: what is safe?
11:06: How do you resource what are the parts within you that don’t feel safe?
11:10: Let’s bring them out, let’s speak to them, let’s, you know, bring them, have them have a seat at the table so that you can get to know yourself.
11:18: So before you we dive into sexuality work, there’s so much like inner child work, but then from there it’s if you were to start all over again and receive a sexual story versus the one you received, so the narrative you received around sexuality or the lack thereof, so many of us didn’t even receive anything, what would you want to hear?
11:40: And so, yeah, a lot, I learned that through the coursework I did and it’s like record your voice.
11:48: If you were to hear from like an elder at 12 years old or whenever you started bleeding, or whenever a man started to feel something in his body, like, what would you want to hear?
11:58: And so I have them do a whole script and then they play that back to themselves and then they get to feel, where does it feel sticky?
12:06: Where does it feel not true?
12:07: Where does it like, I can’t really get on board with that.
12:10: We bring that part to the table, we talk to it, we, we see that most of the time it’s a protector.
12:16: And so how can we let this protector know like, hey, I’m in charge now, and I want a different story for my life and so I’m going to keep you safe and you’re OK and we’re gonna just start with some like touching of the thighs or like maybe just holding my breasts and it’s not gonna go any more further than that.
12:37: And in order to even get to that point, it’s knowing our bodies, yes and no.
12:43: And so I’ll guide them through a practice of like place your hands just over your belly and listen.
12:49: Does your body want your hands on your belly?
12:51: Is it a yes.
12:52: Is it a no?
12:53: Is it a maybe?
12:54: If it’s a maybe, OK, hang out there for a little longer.
12:56: If it’s a no, let’s let’s come back later, and then we’ll move maybe to the breast.
13:01: Same thing, and then we’ll move to genitals, same thing.
13:04: And you want to wait for your body to go, OK, maybe a little.
13:07: Closer, OK, like it’s such a slow process that I don’t want to ever push anyone into this because there is so much conditioning of, oh, I’m doing something bad.
13:19: oh, I’m gonna lose love, I’m gonna lose belonging.
13:21: So it’s a slow process.
13:23: And then from there, like just going deeper into exploration of the body, whether it’s, you know, breast massage, which is a big way women open sexually through their breasts, through their hearts, through.
13:38: Like we don’t go straight to gentles on a woman, but a man does.
13:41: That’s how he opens his heart is through his genitals.
13:43: So it’s like we’re backwards.
13:45: And so how do we honor each other’s unique sexualities, and learn to open each other in a different way.
13:52: That’s taking it even further into couples work.
13:55: But that talks a little bit about the dynamics.
13:58: Yeah, yeah.
13:59: So yeah, starting, starting with just boundaries and touch and stories and new narratives and Which I think is a beautiful place to start just because I just don’t think women are thinking about that daily, you know, like whether maybe you do put lotion on your body every single day, but it just feels like I have this vision of this like high achieving woman that’s just like, alright, yeah, and now I got.
14:21: Shower da da da da da like you didn’t feel anything in your body, right?
14:25: Like there is no sense of like, that feels really good, or scratching feels really good or like the sensation feels really good.
14:31: So you’re talking about like connecting to their body’s language of how they communicate back to you.
14:37: And everybody, everybody, everybody is different.
14:41: , like, even like, what, what’s it feel like to just like stroke your face?
14:45: And I’m not saying it’s not bad to like get in the shower and like do like I’m out way most times and sometimes I actually need to set an actual container for myself to be in this work because we all lead very busy lives and we can’t slowly caress our bodies with lotion every day after a shower.
15:04: So it’s like how do you now set the container for yourself, like a ritual where you light a candle and put on some music and.
15:11: And like, oh, OK, I like this.
15:14: OK, this, this feels a little weird or it’s just literally just an exploration.
15:19: Hm, I, I, I did this for myself when I was single and so interesting now that I’m in a, in partnership that I don’t really set time like I do sometimes like when I do like my Semitic practices and I dive in, but but like from an intimacy perspective or like touching myself and connecting to my pleasure, I don’t think I do as often just because I received so much of that in my container.
15:41: So I wonder like shifting maybe a little bit into like couples work like.
15:45: One, what does it look like to do this in couple work, but then two, like remembering that you also have to take care of yourself and like what does that look like to create your own rituals for you.
15:54: Yeah, even though you aren’t maybe you have already called in this partnership where you feel so divinely connected and you receive what you receive, but there’s nothing like you being with you.
16:05: Yeah, and we don’t.
16:07: I want to also take away the myth that you you know you’re the right partner when they do know how to touch your body right in the right ways or you have the best sex from the start or it’s like, no, that’s actually not, that doesn’t mean you’re in the right partnership, for so many reasons.
16:28: Let’s talk about that.
16:29: , yeah, it’s so it’s, I, I come, I’ve come across this in my own life.
16:36: I’m with my now partner.
16:37: It’s been 2.5 years and I had my, my practices in the beginning and coming from Tantra and this background which so many of us don’t even talk about sexuality.
16:49: It’s like.
16:49: Oh, sexuality work?
16:51: What’s that?
16:51: OK, I’m, I, I go to therapy.
16:52: That’s enough for I’m gonna go to this retreat.
16:54: OK, that’s enough.
16:55: And it’s like nobody really wants to touch this part.
16:57: So most people haven’t done sexuality work and that’s OK.
17:03: So when I came into my partnership today of like, OK, let’s do let’s do eye contact and breathing and That’s just so massage.
17:14: Like he’s like, oh wait, what?
17:16: Like he, you know, didn’t say that, but it was very like, you gotta slow down with me.
