In this heartfelt and empowering episode, I sit down with writer, entrepreneur, and mama Marisa Donnelly to talk about the real behind juggling business, motherhood, and life as a stepparent.
This conversation is especially for the moms (and future moms) who are building something of their own while raising a family.
0:02: Welcome to the Fully Expressed podcast.
0:04: We’re your host Karenna and Samantha.
0:06: This show is your permission slip to stop holding back.
0:10: Here we talk about what it really means to live unapologetically you in your relationships, your business, and your everyday life.
0:17: We believe the most magnetic version of you is rooted in self-expression, honesty, vulnerability, and showing up fully as you are.
0:24: When you own that, you naturally attract the people, the opportunities, and the life that is meant for you.
0:30: Today’s conversation is for women that are entrepreneurs and want to be mothers or for mothers that are wanting to be entrepreneurs.
0:37: In this episode with Marisa Donnelly, she specifically talks about her journey to being an entrepreneur, but also stepping into motherhood.
0:44: What’s unique about her story is that she wasn’t necessarily given.
0:47: The 9 months to getting ready for pregnancy, she actually stepped into becoming a stepmother to an older boy and what did that look like to navigating that?
0:58: She challenged a lot of her own identity shifts.
1:00: She made a lot of changes while also juggling entrepreneurship and what that looked like.
1:06: Marisa is a writer, educator, entrepreneur, and scrunchie step mama who built a life around creativity, purpose, and redefining what success looks like as a multi-passionate woman.
1:16: She runs a micro school in San Diego, leads a digital collective, writes for major publications, and somehow still manages to make time for walking dogs and drinking iced lattes.
1:27: In this episode, we talk about the real behind the highlight reel, which is what it actually takes to build a business while taking on the mother role as Karenna mentioned without really having time to prepare for that mother role.
1:41: So even if you’re not a parent, there’s definitely something here for you because so much of this conversation is about showing up fully for your life without losing your.
1:49: in the process.
1:50: This episode was so valuable for both of us because we are both entrepreneurs and potentially considering motherhood in the future.
1:57: I think you’re going to find a lot of value from it.
1:59: And if you think of anyone that could listen or benefit from this episode, make sure to share it with them.
2:05: So here’s our conversation with Marisa Donnelly on motherhood boundaries and building a life that fits you.
2:12: Welcome.
2:13: Thank you.
2:13: Thanks so much for having me.
2:14: It’s such a privilege to be here.
2:16: Yeah, how are you feeling today?
2:18: Good, just yeah, moving, moving with life.
2:22: Yeah, keep it up.
2:23: I’m so excited for this conversation because we have, I’ve come across so many soon to be mothers or mothers that are like, how can I juggle entrepreneurship and motherhood?
2:32: And it’s such a I think it’s such an important conversation.
2:36: I’m so excited to dive deeper with you because one, you’re doing it and two, like you’ve been doing it so.
2:41: , how did that start for you?
2:44: Like, how did you start navigating?
2:46: Did you start entrepreneurship after you had kids?
2:48: Was it before you had kids?
2:49: What did that look like?
2:50: So it was kind of all at the same time because as a step parent, like you’re one moment it’s like this is a relationship with me and the significant other and then you meet their child and I feel like it always moves very fast, where it’s like you’re just in it.
3:05: So I was starting my business like months before I got like serious with my now husband and, the journey into motherhood was like, wow, this, this child is an amazing kid, can’t wait to grow more with him, and then it was like boom, starting a business and like full time stepmom.
3:22: and so I don’t, I don’t feel like I really had like the.
3:26: I don’t know, step by step that I think you have like when you have your own child, where you’re like, OK, I’m intending to have this pregnancy and or maybe it was a surprise, but then you have time to kind of think about this is what I want to do in my journey, or how I want to be a parent or how I wanna maybe divide my time.
3:44: And for me it was very much like One day we were living apart and the next day we were living in the same household and I like vividly remember when like my stepson started school and I was like, oh, I’m the one that needs I need to make a lunch for him like, oh, like this is my job, you know, just like waking up to the realization of like, oh this is me, and like how I wanted to show up as a stepmom.
4:09: Like I, I want to make a homemade lunch for you and I wanna be the one that picks you up and it was just like a very fast moving adventure, And I don’t know.
4:17: I feel like that’s kind of been like my unique story of just like diving headfirst into all the things simultaneously and just kind of navigating it a little bit as you go and then just trying to figure out from trial and error too.
4:29: How did you navigate that?
4:31: Like one from like an identity standpoint like I’m putting on the mom hat and like owning it.
4:36: Yeah, and then it also seems cause I mean stepmother, I mean being a stepmother in all different ways, there’s so many things that come with it.
4:42: We don’t have to dive into all of it, but I’m just saying like.
4:45: There’s also this like they’re not my child but they are my child.
4:48: And so like how did you do all of the navigating all those parts of you while also birthing this business.
4:54: , not always gracefully.
4:58: the backstory of all of that is I had like a good group of friends and at the time where I made the decision that I did want to move in with like moving in together, I ended up losing a lot of really close friendships because they were unsupportive of that decision just because they felt like either it was too soon or you know, oh you’re still young and you’re throwing your life away.
5:19: And so I had this like honestly horrible transition of like losing a lot of close friends and making this like hugely big life change.
5:29: And you know, navigating like, well I, I felt like it was the right decision and so that’s why I went forward, but losing friendships and having so much change was kind of like, oh, you know, what a what a not great time to like lose things and have so much change but I don’t know from the very beginning, I even before all of that, like getting to know my now stepson, like just connecting with him.
5:53: His dad was away at working out we were long distance for a little while and I would like go and spend time with his son Austin and like we would do things together.
6:01: So I was already kind of like I was in it before I was in it and made the decision early on like to be in it and you know, you hear it like as a stepmom, you hear a lot of like different things of, you know, there’s not your parenting where it’s not your kid, so not your problem.
6:16: and that was like never, never it just because we did have full-time custody from the beginning, but also like I just don’t believe in doing anything like halfway.
6:23: I just really like from the beginning it was like we’ll just try to juggle it all and see how we can how we can move forward, but I just didn’t, I don’t know.
6:31: I just, I don’t I don’t understand how you could not want to be 100%.
6:37: In their life, yeah, you know, it sounds like you consciously chose that too.
6:42: Yeah, like in some way.
6:43: I think sometimes we for mothers that are jumping into that they can feel like pressured like I have to.
6:49: It sounds like you decided for yourself that you wanted to show up as like a full-time mom.
6:53: Yeah, it was a it was a conscious definite decision.
6:56: Like I’ve I I like to write about it because I feel like the complexity of like Jumping in and like when you’re not ready, but also like knowing that you are ready is really interesting like to process through.
7:09: and yeah, I think that was part of like what made the decision hard too is because like some people close to me were like, you know, are you, did you think this through because it could be perceived as, oh, I didn’t think it through.
7:21: I’m just jumping in, but in a lot of ways it was like I’m jumping in, maybe not always thinking it through but like consciously feeling like this is what.
7:30: This is like where I’m supposed to be following your intuition and your impulse.
7:34: Yeah.
7:35: Well, how did he receive it, your son Austin?
7:37: , we had a really special moment like when I first met, when I first met him, we were at a pumpkin patch and he went and played a little game and won a prize and it was this like emoji pillow and he just kind of walked over and was like, oh, I got this for you.
7:54: And I felt like that was such a significant moment because it was like him choosing me in a weird kind of way and I just felt very much like accepted for who I was and like the weirdness of all the change in his life.
8:08: and then I think just there was a lot of, you know, change and and different things and just trying to show up consistently and like be very like stable and.
8:19: You know, I know a lot of things are changing, but I care about you and that really, I don’t know, that first moment really like was it for me because I was like, OK, you, you care.
8:27: You understand like, yeah, it was just really sweet and unprompted.
8:30: So yeah, that’s so cute.
8:35: He’s like, OK, I like you.
8:36: Yeah, it was really, really sweet.
8:39: So yeah, let’s dive in a little bit to like the crunchy.
8:43: I know what I know we know what a crunchy mom is, but some people might not know what that term means.
8:47: So can you talk a little That and then also like how was your husband receptive to that?
8:52: Is he crunchy, you know, because sometimes like the way I fall into it and the men are like, OK, like whatever you say.
8:57: So I would love to dive into the the crunchy mom.
8:59: Yes.
9:00: So I guess to be more transparent, I’m more of like a scrunchie mom than a crunchy scrunchie, but I lean more crunchy than like anyone in my immediate circle.
9:08: I’m like, I feel like I’m more crunchy.
9:10: Anyway, so it’s like the holistic route and alternative ways of thinking about whether it’s health or school or just like lifestyle choices, and I don’t really know how that came to be.
