What would change in your life if you started asking for what you want, clearly, boldly, and without apologizing?
In this episode, Samantha and Karenna dive into the power of the audacious ask and why asking can feel so uncomfortable, vulnerable, or even “unsafe” for so many of us. Whether it’s asking for help, asking for more in your relationship, asking for what you’re worth in business, or simply voicing a need… so many of us hold back out of fear of rejection, fear of being too much, or fear of being disappointed.
This conversation is a reminder that being fully expressed means being willing to ask, not from force, but from truth. And that learning to receive is just as important as learning to speak up.
If you’ve ever struggled with people-pleasing, shrinking your desires, or waiting for someone to “just know,” this episode will meet you right where you are and invite you into a new way of relating to your needs, your voice, and your worth.
0:02: Welcome to the Fully Expressed podcast.
0:04: We’re your hosts, Karenna and Samantha.
0:06: This show is your permission slip to stop holding back.
0:10: Here we talk about what it really means to live unapologetically you in your relationships, your business, and your everyday life.
0:17: We believe the most magnetic version of you is rooted in self-expression, honesty, vulnerability, and showing up fully as you are.
0:24: When you own that, you naturally attract the people, the opportunities, and the life that is meant for you.
0:30: Hey guys, on today’s episode, we are talking all about making the audacious ask.
0:35: We felt really called to talk about this because asking for your desires or asking for what you really want really takes us a level deeper of allowing ourselves to be seen in the ask.
0:45: We talk about what are the Different resistances that come up when it comes to asking and also gave some strategic ways that you can work through it to stand more in your power, to step into being fully seen and to really just being the fullest expression of you.
1:01: If you find yourself feeling weird about an ask, you’re going to take something from this and I cannot wait for you to dive in.
1:08: Enjoy.
1:10: Hi, everyone.
1:11: Welcome to another episode with us.
1:13: We’re so excited for another one on one session.
1:16: We’ve been honestly trying to do more of just Sam and I because every time we get to share more of our voices, we hear so much from you guys.
1:23: So thanks for the feedback.
1:26: something that we’ve been thinking about a lot since this last year, as well as we’ve been stepping into being more seen in our business, AKA creating the podcast and really showing up more consistency consistently and Things like that, like, we really want to talk about what does it look like to really ask for what you desire.
1:46: And this is such a complex thing because it can be as easy as like just ask, like, why don’t you just ask?
1:53: But we do feel like there’s such an internal process to that and we wanted to give you guys some insight into like what has our journey been with asking for what we desire and asking for what you desire can look like, well, what do I I really want in a relationship.
2:06: this is what I desire, this is the kind of human that I want to be in a relationship with.
2:10: Or it could be in business, like asking to be on a podcast, asking to be on stage, asking for support, asking for help.
2:19: and then in just general life, like just asking.
2:22: And if you’re listening and you’re like, oh, there are areas where I’m really good at asking, and there’s other areas where I’m really not good at asking, I think you’re really going to appreciate this episode.
2:30: So, yeah, what I think is interesting is, I think there’s different types of resistance to asking as well.
2:38: There is the idea that you don’t want to burden someone.
2:41: Like you don’t wanna put your desire onto someone else or ask for help.
2:46: But I also think then there’s this internal resistance because there’s maybe a perfectionism or I know I can do it, so I’m just gonna do it all.
2:54: And I know I personally have experienced both in business, and I’m sure you can also have moments where you might have experienced one or both of those.
3:02: Absolutely.
3:03: I feel like the two that you said, yeah, for sure.
3:06: I mean, I definitely struggle with like, I should know already know this answer.
3:09: So why am I even asking?
3:11: I’ve definitely struggled with like, well, I don’t want to ask because it’s like one more thing that this person has to do, like, I should be able to handle it all on my own.
3:19: And then there’s, I think there’s like a bigger one of like, allowing myself to be seen in the ask.
3:24: So, That would be like my third one, like being vulnerable because you don’t know the answer or you don’t, or you can’t do it yourself or you need help to do it or you want.
3:32: I think about like being on stage, like, hey, I would love to be on your stage.
3:36: I see.
3:37: Yeah, that makes sense.
3:38: Like that, not only like I can get rejected for someone saying, no, I don’t want you to like.
3:44: That doesn’t feel align like you shouldn’t be on here, but it feels very vulnerable to be like, I believe that I am worthy of being on that stage, or I believe that I’m worthy of leading this group.
3:58: So it’s a little bit more of the attached more to worth than attached to like, am I taking up your time, right?
4:05: That makes sense.
4:06: Yeah, so it’s like the last three.
4:08: So I’d love to know like what has been your journey with asking like ever since you started your business or even just like life, anything I I think the first two for sure are played in my life a lot.
4:22: I think not wanting to burden people is a huge one, especially if you’re a recovering people pleaser.
4:28: I also know that I can do so many things.
4:32: I’m not afraid to learn, which again is great, but I, it has taken me a long time to be like, just because I can do it doesn’t mean I need to spend my time doing it or it doesn’t mean that I need to like prove that I can do it, So that’s been a big one.
4:47: And then, yeah, audaciously asking for what I want has also been another one.
4:53: The self-worth one.
4:54: I feel like all three are very prominent, and I know I’ve told you this story before, but when I was teaching Pilates, and I was just getting started back into teaching classes, I went to, I got a job at a physical therapist’s office, and I remember, I think that the starting pay was $30 an hour.
5:16: And I’m like, OK, I’m such a go-getter.
5:19: I was like, OK, I’ll do this for a few months and then I’ll, you know, ask for a raise or whatever.
5:22: But I was afraid to ask for that because I knew what other people are being paid.
5:27: Then one of the women at the studio told me that the previous Pilates instructor, who was a man, basically walked in and said, Here’s what I can offer and I want $50 an hour.
5:37: And, When I heard that, I was just like, wow, you know, and I’m over here like, 0, 30 would be OK.
5:44: Like that’d be great.
5:45: Thanks so much.
5:46: Like, like I should feel grateful for what they offered me.
5:48: And when I heard that story, that really like stuck with me about being able to know your worth and ask for it.
5:55: And so when I eventually like 3 months in, went for a raise, I asked for I think 40 $35 or $40.
6:02: And then I remember there’s a lot of internal issues at this place, but she said to me like, OK, we’ll give it to you, but you can never ask for another raise again.
6:12: And first of all, I was just like that’s obscene.
6:14: That’s crazy.
6:15: But then I just said, OK, and in my head I was like, all right, I will be out of here in 6 months and I’m gonna start my own space because I knew that if I left, I could make double or even more.
6:24: I could make the full $110 they were charging people.
6:27: But I just, that was such a huge.
6:29: Lesson for me and, and I, I think that’s carried into my jewelry business and everything of just knowing that, you know, one, I’m worth charging whatever I want to charge, and two, you have to ask.
6:39: If you don’t ask, they will just give you whatever, you know, and I think as women, it’s so easy to feel, you know, And I’m curious your thoughts on this, like bringing emotion into it or feeling like as you said, oh, something’s wrong with me because they don’t want me to speak on their stage or what am I missing and really has nothing to do with that and I’ve learned a lot from working in industries that are predominantly male-dominated and just that they don’t, it’s just straightforward.
7:04: They ask, they say what they want, and if you tell them no, they’re just like, OK, and they move on to the next.
7:08: Like they’re not bringing their self-worth or their emotion for the most part.
7:12: I’m sure there are men that struggle with that too, but I think in general in business, men are just very direct.
7:17: And that is something that I’ve had to work on a lot.
7:21: In your case, like I’m so curious, like bringing you back, like what was keeping you from asking more?
7:26: I think one, the self-worth issue, and 2, the part that thought, well, I’ve only been here 3 months.
7:33: I’ve only been here a short time, or I don’t, maybe I don’t have the experience or just doubting my value, really.
7:42: I love that you brought that up because I feel like that’s something that everyone says about.
7:45: Well, I’ll just start low until I have a higher experience.
7:48: And I think it’s sometimes it’s a valid question for our logical mind, but like At the end of the day, like your reality does, doesn’t have to match that.
7:58: Like, I think if like that man that walked in, he’s like, this is what I can offer and this is what I do.
8:02: He came in with confidence.
8:04: He could have easily been honestly kind of like bullshitting.
8:08: He probably was, you know, in some way he was probably like like not necessarily lying, but he just stood by like embellishing he was, he could have been embellishing.
8:16: He could have been like, I have, he came, he didn’t even, I don’t know if he said that.
8:19: But like I have 5 years in this.
8:21: He didn’t even use that as context to be able to do that and I think knowing that you have something to offer and that’s valuable, that’s where you stand in.
8:28: But men or in that situation, a lot of the times have that confidence to stand by, this is what I will do, this is what it is, and this is what I can offer.
8:37: And I think men get to that place way sooner.
8:39: I mean, even in the film industry when I worked there, like you start as a PA, that’s pretty typical.
8:44: Unless you have connections, you’re starting as a production assistant and you’re making nothing and you’re working insane hours, but I, you definitely see men move up faster or I don’t know about now.
8:54: I mean this was like 89, 10 years ago, but like you definitely saw men move up faster because they’re just like, OK, I’m done with this.