17:22: Like not everybody is ready to be glared at in the eyes and deep belly breathing and opening our hearts together like so I got to be humbled.
17:32: I love it.
17:33: Oh my God.
17:34: It’s so true because if you start this work on your own and you go to those rooms, right, you’re in the containers and you’re like eye contact, yes, that’s eye glaze and like we’re breathing and it feels so natural to us, but then when you introduce that to someone else, they’re like.
17:49: What are you talking Yeah, I mean, just in my, with my partner now, I mean, it’s been such a beautiful unraveling or unbecoming of.
18:01: Like if I would have in the beginning went off of oh like he can’t meet me right now and with this I contract right now I’m gonna leave like he’s not my person, yeah, like I would have missed out on no like there is, yeah, especially for a man like they open at a different pace like it’s we’re not, they don’t even open like a woman like with vulnerability like they haven’t been taught that that’s even safe.
18:25: So the patience that I got to humbly.
18:31: Practice with myself, with him.
18:34: And now today, like our intimacy and our rituals and our practices, like they’re rich and he feels safer in them to actually sit there and look at me in my eyes and breathe.
18:49: And because I didn’t make him wrong, and I didn’t shame him because he couldn’t meet me there.
18:56: It was, no, like.
18:59: You can, I feel that for the most part women are ahead in spirituality work or personal development, and we are, we’re the feminine, we’re always looking for more and we’re always gonna be that way, and our men aren’t supposed to be right there with us on the same path.
19:14: Like we are the leaders in that, especially in love, we are the leaders in love.
19:18: So I would say got way off topic off your question, but I yeah, we love it.
19:25: I would say that.
19:28: How do you, how do you want to bring this in with your partner is, is being curious with what they’re comfortable with, or, hey, can we just try this for a minute?
19:37: And literally like maybe even setting a timer of can we just sit together, cross-legged or facing each other or straddling each other.
19:45: Maybe it’s not even eye contact yet.
19:46: Maybe we’re just like sinking our breath together, and that’s it.
19:51: And we just do it for a minute and let’s just like ease our way into it.
19:54: And so I would say that’s huge if you’re bringing this to your partner for the first time, and then for self practice or like your own ritual.
20:05: There’s something that you get when you’re on your own or by yourself in a practice of of it can go at your pace, you can slow down, you can Take yourself into places maybe you can’t do with a partner right away because you’re more comfortable by yourself.
20:25: And so there’s such this this safety that you can have more exploration by yourself versus with a partner at first.
20:33: Because intimacy is scary and intimacy is vulnerable and even couples who have been together for 5, 10 years like some we don’t really even cross cross these thresholds because it’s scary.
20:47: And so when we put those that time away for ourselves to explore our bodies, it just feels safer before you bring that into your partnership.
20:58: I love that you’re saying take the breath even like something so simple because Anyone, you know, a lot of people that listen to this, like they’re very mind oriented.
21:08: They’re very like task oriented, do do do do.
21:11: And there is something like I can attest in my own relationship like when you drop into your body, the connection and the passion and just the energy that’s going together is so much more powerful than when you’re like in your head trying to be intimate and also like, did I do this?
21:30: Did I do that?
21:30: Did I do that?
21:31: And then you’re like, why can’t I orgasm?
21:32: Why can’t I do this?
21:33: It’s like, oh well, I’m thinking about 20 different things over here.
21:37: So I feel like it’s beautiful that you can, it really can be simple, is what I hear you’re saying.
21:42: It doesn’t have to be like we don’t have to go into like, let’s try these 10 tantra positions.
21:48: Like maybe we just take 5 deep breaths together before we like become intimate together or connect and I love that.
21:54: I think it’s such a great starting point for people that are that are listening that are just like, I, you know, setting the time aside.
22:02: Yeah, and I love that you’re bringing that up about how you’re in your head and we come into sex and it’s like, why am I not orgasming?
22:09: And, and this is why it’s so important for a woman to a woman to orgasm because it’s where she finally gets to detach from the mind because a woman is going.
22:22: In 50 million different directions in her mind at all times.
22:26: And this is also why she loves when her man plans a date because it’s like, oh, I don’t have to think about it.
22:31: So it’s the same with sex.
22:32: It’s like, how do you take the responsibility for yourself and not put it on your partner to bring you pleasure, to put you in your body, and this is where pleasure is so important for a woman because it’s her fuel.
22:46: Like for my partner and I, if we’ve had really long weeks and we now have like.
22:51: We have a scheduled sacred sex date now once a week that we have time.
22:57: And if we’re not feeling it yet, like for me, it’s, I take on like the responsibility for my own self.
23:05: Like I’m gonna like bring on my own pleasure.
23:08: I’m gonna put on some music and dance for him or because it feels good to my body or I’m gonna like just rub up against him and put on some lingerie because it feels good for my body and what it’s what helps me drop into From the head to the body and pleasure.
23:23: Like our pleasure is used for so many, like it’s a tool.
23:27: It’s not just, oh, frivolous.
23:29: It really is a tool.
23:31: So now you bring up scheduling sex, which I love and we’ve done that.
23:35: And I and I actually, I love scheduling sex because one, when you’re living such a full life, like especially like if you are a woman that’s listening to this, like you want more for your life, so you’re probably doing.
23:46: The corporate and the side hustle and the business and doing all the things and so it can get so easy or when you have kids and you’re like, but the kids are so much more important like connecting is the last thing I’m thinking about.
23:56: But I’m thinking about someone in my life that had tried to schedule.
24:02: Intimacy dates with their partner and their partner was just so like you want to start scheduling sex.
24:09: Like that’s not gonna happen.