9:23: I think.
9:24: I think honestly like when I, when I first started being involved, which is in the very beginning with Austin’s education and seeing like the teacher side of me, I was like, well, we got some like really bad things going on.
9:35: He has dyslexia and there was just years behind and I was like, what is happening with your schooling?
9:40: so that kind of dove in and I think with his journey it was very much like he has attention challenges.
9:48: He’s so far behind you should medicate him.
9:50: Like that was the advice given by like other teachers and I was like, OK.
9:53: , how, how much of this is just not enough information, not being taught in the right way.
10:01: So I think that’s kind of what really started that journey for me because I was like, OK, we don’t want to medicate him.
10:06: My husband was really strong about like I don’t want to do that.
10:08: He’s still so young.
10:09: He had a bad experience.
10:10: So it was like, alright, what other alternatives.
10:12: So it started me on this path of like what other alternative like supplements or cutting out dyes, You know, focusing on different ways of learning, moving out of the traditional public school route and like advocating for other services and doing things differently and OK, what about this therapy or what about this?
10:29: So it’s just been like a personal journey with him and then just kind of looking at like the things around me like what other things can we change in our household?
10:37: Like do we actually like the soap or is this actually good for us?
10:40: So I’ve kind of like over the years gotten more and more.
10:45: Changes to happen.
10:46: I would say my husband’s sort of on board like he will he’ll try different things.
10:50: He’ll be a good sport about it.
10:53: food wise, I feel like we’re on the same page, and I don’t know, it’s just something that like I feel like whatever I can control and like the little environment is always better than just.
11:04: I don’t know, it can be very overwhelming sometimes, especially if you don’t have like other people that feel the same way about that kind of lifestyle.
11:10: So how about navigating that with other moms or like where your kid goes, because I know sometimes some of our friends that are crunchy mamas, they struggle with like oh I want my kid to go to a friend’s house, but maybe that mom’s friend doesn’t have the help like the cleaner snacks or things that my child needs like how do you navigate that?
11:28: , so I feel like in a way it hasn’t been as tough because Austin’s older.
11:33: He’s 16 now.
11:35: I came into his life when he was 8.
11:37: I made a lot of changes.
11:38: Being able to like get other family members on board at least a little bit was like a positive experience.
11:44: We had one friend that was just really understanding and another friend that was, you know, they had their own like diet and lifestyle, so it was kind of easy to.
11:53: Connect, but I also felt like, well, I can change what’s here and then what happens outside of there.
11:58: We’ll try to let it go.
12:00: but actually in my journey to homeschooling and running a homeschool program, a lot of the parents in my home school are very crunchy or just think differently and so it’s been really refreshing to like connect with them and understand like the ways that they’re raising their little kids and how passionate they are about those things and the way that they’re raising them and moving them through the world and what they’re eating and doing and so I found a lot of like.
12:24: Commonality and understanding and like peace with I might be doing something weird in this space, but in this space, people like it’s on board and so that’s really nice.
12:33: Yeah.
12:35: So how do you, let’s talk about mamahood and entrepreneurship.
12:40: Like, what does the day in a life look like like that maybe, I mean he’s 16 now, but when he was younger, how did you essentially show up for work and show up to build a business while also showing up to take care of him?
12:52: , the best example of that is like the COVID year because before that, so we we moved in together in 2017 and so we had a couple of years of like navigating public school and trying to figure out what we were doing and me running my business and just trying to get them caught up educationally before we made like a really big change.
13:14: , and when the pandemic happened, that was like the the moment for me that like in my whole entire life trajectory shifted because I decided that I was going to homeschool him, ended up homeschooling other kids, kind of devoted myself to creating this program and so that was like It was an all day, you know, wake up at 3, plan and prep, get the day ready, get him up, walk the dogs, have school after our school, then, you know, facilitating like a safe play date during that time, or he’s playing video games while I’m doing other work and then we’re doing something.
13:46: So it was just a lot of like little like juggling all the balls and I think that was like the hardest year by far of my life, but the most rewarding because we spent, Austin and I spent so much time.
13:56: Together and it really helped me like reprioritize and figure out like what mattered to me the most and how to figure out and facilitate like these are the things that, you know, that I can do and what you’re doing during those times so that there’s time that we have a part and there’s time for you to play video games and there’s time for you to have social time and there’s time for me to not feel like I’m responsible for everything and time to rest and like just, that was the year of like navigating it all and also So for me, burnout.
14:23: So I hit burnout and then it was like, OK, how do I, how do I like pivot this and show up differently?
14:29: And I think that made me that experience and like how wonderful and horrible it was made me just realize, you know, I want to help other people too that want to do all the things and show up and it’s like how do you show up, but also like not burn out.
14:42: And so I’m just really passionate about trying to share that story and express that message and Encourage other people that you don’t have to give up one or the other, that was definitely like a big thing.
14:52: What are some big shifts or yeah, that you had to do.
14:55: , saying no to certain things, especially like work, work things like just trying to like what is, what is it that I care about the most and also just like the conscious realization and reminder of like You, you started this business to spend more time with your child.
15:18: Like that’s why I had to like tell myself, OK, you started this to spend more time with Austin.
15:21: You started this to support his schooling and to make enough money to give all the things, all the good things, right?
15:28: So that was like the focus, but then it’s like if I’m shifting away from that focus to try to do more and more, and I’m not spending time with him or it’s not like.
15:37: Meaningful or I’m burnt out and or I’m short with him like I have to keep reminding myself of that to like level set with, OK, well how much can I really take on and so like this coming out from that was, you know, giving myself time to not work and to not, I do a lot of when I’m on tutoring and that was like.
15:55: You know, that’s, that’s devoted time.
15:57: I really had to like put a cap on how much I could feasibly do in a week, to make boundaries around bedtime, literally just making sure I get rest and then also doing things purely for fun that aren’t like money focused.
16:12: was a big one too of like I take out a shelter dog and we go for a walk and it’s like a mental health break and it’s good for them and I make videos for fun and it’s just like this is something that I’m doing purely for fun and I feel like that brought a lot of value to my life.
16:26: I love that.
16:26: That’s amazing.
16:28: I love dogs, cats, they are the best.
16:32: So it sounds like you got one thing I wanna dive into a little bit more like something in my own burnt out journey.
16:37: I also had to get really clear on like.
16:39: I can no longer hold the same.
16:41: I can’t no longer build this the way that I’ve built my business is no longer sustainable.
16:45: So I had to essentially choose like how do I want to show up, what kind of offerings I want to create, how do I want to be met in that to like optimize the energy that I do have or in a way it’s like time of day to still protect my energy.
16:58: you kind of alluded to a little bit of an example.
17:00: Do you have other examples in your business besides like tutoring you didn’t do anymore.
17:03: Was there anything else that you got really, really clear on?
17:06: , I think just getting really clear with like my my school because that became like a huge part of my career pivot over the pandemic year was doing that more as the primary focus and then scaling back a little bit on the other things.
17:21: And at least I did that for at least like a year and I’m kind of in this new stage where it’s like I’m, I’m like in a, I’m on the verge of like a rebrand I think to kind of merge all these different parts of myself together more intentionally and creating space for again, doing, doing more of what I love, I guess would be what I’m not necessarily doing more things, but more of what I love with the time that I have and then just.
17:46: Boundaries around, you know, this is a day for our family, or this is as much as I can do for this before we do something else like just kind of being clear with myself about like what what are the things that I love that bring me joy and like I don’t know, categorizing them to have like a little bit of everything.
18:04: That makes when you say that, I’m curious how did it transition financially.
18:08: , because I feel like sometimes when you’re like an entrepreneur, you’re a mom, you’re like, I have to hold up and make this much money.
18:13: Like if I cut back on this source of income or this offering or this way that I’m doing it and I go through a transition or a pivot, what did that look like for you?
18:23: You know what’s funny, my husband like asked me, I forget when this was.
18:26: I think it was like the end of summer.
18:28: He was like, oh, if, you know, if I, because he just launched his own business.
18:33: He’s like, if I’m working more and you know, we have more income, will you stop tutoring or stop doing whatever I forget what it was.
18:39: I think it was tutoring, or will you do less?
18:42: and I was like, oh, that’s such a fascinating thought to have because as like a one woman show in my own business, it’s like, oh, I don’t.
18:51: Want to actually like take a break, so that was like really.
18:55: Like important for me to process through of like there’s certain things that I’ve scaled back on, but I don’t wanna not do what I’m doing.
19:04: I just wanna do it more effectively and also like less stressfully.
19:10: So I don’t know if that really answers your question, but I think like financially it was like leaning into the things that make the most money but also make me happy versus feeling like I had.
19:21: To do things, to just do things or do things to make more and more and more.