9:00: Like I know what I’m doing.
9:01: Take me to the next role, and women, the women in the industry were definitely more hesitant to ask to be moved up to, to have the next thing.
9:11: I think about so much about like the energy behind both, like the hesitance to ask like the person that’s receiving that it’s like, well, I don’t really know if you want this, you know, like the energy behind that of like, well, do you even know if you really want this?
9:24: And I think when it’s really clear in your ask, you’re like literally letting someone know that you are meant for this role or you are meant for this amount.
9:31: And it gives people the Like the confidence of like, yeah, I should give them $50 an hour, you know, like versus like energetically when you hesitate or you’re like I’ll take it or like, sure, I’ll work my up or we’re problem solving on how we’re going to get through the back end like that comes through.
9:47: Yeah, I mean that’s one of the biggest things they talk about in sales is you don’t go.
9:52: Well, you don’t justify and you don’t, you don’t backtrack and go, Well, it could be this, but da da da da.
9:57: You just say, this is how much it is.
9:59: This is why you need it.
10:00: I mean, that’s like the best way to sell anything and it should be the same when we’re asking for ourselves.
10:06: But I think it’s so easy.
10:07: I’m curious why you think women struggle with this so much.
10:11: I mean, I think historically, right?
10:12: Like women have had this history and we tell our stories that we have to prove, right?
10:17: Like I think, look at the feminine movement.
10:19: Look at everything that has happened where women have been given so much opportunity, but it’s coming from a place of like, I was never given opportunity, I was never told that I could do these things, so I need to prove something.
10:29: And so I think we’re still getting on board with like to prove, like we’re still trying to get to this place of like, no, I am valuable, I am worthy.
10:38: I can’t have what I want.
10:39: I can do what a man does if I want to, if I choose, it’s not necessarily like a role, but I think we’re fighting like generations of stories of oppressiveness and stories.
10:50: I do hope that we get to this place as women and as men where everyone realizes that everything’s a choice.
10:58: You can live and create any kind of story, but when you’re rewriting the Story, it’s so difficult.
11:04: and I also hope that we get to a place like, for example, even this episode, I don’t even want to have this conversation because I don’t even want it to exist as an option.
11:12: We just know our worth and we just know I need help, you know, and like I’m I’m praying for that day and I think the more that like you tell me all the time, like the story that you tell yourself is really the energy you’re gonna have, The other thing I want to bring back to the story that we hold internally, energetically will always leak the story that we lead.
11:32: So when you are asking, you’re taking more of that leadership role of like, this is what I desire, you’re telling God, universe, like this is what I want and this is how I want to be met.
11:41: But if you’re not internally aligned with that external desire and how you express it, you’re not going to receive it.
11:48: Yeah, and I think it’s also I’ve really come from the mindset now too is like, OK, what’s the worst they could say is no.
11:54: Or they can come back at you and be like, oh, that seems high or whatever, and then you just deal with it from there.
11:59: You move forward, you know, and I think we spend so much time in the space of self-doubt or like the hesitation or the, I don’t know what about.
12:07: This and really usually when you just send it and you just say it, it works out.
12:12: It really does.
12:13: Again, it goes back to like not being in resistance and being able to say, OK, I know how to do this, but I think I need help with this, or I’m worth more than this and I’m gonna ask for it.
12:23: Totally.
12:24: And I think so we covered like the money one.
12:26: I would love to talk about like the feeling worthy of doing the action, because that resonate with that one so much.
12:32: Yeah, share more.
12:34: What do you mean?
12:34: , so like.
12:35: I think in business, like really being able to stand by, like this is what I want.
12:40: Even this is coming up with like my wedding stuff right now, like, interestingly enough, like last night I was telling Nick I was like, I think I have a more luxury identity than I thought I did because everything that I want to wear for the wedding, everything that I want to do for the wedding is a much higher standard than I would want, or I thought that I would want.
13:02: I’m like, am I rubbing off on you?
13:03: I’m laughing last night because I was looking at that top I showed you that was $4000 and I said to Austin, I literally said, I was like, I just really like nice things.
13:12: Like I’m literally realizing I like luxury things and they’re not even name brands.
13:17: I don’t even care about that.
13:18: I’m just like, I really have a high taste, I think.
13:21: And I say that with like there’s this like level of standard that I’m stepping into and I think that shows up in business and that shows up in life and shows up in relationship and I think when you first start a business, you’re like, well, what is my standard?
13:35: You’re kind of like recalibrating to like, I’m a business owner, I’m creating a business, and you’re making it so much about you.
13:42: And like, yes, you, your business problems are usually your personal problems, they’re never actually business problems.
13:48: You know, like we’ve gone to so many conferences where, you know, the the messaging right now is like it’s 5% strategy and 95% energetic.
13:56: , because it really is the standard that you hold, the standard that you want, that you love luxury things.
14:03: And so I say this with like feeling worthy of receiving those things.
14:08: and I think the other thing that comes with an ask is allowing yourself to be seen in the ask.
14:13: And being seen in the ask is so vulnerable for someone that’s not used to asking because they’re so used to Answering or to eliciting or holding the space.
14:25: But like asking for what you want.
14:28: I think we can practice this in so many in our day to day lives every day that’s gonna help us ask the big ask, but like asking to celebrate your birthday, asking for people to celebrate your wedding, asking for help with like, hey, like I’m doing this this weekend, can you help me with this really quick thing?
14:45: , asking your partner around the house to pick something up.
14:49: just asking in like the vulnerable places and I think if you’re listening to this, like there is a part of you that has an edge, like we all have an edge, and I see this like the more that I step into more expansion, allowing myself to be more seen, allowing myself to receive more love, I keep reaching that edge and I feel like my go to is like whenever that edge is there, practice the ask in that edge.
15:13: Because that’s where you’re going to create the capacity to hold more of your ask, but to hold more of what you’re actually meant to receive.
15:20: Because at the end of the day, I think What this really comes back to like we all want to receive, right?
15:25: We all want to receive the $50 an hour.
15:27: We all want to receive the $4500 top, right?
15:31: Like we want to feel the energetics of that value.
15:35: And we want to receive someone asking us and seeing us to get on stage or someone asking us to be a part of this group, or someone asking us to facilitate this or to partner in this, or asking even to work with us.
15:47: Like we want them to see us in our value and our expertise and our standards, but they, in order for them to see you, and in order for you to receive them, you have to be open to receiving them.
15:58: Yeah, I mean, circling back to what’s crazy is when I heard that story of the employee before me that got $50 because of that and because she said you’ll never get another raise again.
16:08: I made a goal and I said in 3 more months, I’m gonna leave here and I’m gonna build my own clientele.
16:14: And I did.
16:15: I left.
16:16: My clients followed me.
16:18: so I got new clients and I was making 6 figures a year, like in 6 months of literally working 2 places, quit both those places, and went out on my own.
16:28: And I think I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do that if I didn’t have that experience and realizing that I was holding myself back and it’s, I remember actually going to, cause I used to go to Pilates classes to see what other teachers were doing.
16:41: And I had a, I struck up a conversation with a teacher one night and she’s like, oh, what do you do?
16:46: And I said, oh, I’m also a Pilates instructor.
16:48: She’s like, oh, what studio do you teach at?
16:49: I said, I don’t.
16:50: I rent a space and I teach one on one.
16:52: She goes, oh my God, that’s amazing.
16:53: Like how did you do that?
16:55: And I started sharing with her and It made me realize like she was so shocked that I was doing this and it made me realize like, oh, you know, so often we hold ourselves back like she couldn’t even imagine that and I’m like, girl, go out on your own.
17:09: You can make triple what you’re making right now, you know.
17:11: And so I think that it is important to have the confidence to believe in yourself and even a $4000 top, I mean, I do not want to invest in a $4000 top right now, but it did.
17:21: I remember like a few years ago, I bought this Louis Vuitton pouchette like cardholder.
17:27: Secondhand online and I got it.
17:30: It was so cute.
17:30: I loved it.
17:31: But then I was just like, oh, I don’t need it, and I sold it.
17:33: And Austin later said to me, he’s like, Do you think you’re not worthy of nice things because you buy these nice things and then you sell them?
17:40: Like I would do it a lot, and I never really thought about it that way.
17:44: I was just like, oh, I don’t really.
17:45: care and that’s why last night I was laughing because I’m like, oh, I really do love high quality things and if I wanted to spend $4000 on something, I probably would.
17:55: But it’s just also asking myself what’s the program behind why I would feel I wasn’t deserving of it or you know.
18:02: An expensive wedding dress or, you know, an expensive venue or we don’t say expensive, we say investment now.
18:09: but like whatever type of investment, I think it’s really part of the ask is also looking within and, and really reflecting back to yourself like what are, where are my limitations cause like you’re saying, like our internal world is a reflection of our external world and until I started really looking at that and saying, yeah, I do want to have money to buy.
18:26: Nice things.
18:27: I’m also, I don’t have a closet that looks like Kim Kardashian.
18:30: Like I don’t need a department store, but I do love investing in high experiences and nice experiences and nice clothing and things like that.
18:38: And I think the more we sit with that and we accept that part of ourselves, the more we’re able to hold it and draw it in and bring more abundance and opportunity.