24:11: Like, what do you mean?
24:12: Like they made it about themselves.
24:14: Like clearly something came up within them.
24:16: So if women start to bring up this idea, so like, hey honey, like everyone’s there every Sunday or whatever our date is this week, like I would love for us to like drop it and connect.
24:25: And I think the other thing I want to add to that, like I feel like it doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual either.
24:30: Like connecting can be as simple as like touching and giving each other a hug, you know, it could be as simple as like eye contact that you say.
24:37: And so when, how would you suggest a woman that’s having that conversation inviting their partner in because like you said, women tend to lead in this love.
24:47: And so what would you say to that person that struggles to like, oh but my husband’s not on board with this idea.
24:53: What do I do?
24:55: First, don’t demand it.
24:59: I, I, I, that’s a lesson I continue to have to humble myself in, but I come, I come across this a lot is, well, the myth out there and what media shows us is it should just be spontaneous and if it’s not spontaneous, then we’re either in the wrong partnership or we’re doing something wrong or we’re not sexy enough to draw in our husband or partner’s attention and it’s like.
25:26: No, like you said, there’s so many other things going on that if we don’t create the container for us to explore, sometimes it never gets done.
25:36: And so how do we invite them in is, hey, I’d really, I really love to like kiss and make out.
25:43: Can we spend some time maybe such and such day, or, hey, I’d really love to feel your body on mine and spend some time naked.
25:51: Can we, you know, put this on the calendar like.
25:54: Starting with what you’d love to feel from them, starting with what you’d love to experience with them and inviting them in that way versus, hey, we need this, we haven’t had sex in a while.
26:06: I’m I’m saying this because this is a learned experience of how do I like let you know what I’m really feeling and it’s vulnerable like that’s where you build the intimacy is.
26:17: I really want to feel like, I really wanna I really wanna feel you worship my body.
26:22: I really want to feel close to you.
26:24: And just start there.
26:26: I think what’s hard for some women is like they’ll say like, I just won’t feel close to you, but they don’t really know what that means.
26:33: You know, like what does that mean?
26:35: Like you know you’re like you feel like you’re so far away and like you’re living your world and I’m living my world, but like you feel like you’re so far away I just want you to get closer to me.
26:44: And I think when someone hears that they’re like, what do you mean babe?
26:47: I’m like right here, we do life together.
26:50: But and so I think the invitation there for women that are listening too.
26:52: like getting really clear on journaling.
26:54: I don’t know if there’s like a journaling exercise, but asking like what does that actually mean to you?
26:59: Like details details because I think even for women it’s difficult if you’re not used to feeling safe to express this or don’t feel vulnerable enough to say like, I just want to feel us naked together.
27:11: Like that in itself feels so good when you’re just like hugging your partner and you’re just laying in bed naked together and you’re just connected.
27:19: And so I think for women, there’s also that invitation to get a little clear on what you really want.
27:26: And I love that you’re bringing this up because if we’re here to become responsible and sovereign, and that’s sovereign in your desires, if you’re the one desiring the sex, or if you’re the one desiring the closeness, or you’re the one desiring, you want to feel your partner closer to you, I know I’ll say a lot, like I just I want to feel your heart.
27:49: And yeah, for a man, they need more details.
27:52: They need to know, well how, so how can I invite him into an experience where he can feel his heart or where we can like play and so it’s like if I think there.
28:05: There’s a princess narrative out there with Disney and media that it’s like he should just want me and chase me and desire me and know exactly what to know exactly what to do.
28:16: And if he’s not, then I’m doing something wrong and I got to go fix something.
28:21: And it’s like, no.
28:23: But you are the one with the desire, and are you truly open for him to come closer or are you in your like controlling and demanding and criticizing?
28:34: Like, are you an invitation for him even to get closer to you?
28:38: And this doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, but it’s more like just taking an inventory of like.
28:43: Am I the invitation for that?
28:45: And if I’m not like, well, how not without shaming myself, well, what is it?
28:49: Like, do I need to go have a day taking care of myself?
28:53: Do I need to go have a ritual where I can drop back into my body so that I can feel myself so that he can feel me?
29:01: Like it’s so much it starts with us.
29:04: I love that you say that again, like I have to feel myself so that he can feel me.
29:09: Like, are you, yeah.
29:13: Well, it’s so much with like, like say in sex is I want to feel my man’s heart.
29:19: So if I want to feel my man’s heart in sex, I need to show more of my heart.
29:24: Like it’s, it always comes back to I am receiving the mirror to a certain degree, not exact or identical, but if I’m, if this person is my mirror, how am I showing up?
29:36: You only go as deep as you’re willing to open with somebody, but it starts with ourselves.
29:41: Yeah, I love that.
29:43: So good.
29:45: Wow, I’m learning so much.
29:48: I’m like reflecting on my own experiences.
29:51: I love this and it’s never perfect.
29:52: Yeah, like I teach this stuff because I needed to learn it and I’ve been teaching this stuff or coaching in this stuff for 6 years and I’m still humbled every day.
30:02: Yeah, I was just reflecting too on the fact that.
30:04: I mean, I could implement a lot of this and I love it and I’m going to, I think it’s, it’s all sinking in the back of my mind, but I think about how when my husband and I first met, there was so much sexual trauma between separately for each of us, a lot on my part too.
30:19: And what like by creating those intimate containers, we’ve healed so much and the sex is just better than ever.
30:25: And I think that there’s always more.
30:27: To do, as you say, like we can implement more of this, but there is, it’s just like really reiterating, wow, this stuff really works when you do it, you know, but we do avoid it.
30:37: Like even now, and we get busy and we put it as the last thing, even though like we are creators and it is our creative energy.