19:25: Like I, I was able to kind of like look at everything and say, OK, these are the things that I love to do and I want to keep doing them and kind of like, you know, figuring out how to how to scale certain things.
19:37: so like this school for example, is like where I focus a lot of my time and energy and trying to build, but even that like I don’t want to scale it to a huge amount, so it’s just figuring out like.
19:48: How do I, how do I make it like the most?
19:50: Intentional like environment and not feel like I always have to try to get more students or I always have to fill every aspect of my schedule.
19:58: So I think that like going through that and kind of teaching myself that that it’s not about like more and more and more, which I think so many of us as entrepreneurs have to unlearn the like the hustle culture.
20:08: I mean, I think that the the hustle culture is great, but then I also think like you have to remind yourself like, OK, stop and breathe and it doesn’t always have to be more, more, more, you can be happy and content.
20:20: What do you say to moms or people becoming mothers like who also want to pursue entrepreneurship and and maybe do an unconventional route, you know, like how do you advise that like what’s your advice to them on how they can step into both those roles and kind of like what you’re saying like do intentionally what they want but still have time.
20:40: So I think a lot of times like we feel we have to choose one.
20:43: , what, what do you say to those women?
20:46: I don’t think you have to choose one at all.
20:48: that’s kind of been like my little mission to like put out in the world as much as possible because I think like there’s a lot of misinformation, I guess about that and I think also like a lot of shame, And you really, I think you can really show up in in both ways, but it requires a lot of asking for help, which is a huge lesson I’ve had to learn and I think a lot of entrepreneurs and moms also like have to learn because you feel like you want to take it on yourself or you know, you go through stages where you are taking.
21:18: On a lot yourself and it’s hard to ask for help.
21:20: So it’s asking for help.
21:21: I think it’s also setting like boundaries and recognizing that setting boundaries isn’t a negative thing, especially if you go about it with grace, and then I think also just like really, really thinking about and planning for and.
21:36: collaborating with other people in your circle of how to make it work, prior to being in that position.
21:42: If I could go back, I would have loved to like figure out a good structure before I was like full-time momming, but I think yeah, because you didn’t get the 9 months that a lot of moms do get, and I think that’s why I like struggled with burnout so much in the beginning because it was like I’m trying to do all of the things all of the time, pouring all of the energy to all these, it was just a lot, And yeah, and it was also like then taking a step back and what kind of mom do I want to be?
22:07: Because you’re also thrown into it and kind of like going with what you think and it took me a long time to to really like own my own motherhood journey and be like, this is actually the mom that I want to be and these are the things that I’m not OK with and like.
22:22: That was a process too, especially being a stepmom, because a lot of it was like, oh, I don’t have like the ability to like be this way.
22:30: I’m not a biological parent and then it was there was a point where I was like, actually it doesn’t really matter.
22:35: Like I am this kid’s parent and I’m like gonna put up these boundaries or express these feelings, So yeah, I think for people that are wanting to pursue both like understanding that you absolutely can and having like a having a plan and a strategy of how to do it and then also knowing that it’s not always going to follow that plan and be OK with that as well.
22:56: And yeah, I think they’re asking for help too, like realizing that there there might be times where you can’t do both and then that’s when partners and family members and friends can come in and Kind of figure it out and collaboratively.
23:11: Curious too like just stepping back a little going back to what you said about just jumping into being a mom.
23:17: Did you want, did you know you wanted to be a mom before like it was it almost just like, oh I wanted kids, I didn’t want kids, like, or maybe you hadn’t even thought about it because it sounds like you were young, you know.
23:28: Yeah, I’m so curious like what what that mindset was or how that shifted once you became like a stepmom.
23:33: Yeah, I’ve always, always wanted to be a mom.
23:37: I was, I think 24 when I met my husband, so I’m, I was pretty young, but I think that was like the Like I knew day day one of meeting him that he was a dad.
23:49: so I knew like what I was getting into if you will, and I don’t know, it just felt right.
23:55: It felt right, so it just felt right to jump in.
23:57: I always wanted to be a mom and like looking at my journey now, like looking back on like how it’s been, I’m just very grateful.
24:05: This was like absolutely like the role that I was meant to play.
24:09: I feel like this was just.
24:11: Like, as much as you know you have a single dad and a kid and people always look at our relationship and say like, oh you, you know, you came in and you were just so perfect for them and I was like they’re also perfect for me.
24:22: Like I didn’t know that that’s the kind of motherhood journey that I wanted.
24:25: Like now I’m in a place where I don’t think I want to have my own kids because I already have one.
24:30: and so it’s just been, yeah, like just realizing like this is a perfect situation for me to be a part of his life and Watch him grow.
24:40: It’s just crazy.
24:40: I have like a teenager.
24:42: I know that’s so wild.
24:43: I was thinking because you were like COVID first of all, I can’t believe it’s been 5 years.
24:46: That’s insane.
24:48: And also to think from that age of like 10 and 11 to 16 is such a massive shift in.
24:55: Childhood to adult like to, I won’t say adulthood, but like you’re approaching adulthood, you know, and it’s like such a different, so how has that journey shifted for you too, like being a mom to a teenager and also still managing your school because I’m, I don’t know that if he’s still in your school, but I’m assuming not.
25:11: Yeah, he’s not.
25:12: , I am so lucky.
25:14: He’s such a wonderful kid, so like we knock on wood, have not like experienced all the craziness of teenage stuff yet, I guess, but no, he’s a great kid.
25:24: We’ve, it’s been a journey.
25:26: I mean, he went from a little boy to just, you know, having a conversation with him the other day I was like, you’re like a young man.
25:33: I think it’s going to be really scary when we embark on the driving journey.
25:36: I’m really not ready for that, but.
25:39: Yeah, I don’t know.
25:40: I think we’ve also grown together and so that is really like cemented our bond like we have gone through a lot of things together and it’s been like, hey, we’re both figuring this out.
25:51: and I don’t know he’s very empathetic and we have had a lot of like emotional conversations and a lot of like, hey, you know, I’m really sorry I yelled at you, hey, I’m really sorry I did that.
26:00: OK, like let’s work on it together, you know, those kind of things too, because I’m like, sometimes I don’t, I’m not the best, you know, as any parent.
26:09: , but I think it’s just different like raising a kiddo that’s already.
26:14: A little bit grown, you know.
26:16: So.
26:17: What are some questions that mothers ask you, like the most common question that they ask you on like how you’re doing it?
26:24: , I don’t know.
26:26: I think the biggest thing that people are interested in like the way I see Austin as my own child.
26:34: So there’s like, you know, a lot of that of like, oh, was it always like that or like was it hard?
26:39: you know, did you feel like there was a barrier to like loving him?
26:43: , which I, I never felt, I mean, I really felt like he was mine from the beginning.
26:48: do you feel it was easier being the sole because it sounds like you guys had full custody, like not having another mom figure involved.
26:56: , we do, she is involved, but we just have like primary and that was a journey.
27:03: In itself, I will say it’s a lot better now.
27:07: but that was like that’s a big question of like how to navigate that.
27:12: I feel like it’s different for everybody and the one like way that I’ve really tried to Like the one thing I’ve just tried to focus on is just like staying true to me, and then always trying to put what’s best for him at the forefront regardless of like what’s right, wrong, my ego, my feelings, other people’s feelings.
27:33: It’s like what’s the best for him.
27:35: and I think that that has been helpful to navigate, you know, certain issues that have come up or just trying to be as fair and reasonable as possible.
27:43: I don’t know how other stepparents do it with The different schedules and dynamics or like a split arrangement, like I, I feel like that would have been really, really hard.
27:56: I can’t imagine like not having him all the time, so.
28:00: I think every situation is so different and nuanced, but the, I guess the best piece of advice I can give is just stay true to you and not like lose that piece in trying to navigate.
28:11: I think it’s beautiful to you said put him first, yeah, which I think gets lost sometimes through divorce and separation and our own stuff going on, and I love that you made that a priority because that’s what I always say is like it should be about the child, like whatever is in their best interest.
28:27: That’s very hard to do, like you said, to put our own ego aside and show up for them in in our full capacity.
28:33: Yeah, because sometimes it’s doing what’s best for them is not what’s best for you or is the hardest thing for you.
28:40: you’re like I don’t want this, but, but yeah, just trying to yeah, stay true to that as well.
28:46: Yeah.
28:48: And all that.
28:49: I love so much that you’re talking about though like really talking into like wanting both because as someone that is thinking about motherhood and.
28:56: It’s constantly like I already have so much going on.
28:58: How do I add another kid to this?
29:00: What are you talking about?
29:01: And I still hold true because like in a lot of what I speak about like you can have it all.
29:06: I think if you decide that you want it all and it sounds like not only did you welcome a child into your life, but you also welcomed, were able to like work through all the stuff that came with the situation that you have and you built the capacity and you found a way through it.