18:47: Yeah, I mean, I love that this conversation has gone that direction because there’s so many.
18:52: that we’re constantly asking the universe to see us or constantly asking ourselves to be seen.
18:57: Like there’s this part of you inside of you that clearly was like, is, is like, Sam, I love luxury.
19:02: I want to be seen in luxury or whatever.
19:06: Like I want that need to be met, right?
19:08: Like there’s this desire that wants to be held in that desire.
19:12: And also I hear a lot of people, you know, money is so such an interesting thing.
19:16: Because it’s such a huge part of this society right now.
19:18: It’s what we’ve chosen to believe in, to exchange for different items and things.
19:24: I mean, it’s capitalism.
19:25: And what’s interesting to me is I hear so often this concept around wealth and even when we went to women and wealth, like you see these women who have attracted a lot of wealth and their belief systems are so different than the average person.
19:40: And I think it’s so, you know, I went through this myself of, well, I’m a deeply spiritual human and it, it’s wrong for me to have wealth because that’s not spiritual.
19:51: Like we should all be equal or whatever, you know.
19:53: And the more I dug down into that, the more I realized like we live in an extremely abundant universe, but we’re limiting ourselves and we’re creating lack and limitation not only for ourselves but for others in holding that mindset.
20:07: And the more I would like dig deeper, the more I’m like, oh, I am limiting myself because I’m like, you can’t be wealthy and spiritual, which is insane because the more wealth you have, the more good you could do, the more impact you have in this current reality.
20:18: And so I think really even in certain spaces when I hear women speak in lack, I just kind of call it out because I’m just like, is that really what you want?
20:29: Because do you want to be in fight or flight?
20:30: Do you want your nervous system to be stressed out because you can’t pay your bills or you want that thing but you can’t buy it because you don’t believe you’re worthy.
20:37: And I hear it a lot at the jewelry studio because there’s a lot of women who want to have jewelry businesses but are afraid to charge their worth or to know what they’re worth.
20:45: And I think it’s so important to continually ask yourself, what are the beliefs that are limiting me and how can I ask to be seen deeper.
20:55: So I love that this word ask keeps coming up and over last week, I went and led a workshop for all of these leaders, and we use this framework called ask and how to have hard conversations, and A stands for acknowledge, S stands for seek understanding.
21:13: And then Kay is like, keep it real and keep it moving.
21:18: And I really loved it because in this ask framework, we can use this for ourselves as well.
21:26: every time that you are met with a decision where you have the opportunity to lean into a.
21:31: But you feel like you’re holding yourself back or you have an opportunity to ask yourself for the ask for the thing that you want, go through this like go through the framework for yourself, like acknowledge that you’re feeling a certain way.
21:42: Seek understanding like where are you, where is this coming from?
21:46: Where is this voice coming from?
21:47: Like where, where’s the intention coming from?
21:49: Am I really, do I really want to be stressed out to your point?
21:53: Or like is this just a programming that I’m running on?
21:55: Am I feeling unworthy?
21:56: And then OK, like, keep it real, like be honest and then do the thing, like take the next step on what it needs because that’s like another really short way for us to kind of break through our edges because again, I feel like For us in our journeys, we’ve talked so much about how we feel so comfortable to ask for anything that we want in our relationships.
22:15: We feel so comfortable to ask for whatever we want in our day to day life.
22:19: Like I do not struggle with telling people what I want to eat anymore, you know, like when I did, but I don’t anymore.
22:24: But then at this next evolution, every time that I evolve as a human, I’m being met with a whole new version of asking and I think to Like bring this all back is like, not only do we want you guys to feel worthy and be able to call in the abundance that you want, but it’s kind of come back from like being that audacious ask that you really want to ask yourself.
22:44: So like, yeah, or you wanna ask someone, like be audacious, like go higher.
22:49: I think that’s the other thing that I’ve learned when it comes back to like worth or whatever, even for the podcast, like, I always feel like there’s a level of caliber of people that I can go for.
22:59: But I’m like, what do I do to get the person that is like, I don’t know, Obama one day or Oprah, you know, like that level of standard.
23:06: I’m like, I can’t ask Oprah to be on our show.
23:09: Like you can hear that like coming in my mind, but I’m like, why am I telling myself that?
23:14: I can’t ask her.
23:15: Who knows?
23:16: What if I meet her one day and I’m like, I’d love to have you on the show and That is so different living in that reality of like, no, I could totally ask Oprah to be on the show.
23:25: I know I went really high, but like, you know, like, it’s true.
23:30: And so really getting clear on like where are your edges and your standard and I would even get even clearer around this time of the year is like being like, where are you holding yourself back?
23:39: Where have you been asking only to the level of what you’re comfortable asking?
23:43: What would it be like to ask that next level of standard that you deeply want and desire?
23:47: Like we’re not trying to like create things, but like what do you really want?
23:51: Like what would be the most audacious ask?
23:53: I’m curious for you, yeah, like in business, you mean anything.
23:59: I mean, I still think for me and my jewelry business, my audacious ask is just like asking for help with anything.
24:08: I mean, I definitely still have a, I can do it all myself mindset.
24:12: So I would say like asking, I’ve reached out actually to different people to help with my website cause I created my first website, but I’m like that was a lot of work and I don’t really wanna do it again, and I know it can be better.
24:24: So yeah, that would be one.
24:26: What about you?
24:29: I love how I ask the question, but I don’t actually filter it to like what would my answer be?
24:33: I think I’m gonna bring it towards like the wedding stuff.
24:35: Like I feel like I don’t know if there’s like an audacious ask, but I feel like just allowing myself to receive however much people want to give to me, I think is a really big one, Especially this last week, I’ve been feeling like so grateful.
24:49: People are like surprising me with stuff.
24:50: People are saying yes to things and I’m just like, this is a lot for my nervous system and I can feel it.
24:55: I’m like, oh God, this is a lot.
24:57: I’m just gonna cry because it’s the only thing I can do.
25:00: but I think my audacious ask is like being like me allowing myself to be more audaciously seen.
25:07: that’s probably more of like my theme currently is like allowing myself to be more audaciously seen.
25:12: I love that.
25:13: The last ask we didn’t really touch on, but I think we should like speak a little about is the asking, not asking from a place of not wanting to burden or people pleasing or yeah, maybe.
25:27: Have you experienced that?
25:28: Of course, I definitely have.
25:30: Now, I have no problem asking people for help.
25:33: Like that’s not really the thing.
25:35: I think It’s like more like me getting clear on like, it’s OK, like asking before I hit to the point of like, OK, this is already too much.
25:45: Like I want to ask earlier on, if that makes sense.
25:48: So, and that’s asking people for help.
25:50: So, like even in our business, like you, I’ve said, hey, I can’t handle all these projects, can you help me with this?
25:56: And I can see that and I can know when I’m at that point, but I think, getting there faster and like bridging that gap.
26:03: That’s how I look at my healing journey or anything that I’m doing.
26:05: I’m like, OK, all this shit’s going to come up anyways, you know, I’m going to meet these edges.
26:09: There’s no point.
26:10: I’m going to get triggered.
26:11: I’m going to hold myself back.
26:12: I’m going to have the voices, but how can I close the gap so much faster and decision.
26:18: but I think for those that are feeling like a burden, I want you to realize the biggest gift that I have done is allowing people to give to me.
26:25: So when I wasn’t asking, I was robbing them of the opportunity to give to me and to love me.
26:32: And whenever I fell into that view, I was like, oh my gosh, these people want to give to me.
26:38: They’re telling me, tell me how I can help you.
26:40: And to someone’s love language that is the act of giving.
26:45: Or the acts of service, that’s their way that they want to love you.
26:50: And when I stepped into that belief, or into that mindset, I was like, wow, I’ve looked back at my life and I’m like, I’ve robbed so many people of the opportunity to help to help, you know?
27:02: And I think what we have to realize when it comes to our ass, like there are really good people out there that want to see.
27:09: that want to give to you.
27:11: Like they want the opportunity to celebrate you or they want the opportunity to give you help, right?
27:16: Like it makes them happy.
27:18: And what I’ve realized and asking and getting away from the fact that like this is a burden for this person or like they don’t have the time to do this.
27:26: I was like, don’t take away people’s choices.
27:29: That’s what I come down to, like don’t take away their choice.
27:32: I’m seeing too, the more I hear and like observe that in people or in people we’ve had on and you and me, I do also think there’s a huge correlation to being able to sell as well.
27:45: Like to being able to sell yourself, to being able to sell a product.
27:48: Like I think of the people who I know are really good at sales and they are not afraid to ask the most audacious ask.
27:55: I mean They’re not afraid to just be like, hey, I wanna do this.
27:58: And a lot, and, and oftentimes, one, they handle rejection way better, and two, they actually get what they ask for way more often than they don’t.
28:06: And I, you know, at the end of the day, like in business, you’re selling either yourself or a product.
28:11: And so it’s interesting because the more I think about and hear that, like you’re great at sales, I hear people.
28:18: I see the correlation and that’s why I think people are struggling in their business too and they don’t realize it’s because they’re afraid to ask or they’re afraid to like be direct or they’re afraid to be like, hey, I have something you need.