30:47: and I sometimes like think about as an artist, like how much.
30:50: More I could unlock if I focused more time on that.
30:54: And I think that we, it’s really easy in today’s world.
30:56: I want, and I think you could probably test this of like, it’s so easy we like put the priorities backwards, like the connection with ourselves, the connection with our intimacy, the connection with our partners seems to be at the back and like making money and and achieving and all these other superficial things are kind of at the forefront.
31:13: And I think that this is such a beautiful reminder that like when you put this in the forefront all the other stuff comes even more so and so that leads me to my question, which is what are some of the results and the things that you’ve seen in your life or in client’s life that has come from prioritizing like this experience like how can we share with people like hey, if you do this, this is what you get.
31:40: And you can hear more than one.
31:41: Great question.
31:43: Well, you think about like.
31:47: There’s something out there that says, which I’m here to debunk, there’s something out there that says, married men live longer.
31:56: Married men live happier lives, and married women aren’t as happy.
32:02: Married women don’t live as long.
32:05: And I know this isn’t directly related to your question, but it’s going to lead there.
32:09: It’s like, no, we can debunk that because I believe that’s the, that’s the.
32:15: What’s the word I’m looking for?
32:18: That’s the statistic because women aren’t living fully expressed because women aren’t sharing what’s on their heart because they’re living with resentment because they’re over caretaking and forgetting about themselves because, so I believe that statistic is there because of that.
32:33: And when we prioritize love, intimacy, sex, like that is our glue.
32:42: Like if you go, when I go more than a week without having sex with my partner.
32:46: You can feel it in our house.
32:47: There’s more tension between us.
32:49: There’s stuff that’s I’m more sensitive to.
32:52: He’s more stressed out.
32:53: And the moment that we like have some time with intimacy, however that looks, like we’re both like, oh my God, it’s such medicine.
33:03: And although When we get into ejaculation and like a man’s chi and how that can deplete him, like that’s a whole another topic.
33:12: So we’re very careful like we don’t, we don’t want to do that all the time for a man because that does deplete him from his mission.
33:19: But when we are bringing in intimacy as the focus.
33:24: The home is more calm.
33:26: He’s able to step more into his career from a much more centered place.
33:30: I’m more creative in my business.
33:33: business is flowing in more because we’ve got that connection in our home.
33:38: it’s actually proven that you make more money when you are prioritizing sex.
33:44: This is all sex magic.
33:46: It’s like when there’s pleasure and there’s connection and you’re at that high vibration because pleasure is such a high vibration.
33:52: What it is you’re wanting to create that vision in the world has a place to attach to, has a vibration to go with the manifestation.
34:01: So this is why sex magic happens or works because of that reason.
34:06: So when you’re bringing in that positive or higher vibration between you and your partner, it emanates not just in your home, but in your businesses, in your communities.
34:16: And this is why I believe sacred union or divine union is such a buzzword right now because If you’re living truly a conscious relationship and you’re shining a light on all the things that are not love and bringing them to love to that truth, which love is, higher vibration.
34:32: Then that goes out into your worlds.
34:34: And so you’re not only doing it for you and him and the relationship, it is so much bigger than that and people feel your vibration and are inspired by that.
34:44: So sex and intimacy is like, yeah, that is your glue, that is your foundation for the rest of your lives.
34:52: Not just for you though, for your, your communities.
34:54: I love that.
34:55: Too, because so many people, I always like my true deep belief is that if you heal yourself, you will heal the world.
35:03: If you want to see change in the world, you have to start here.
35:06: If you could go volunteer at a soup kitchen and do all the things, but if you’re emanating anger, frustration, fear, sadness, like that energy is so much more powerful in the wrong way than like going.
35:17: And volunteering versus healing your heart and coming from love and being love as you walk through the world.
35:23: So just props to that statement because amen sister, like that’s so true, you know, is that it’s so powerful when you’re living from your heart space and sex, well, not all sex, but sex and intimacy sacred union with your partner.
35:41: Helps you drop into your heart, helps you drop into that different vibration.
35:45: You lead a little softer, you lead a little more embodied and you’re whoever you’re surrounded by picks up on that.
35:54: And so yeah, if you’re going to the soup kitchen and you’re angry and resentful, it’s like you’re not truly serving.
36:00: You’re not here with the ego serving, not the heart serving.
36:04: I love that and I think it’s, it could be said exactly as you mentioned earlier, like if you’re not in partnership, just being with yourself and tapping in.
36:12: That’s, I know that some of the, I know not everyone might know what sex sex magic is, but it can be done alone.
36:18: Maybe you can actually share what it is.
36:20: You’re that yeah, exactly like I’m the one to butcher it, but I know it doesn’t even have to be.
36:26: We, what, you know, the tauntra practice of sex magic, it could literally just be like, for me, I would just set a timer like I’m going to be in my room for 30 minutes.
36:35: I’m going to light some candles and set an intention and play some music and maybe dance or a little sensual movement to drop into my body or lay there on my bed with my hands cupping my breasts and breathing and just feeling like, what’s alive?
36:50: What’s there?
36:51: How am I feeling?
36:52: Like as I’m Defrosting from my day like what wants to come through and so the the.
37:00: The practice of sex magic is turning your body on, maybe starting with some self-body massage or breast massage, and then moving to, your root chakra around, you know, the base of your spine and bringing pleasure there and letting that pleasure move up from the root to your sacral.
37:22: And you’ll literally feel, just as we feel turn on in our genitals, you can start to move that energy up your chakras.