29:19: And the other thing that I love to reflect back to you is that you said so much that you guys grew together, which sometimes it could feel like and I think sometimes you can expect like, oh I need to have it all together, but it’s like what if he is the thing that’s helping you grow as well and vice versa, you’re doing the same thing for him.
29:35: And so that’s the beautiful thing I think about welcoming a child in your life.
29:39: Also it’s like you guys will grow together and figuring out this new world and so there’s like Mamas out there that want to be mamas, but they’re starting a business, knowing that it’s just gonna be like another, not like another arm of you, but like another part of you that gets to grow as well.
29:52: Yeah.
29:53: Is that fair?
29:53: 100%.
29:54: Yeah, like makes me want to cry.
29:57: Tell me more.
29:57: Yeah, I mean, I think the the thing is you’re never like you’re never ready whether you decide to have a kid or think about having a kid or thinking about stepping into the life as a stepparent.
30:08: Like you’re never ready, there’s never a perfect time.
30:10: And I think too like when people get Like when you’re thinking about it, there’s so much like noise from the world and it never feels like it’s a good time and it’s, it can be stressful to be like, well, I want to make it perfect.
30:22: and I think from my own journey it was like it was absolutely not perfect.
30:25: Like it was very like chaotic and it was, you know, there was just a lot of like a lot of things that like you move through step by step trial and error or like, you know, and so I think that’s like very freeing that.
30:40: Just to keep in mind that like even if you have like the best plan or intentions that this is exactly how I want it to be like it might not and that’s OK.
30:48: And like the pivots are a part of the story that I think make it beautiful.
30:51: Like I talk about the pandemic year a lot because it was like everything just like blew up, but then it created space for like this whole new pivot that like was the best and worst, you know, and I think like just seeing all of that and and reflecting on all of that and just remembering that like.
31:07: At the end of the day, like we can’t control like what is going on.
31:10: We just got to roll with it and yeah and just honor your parts of yourself and what you want and lean into it even if it’s hard.
31:19: Yeah, and I know we’re talking so much to like motherhood or people who want to be motherhood, but it’s like also anything like in life, right?
31:24: Like you can’t necessarily say if you want this thing like oh how am I gonna add that thing to my plate?
31:29: It’s like, well, if you want it, you’re gonna figure out a way to hold capacity to be with it, right?
31:34: There’s a there’s always a way, and I think it’s so beautiful that you’re talking to that and sharing that story and also, yeah, I just have so much love for moms.
31:43: There’s this one client that I have and she’s trying to do her best, you know, she like shows up, she works from home, from work, and then she also wants to start a business and I’m like, you can do it.
31:51: I know you can do it.
31:53: And so, yeah, it’s really cool.
31:55: Yeah, I think just like.
31:57: Not, not worrying so much about how it’s going to happen, but just trusting that if it’s something that you’re on fire about that there’s a way to do it, you know, and it might not be like pretty all the time, but I think that like there’s there’s a way through it and just not giving up on that, that dream because it’s there for a reason.
32:13: It’s kind of how I feel.
32:15: Yeah, absolutely.
32:17: Good.
32:18: Can I ask a personal question?
32:19: Sure.
32:20: I’m curious how you like what.
32:23: How do I word it?
32:24: I’m curious what brought you to the conclusion like you didn’t want biological kids of your own?
32:29: Like was it that you felt complete in like that journey that you went through with Austin, or is there like was there another factor do you think you’d change your mind?
32:36: I’m so, I’m just so cur I’m always curious when like we’ve had a few women on that have chosen not to have kids and I just, I, and I, I’m undecided, so that’s why I always like to ask.
32:46: I just always ask this question.
32:49: No, I think it’s a good question to ask.
32:51: I think as a woman too, like works like it’s just expected of us or it’s like such a common story that like, oh, you’re just meant to be a mom and especially with infertility on the rise, all the things like not everyone is going to get to be a mom and I just think it’s really powerful to hear other women that are choosing like a different path or yeah, anyways.
33:11: Yeah, I mean.
33:13: Yeah, I’ve always wanted to be a mom and even like my friends growing up were like, oh, that was like the mom of the group and all the things.
33:19: I don’t, I don’t know what like really got me to that decision.
33:24: I think it was a combination of things.
33:25: I think just Austin being older and like really wanting to not start something new and start what felt like another family and just really like be.
33:37: Be with him was like a big part of it.
33:39: his mom had a baby and that was a big part of it too of me realizing that while this is such an age gap and I don’t know if I want that age gap like I wanna be your mom and be with you.
33:51: and I think just where I’m at in like my career and other aspects of like life, I really want to be there for him as he transitions into adulthood and navigates that and also just Not start over, I guess.
34:06: and, and really like be able to devote more time into these other things that I’ve had to navigate like balancing for so long that I’m like, OK, now I can kind of lean into this a little bit more.
34:18: And my relationship has always been navigating, you know, having a kiddo, and there’s a really interesting part of like, well, what happens when he’s more independent and maybe he doesn’t even live with us, then it’s a whole new aspect to my life and relationship also.
34:33: So that’s just really interesting.
34:34: I’m like maybe I will travel, like maybe I’ll spend more time with friends.
34:38: Like it just feels like a very different like stage Tim Barkin and I love that.
34:42: I think that’s kind of like a combination of all those things.
34:45: Beautiful.
34:46: Thanks for sharing.
34:47: So good.
34:47: , we ask all of our guests the common question that we would love to know through you two is that where in your life do you feel more called to be fully expressed?
34:58: This could be life, relationships, health, business, whatever comes to mind.
35:04: That’s such a good question.
35:06: I don’t, I don’t know.
35:07: When I think of like what it means to be fully expressed, it’s like just being so real and true about your experience, your life, your story, what you care about.
35:18: so I don’t know.
35:19: I guess it would be like the, the step parenting journey because I feel like it all circles back to that, and just.
35:29: Wanting to share the message of, you know, whatever your story is with motherhood, whether it’s traditional or not traditional or, you know, complicated or not complicated, that just like showing up as your full self in those spaces, in whatever other spaces are, as a result of that primary space is like the most important thing that you can do.
35:49: , I don’t know if that fully answers your question, but fully aligned for you?
35:54: Yeah, OK, great.
35:57: Then you answered it.
35:58: That’s perfect.
36:00: where can people find you?
36:01: , on social media, Marisa Donnelly, I have, I’m in the process of a rebrand, so I’m excited to kind of merge the parts of my life together more intentionally, but, Marisa Donnelly.com or on social media, And I’m also gonna kind of pivot into a more writing focused page so people can also see that side of me, but yeah, on Instagram, Facebook, all the, all the things.
36:27: So good.
36:27: Thank you so much for coming on.
36:29: Thanks for having me.
36:30: Yeah, and talking about motherhood, stepmotherhood, business, entrepreneurship, all of it.
36:35: Yeah, I appreciate the opportunity.
36:38: Thank you so much for tuning in.
36:39: We really appreciate you being here.
36:41: If you enjoyed this episode, we’d be grateful if you could leave us a review and share it with a friend.
36:47: Also, we would love to hear from you.
36:49: Reach out to us on Instagram and let us know where you feel inspired to express yourself as you embrace this next era.
36:56: We are here to support you and encourage you.
36:59: Before we go, we want to remind you that you are powerful and deserving a fully Expressing who you are.
37:05: Embracing your journey toward authenticity is a vital part of that process, and we’re grateful to be alongside you.
37:11: If you’re looking to dive deeper and connect with others who celebrate their true selves, we invite you to join our community.
37:17: It’s a virtual space for connection and accountability, where you can share your experiences and grow together.
37:23: You can find the link in our show notes.
37:25: We can’t wait to welcome you.
37:27: See you on the next one.
0:04: We’re your host Karenna and Samantha.
0:06: This show is your permission slip to stop holding back.
0:10: Here we talk about what it really means to live unapologetically you in your relationships, your business, and your everyday life.
0:17: We believe the most magnetic version of you is rooted in self-expression, honesty, vulnerability, and showing up fully as you are.
0:24: When you own that, you naturally attract the people, the opportunities, and the life that is meant for you.
0:30: Today’s conversation is for women that are entrepreneurs and want to be mothers or for mothers that are wanting to be entrepreneurs.
0:37: In this episode with Marisa Donnelly, she specifically talks about her journey to being an entrepreneur, but also stepping into motherhood.
0:44: What’s unique about her story is that she wasn’t necessarily given.
0:47: The 9 months to getting ready for pregnancy, she actually stepped into becoming a stepmother to an older boy and what did that look like to navigating that?
0:58: She challenged a lot of her own identity shifts.
1:00: She made a lot of changes while also juggling entrepreneurship and what that looked like.