28:27: Like I have, I mean, that’s really like people that know how to solve a really good problem or know how to solve a problem well I should say, are the people who are good at selling and asking.
28:38: I was thinking about Alexis cause I’m like she’s one of the best salesperson that salespeople I know and she’s all, she’s, you’ll hear her epi you’ll have heard her episode.
28:46: She was before us if you listen to this, but man, she’s someone who just like she has asked for some huge audacious things like she’s not afraid to ask.
28:54: She’ll go up to a venture capitalist and be like, I need $500 million.
28:58: Can you fund me, you know, like, I think in that what we don’t realize, like flip the script a little bit is like people want you to ask.
29:05: Like especially let’s just take it to us, these events that we’ve done, right?
29:09: Like we’ve personally outreached people.
29:12: And I’ve even realized in my own like process, like I know so many people are hosting events, right?
29:17: But it feels different when someone personally asks me to be there, right?
29:21: And so like I think people want to be asked and like to Alexis’s audacious ask of asking someone for $100 million or $500 million.
29:29: There are people out there that are really looking for to give their money away.
29:34: They, that’s what they do.
29:36: That is their job.
29:37: That’s what they love to do.
29:38: They love to invest, they love to give money away and they’re just like, Please, who am I going to give this money to?
29:44: And like if you do not ask, you can’t, they can’t receive.
29:47: People do not know.
29:49: Like every time I look at anyone in my life that Has received everything that they’ve ever wanted.
29:55: I will say they’re never the loud.
29:56: They’re not always the loudest, but they are the person that is very clear in their ask.
30:02: They know where their lane is.
30:04: They know what they want, and they express what they want.
30:08: I think about my sister, she’s really good at this.
30:10: She asked for whatever.
30:12: Val’s very good at being super clear and like, no, yes, that’s what I want.
30:17: This is what I need.
30:18: Da da da da da and like the person on the other side would not know that she wants those things if Val did not express it, right?
30:25: And so this comes back to like what we’re trying to like I feel like the running thread in this is like in order to receive your biggest desires, you have to express it, you have to ask, you have to allow yourself to be seen in the ask, and then you have to allow yourself to receive the ask.
30:43: And have confidence the whole time and believe in yourself.
30:46: That too, but then also be like super unattached.
30:49: I think that’s the other thing, the art of unattachment because we don’t know who it’s gonna land for.
30:55: And I think when we verbally speak it, like use our words and the energy behind our words, the universe will do its thing.
31:01: God will be like, alright, you want that thing or the universe creator, whatever you think of, you want that thing?
31:07: Sure, I will make Sure that you will get that thing, but I got to take away all the other people along the way.
31:11: Like, you know, you’ll run, you’ll go down this lane and you’re like in the, you know, that person is like, nope, that’s not a no, that’s a no, that’s a no.
31:18: OK, this person’s going to get me to this person, who’s going to get me this person, who’s finally going to give me the thing that the desire.
31:24: the hard part I think is that we are not wired well for rejection, like unless you make yourself experience rejection.
31:34: Like that was definitely a big one for me, like, especially not being tooting my own horn, but as someone who’s like, come, things come naturally, like I did not handle rejection well as a kid because a lot of things were easy for me.
31:46: And then when I did get rejected, it felt like a huge loss.
31:49: So it’s taken time for me to build the confidence to ask to be rejected, So like from my experience, I can say like I think rejection is a huge thing that we’re doing a disservice by not allowing our kids to fail, by not allowing our kids to not, everyone gets a trophy, you know, it’s like that’s not really doing a, a, a service for people because I think the more you can handle rejection, the less personal you take it.
32:13: It’s not, it’s not personal.
32:14: It’s really just Because I think if you’re, if you’re in fear of rejection, you’re afraid to ask because you don’t want to receive the disappointment or you don’t wanna receive, I mean, I even think about Samantha Skelly talking about filming her show.
32:26: She filmed a show for 7 months I think and then right when it was about to air they’re like, actually I’m sorry we’re not airing your show, you know, when you think about that, that rejection that, you know, and she, she said she gave herself time to mourn and then she’s like, all right, moving on, like something better is coming.
32:41: There’s a purpose for this.
32:42: There’s a reason for this.
32:44: And I think the more we can learn that and pivot, the easier it becomes.
32:47: Absolutely.
32:47: I mean they always say rejection is a redirection, but you just got to be with the feelings along the way.
32:54: You know, which is also difficult for people.
32:57: Oh, for sure, we’re not saying it’s easy or it’s hard, but it doesn’t.
33:00: I just want to remind you, like if you are going through this process where you’ve been red directed a lot this year, for example, or like you haven’t been seen, like that is, does it not mean anything of you.
33:12: We identify so much of our personalities, our emotions, our mental, everything.
33:18: We identify our entire being with that no.
33:20: And we’re like, oh my gosh, that no just swallowed my entire world and I am nothing now and it’s like you’re inherently worthy as you’re perfect as is and I think the more that we can remember like we are perfect.
33:33: We are literally walking beings of perfection.
33:36: And there’s nothing, there’s you you are imperfectly perfect, right?
33:40: Like there’s no part of you that is bad, wrong, or needs more work.
33:44: It’s just you continuing to lean into your desires, allowing yourself to receive what you want and keeping yourself out there.
33:51: And I think the person that you become along the way, like you bring up Alexa so much because, or Alexis because she’s gone through so much of her life of also receiving nos.
34:01: You know, she has big opportunities where she’s received a really big no before.
34:05: And it’s just like an opportunity for you to like double down on who you really are.
34:09: So if anything, like One thing I’ve always challenged myself is like, OK, I’m going to receive more no’s today because I, you know, how exciting is it to receive a no.
34:19: there, there’s someone else that was super famous, they were at their dinner table would be like, how did you fail today?
34:24: And I don’t think we give ourselves the opportunity to fail.
34:26: Fail enough because we want to stay comfortable.
34:30: and every single day we’re like I didn’t fail today or like I didn’t ask the thing that I wanted.
34:34: And I think one thing this year that I would love to practice more is giving myself to fail everyday.
34:41: How did I fail today?
34:43: How did I get a no today?
34:44: Who said no to me today?
34:46: And kind of look for people’s nos and like you’re kind of flipping the script.
34:49: I’m like I’m so excited for someone to say no to me today.
34:53: Not really, but kind of really like I’d rather cause then it shows who I’ve become, who I am becoming.
34:59: I’m getting closer to my ass, to my desires, and it shows you it has nothing to do with you as a person.
35:05: No, not ever.
35:06: And I will say to take it a little further is like, just because that person says no, don’t be weird around them.
35:13: Just don’t be weird.
35:14: Just don’t be weird.
35:16: I think about when I was like a coach and I was selling life coaching and, you know, I was charging like $3500 to $4500 for coaching for like six months.
35:24: And I was cool with anyone that came.
35:27: But then if someone did say no, I’m like, wow, I feel really weird that I pitched to you and you don’t want to work with me.
35:33: and I kept that residual residue, and it’s like not worth it.
35:37: Just don’t be weird.
35:38: Yeah, they’re not being personal about it.
35:39: It just wasn’t the right time.
35:40: It wasn’t the right time, the right fit.
35:42: Yeah, exactly.
35:43: Anything else come up?
35:45: I feel like we touched on so much.
35:47: Yeah, I mean, if you guys are running into this this year, or you’re craving to be more seen or you’re craving to, you have a big ask, right?
35:53: Like You’re probably already looking at 2026, you’re like, what are my goals for 2026?
36:00: which is cool, and that’s totally fine.
36:02: And in that, you realize that you got to start asking more, or you got to start asking the universe, you got to really start start fitting into your desires, and you run into some stuff like DMS like I would love to hear like, what are some of the things that you’re worried about?
36:14: Are you worried of being judged?
36:15: Are you worried that you’re going to get a no, like, I want you guys to remind us like what’s so bad Romano?
36:21: It’s not that bad.
36:22: It’s not that bad.
36:24: You we make it that bad, you know, so that’s all I was going to say.
36:28: Anything else?
36:29: I feel like we got it.
36:31: Yeah, so true.
36:33: Make an audacious ask.
36:35: Yeah, like think about right in this moment, what would be the most audacious ask you can ask.
36:40: Anything in life, love or business, like, or relationships.
36:43: Like I think about for the person that’s like, I so badly want to move across out of the country.
36:48: Why are you not asking your husband and kids to actually do it?
36:51: or I think about the wife that is like, I really want to be divorced and I need to ask to make it happen, make it happen, you know.
37:01: Or if you want to raise or you want to charge more for your services or any of that, trust that the people that are meant to pay your services will come.
37:10: Absolutely.
37:11: And you’ll become the energetic match to that value.
37:14: Yeah.
37:15: Same with purchasing something.
37:16: I always say like purchase something that feels out of your comfort zone, just a little bit.
37:20: I mean like don’t go into heaps of debt, but you know, see if there’s something maybe you’ve really wanted and you’re like, oh, I don’t know, that feels edgy.
37:27: Buy it and see what happens.
37:29: It might actually expand your capacity.
37:32: Exactly to receive.
37:34: All right, with so much love.
37:35: Enjoy.
37:35: See you on the next one.
37:37: We hope you loved today’s episode and that it sparked something in you on your journey to becoming more fully expressed.