37:29: And so, As you go in with that intention or whatever you’re wanting to call in, you bring it into that pleasure practice and that pleasure as you’re moving it, you’re slowly bringing it up all the chakras, so you’ll sit there for a little while and feel the pleasure.
37:45: Can you move the pleasure from your yoni to your heart?
37:48: And can you just play in that pleasure for a little while and then can you move it to your throat and feel the buzzing or the sensation?
37:54: And it doesn’t mean your throat can’t be like has an orgasm.
37:57: Maybe it can depending on what you’re doing, but it’s like just about feelings, energy move and feeling sensation on that level.
38:06: And then bringing it to the third eye, and then feeling that yourself get closer to climax maybe.
38:12: And then with that intention or manifestation, bringing that pleasure all the way up through the crown of your head, and as you’re climaxing, it’s like you’re shooting it up and out into the ethers, into the universe, into God, and then you’re maybe moving into like the microcosmic orbit breath where you’re circling it up from root chakra to the crown of the head, back down the spine.
38:35: And then being in that vibration of orgasm, pleasure, just it could be, it doesn’t even have to be a full climax, but allowing yourself to really move pleasure throughout your entire chakra system.
38:48: As you talk about this, I think about like, OK, you’re talking about a lot of time.
38:54: Be like that’s a really beautiful practice and not because I’ve also learned how to slow down with myself.
38:59: So I think about this for women like I think when you talk about pleasure, especially in an intimate space, it’s like I want it quick.
39:05: I want it quickly.
39:06: What do you mean?
39:06: I have to sit here and be in the pleasure without touching myself.
39:09: I have to breathe the aliveness through my chest and I’m like, yes, it’s a beautiful practice.
39:14: And so I’m curious like what has it been like for you or any of your clients to like.
39:18: Great capacity to hold pleasure.
39:21: I think so many people think that’s hard and it’s like I think men do this as well.
39:24: So I know from like a men’s perspective, but from a woman’s perspective, like learning to slow down and learning to enjoy the feelings.
39:32: I be like, oh, because I found like in learning how to slow down and be in pleasure in myself, there’s like this magic that happens.
39:39: I give myself permission to feel things and do things in the bedroom that I didn’t think I liked, you know what I mean?
39:46: But it’s from a place like if my mind was thinking like, oh if I do that.
39:51: That’s a little ed shouldn’t do it.
39:52: And so when you create this capacity for pleasure, one, how do you do that?
39:56: And then 2, what does it unlock for even more pleasure and things that you didn’t think you liked to go through.
40:02: I love that.
40:03: , you’re, I mean, there’s a, there is a thing there.
40:07: We have thresholds.
40:07: So just like we have thresholds for pain, we have thresholds for pleasure, and the more that we can allow pleasure, we move that threshold and the more that we can be in our pain, we move the threshold for pleasure as well.
40:20: So it’s like there’s a quote out there, it says something, it’s like, The more you can feel your pain, the more you have access to your pleasure.
40:26: And yeah, we actually get uncomfortable with pleasure.
40:30: If we hit too much or it’s gone too long, it’s like, OK, I can’t, I can’t receive anymore.
40:35: We look like we start to, yeah, tap down.
40:38: I can’t do anymore.
40:40: And as well as a person who thought that, you know, fast sex was the way that you were supposed to have sex and that clitoral orgasm was the way that you were supposed to get turned on.
40:50: But when we slowed down, like you said, there’s like so much more magic there.
40:54: Like a woman truly doesn’t open like a minimum of 20 to 30 minutes.
41:02: And why I believe a lot of women can’t orgasm is because we’re, it’s too fast, because she hasn’t been able to open and fully engorge because when she can engorge, she has access to so much more pleasure.
41:16: And so knowing that there’s something there we are missing when we just use a vibrator or we’re just having a quickie, and this is something my part partner has been able to learn through me is like, No, no, let’s, let’s like draw it out for a couple of hours, and he’s like, what?
41:35: Like that’s a long time.
41:37: And now that we’ve been practicing this, and if we’ll have an occasional quickie, he’s like, oh yeah, I like the slower sex so much better because there’s so much more to feel and so much laughing because in like an hour.
41:54: Yeah, I mean it.
41:55: Yeah, my husband probably loved that.
41:59: I gotta work on that.
42:01: Well, you just start like you said, like timing, like that’s why the calendar date is so important.
42:07: That and I think when you, I, for my own personal experience, once I gave myself permission to feel pleasure, time was forgotten it is it is an hour and I’m not thinking about it.
42:17: Yeah, like sometimes like I’m like, babe, it’s 10:30.
42:22: We go to bed at 8.
42:23: What do you do?
42:24: I’m like, wait, what?
42:25: I’m going to a late tomorrow.
42:27: But I think when you give yourself to surrender and to drop into what you’re speaking, there’s so much that happens that you’re just nothing else exists, but it’s really hard for women when you’re thinking so much.
42:38: Yeah, because keep going when we.
42:40: I mean, there’s that quote of like, you know, you you can something about like a woman can talk, you can talk to God when you allow yourself to have slow sex like because you get into such this altered state and this is where I believe like sex is spiritual.
42:59: Sex is does open you up to, you’re mixing energies with someone.
43:03: This is also why I don’t believe in casual sex.
43:05: Like, you are taking on someone else’s everything with your everything.
43:11: And so when you’re in this for a period of time that’s longer than just wham bam, thank you, ma’am, like.
43:18: You’re getting to meet each other in deeper ways.
43:21: You’re getting to feel things that maybe neither one of you have felt with each other in a deeper way.
43:26: I, I find the longer and the slower a woman is drawn to tears or laughter or like anger or like there’s, there’s stuff.
43:36: There that comes up.