1:06: Marisa is a writer, educator, entrepreneur, and scrunchie step mama who built a life around creativity, purpose, and redefining what success looks like as a multi-passionate woman.
1:16: She runs a micro school in San Diego, leads a digital collective, writes for major publications, and somehow still manages to make time for walking dogs and drinking iced lattes.
1:27: In this episode, we talk about the real behind the highlight reel, which is what it actually takes to build a business while taking on the mother role as Karenna mentioned without really having time to prepare for that mother role.
1:41: So even if you’re not a parent, there’s definitely something here for you because so much of this conversation is about showing up fully for your life without losing your.
1:49: in the process.
1:50: This episode was so valuable for both of us because we are both entrepreneurs and potentially considering motherhood in the future.
1:57: I think you’re going to find a lot of value from it.
1:59: And if you think of anyone that could listen or benefit from this episode, make sure to share it with them.
2:05: So here’s our conversation with Marisa Donnelly on motherhood boundaries and building a life that fits you.
2:12: Welcome.
2:13: Thank you.
2:13: Thanks so much for having me.
2:14: It’s such a privilege to be here.
2:16: Yeah, how are you feeling today?
2:18: Good, just yeah, moving, moving with life.
2:22: Yeah, keep it up.
2:23: I’m so excited for this conversation because we have, I’ve come across so many soon to be mothers or mothers that are like, how can I juggle entrepreneurship and motherhood?
2:32: And it’s such a I think it’s such an important conversation.
2:36: I’m so excited to dive deeper with you because one, you’re doing it and two, like you’ve been doing it so.
2:41: , how did that start for you?
2:44: Like, how did you start navigating?
2:46: Did you start entrepreneurship after you had kids?
2:48: Was it before you had kids?
2:49: What did that look like?
2:50: So it was kind of all at the same time because as a step parent, like you’re one moment it’s like this is a relationship with me and the significant other and then you meet their child and I feel like it always moves very fast, where it’s like you’re just in it.
3:05: So I was starting my business like months before I got like serious with my now husband and, the journey into motherhood was like, wow, this, this child is an amazing kid, can’t wait to grow more with him, and then it was like boom, starting a business and like full time stepmom.
3:22: and so I don’t, I don’t feel like I really had like the.
3:26: I don’t know, step by step that I think you have like when you have your own child, where you’re like, OK, I’m intending to have this pregnancy and or maybe it was a surprise, but then you have time to kind of think about this is what I want to do in my journey, or how I want to be a parent or how I wanna maybe divide my time.
3:44: And for me it was very much like One day we were living apart and the next day we were living in the same household and I like vividly remember when like my stepson started school and I was like, oh, I’m the one that needs I need to make a lunch for him like, oh, like this is my job, you know, just like waking up to the realization of like, oh this is me, and like how I wanted to show up as a stepmom.
4:09: Like I, I want to make a homemade lunch for you and I wanna be the one that picks you up and it was just like a very fast moving adventure, And I don’t know.
4:17: I feel like that’s kind of been like my unique story of just like diving headfirst into all the things simultaneously and just kind of navigating it a little bit as you go and then just trying to figure out from trial and error too.
4:29: How did you navigate that?
4:31: Like one from like an identity standpoint like I’m putting on the mom hat and like owning it.
4:36: Yeah, and then it also seems cause I mean stepmother, I mean being a stepmother in all different ways, there’s so many things that come with it.
4:42: We don’t have to dive into all of it, but I’m just saying like.
4:45: There’s also this like they’re not my child but they are my child.
4:48: And so like how did you do all of the navigating all those parts of you while also birthing this business.
4:54: , not always gracefully.
4:58: the backstory of all of that is I had like a good group of friends and at the time where I made the decision that I did want to move in with like moving in together, I ended up losing a lot of really close friendships because they were unsupportive of that decision just because they felt like either it was too soon or you know, oh you’re still young and you’re throwing your life away.
5:19: And so I had this like honestly horrible transition of like losing a lot of close friends and making this like hugely big life change.
5:29: And you know, navigating like, well I, I felt like it was the right decision and so that’s why I went forward, but losing friendships and having so much change was kind of like, oh, you know, what a what a not great time to like lose things and have so much change but I don’t know from the very beginning, I even before all of that, like getting to know my now stepson, like just connecting with him.
5:53: His dad was away at working out we were long distance for a little while and I would like go and spend time with his son Austin and like we would do things together.
6:01: So I was already kind of like I was in it before I was in it and made the decision early on like to be in it and you know, you hear it like as a stepmom, you hear a lot of like different things of, you know, there’s not your parenting where it’s not your kid, so not your problem.
6:16: and that was like never, never it just because we did have full-time custody from the beginning, but also like I just don’t believe in doing anything like halfway.
6:23: I just really like from the beginning it was like we’ll just try to juggle it all and see how we can how we can move forward, but I just didn’t, I don’t know.
6:31: I just, I don’t I don’t understand how you could not want to be 100%.
6:37: In their life, yeah, you know, it sounds like you consciously chose that too.
6:42: Yeah, like in some way.
6:43: I think sometimes we for mothers that are jumping into that they can feel like pressured like I have to.
6:49: It sounds like you decided for yourself that you wanted to show up as like a full-time mom.
6:53: Yeah, it was a it was a conscious definite decision.
6:56: Like I’ve I I like to write about it because I feel like the complexity of like Jumping in and like when you’re not ready, but also like knowing that you are ready is really interesting like to process through.
7:09: and yeah, I think that was part of like what made the decision hard too is because like some people close to me were like, you know, are you, did you think this through because it could be perceived as, oh, I didn’t think it through.
7:21: I’m just jumping in, but in a lot of ways it was like I’m jumping in, maybe not always thinking it through but like consciously feeling like this is what.
7:30: This is like where I’m supposed to be following your intuition and your impulse.
7:34: Yeah.
7:35: Well, how did he receive it, your son Austin?
7:37: , we had a really special moment like when I first met, when I first met him, we were at a pumpkin patch and he went and played a little game and won a prize and it was this like emoji pillow and he just kind of walked over and was like, oh, I got this for you.
7:54: And I felt like that was such a significant moment because it was like him choosing me in a weird kind of way and I just felt very much like accepted for who I was and like the weirdness of all the change in his life.
8:08: and then I think just there was a lot of, you know, change and and different things and just trying to show up consistently and like be very like stable and.
8:19: You know, I know a lot of things are changing, but I care about you and that really, I don’t know, that first moment really like was it for me because I was like, OK, you, you care.
8:27: You understand like, yeah, it was just really sweet and unprompted.
8:30: So yeah, that’s so cute.
8:35: He’s like, OK, I like you.
8:36: Yeah, it was really, really sweet.
8:39: So yeah, let’s dive in a little bit to like the crunchy.
8:43: I know what I know we know what a crunchy mom is, but some people might not know what that term means.
8:47: So can you talk a little That and then also like how was your husband receptive to that?
8:52: Is he crunchy, you know, because sometimes like the way I fall into it and the men are like, OK, like whatever you say.
8:57: So I would love to dive into the the crunchy mom.
8:59: Yes.
9:00: So I guess to be more transparent, I’m more of like a scrunchie mom than a crunchy scrunchie, but I lean more crunchy than like anyone in my immediate circle.
9:08: I’m like, I feel like I’m more crunchy.
9:10: Anyway, so it’s like the holistic route and alternative ways of thinking about whether it’s health or school or just like lifestyle choices, and I don’t really know how that came to be.
9:23: I think.
9:24: I think honestly like when I, when I first started being involved, which is in the very beginning with Austin’s education and seeing like the teacher side of me, I was like, well, we got some like really bad things going on.
9:35: He has dyslexia and there was just years behind and I was like, what is happening with your schooling?
9:40: so that kind of dove in and I think with his journey it was very much like he has attention challenges.
9:48: He’s so far behind you should medicate him.
9:50: Like that was the advice given by like other teachers and I was like, OK.
9:53: , how, how much of this is just not enough information, not being taught in the right way.
10:01: So I think that’s kind of what really started that journey for me because I was like, OK, we don’t want to medicate him.
10:06: My husband was really strong about like I don’t want to do that.
10:08: He’s still so young.
10:09: He had a bad experience.
10:10: So it was like, alright, what other alternatives.
10:12: So it started me on this path of like what other alternative like supplements or cutting out dyes, You know, focusing on different ways of learning, moving out of the traditional public school route and like advocating for other services and doing things differently and OK, what about this therapy or what about this?
10:29: So it’s just been like a personal journey with him and then just kind of looking at like the things around me like what other things can we change in our household?
10:37: Like do we actually like the soap or is this actually good for us?
10:40: So I’ve kind of like over the years gotten more and more.