37:42: Don’t forget to check the show notes for all the details and resources from today’s conversation.
37:47: If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review.
37:49: We’d love to hear your honest thoughts and takeaways as it really helps us to create content that better serves you.
37:54: This week, we invite you to show up even more as you, more honest, more real, more expressive in your life and business, and we’ll see you on the next one.
0:04: We’re your hosts, Karenna and Samantha.
0:06: This show is your permission slip to stop holding back.
0:10: Here we talk about what it really means to live unapologetically you in your relationships, your business, and your everyday life.
0:17: We believe the most magnetic version of you is rooted in self-expression, honesty, vulnerability, and showing up fully as you are.
0:24: When you own that, you naturally attract the people, the opportunities, and the life that is meant for you.
0:30: Hey guys, on today’s episode, we are talking all about making the audacious ask.
0:35: We felt really called to talk about this because asking for your desires or asking for what you really want really takes us a level deeper of allowing ourselves to be seen in the ask.
0:45: We talk about what are the Different resistances that come up when it comes to asking and also gave some strategic ways that you can work through it to stand more in your power, to step into being fully seen and to really just being the fullest expression of you.
1:01: If you find yourself feeling weird about an ask, you’re going to take something from this and I cannot wait for you to dive in.
1:08: Enjoy.
1:10: Hi, everyone.
1:11: Welcome to another episode with us.
1:13: We’re so excited for another one on one session.
1:16: We’ve been honestly trying to do more of just Sam and I because every time we get to share more of our voices, we hear so much from you guys.
1:23: So thanks for the feedback.
1:26: something that we’ve been thinking about a lot since this last year, as well as we’ve been stepping into being more seen in our business, AKA creating the podcast and really showing up more consistency consistently and Things like that, like, we really want to talk about what does it look like to really ask for what you desire.
1:46: And this is such a complex thing because it can be as easy as like just ask, like, why don’t you just ask?
1:53: But we do feel like there’s such an internal process to that and we wanted to give you guys some insight into like what has our journey been with asking for what we desire and asking for what you desire can look like, well, what do I I really want in a relationship.
2:06: this is what I desire, this is the kind of human that I want to be in a relationship with.
2:10: Or it could be in business, like asking to be on a podcast, asking to be on stage, asking for support, asking for help.
2:19: and then in just general life, like just asking.
2:22: And if you’re listening and you’re like, oh, there are areas where I’m really good at asking, and there’s other areas where I’m really not good at asking, I think you’re really going to appreciate this episode.
2:30: So, yeah, what I think is interesting is, I think there’s different types of resistance to asking as well.
2:38: There is the idea that you don’t want to burden someone.
2:41: Like you don’t wanna put your desire onto someone else or ask for help.
2:46: But I also think then there’s this internal resistance because there’s maybe a perfectionism or I know I can do it, so I’m just gonna do it all.
2:54: And I know I personally have experienced both in business, and I’m sure you can also have moments where you might have experienced one or both of those.
3:02: Absolutely.
3:03: I feel like the two that you said, yeah, for sure.
3:06: I mean, I definitely struggle with like, I should know already know this answer.
3:09: So why am I even asking?
3:11: I’ve definitely struggled with like, well, I don’t want to ask because it’s like one more thing that this person has to do, like, I should be able to handle it all on my own.
3:19: And then there’s, I think there’s like a bigger one of like, allowing myself to be seen in the ask.
3:24: So, That would be like my third one, like being vulnerable because you don’t know the answer or you don’t, or you can’t do it yourself or you need help to do it or you want.
3:32: I think about like being on stage, like, hey, I would love to be on your stage.
3:36: I see.
3:37: Yeah, that makes sense.
3:38: Like that, not only like I can get rejected for someone saying, no, I don’t want you to like.
3:44: That doesn’t feel align like you shouldn’t be on here, but it feels very vulnerable to be like, I believe that I am worthy of being on that stage, or I believe that I’m worthy of leading this group.
3:58: So it’s a little bit more of the attached more to worth than attached to like, am I taking up your time, right?
4:05: That makes sense.
4:06: Yeah, so it’s like the last three.
4:08: So I’d love to know like what has been your journey with asking like ever since you started your business or even just like life, anything I I think the first two for sure are played in my life a lot.
4:22: I think not wanting to burden people is a huge one, especially if you’re a recovering people pleaser.
4:28: I also know that I can do so many things.
4:32: I’m not afraid to learn, which again is great, but I, it has taken me a long time to be like, just because I can do it doesn’t mean I need to spend my time doing it or it doesn’t mean that I need to like prove that I can do it, So that’s been a big one.
4:47: And then, yeah, audaciously asking for what I want has also been another one.
4:53: The self-worth one.
4:54: I feel like all three are very prominent, and I know I’ve told you this story before, but when I was teaching Pilates, and I was just getting started back into teaching classes, I went to, I got a job at a physical therapist’s office, and I remember, I think that the starting pay was $30 an hour.
5:16: And I’m like, OK, I’m such a go-getter.
5:19: I was like, OK, I’ll do this for a few months and then I’ll, you know, ask for a raise or whatever.
5:22: But I was afraid to ask for that because I knew what other people are being paid.
5:27: Then one of the women at the studio told me that the previous Pilates instructor, who was a man, basically walked in and said, Here’s what I can offer and I want $50 an hour.
5:37: And, When I heard that, I was just like, wow, you know, and I’m over here like, 0, 30 would be OK.
5:44: Like that’d be great.
5:45: Thanks so much.
5:46: Like, like I should feel grateful for what they offered me.
5:48: And when I heard that story, that really like stuck with me about being able to know your worth and ask for it.
5:55: And so when I eventually like 3 months in, went for a raise, I asked for I think 40 $35 or $40.
6:02: And then I remember there’s a lot of internal issues at this place, but she said to me like, OK, we’ll give it to you, but you can never ask for another raise again.
6:12: And first of all, I was just like that’s obscene.
6:14: That’s crazy.
6:15: But then I just said, OK, and in my head I was like, all right, I will be out of here in 6 months and I’m gonna start my own space because I knew that if I left, I could make double or even more.
6:24: I could make the full $110 they were charging people.
6:27: But I just, that was such a huge.
6:29: Lesson for me and, and I, I think that’s carried into my jewelry business and everything of just knowing that, you know, one, I’m worth charging whatever I want to charge, and two, you have to ask.
6:39: If you don’t ask, they will just give you whatever, you know, and I think as women, it’s so easy to feel, you know, And I’m curious your thoughts on this, like bringing emotion into it or feeling like as you said, oh, something’s wrong with me because they don’t want me to speak on their stage or what am I missing and really has nothing to do with that and I’ve learned a lot from working in industries that are predominantly male-dominated and just that they don’t, it’s just straightforward.
7:04: They ask, they say what they want, and if you tell them no, they’re just like, OK, and they move on to the next.
7:08: Like they’re not bringing their self-worth or their emotion for the most part.
7:12: I’m sure there are men that struggle with that too, but I think in general in business, men are just very direct.
7:17: And that is something that I’ve had to work on a lot.
7:21: In your case, like I’m so curious, like bringing you back, like what was keeping you from asking more?
7:26: I think one, the self-worth issue, and 2, the part that thought, well, I’ve only been here 3 months.
7:33: I’ve only been here a short time, or I don’t, maybe I don’t have the experience or just doubting my value, really.
7:42: I love that you brought that up because I feel like that’s something that everyone says about.
7:45: Well, I’ll just start low until I have a higher experience.
7:48: And I think it’s sometimes it’s a valid question for our logical mind, but like At the end of the day, like your reality does, doesn’t have to match that.
7:58: Like, I think if like that man that walked in, he’s like, this is what I can offer and this is what I do.
8:02: He came in with confidence.
8:04: He could have easily been honestly kind of like bullshitting.
8:08: He probably was, you know, in some way he was probably like like not necessarily lying, but he just stood by like embellishing he was, he could have been embellishing.
8:16: He could have been like, I have, he came, he didn’t even, I don’t know if he said that.
8:19: But like I have 5 years in this.
8:21: He didn’t even use that as context to be able to do that and I think knowing that you have something to offer and that’s valuable, that’s where you stand in.
8:28: But men or in that situation, a lot of the times have that confidence to stand by, this is what I will do, this is what it is, and this is what I can offer.
8:37: And I think men get to that place way sooner.
8:39: I mean, even in the film industry when I worked there, like you start as a PA, that’s pretty typical.
8:44: Unless you have connections, you’re starting as a production assistant and you’re making nothing and you’re working insane hours, but I, you definitely see men move up faster or I don’t know about now.
8:54: I mean this was like 89, 10 years ago, but like you definitely saw men move up faster because they’re just like, OK, I’m done with this.
9:00: Like I know what I’m doing.
9:01: Take me to the next role, and women, the women in the industry were definitely more hesitant to ask to be moved up to, to have the next thing.
9:11: I think about so much about like the energy behind both, like the hesitance to ask like the person that’s receiving that it’s like, well, I don’t really know if you want this, you know, like the energy behind that of like, well, do you even know if you really want this?
9:24: And I think when it’s really clear in your ask, you’re like literally letting someone know that you are meant for this role or you are meant for this amount.