43:38: This is why also sex is so healing.
43:40: And so in order to to get there, and it’s not like a goal, but in order to like achieve, in order to access that, you need the you need the time so that you can drop into your body because like you said, we’re in our minds a lot.
43:55: So we need time to to to drop in to feel.
43:58: I love that you say like crying and opening.
44:01: I’ve cried so much during over the years and I think it is because and you know, I feel very blessed to have a partner that was able to hold me in that space, but I also think knowing.
44:10: That that’s OK and like giving yourself permission to feel the discomfort, the anger, the frustration, the, the sadness, like whatever’s in there coming up.
44:21: I, I just think that’s such a beautiful invitation for people listening.
44:25: I also feel like Something I hear a lot, especially from like really type A women is I’m not creative.
44:32: I’m not creative, but this is like a form of creativity.
44:35: So maybe this is your creativity that we can encourage women to like play with, but I feel like we love to block ourselves sometimes of these opportunities to go deeper or to to invite ourselves into discomfort and this is like another, this is the ultimate level I think maybe you’d agree of discomfort that we sit in or avoid.
44:57: Absolutely, yeah, I wanna transition a little bit into like where this has brought you now in your life.
45:05: So obviously this has been quite a journey for everything you’ve shared and how is it how is it taking you to where you are now and like what, what is your desire now to to manifest or bring into the world?
45:17: Like how has it evolved to you?
45:20: That’s a big one.
45:21: , You know, looking back when I started the sexuality work and where I was at, I had done, you know, some relationship courses with like Alison Armstrong.
45:35: I had done some John Wyland work and David Dao was some polarity work.
45:39: I had done a lot of talk therapy and it was all living in the head and it was all this, which is this is how we, I believe we learned the steps to learning.
45:51: It’s like all of a sudden you’ve got all this knowledge and But it hasn’t, you don’t know it yet.
45:56: And so for a while, I just lived in, oh, this is how I have to be and this is what I have to do.
46:02: And then I dropped into this, the sexual work, the sexuality work, and I was like, OK, now I’m feeling OK.
46:10: I, I know pleasure is good and I know that I can be this expressed woman, but it was still like coming from my mind because I still hadn’t had enough practice in my body.
46:21: And so through the years and through.
46:27: Hardships and challenges of getting to meet myself.
46:33: Gosh, it, it, it’s so much more than just.
46:37: Either theory and knowledge and like having an orgasm is to like, oh wait, I’m a full ecosystem.
46:45: So I can provide not only pleasure and knowledge for my brain, it’s how do I create safety in my body on even such a deeper level by someone breaking your trust or betrayal or like All these invitations we get from the outside world to like, how do I strengthen my being?
47:06: How do I become fully expressed not only with my desires and my pleasure and my play, but also my grief and my longing and the darker emotions.
47:19: And so I would say it started out as head and orgasms, and then it went into, we A second, I’m missing like all these parts of myself, whether it was parts of me that have people pleased, and parts of me that have not trusted, and parts of me that have carry around a wound of betrayal because I’m abandoning myself, or parts of me that are so scared of abandonment because I’m abandoning myself.
47:46: So it went to such a deeper level like it dropped me into the darker shadowy parts.
47:53: That I got to feel on a really embodied level.
47:56: I just came out of a really deep portal with my partner and his addiction journey and recovery and what I got to see in myself through a break of trust, I got to learn to trust myself.
48:08: Through a betrayal, I got to see where I was betraying myself.
48:12: Through feeling abandoned, I got to show up for my inner child.
48:16: And so it’s gone to all these.
48:18: deeper levels of sovereignty of like this power that may start as knowing in the mind and orgasms to a fully expressed woman.
48:32: Whether I’m not just expressing my pleasure and my play and my happiness and my femininity, it’s like, no, your femininity is so much even deeper than that or your emotions go so much deeper like.
48:43: It’s safe to be in my rage.
48:45: It’s safe to be in my anger.
48:48: It doesn’t mean I get to project it on you.
48:49: That’s coming from a wound, but it’s safe to feel everything, the full range, the full expression, and the more that I can live in that, the more I’m living in truth.
48:59: And so I would say that’s kind of where I’m at today is how do I show up in truth no matter what the cost is, no matter, no relationship, no friendship, no client is more important than me being true to myself.
49:14: Amen.
49:14: Yes, like this is what the podcast is about.
49:18: It was just funny because when that question I was like, huh, what is like what are we gonna talk about today?
49:23: It’s really like, yeah, I think what’s so beautiful about what you just said is like you’re inviting all parts of you.
49:30: You’re inviting the ones that you admire and that you love and that you want to play in, but you’re also inviting the parts of you that are messy and.
49:37: Weird and scary and too much to yourself, right?
49:40: And then eventually once they feel welcome, they’re like, oh, I’m holding the capacity with all of it.
49:45: And I love so much what you said too, you also said that it’s not like you taking it out on someone else because that’s coming from a wound, but giving yourself permission to just feel it because it’s there.
49:55: And I think that is such a gift.
49:56: I also received that gift you’re like my somatic course and it was one of the permissions that I was like, wait.
50:01: I can feel angry and like not make this about anyone else.
50:05: Like I just give myself to be angry because it’s here and I get to be with that and love it and get to know it and be like, what does this part need or what does it desire?
50:13: What does it what does it get to be with and explore that depth of myone and it creates a capacity to open other doors like.
50:20: I have felt in my own like anger, for example, being able to express anger, be in my rage in like a way that doesn’t feel like I’m pushing it on to someone else or making it about them, like being in my own process and releasing it.
50:31: I feel so much clarity on the other side of it.