10:45: Changes to happen.
10:46: I would say my husband’s sort of on board like he will he’ll try different things.
10:50: He’ll be a good sport about it.
10:53: food wise, I feel like we’re on the same page, and I don’t know, it’s just something that like I feel like whatever I can control and like the little environment is always better than just.
11:04: I don’t know, it can be very overwhelming sometimes, especially if you don’t have like other people that feel the same way about that kind of lifestyle.
11:10: So how about navigating that with other moms or like where your kid goes, because I know sometimes some of our friends that are crunchy mamas, they struggle with like oh I want my kid to go to a friend’s house, but maybe that mom’s friend doesn’t have the help like the cleaner snacks or things that my child needs like how do you navigate that?
11:28: , so I feel like in a way it hasn’t been as tough because Austin’s older.
11:33: He’s 16 now.
11:35: I came into his life when he was 8.
11:37: I made a lot of changes.
11:38: Being able to like get other family members on board at least a little bit was like a positive experience.
11:44: We had one friend that was just really understanding and another friend that was, you know, they had their own like diet and lifestyle, so it was kind of easy to.
11:53: Connect, but I also felt like, well, I can change what’s here and then what happens outside of there.
11:58: We’ll try to let it go.
12:00: but actually in my journey to homeschooling and running a homeschool program, a lot of the parents in my home school are very crunchy or just think differently and so it’s been really refreshing to like connect with them and understand like the ways that they’re raising their little kids and how passionate they are about those things and the way that they’re raising them and moving them through the world and what they’re eating and doing and so I found a lot of like.
12:24: Commonality and understanding and like peace with I might be doing something weird in this space, but in this space, people like it’s on board and so that’s really nice.
12:33: Yeah.
12:35: So how do you, let’s talk about mamahood and entrepreneurship.
12:40: Like, what does the day in a life look like like that maybe, I mean he’s 16 now, but when he was younger, how did you essentially show up for work and show up to build a business while also showing up to take care of him?
12:52: , the best example of that is like the COVID year because before that, so we we moved in together in 2017 and so we had a couple of years of like navigating public school and trying to figure out what we were doing and me running my business and just trying to get them caught up educationally before we made like a really big change.
13:14: , and when the pandemic happened, that was like the the moment for me that like in my whole entire life trajectory shifted because I decided that I was going to homeschool him, ended up homeschooling other kids, kind of devoted myself to creating this program and so that was like It was an all day, you know, wake up at 3, plan and prep, get the day ready, get him up, walk the dogs, have school after our school, then, you know, facilitating like a safe play date during that time, or he’s playing video games while I’m doing other work and then we’re doing something.
13:46: So it was just a lot of like little like juggling all the balls and I think that was like the hardest year by far of my life, but the most rewarding because we spent, Austin and I spent so much time.
13:56: Together and it really helped me like reprioritize and figure out like what mattered to me the most and how to figure out and facilitate like these are the things that, you know, that I can do and what you’re doing during those times so that there’s time that we have a part and there’s time for you to play video games and there’s time for you to have social time and there’s time for me to not feel like I’m responsible for everything and time to rest and like just, that was the year of like navigating it all and also So for me, burnout.
14:23: So I hit burnout and then it was like, OK, how do I, how do I like pivot this and show up differently?
14:29: And I think that made me that experience and like how wonderful and horrible it was made me just realize, you know, I want to help other people too that want to do all the things and show up and it’s like how do you show up, but also like not burn out.
14:42: And so I’m just really passionate about trying to share that story and express that message and Encourage other people that you don’t have to give up one or the other, that was definitely like a big thing.
14:52: What are some big shifts or yeah, that you had to do.
14:55: , saying no to certain things, especially like work, work things like just trying to like what is, what is it that I care about the most and also just like the conscious realization and reminder of like You, you started this business to spend more time with your child.
15:18: Like that’s why I had to like tell myself, OK, you started this to spend more time with Austin.
15:21: You started this to support his schooling and to make enough money to give all the things, all the good things, right?
15:28: So that was like the focus, but then it’s like if I’m shifting away from that focus to try to do more and more, and I’m not spending time with him or it’s not like.
15:37: Meaningful or I’m burnt out and or I’m short with him like I have to keep reminding myself of that to like level set with, OK, well how much can I really take on and so like this coming out from that was, you know, giving myself time to not work and to not, I do a lot of when I’m on tutoring and that was like.
15:55: You know, that’s, that’s devoted time.
15:57: I really had to like put a cap on how much I could feasibly do in a week, to make boundaries around bedtime, literally just making sure I get rest and then also doing things purely for fun that aren’t like money focused.
16:12: was a big one too of like I take out a shelter dog and we go for a walk and it’s like a mental health break and it’s good for them and I make videos for fun and it’s just like this is something that I’m doing purely for fun and I feel like that brought a lot of value to my life.
16:26: I love that.
16:26: That’s amazing.
16:28: I love dogs, cats, they are the best.
16:32: So it sounds like you got one thing I wanna dive into a little bit more like something in my own burnt out journey.
16:37: I also had to get really clear on like.
16:39: I can no longer hold the same.
16:41: I can’t no longer build this the way that I’ve built my business is no longer sustainable.
16:45: So I had to essentially choose like how do I want to show up, what kind of offerings I want to create, how do I want to be met in that to like optimize the energy that I do have or in a way it’s like time of day to still protect my energy.
16:58: you kind of alluded to a little bit of an example.
17:00: Do you have other examples in your business besides like tutoring you didn’t do anymore.
17:03: Was there anything else that you got really, really clear on?
17:06: , I think just getting really clear with like my my school because that became like a huge part of my career pivot over the pandemic year was doing that more as the primary focus and then scaling back a little bit on the other things.
17:21: And at least I did that for at least like a year and I’m kind of in this new stage where it’s like I’m, I’m like in a, I’m on the verge of like a rebrand I think to kind of merge all these different parts of myself together more intentionally and creating space for again, doing, doing more of what I love, I guess would be what I’m not necessarily doing more things, but more of what I love with the time that I have and then just.
17:46: Boundaries around, you know, this is a day for our family, or this is as much as I can do for this before we do something else like just kind of being clear with myself about like what what are the things that I love that bring me joy and like I don’t know, categorizing them to have like a little bit of everything.
18:04: That makes when you say that, I’m curious how did it transition financially.
18:08: , because I feel like sometimes when you’re like an entrepreneur, you’re a mom, you’re like, I have to hold up and make this much money.
18:13: Like if I cut back on this source of income or this offering or this way that I’m doing it and I go through a transition or a pivot, what did that look like for you?
18:23: You know what’s funny, my husband like asked me, I forget when this was.
18:26: I think it was like the end of summer.
18:28: He was like, oh, if, you know, if I, because he just launched his own business.
18:33: He’s like, if I’m working more and you know, we have more income, will you stop tutoring or stop doing whatever I forget what it was.
18:39: I think it was tutoring, or will you do less?
18:42: and I was like, oh, that’s such a fascinating thought to have because as like a one woman show in my own business, it’s like, oh, I don’t.
18:51: Want to actually like take a break, so that was like really.
18:55: Like important for me to process through of like there’s certain things that I’ve scaled back on, but I don’t wanna not do what I’m doing.
19:04: I just wanna do it more effectively and also like less stressfully.
19:10: So I don’t know if that really answers your question, but I think like financially it was like leaning into the things that make the most money but also make me happy versus feeling like I had.
19:21: To do things, to just do things or do things to make more and more and more.
19:25: Like I, I was able to kind of like look at everything and say, OK, these are the things that I love to do and I want to keep doing them and kind of like, you know, figuring out how to how to scale certain things.
19:37: so like this school for example, is like where I focus a lot of my time and energy and trying to build, but even that like I don’t want to scale it to a huge amount, so it’s just figuring out like.
19:48: How do I, how do I make it like the most?
19:50: Intentional like environment and not feel like I always have to try to get more students or I always have to fill every aspect of my schedule.
19:58: So I think that like going through that and kind of teaching myself that that it’s not about like more and more and more, which I think so many of us as entrepreneurs have to unlearn the like the hustle culture.
20:08: I mean, I think that the the hustle culture is great, but then I also think like you have to remind yourself like, OK, stop and breathe and it doesn’t always have to be more, more, more, you can be happy and content.
20:20: What do you say to moms or people becoming mothers like who also want to pursue entrepreneurship and and maybe do an unconventional route, you know, like how do you advise that like what’s your advice to them on how they can step into both those roles and kind of like what you’re saying like do intentionally what they want but still have time.
20:40: So I think a lot of times like we feel we have to choose one.
20:43: , what, what do you say to those women?
20:46: I don’t think you have to choose one at all.