9:31: And it gives people the Like the confidence of like, yeah, I should give them $50 an hour, you know, like versus like energetically when you hesitate or you’re like I’ll take it or like, sure, I’ll work my up or we’re problem solving on how we’re going to get through the back end like that comes through.
9:47: Yeah, I mean that’s one of the biggest things they talk about in sales is you don’t go.
9:52: Well, you don’t justify and you don’t, you don’t backtrack and go, Well, it could be this, but da da da da.
9:57: You just say, this is how much it is.
9:59: This is why you need it.
10:00: I mean, that’s like the best way to sell anything and it should be the same when we’re asking for ourselves.
10:06: But I think it’s so easy.
10:07: I’m curious why you think women struggle with this so much.
10:11: I mean, I think historically, right?
10:12: Like women have had this history and we tell our stories that we have to prove, right?
10:17: Like I think, look at the feminine movement.
10:19: Look at everything that has happened where women have been given so much opportunity, but it’s coming from a place of like, I was never given opportunity, I was never told that I could do these things, so I need to prove something.
10:29: And so I think we’re still getting on board with like to prove, like we’re still trying to get to this place of like, no, I am valuable, I am worthy.
10:38: I can’t have what I want.
10:39: I can do what a man does if I want to, if I choose, it’s not necessarily like a role, but I think we’re fighting like generations of stories of oppressiveness and stories.
10:50: I do hope that we get to this place as women and as men where everyone realizes that everything’s a choice.
10:58: You can live and create any kind of story, but when you’re rewriting the Story, it’s so difficult.
11:04: and I also hope that we get to a place like, for example, even this episode, I don’t even want to have this conversation because I don’t even want it to exist as an option.
11:12: We just know our worth and we just know I need help, you know, and like I’m I’m praying for that day and I think the more that like you tell me all the time, like the story that you tell yourself is really the energy you’re gonna have, The other thing I want to bring back to the story that we hold internally, energetically will always leak the story that we lead.
11:32: So when you are asking, you’re taking more of that leadership role of like, this is what I desire, you’re telling God, universe, like this is what I want and this is how I want to be met.
11:41: But if you’re not internally aligned with that external desire and how you express it, you’re not going to receive it.
11:48: Yeah, and I think it’s also I’ve really come from the mindset now too is like, OK, what’s the worst they could say is no.
11:54: Or they can come back at you and be like, oh, that seems high or whatever, and then you just deal with it from there.
11:59: You move forward, you know, and I think we spend so much time in the space of self-doubt or like the hesitation or the, I don’t know what about.
12:07: This and really usually when you just send it and you just say it, it works out.
12:12: It really does.
12:13: Again, it goes back to like not being in resistance and being able to say, OK, I know how to do this, but I think I need help with this, or I’m worth more than this and I’m gonna ask for it.
12:23: Totally.
12:24: And I think so we covered like the money one.
12:26: I would love to talk about like the feeling worthy of doing the action, because that resonate with that one so much.
12:32: Yeah, share more.
12:34: What do you mean?
12:34: , so like.
12:35: I think in business, like really being able to stand by, like this is what I want.
12:40: Even this is coming up with like my wedding stuff right now, like, interestingly enough, like last night I was telling Nick I was like, I think I have a more luxury identity than I thought I did because everything that I want to wear for the wedding, everything that I want to do for the wedding is a much higher standard than I would want, or I thought that I would want.
13:02: I’m like, am I rubbing off on you?
13:03: I’m laughing last night because I was looking at that top I showed you that was $4000 and I said to Austin, I literally said, I was like, I just really like nice things.
13:12: Like I’m literally realizing I like luxury things and they’re not even name brands.
13:17: I don’t even care about that.
13:18: I’m just like, I really have a high taste, I think.
13:21: And I say that with like there’s this like level of standard that I’m stepping into and I think that shows up in business and that shows up in life and shows up in relationship and I think when you first start a business, you’re like, well, what is my standard?
13:35: You’re kind of like recalibrating to like, I’m a business owner, I’m creating a business, and you’re making it so much about you.
13:42: And like, yes, you, your business problems are usually your personal problems, they’re never actually business problems.
13:48: You know, like we’ve gone to so many conferences where, you know, the the messaging right now is like it’s 5% strategy and 95% energetic.
13:56: , because it really is the standard that you hold, the standard that you want, that you love luxury things.
14:03: And so I say this with like feeling worthy of receiving those things.
14:08: and I think the other thing that comes with an ask is allowing yourself to be seen in the ask.
14:13: And being seen in the ask is so vulnerable for someone that’s not used to asking because they’re so used to Answering or to eliciting or holding the space.
14:25: But like asking for what you want.
14:28: I think we can practice this in so many in our day to day lives every day that’s gonna help us ask the big ask, but like asking to celebrate your birthday, asking for people to celebrate your wedding, asking for help with like, hey, like I’m doing this this weekend, can you help me with this really quick thing?
14:45: , asking your partner around the house to pick something up.
14:49: just asking in like the vulnerable places and I think if you’re listening to this, like there is a part of you that has an edge, like we all have an edge, and I see this like the more that I step into more expansion, allowing myself to be more seen, allowing myself to receive more love, I keep reaching that edge and I feel like my go to is like whenever that edge is there, practice the ask in that edge.
15:13: Because that’s where you’re going to create the capacity to hold more of your ask, but to hold more of what you’re actually meant to receive.
15:20: Because at the end of the day, I think What this really comes back to like we all want to receive, right?
15:25: We all want to receive the $50 an hour.
15:27: We all want to receive the $4500 top, right?
15:31: Like we want to feel the energetics of that value.
15:35: And we want to receive someone asking us and seeing us to get on stage or someone asking us to be a part of this group, or someone asking us to facilitate this or to partner in this, or asking even to work with us.
15:47: Like we want them to see us in our value and our expertise and our standards, but they, in order for them to see you, and in order for you to receive them, you have to be open to receiving them.
15:58: Yeah, I mean, circling back to what’s crazy is when I heard that story of the employee before me that got $50 because of that and because she said you’ll never get another raise again.
16:08: I made a goal and I said in 3 more months, I’m gonna leave here and I’m gonna build my own clientele.
16:14: And I did.
16:15: I left.
16:16: My clients followed me.
16:18: so I got new clients and I was making 6 figures a year, like in 6 months of literally working 2 places, quit both those places, and went out on my own.
16:28: And I think I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do that if I didn’t have that experience and realizing that I was holding myself back and it’s, I remember actually going to, cause I used to go to Pilates classes to see what other teachers were doing.
16:41: And I had a, I struck up a conversation with a teacher one night and she’s like, oh, what do you do?
16:46: And I said, oh, I’m also a Pilates instructor.
16:48: She’s like, oh, what studio do you teach at?
16:49: I said, I don’t.
16:50: I rent a space and I teach one on one.
16:52: She goes, oh my God, that’s amazing.
16:53: Like how did you do that?
16:55: And I started sharing with her and It made me realize like she was so shocked that I was doing this and it made me realize like, oh, you know, so often we hold ourselves back like she couldn’t even imagine that and I’m like, girl, go out on your own.
17:09: You can make triple what you’re making right now, you know.
17:11: And so I think that it is important to have the confidence to believe in yourself and even a $4000 top, I mean, I do not want to invest in a $4000 top right now, but it did.
17:21: I remember like a few years ago, I bought this Louis Vuitton pouchette like cardholder.
17:27: Secondhand online and I got it.
17:30: It was so cute.
17:30: I loved it.
17:31: But then I was just like, oh, I don’t need it, and I sold it.
17:33: And Austin later said to me, he’s like, Do you think you’re not worthy of nice things because you buy these nice things and then you sell them?
17:40: Like I would do it a lot, and I never really thought about it that way.
17:44: I was just like, oh, I don’t really.
17:45: care and that’s why last night I was laughing because I’m like, oh, I really do love high quality things and if I wanted to spend $4000 on something, I probably would.
17:55: But it’s just also asking myself what’s the program behind why I would feel I wasn’t deserving of it or you know.
18:02: An expensive wedding dress or, you know, an expensive venue or we don’t say expensive, we say investment now.
18:09: but like whatever type of investment, I think it’s really part of the ask is also looking within and, and really reflecting back to yourself like what are, where are my limitations cause like you’re saying, like our internal world is a reflection of our external world and until I started really looking at that and saying, yeah, I do want to have money to buy.
18:26: Nice things.
18:27: I’m also, I don’t have a closet that looks like Kim Kardashian.
18:30: Like I don’t need a department store, but I do love investing in high experiences and nice experiences and nice clothing and things like that.
18:38: And I think the more we sit with that and we accept that part of ourselves, the more we’re able to hold it and draw it in and bring more abundance and opportunity.
18:47: Yeah, I mean, I love that this conversation has gone that direction because there’s so many.
18:52: that we’re constantly asking the universe to see us or constantly asking ourselves to be seen.
18:57: Like there’s this part of you inside of you that clearly was like, is, is like, Sam, I love luxury.
19:02: I want to be seen in luxury or whatever.
19:06: Like I want that need to be met, right?
19:08: Like there’s this desire that wants to be held in that desire.
19:12: And also I hear a lot of people, you know, money is so such an interesting thing.