50:34: I’m like, wow, I feel so much more connected to myself.
50:37: Like, why did I avoid this rage that I have within me?
50:40: That rage can sound scary, but in a lot of ways it’s a part of our process, it’s part of our being, and it’s talking to us, like another part of us.
50:47: Yeah, I mean, I used to make anger wrong especially like if it came from my partner.
50:53: Don’t raise your voice.
50:54: Yeah.
50:54: And I was like, wait, why am I not being with my own anger?
50:58: How am I not being OK with anger?
51:00: And anger is really powerful, so powerful.
51:03: Yeah, and what I’ve learned with anger like it wants to be met with anger.
51:06: So like I think sometimes people are like, oh, like I’m just gonna to release anger, but it’s really like, how do I meet myself in the anger because it wants to be expressed, it wants to be met.
51:15: And what’s so interesting in relationship dynamics because I also expressed this because when my mom would scream so much when I was younger and I’d be like, that’s too much for me screaming.
51:24: Yeah, he would be like, I don’t like this.
51:26: And so when everyone else would scream, I would just like shrink and get really small.
51:30: And then once I learned how to be with my own anger, it was like, wow, I can meet you in this and I can actually not run away from this, but I can get curious about like what’s coming up for you.
51:39: What’s going on behind the scenes?
51:41: Like, wow, let’s talk about it.
51:42: Like, let’s be in that together.
51:44: Like I’m not shutting down.
51:45: Like I’m gonna be able to hold this with you and I get to learn more and it’s been interesting like meeting anger in the same capacity, not by like fighting at each other, but with love and compassion, then we both soften.
51:57: A big celebration to you because that is not easy spiritual work.
52:02: It’s hard.
52:02: I think it’s also what you spoke to about it’s a mirror for you to invite yourself into the feeling that is coming up through the partner, the friend, the experience.
52:12: That’s been like the ultimate question that I try to ask myself is what is this showing to me?
52:17: What is this?
52:18: Ming to me and that’s what it sounds like you got to invite yourself into your own betrayal, into your own frustration.
52:24: And so often we like immediately go, it’s your fault.
52:27: Like we want to place the blame on the other person instead of going, oh, they’re inviting me into this feeling in myself, because if it wasn’t a trigger, you would just be like, oh, OK, you did that, and that sucks, like, or not.
52:39: Even affected, not even, it’s like when I try to tell people like you can experience something when it’s not a trigger for you, you can hold that space and just sit in that that place and observe, but when it’s a trigger it’s inviting you to heal it in yourself.
52:52: And I think that’s the ultimate like realization and challenge that we all face when we’re like dealing with partnerships and relationships and.
53:00: Being fully expressed.
53:02: Yeah, I think, I think so much about like men in my life where they’re like scared to let that part of them through, especially like anger or rage because they’ve been holding it for so long.
53:13: And I’ve heard them say in relationship, like, I don’t know if I bring this if my like my woman, my partner can hold it.
53:20: And I feel for men so much sometimes in that because I’m like, I, I get it.
53:24: Like sometimes men can get really scary and like if it comes from a wound, it’s not to your point, not healthy.
53:31: But what would it be like for us women, I think sometimes like if I create the capacity for me to be with my own anger and rage, I have the capacity to hold someone else’s.
53:40: Yeah.
53:41: It’s like the deeper that we go within ourselves and we create capacity within ourselves, the deeper we get to meet in that.
53:46: It goes back to your pleasure.
53:47: The deeper that I create a pleasure capacity for pleasure in myself, the more I’ll be able to meet someone else in their pleasure.
53:54: And like literally it just feels like magic.
53:57: It just feels like being met in a way that neither of you waver.
54:00: It’s just being met.
54:03: So conscious relationships, I mean yeah, I’m so grateful for my partner because of the challenges that I, through those challenges, I really got to meet more of myself like, wow, thank you for the struggles and the hardships and what we faced together, because I got to meet more of who I am.
54:24: And the beauty is we talk about this is like you can feel those feelings and you can face them in yourself and and at the same time you can recognize the beauty of your partnership and the person that you love and like, oh I love him because of all A, B, C, D, E, but also holy shit, I’m so angry about that, you know, like it gives you permission.
54:44: Yeah, instead of being like, well, I can’t say that because he does all these things, right?
54:47: So it’s It’s OK.
54:48: It’s like, no, I’m angry and I love you too, you know, like, and that is also an invitation to people to be like, you can hold all of it.
54:56: Like it’s like when you lose somebody in your life, it’s like you can hold the grief and find joy.
55:00: It’s like the beauty of death and birth and rebirth and I think we’ve lost our way in like giving ourselves permission to to hold more than one thing at once.
55:12: Amen.
55:12: Yeah, yeah, love it.
55:15: I mean, we didn’t even get to ask you a question directly, but is there anything else in your life today that you feel called to be more fully expressed?
55:23: This is new life, relationships, or business.
55:25: Like I would just love to hear like, where are you feeling called to step into your fullest expression and really honor this like divine truth that you’ve stepped into.
55:33: Yeah, I, I love the question and Taking myself out of the equation.
55:41: It’s, it’s not personal.
55:43: So I, what I’ve done a lot is like, oh, I can’t share that or oh who am I to share that or who am I to lead that or who am I to host a retreat.
55:53: And it’s like, it’s not about me.
55:55: I have medicine that’s there and I’m the vessel for it to come through and I’m serving.
56:02: It’s not like this ego thing of like, oh, I’m doing this thing so that I can get this thing.
56:08: So I think where my invitation is now is lean into more the serving person or serving identity versus like, who am I to do this or who am I to be.