20:48: that’s kind of been like my little mission to like put out in the world as much as possible because I think like there’s a lot of misinformation, I guess about that and I think also like a lot of shame, And you really, I think you can really show up in in both ways, but it requires a lot of asking for help, which is a huge lesson I’ve had to learn and I think a lot of entrepreneurs and moms also like have to learn because you feel like you want to take it on yourself or you know, you go through stages where you are taking.
21:18: On a lot yourself and it’s hard to ask for help.
21:20: So it’s asking for help.
21:21: I think it’s also setting like boundaries and recognizing that setting boundaries isn’t a negative thing, especially if you go about it with grace, and then I think also just like really, really thinking about and planning for and.
21:36: collaborating with other people in your circle of how to make it work, prior to being in that position.
21:42: If I could go back, I would have loved to like figure out a good structure before I was like full-time momming, but I think yeah, because you didn’t get the 9 months that a lot of moms do get, and I think that’s why I like struggled with burnout so much in the beginning because it was like I’m trying to do all of the things all of the time, pouring all of the energy to all these, it was just a lot, And yeah, and it was also like then taking a step back and what kind of mom do I want to be?
22:07: Because you’re also thrown into it and kind of like going with what you think and it took me a long time to to really like own my own motherhood journey and be like, this is actually the mom that I want to be and these are the things that I’m not OK with and like.
22:22: That was a process too, especially being a stepmom, because a lot of it was like, oh, I don’t have like the ability to like be this way.
22:30: I’m not a biological parent and then it was there was a point where I was like, actually it doesn’t really matter.
22:35: Like I am this kid’s parent and I’m like gonna put up these boundaries or express these feelings, So yeah, I think for people that are wanting to pursue both like understanding that you absolutely can and having like a having a plan and a strategy of how to do it and then also knowing that it’s not always going to follow that plan and be OK with that as well.
22:56: And yeah, I think they’re asking for help too, like realizing that there there might be times where you can’t do both and then that’s when partners and family members and friends can come in and Kind of figure it out and collaboratively.
23:11: Curious too like just stepping back a little going back to what you said about just jumping into being a mom.
23:17: Did you want, did you know you wanted to be a mom before like it was it almost just like, oh I wanted kids, I didn’t want kids, like, or maybe you hadn’t even thought about it because it sounds like you were young, you know.
23:28: Yeah, I’m so curious like what what that mindset was or how that shifted once you became like a stepmom.
23:33: Yeah, I’ve always, always wanted to be a mom.
23:37: I was, I think 24 when I met my husband, so I’m, I was pretty young, but I think that was like the Like I knew day day one of meeting him that he was a dad.
23:49: so I knew like what I was getting into if you will, and I don’t know, it just felt right.
23:55: It felt right, so it just felt right to jump in.
23:57: I always wanted to be a mom and like looking at my journey now, like looking back on like how it’s been, I’m just very grateful.
24:05: This was like absolutely like the role that I was meant to play.
24:09: I feel like this was just.
24:11: Like, as much as you know you have a single dad and a kid and people always look at our relationship and say like, oh you, you know, you came in and you were just so perfect for them and I was like they’re also perfect for me.
24:22: Like I didn’t know that that’s the kind of motherhood journey that I wanted.
24:25: Like now I’m in a place where I don’t think I want to have my own kids because I already have one.
24:30: and so it’s just been, yeah, like just realizing like this is a perfect situation for me to be a part of his life and Watch him grow.
24:40: It’s just crazy.
24:40: I have like a teenager.
24:42: I know that’s so wild.
24:43: I was thinking because you were like COVID first of all, I can’t believe it’s been 5 years.
24:46: That’s insane.
24:48: And also to think from that age of like 10 and 11 to 16 is such a massive shift in.
24:55: Childhood to adult like to, I won’t say adulthood, but like you’re approaching adulthood, you know, and it’s like such a different, so how has that journey shifted for you too, like being a mom to a teenager and also still managing your school because I’m, I don’t know that if he’s still in your school, but I’m assuming not.
25:11: Yeah, he’s not.
25:12: , I am so lucky.
25:14: He’s such a wonderful kid, so like we knock on wood, have not like experienced all the craziness of teenage stuff yet, I guess, but no, he’s a great kid.
25:24: We’ve, it’s been a journey.
25:26: I mean, he went from a little boy to just, you know, having a conversation with him the other day I was like, you’re like a young man.
25:33: I think it’s going to be really scary when we embark on the driving journey.
25:36: I’m really not ready for that, but.
25:39: Yeah, I don’t know.
25:40: I think we’ve also grown together and so that is really like cemented our bond like we have gone through a lot of things together and it’s been like, hey, we’re both figuring this out.
25:51: and I don’t know he’s very empathetic and we have had a lot of like emotional conversations and a lot of like, hey, you know, I’m really sorry I yelled at you, hey, I’m really sorry I did that.
26:00: OK, like let’s work on it together, you know, those kind of things too, because I’m like, sometimes I don’t, I’m not the best, you know, as any parent.
26:09: , but I think it’s just different like raising a kiddo that’s already.
26:14: A little bit grown, you know.
26:16: So.
26:17: What are some questions that mothers ask you, like the most common question that they ask you on like how you’re doing it?
26:24: , I don’t know.
26:26: I think the biggest thing that people are interested in like the way I see Austin as my own child.
26:34: So there’s like, you know, a lot of that of like, oh, was it always like that or like was it hard?
26:39: you know, did you feel like there was a barrier to like loving him?
26:43: , which I, I never felt, I mean, I really felt like he was mine from the beginning.
26:48: do you feel it was easier being the sole because it sounds like you guys had full custody, like not having another mom figure involved.
26:56: , we do, she is involved, but we just have like primary and that was a journey.
27:03: In itself, I will say it’s a lot better now.
27:07: but that was like that’s a big question of like how to navigate that.
27:12: I feel like it’s different for everybody and the one like way that I’ve really tried to Like the one thing I’ve just tried to focus on is just like staying true to me, and then always trying to put what’s best for him at the forefront regardless of like what’s right, wrong, my ego, my feelings, other people’s feelings.
27:33: It’s like what’s the best for him.
27:35: and I think that that has been helpful to navigate, you know, certain issues that have come up or just trying to be as fair and reasonable as possible.
27:43: I don’t know how other stepparents do it with The different schedules and dynamics or like a split arrangement, like I, I feel like that would have been really, really hard.
27:56: I can’t imagine like not having him all the time, so.
28:00: I think every situation is so different and nuanced, but the, I guess the best piece of advice I can give is just stay true to you and not like lose that piece in trying to navigate.
28:11: I think it’s beautiful to you said put him first, yeah, which I think gets lost sometimes through divorce and separation and our own stuff going on, and I love that you made that a priority because that’s what I always say is like it should be about the child, like whatever is in their best interest.
28:27: That’s very hard to do, like you said, to put our own ego aside and show up for them in in our full capacity.
28:33: Yeah, because sometimes it’s doing what’s best for them is not what’s best for you or is the hardest thing for you.
28:40: you’re like I don’t want this, but, but yeah, just trying to yeah, stay true to that as well.
28:46: Yeah.
28:48: And all that.
28:49: I love so much that you’re talking about though like really talking into like wanting both because as someone that is thinking about motherhood and.
28:56: It’s constantly like I already have so much going on.
28:58: How do I add another kid to this?
29:00: What are you talking about?
29:01: And I still hold true because like in a lot of what I speak about like you can have it all.
29:06: I think if you decide that you want it all and it sounds like not only did you welcome a child into your life, but you also welcomed, were able to like work through all the stuff that came with the situation that you have and you built the capacity and you found a way through it.
29:19: And the other thing that I love to reflect back to you is that you said so much that you guys grew together, which sometimes it could feel like and I think sometimes you can expect like, oh I need to have it all together, but it’s like what if he is the thing that’s helping you grow as well and vice versa, you’re doing the same thing for him.
29:35: And so that’s the beautiful thing I think about welcoming a child in your life.
29:39: Also it’s like you guys will grow together and figuring out this new world and so there’s like Mamas out there that want to be mamas, but they’re starting a business, knowing that it’s just gonna be like another, not like another arm of you, but like another part of you that gets to grow as well.
29:52: Yeah.
29:53: Is that fair?
29:53: 100%.
29:54: Yeah, like makes me want to cry.
29:57: Tell me more.
29:57: Yeah, I mean, I think the the thing is you’re never like you’re never ready whether you decide to have a kid or think about having a kid or thinking about stepping into the life as a stepparent.
30:08: Like you’re never ready, there’s never a perfect time.
30:10: And I think too like when people get Like when you’re thinking about it, there’s so much like noise from the world and it never feels like it’s a good time and it’s, it can be stressful to be like, well, I want to make it perfect.
30:22: and I think from my own journey it was like it was absolutely not perfect.