19:16: Because it’s such a huge part of this society right now.
19:18: It’s what we’ve chosen to believe in, to exchange for different items and things.
19:24: I mean, it’s capitalism.
19:25: And what’s interesting to me is I hear so often this concept around wealth and even when we went to women and wealth, like you see these women who have attracted a lot of wealth and their belief systems are so different than the average person.
19:40: And I think it’s so, you know, I went through this myself of, well, I’m a deeply spiritual human and it, it’s wrong for me to have wealth because that’s not spiritual.
19:51: Like we should all be equal or whatever, you know.
19:53: And the more I dug down into that, the more I realized like we live in an extremely abundant universe, but we’re limiting ourselves and we’re creating lack and limitation not only for ourselves but for others in holding that mindset.
20:07: And the more I would like dig deeper, the more I’m like, oh, I am limiting myself because I’m like, you can’t be wealthy and spiritual, which is insane because the more wealth you have, the more good you could do, the more impact you have in this current reality.
20:18: And so I think really even in certain spaces when I hear women speak in lack, I just kind of call it out because I’m just like, is that really what you want?
20:29: Because do you want to be in fight or flight?
20:30: Do you want your nervous system to be stressed out because you can’t pay your bills or you want that thing but you can’t buy it because you don’t believe you’re worthy.
20:37: And I hear it a lot at the jewelry studio because there’s a lot of women who want to have jewelry businesses but are afraid to charge their worth or to know what they’re worth.
20:45: And I think it’s so important to continually ask yourself, what are the beliefs that are limiting me and how can I ask to be seen deeper.
20:55: So I love that this word ask keeps coming up and over last week, I went and led a workshop for all of these leaders, and we use this framework called ask and how to have hard conversations, and A stands for acknowledge, S stands for seek understanding.
21:13: And then Kay is like, keep it real and keep it moving.
21:18: And I really loved it because in this ask framework, we can use this for ourselves as well.
21:26: every time that you are met with a decision where you have the opportunity to lean into a.
21:31: But you feel like you’re holding yourself back or you have an opportunity to ask yourself for the ask for the thing that you want, go through this like go through the framework for yourself, like acknowledge that you’re feeling a certain way.
21:42: Seek understanding like where are you, where is this coming from?
21:46: Where is this voice coming from?
21:47: Like where, where’s the intention coming from?
21:49: Am I really, do I really want to be stressed out to your point?
21:53: Or like is this just a programming that I’m running on?
21:55: Am I feeling unworthy?
21:56: And then OK, like, keep it real, like be honest and then do the thing, like take the next step on what it needs because that’s like another really short way for us to kind of break through our edges because again, I feel like For us in our journeys, we’ve talked so much about how we feel so comfortable to ask for anything that we want in our relationships.
22:15: We feel so comfortable to ask for whatever we want in our day to day life.
22:19: Like I do not struggle with telling people what I want to eat anymore, you know, like when I did, but I don’t anymore.
22:24: But then at this next evolution, every time that I evolve as a human, I’m being met with a whole new version of asking and I think to Like bring this all back is like, not only do we want you guys to feel worthy and be able to call in the abundance that you want, but it’s kind of come back from like being that audacious ask that you really want to ask yourself.
22:44: So like, yeah, or you wanna ask someone, like be audacious, like go higher.
22:49: I think that’s the other thing that I’ve learned when it comes back to like worth or whatever, even for the podcast, like, I always feel like there’s a level of caliber of people that I can go for.
22:59: But I’m like, what do I do to get the person that is like, I don’t know, Obama one day or Oprah, you know, like that level of standard.
23:06: I’m like, I can’t ask Oprah to be on our show.
23:09: Like you can hear that like coming in my mind, but I’m like, why am I telling myself that?
23:14: I can’t ask her.
23:15: Who knows?
23:16: What if I meet her one day and I’m like, I’d love to have you on the show and That is so different living in that reality of like, no, I could totally ask Oprah to be on the show.
23:25: I know I went really high, but like, you know, like, it’s true.
23:30: And so really getting clear on like where are your edges and your standard and I would even get even clearer around this time of the year is like being like, where are you holding yourself back?
23:39: Where have you been asking only to the level of what you’re comfortable asking?
23:43: What would it be like to ask that next level of standard that you deeply want and desire?
23:47: Like we’re not trying to like create things, but like what do you really want?
23:51: Like what would be the most audacious ask?
23:53: I’m curious for you, yeah, like in business, you mean anything.
23:59: I mean, I still think for me and my jewelry business, my audacious ask is just like asking for help with anything.
24:08: I mean, I definitely still have a, I can do it all myself mindset.
24:12: So I would say like asking, I’ve reached out actually to different people to help with my website cause I created my first website, but I’m like that was a lot of work and I don’t really wanna do it again, and I know it can be better.
24:24: So yeah, that would be one.
24:26: What about you?
24:29: I love how I ask the question, but I don’t actually filter it to like what would my answer be?
24:33: I think I’m gonna bring it towards like the wedding stuff.
24:35: Like I feel like I don’t know if there’s like an audacious ask, but I feel like just allowing myself to receive however much people want to give to me, I think is a really big one, Especially this last week, I’ve been feeling like so grateful.
24:49: People are like surprising me with stuff.
24:50: People are saying yes to things and I’m just like, this is a lot for my nervous system and I can feel it.
24:55: I’m like, oh God, this is a lot.
24:57: I’m just gonna cry because it’s the only thing I can do.
25:00: but I think my audacious ask is like being like me allowing myself to be more audaciously seen.
25:07: that’s probably more of like my theme currently is like allowing myself to be more audaciously seen.
25:12: I love that.
25:13: The last ask we didn’t really touch on, but I think we should like speak a little about is the asking, not asking from a place of not wanting to burden or people pleasing or yeah, maybe.
25:27: Have you experienced that?
25:28: Of course, I definitely have.
25:30: Now, I have no problem asking people for help.
25:33: Like that’s not really the thing.
25:35: I think It’s like more like me getting clear on like, it’s OK, like asking before I hit to the point of like, OK, this is already too much.
25:45: Like I want to ask earlier on, if that makes sense.
25:48: So, and that’s asking people for help.
25:50: So, like even in our business, like you, I’ve said, hey, I can’t handle all these projects, can you help me with this?
25:56: And I can see that and I can know when I’m at that point, but I think, getting there faster and like bridging that gap.
26:03: That’s how I look at my healing journey or anything that I’m doing.
26:05: I’m like, OK, all this shit’s going to come up anyways, you know, I’m going to meet these edges.
26:09: There’s no point.
26:10: I’m going to get triggered.
26:11: I’m going to hold myself back.
26:12: I’m going to have the voices, but how can I close the gap so much faster and decision.
26:18: but I think for those that are feeling like a burden, I want you to realize the biggest gift that I have done is allowing people to give to me.
26:25: So when I wasn’t asking, I was robbing them of the opportunity to give to me and to love me.
26:32: And whenever I fell into that view, I was like, oh my gosh, these people want to give to me.
26:38: They’re telling me, tell me how I can help you.
26:40: And to someone’s love language that is the act of giving.
26:45: Or the acts of service, that’s their way that they want to love you.
26:50: And when I stepped into that belief, or into that mindset, I was like, wow, I’ve looked back at my life and I’m like, I’ve robbed so many people of the opportunity to help to help, you know?
27:02: And I think what we have to realize when it comes to our ass, like there are really good people out there that want to see.
27:09: that want to give to you.
27:11: Like they want the opportunity to celebrate you or they want the opportunity to give you help, right?
27:16: Like it makes them happy.
27:18: And what I’ve realized and asking and getting away from the fact that like this is a burden for this person or like they don’t have the time to do this.
27:26: I was like, don’t take away people’s choices.
27:29: That’s what I come down to, like don’t take away their choice.
27:32: I’m seeing too, the more I hear and like observe that in people or in people we’ve had on and you and me, I do also think there’s a huge correlation to being able to sell as well.
27:45: Like to being able to sell yourself, to being able to sell a product.
27:48: Like I think of the people who I know are really good at sales and they are not afraid to ask the most audacious ask.
27:55: I mean They’re not afraid to just be like, hey, I wanna do this.
27:58: And a lot, and, and oftentimes, one, they handle rejection way better, and two, they actually get what they ask for way more often than they don’t.
28:06: And I, you know, at the end of the day, like in business, you’re selling either yourself or a product.
28:11: And so it’s interesting because the more I think about and hear that, like you’re great at sales, I hear people.
28:18: I see the correlation and that’s why I think people are struggling in their business too and they don’t realize it’s because they’re afraid to ask or they’re afraid to like be direct or they’re afraid to be like, hey, I have something you need.
28:27: Like I have, I mean, that’s really like people that know how to solve a really good problem or know how to solve a problem well I should say, are the people who are good at selling and asking.
28:38: I was thinking about Alexis cause I’m like she’s one of the best salesperson that salespeople I know and she’s all, she’s, you’ll hear her epi you’ll have heard her episode.
28:46: She was before us if you listen to this, but man, she’s someone who just like she has asked for some huge audacious things like she’s not afraid to ask.
28:54: She’ll go up to a venture capitalist and be like, I need $500 million.