56:20: Like a witch or a healer or a sex magic facilitator, or it’s not, it’s not about that.
56:26: It’s like, who are you not to or where do I get to serve people who need this exact medicine.
56:33: So, most of my work is online and so as I was sharing with you earlier of like really being called to be in person and to feel people and for us to be in a more intimate container, and so whether that’s retreats or really wanting to hold something monthly that’s a regular thing where we get together.
56:52: And then I love couples work, so I would love to have like a monthly date night where men and women come and gather and I guide them through an intimacy practice or something for them and it’s once a month.
57:05: Like I’m, I, I feel that calling as well, but it’s all in person.
57:08: What, what’s next?
57:11: I love that.
57:12: yes to all of you.
57:13: So yeah, I love it.
57:17: That’s so great.
57:18: So where can people find you or?
57:21: Get to know more of you if they want to tap in.
57:23: , my name, Heidi Reve.com is my website and then also my Instagram is, that’s where I’m mostly at.
57:32: That’s been a relationship I had to heal as well as social media, but as I’m healing that I’m coming back more online, but that’s also first and last name, is my handle at IT.
57:46: A beautiful.
57:46: You have, I mean, you are the medicine that you carry and so I’m so excited for you to bring it to the world because just like as you’re sharing today, I hope you get to be on more podcasts.
57:56: Yeah, so you get to like put yourself out there because there’s so much to share and I think, yeah, I’m just so excited for people to feel you.
58:03: Thank you.
58:03: tapped into your femininity and your, I just that that it’s like you’re exuding a sexual energy that’s so embodied versus like flaunting or I don’t know, like no judgment in any capacity, but I love that you’re, you give off this like sexual confidence, but in a very ingrained and what’s the word aligned embodied way.
58:24: Thank you.
58:25: Yeah, I’m not, I’m not here to Give it away.
58:29: Yeah, no, I get something from someone.
58:32: Yeah, I am, yeah, and it’s so sacred.
58:34: Thank you.
58:35: One last compliment I will say too is like the language that you use.
58:38: We’ll just keep going.
58:40: I’ll just yeah just receive the language that you use and how you teach and how you share.
58:46: Like it’s a really beautiful way of how you explain it, so I just wanted to tap.
58:50: Thank you.
58:51: Thanks for having me.
58:51: Thank you so much.
58:54: This is a great time.
58:55: Thank you.
58:57: Thank you so much for tuning in.
58:58: We really appreciate you being here.
59:00: If you enjoyed this episode, we’d be grateful if you could leave us a review and share it with a friend.
59:05: Also, we would love to hear from you.
59:08: Reach out to us on Instagram and let us know where you feel inspired to express yourself as you embrace this next era.
59:15: We are here to support you and encourage you.
59:18: Before we go, we want to remind you that you are powerful and deserving a fully Expressing who you are.
59:23: Embracing your journey toward authenticity is a vital part of that process, and we’re grateful to be alongside you.
59:30: If you’re looking to dive deeper and connect with others who celebrate their true selves, we invite you to join our community.
59:36: It’s a virtual space for connection and accountability, where you can share your experiences and grow together.
59:42: You can find the link in our show notes.
59:44: We can’t wait to welcome you.
59:46: See you on the next one.
In this illuminating episode, we dive into:
- What to do when anxiety shows up in the bedroom
- Where to begin on the journey of discovering your pleasure
- How to turn yourself on and learn the unique language of your body
- Practices for creating a deep connection with your physical self
- Navigating religious dogma around sex and sensuality
- Setting a safe container to explore your body on your own terms
- Bringing this sensuality work into your romantic relationship
- Why putting intimacy at the forefront amplifies everything you receive
- Creating capacity for pleasure in your daily life
- Experiencing the full range of connection when you’re truly embodied
Links & Resources:
Website: heidirevay.com
Current Offers: 1:1 in private mentorship and in-person workshops (offer free consultation calls)
Connect with Heidi:
Instagram: @heidirevay
Email: hello@heidirevay.com
About Heidi:
Heidi Revay is an Intimacy & Love Coach dedicated to supporting powerful women in remembering who they truly are. She helps ambitious, heart-driven women heal the root cause of their painful patterns, feel safe and secure in their bodies, and step into their magnetic power in life, love, and purpose. Her passion lies in guiding people toward deeper love and connection, both within themselves and in their relationships.
With 20 years of experience in relationship and self-development work, Heidi has studied with some of the greatest minds in the field, including Alison Armstrong, Layla Martin, John Wineland, David Deida, and Chantell Raven. Through this journey, she began to heal and rewrite the stories that once kept her closed off from her own inherent love and aliveness. By embracing radical responsibility for her life and deepest desires for self-worth, love, intimacy, and union, she has made it her mission to help others do the same.
Blending deep embodiment practices, archetypal wisdom, and nervous system healing, Heidi creates a transformative space where women can unravel their conditioning and reconnect with their true essence. Her work is not just about relationships—it’s about liberation, self-trust, and the reclamation of personal power.
Heidi believes that the struggles people face in love and connection can be eased when met with presence and acceptance. She is here to take a stand for those ready to transform. Her mission is to see more people in deeply connected relationships while remaining rooted in their own truth. She serves the courageous souls who are ready to walk the path of liberation—gently shedding their armor, claiming their worth, and choosing love.
Whether you’re new to this work or looking to deepen your practice, this episode offers permission, tools, and truth-telling to help you step into your fullest expression of pleasure and presence.
Join The Fully Expressed Community, where you can be surrounded by other women who are also on the same path of personal growth, healing, and uncovering their authentic expression. Being in a community surrounded by others can truly be one of the most supporting and healing containers to support your personal invitation.
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