30:25: Like it was very like chaotic and it was, you know, there was just a lot of like a lot of things that like you move through step by step trial and error or like, you know, and so I think that’s like very freeing that.
30:40: Just to keep in mind that like even if you have like the best plan or intentions that this is exactly how I want it to be like it might not and that’s OK.
30:48: And like the pivots are a part of the story that I think make it beautiful.
30:51: Like I talk about the pandemic year a lot because it was like everything just like blew up, but then it created space for like this whole new pivot that like was the best and worst, you know, and I think like just seeing all of that and and reflecting on all of that and just remembering that like.
31:07: At the end of the day, like we can’t control like what is going on.
31:10: We just got to roll with it and yeah and just honor your parts of yourself and what you want and lean into it even if it’s hard.
31:19: Yeah, and I know we’re talking so much to like motherhood or people who want to be motherhood, but it’s like also anything like in life, right?
31:24: Like you can’t necessarily say if you want this thing like oh how am I gonna add that thing to my plate?
31:29: It’s like, well, if you want it, you’re gonna figure out a way to hold capacity to be with it, right?
31:34: There’s a there’s always a way, and I think it’s so beautiful that you’re talking to that and sharing that story and also, yeah, I just have so much love for moms.
31:43: There’s this one client that I have and she’s trying to do her best, you know, she like shows up, she works from home, from work, and then she also wants to start a business and I’m like, you can do it.
31:51: I know you can do it.
31:53: And so, yeah, it’s really cool.
31:55: Yeah, I think just like.
31:57: Not, not worrying so much about how it’s going to happen, but just trusting that if it’s something that you’re on fire about that there’s a way to do it, you know, and it might not be like pretty all the time, but I think that like there’s there’s a way through it and just not giving up on that, that dream because it’s there for a reason.
32:13: It’s kind of how I feel.
32:15: Yeah, absolutely.
32:17: Good.
32:18: Can I ask a personal question?
32:19: Sure.
32:20: I’m curious how you like what.
32:23: How do I word it?
32:24: I’m curious what brought you to the conclusion like you didn’t want biological kids of your own?
32:29: Like was it that you felt complete in like that journey that you went through with Austin, or is there like was there another factor do you think you’d change your mind?
32:36: I’m so, I’m just so cur I’m always curious when like we’ve had a few women on that have chosen not to have kids and I just, I, and I, I’m undecided, so that’s why I always like to ask.
32:46: I just always ask this question.
32:49: No, I think it’s a good question to ask.
32:51: I think as a woman too, like works like it’s just expected of us or it’s like such a common story that like, oh, you’re just meant to be a mom and especially with infertility on the rise, all the things like not everyone is going to get to be a mom and I just think it’s really powerful to hear other women that are choosing like a different path or yeah, anyways.
33:11: Yeah, I mean.
33:13: Yeah, I’ve always wanted to be a mom and even like my friends growing up were like, oh, that was like the mom of the group and all the things.
33:19: I don’t, I don’t know what like really got me to that decision.
33:24: I think it was a combination of things.
33:25: I think just Austin being older and like really wanting to not start something new and start what felt like another family and just really like be.
33:37: Be with him was like a big part of it.
33:39: his mom had a baby and that was a big part of it too of me realizing that while this is such an age gap and I don’t know if I want that age gap like I wanna be your mom and be with you.
33:51: and I think just where I’m at in like my career and other aspects of like life, I really want to be there for him as he transitions into adulthood and navigates that and also just Not start over, I guess.
34:06: and, and really like be able to devote more time into these other things that I’ve had to navigate like balancing for so long that I’m like, OK, now I can kind of lean into this a little bit more.
34:18: And my relationship has always been navigating, you know, having a kiddo, and there’s a really interesting part of like, well, what happens when he’s more independent and maybe he doesn’t even live with us, then it’s a whole new aspect to my life and relationship also.
34:33: So that’s just really interesting.
34:34: I’m like maybe I will travel, like maybe I’ll spend more time with friends.
34:38: Like it just feels like a very different like stage Tim Barkin and I love that.
34:42: I think that’s kind of like a combination of all those things.
34:45: Beautiful.
34:46: Thanks for sharing.
34:47: So good.
34:47: , we ask all of our guests the common question that we would love to know through you two is that where in your life do you feel more called to be fully expressed?
34:58: This could be life, relationships, health, business, whatever comes to mind.
35:04: That’s such a good question.
35:06: I don’t, I don’t know.
35:07: When I think of like what it means to be fully expressed, it’s like just being so real and true about your experience, your life, your story, what you care about.
35:18: so I don’t know.
35:19: I guess it would be like the, the step parenting journey because I feel like it all circles back to that, and just.
35:29: Wanting to share the message of, you know, whatever your story is with motherhood, whether it’s traditional or not traditional or, you know, complicated or not complicated, that just like showing up as your full self in those spaces, in whatever other spaces are, as a result of that primary space is like the most important thing that you can do.
35:49: , I don’t know if that fully answers your question, but fully aligned for you?
35:54: Yeah, OK, great.
35:57: Then you answered it.
35:58: That’s perfect.
36:00: where can people find you?
36:01: , on social media, Marisa Donnelly, I have, I’m in the process of a rebrand, so I’m excited to kind of merge the parts of my life together more intentionally, but, Marisa Donnelly.com or on social media, And I’m also gonna kind of pivot into a more writing focused page so people can also see that side of me, but yeah, on Instagram, Facebook, all the, all the things.
36:27: So good.
36:27: Thank you so much for coming on.
36:29: Thanks for having me.
36:30: Yeah, and talking about motherhood, stepmotherhood, business, entrepreneurship, all of it.
36:35: Yeah, I appreciate the opportunity.
36:38: Thank you so much for tuning in.
36:39: We really appreciate you being here.
36:41: If you enjoyed this episode, we’d be grateful if you could leave us a review and share it with a friend.
36:47: Also, we would love to hear from you.
36:49: Reach out to us on Instagram and let us know where you feel inspired to express yourself as you embrace this next era.
36:56: We are here to support you and encourage you.
36:59: Before we go, we want to remind you that you are powerful and deserving a fully Expressing who you are.
37:05: Embracing your journey toward authenticity is a vital part of that process, and we’re grateful to be alongside you.
37:11: If you’re looking to dive deeper and connect with others who celebrate their true selves, we invite you to join our community.
37:17: It’s a virtual space for connection and accountability, where you can share your experiences and grow together.
37:23: You can find the link in our show notes.
37:25: We can’t wait to welcome you.
37:27: See you on the next one.
We explore:
- Starting a business while navigating full-time motherhood
- Shifting your identity into “I’m a stepmom” and what that really feels like
- The friendship changes that can come with making bold life choices
- How to show up fully for your life and work—without burning out
- The power of saying no and setting boundaries for your energy
- A game-changing mindset shift: “You started this business to spend more time with your child”
- And the powerful reminder that you get to grow alongside your child
Links & Resources:
Free 15-min consult for services: https://marisadonnelly.com/shop/free-consult/
$50 off a week of summer camp for listeners with kids! Use code “EXPRESSKIDS”: https://donnellydailyapple.com/camps/
Connect with Marisa:
Social Links:
School Social Links:
About Marisa:
Marisa Donnelly, MEd., is an educator, coach, writer/editor, and “scrunchie” stepmama with a passion for coffee, creativity, and changing education. She is the director of a K-4th microschool in San Diego, podcast host and founder of ‘Word & Sole’ digital collective, author of Somewhere On A Highway, and has published thousands of articles accumulating over 21.2+ million page views with bylines in Huffington Post, The Spruce, Bustle, BossBabe, Thought Catalog, and more. As a self-proclaimed “multipassionate mama,” Marisa’s mission is to empower people to pursue all the parts of their lives—minus the burnout. When she’s not writing, meeting with clients/students, or crafting social media captions, you can find her walking shelter dogs (or hangin’ with her own)—iced latte in hand.
This episode is a permission slip to honor your path, protect your peace, and redefine success on your own terms.
Join The Fully Expressed Community, where you can be surrounded by other women who are also on the same path of personal growth, healing, and uncovering their authentic expression. Being in a community surrounded by others can truly be one of the most supporting and healing containers to support your personal invitation.
LET’S CONNECT!
The Fully Expressed Community: https://thefullyexpressedpodcast.com/the-fully-expressed-community/ –
The Fully Expressed Podcast with Karenna Website: https://www.instagram.com/thefullyexpressedpodcast/
The Fully Expressed Podcast with Karenna Instagram Profile: https://thefullyexpressedpodcast.com/podcast/
Karenna’s Personal Brand Instagram Profile: https://www.instagram.com/iamkarennasoto/
Contact Karenna: hello@karennasoto.com