28:58: Can you fund me, you know, like, I think in that what we don’t realize, like flip the script a little bit is like people want you to ask.
29:05: Like especially let’s just take it to us, these events that we’ve done, right?
29:09: Like we’ve personally outreached people.
29:12: And I’ve even realized in my own like process, like I know so many people are hosting events, right?
29:17: But it feels different when someone personally asks me to be there, right?
29:21: And so like I think people want to be asked and like to Alexis’s audacious ask of asking someone for $100 million or $500 million.
29:29: There are people out there that are really looking for to give their money away.
29:34: They, that’s what they do.
29:36: That is their job.
29:37: That’s what they love to do.
29:38: They love to invest, they love to give money away and they’re just like, Please, who am I going to give this money to?
29:44: And like if you do not ask, you can’t, they can’t receive.
29:47: People do not know.
29:49: Like every time I look at anyone in my life that Has received everything that they’ve ever wanted.
29:55: I will say they’re never the loud.
29:56: They’re not always the loudest, but they are the person that is very clear in their ask.
30:02: They know where their lane is.
30:04: They know what they want, and they express what they want.
30:08: I think about my sister, she’s really good at this.
30:10: She asked for whatever.
30:12: Val’s very good at being super clear and like, no, yes, that’s what I want.
30:17: This is what I need.
30:18: Da da da da da and like the person on the other side would not know that she wants those things if Val did not express it, right?
30:25: And so this comes back to like what we’re trying to like I feel like the running thread in this is like in order to receive your biggest desires, you have to express it, you have to ask, you have to allow yourself to be seen in the ask, and then you have to allow yourself to receive the ask.
30:43: And have confidence the whole time and believe in yourself.
30:46: That too, but then also be like super unattached.
30:49: I think that’s the other thing, the art of unattachment because we don’t know who it’s gonna land for.
30:55: And I think when we verbally speak it, like use our words and the energy behind our words, the universe will do its thing.
31:01: God will be like, alright, you want that thing or the universe creator, whatever you think of, you want that thing?
31:07: Sure, I will make Sure that you will get that thing, but I got to take away all the other people along the way.
31:11: Like, you know, you’ll run, you’ll go down this lane and you’re like in the, you know, that person is like, nope, that’s not a no, that’s a no, that’s a no.
31:18: OK, this person’s going to get me to this person, who’s going to get me this person, who’s finally going to give me the thing that the desire.
31:24: the hard part I think is that we are not wired well for rejection, like unless you make yourself experience rejection.
31:34: Like that was definitely a big one for me, like, especially not being tooting my own horn, but as someone who’s like, come, things come naturally, like I did not handle rejection well as a kid because a lot of things were easy for me.
31:46: And then when I did get rejected, it felt like a huge loss.
31:49: So it’s taken time for me to build the confidence to ask to be rejected, So like from my experience, I can say like I think rejection is a huge thing that we’re doing a disservice by not allowing our kids to fail, by not allowing our kids to not, everyone gets a trophy, you know, it’s like that’s not really doing a, a, a service for people because I think the more you can handle rejection, the less personal you take it.
32:13: It’s not, it’s not personal.
32:14: It’s really just Because I think if you’re, if you’re in fear of rejection, you’re afraid to ask because you don’t want to receive the disappointment or you don’t wanna receive, I mean, I even think about Samantha Skelly talking about filming her show.
32:26: She filmed a show for 7 months I think and then right when it was about to air they’re like, actually I’m sorry we’re not airing your show, you know, when you think about that, that rejection that, you know, and she, she said she gave herself time to mourn and then she’s like, all right, moving on, like something better is coming.
32:41: There’s a purpose for this.
32:42: There’s a reason for this.
32:44: And I think the more we can learn that and pivot, the easier it becomes.
32:47: Absolutely.
32:47: I mean they always say rejection is a redirection, but you just got to be with the feelings along the way.
32:54: You know, which is also difficult for people.
32:57: Oh, for sure, we’re not saying it’s easy or it’s hard, but it doesn’t.
33:00: I just want to remind you, like if you are going through this process where you’ve been red directed a lot this year, for example, or like you haven’t been seen, like that is, does it not mean anything of you.
33:12: We identify so much of our personalities, our emotions, our mental, everything.
33:18: We identify our entire being with that no.
33:20: And we’re like, oh my gosh, that no just swallowed my entire world and I am nothing now and it’s like you’re inherently worthy as you’re perfect as is and I think the more that we can remember like we are perfect.
33:33: We are literally walking beings of perfection.
33:36: And there’s nothing, there’s you you are imperfectly perfect, right?
33:40: Like there’s no part of you that is bad, wrong, or needs more work.
33:44: It’s just you continuing to lean into your desires, allowing yourself to receive what you want and keeping yourself out there.
33:51: And I think the person that you become along the way, like you bring up Alexa so much because, or Alexis because she’s gone through so much of her life of also receiving nos.
34:01: You know, she has big opportunities where she’s received a really big no before.
34:05: And it’s just like an opportunity for you to like double down on who you really are.
34:09: So if anything, like One thing I’ve always challenged myself is like, OK, I’m going to receive more no’s today because I, you know, how exciting is it to receive a no.
34:19: there, there’s someone else that was super famous, they were at their dinner table would be like, how did you fail today?
34:24: And I don’t think we give ourselves the opportunity to fail.
34:26: Fail enough because we want to stay comfortable.
34:30: and every single day we’re like I didn’t fail today or like I didn’t ask the thing that I wanted.
34:34: And I think one thing this year that I would love to practice more is giving myself to fail everyday.
34:41: How did I fail today?
34:43: How did I get a no today?
34:44: Who said no to me today?
34:46: And kind of look for people’s nos and like you’re kind of flipping the script.
34:49: I’m like I’m so excited for someone to say no to me today.
34:53: Not really, but kind of really like I’d rather cause then it shows who I’ve become, who I am becoming.
34:59: I’m getting closer to my ass, to my desires, and it shows you it has nothing to do with you as a person.
35:05: No, not ever.
35:06: And I will say to take it a little further is like, just because that person says no, don’t be weird around them.
35:13: Just don’t be weird.
35:14: Just don’t be weird.
35:16: I think about when I was like a coach and I was selling life coaching and, you know, I was charging like $3500 to $4500 for coaching for like six months.
35:24: And I was cool with anyone that came.
35:27: But then if someone did say no, I’m like, wow, I feel really weird that I pitched to you and you don’t want to work with me.
35:33: and I kept that residual residue, and it’s like not worth it.
35:37: Just don’t be weird.
35:38: Yeah, they’re not being personal about it.
35:39: It just wasn’t the right time.
35:40: It wasn’t the right time, the right fit.
35:42: Yeah, exactly.
35:43: Anything else come up?
35:45: I feel like we touched on so much.
35:47: Yeah, I mean, if you guys are running into this this year, or you’re craving to be more seen or you’re craving to, you have a big ask, right?
35:53: Like You’re probably already looking at 2026, you’re like, what are my goals for 2026?
36:00: which is cool, and that’s totally fine.
36:02: And in that, you realize that you got to start asking more, or you got to start asking the universe, you got to really start start fitting into your desires, and you run into some stuff like DMS like I would love to hear like, what are some of the things that you’re worried about?
36:14: Are you worried of being judged?
36:15: Are you worried that you’re going to get a no, like, I want you guys to remind us like what’s so bad Romano?
36:21: It’s not that bad.
36:22: It’s not that bad.
36:24: You we make it that bad, you know, so that’s all I was going to say.
36:28: Anything else?
36:29: I feel like we got it.
36:31: Yeah, so true.
36:33: Make an audacious ask.
36:35: Yeah, like think about right in this moment, what would be the most audacious ask you can ask.
36:40: Anything in life, love or business, like, or relationships.
36:43: Like I think about for the person that’s like, I so badly want to move across out of the country.
36:48: Why are you not asking your husband and kids to actually do it?
36:51: or I think about the wife that is like, I really want to be divorced and I need to ask to make it happen, make it happen, you know.
37:01: Or if you want to raise or you want to charge more for your services or any of that, trust that the people that are meant to pay your services will come.
37:10: Absolutely.
37:11: And you’ll become the energetic match to that value.
37:14: Yeah.
37:15: Same with purchasing something.
37:16: I always say like purchase something that feels out of your comfort zone, just a little bit.
37:20: I mean like don’t go into heaps of debt, but you know, see if there’s something maybe you’ve really wanted and you’re like, oh, I don’t know, that feels edgy.
37:27: Buy it and see what happens.
37:29: It might actually expand your capacity.
37:32: Exactly to receive.
37:34: All right, with so much love.
37:35: Enjoy.
37:35: See you on the next one.
37:37: We hope you loved today’s episode and that it sparked something in you on your journey to becoming more fully expressed.
37:42: Don’t forget to check the show notes for all the details and resources from today’s conversation.
37:47: If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review.
37:49: We’d love to hear your honest thoughts and takeaways as it really helps us to create content that better serves you.
37:54: This week, we invite you to show up even more as you, more honest, more real, more expressive in your life and business, and we’ll see you on the next one.
In this episode, we explore:
- The real reason asking feels so uncomfortable (and what it’s actually triggering)
- The different ways we avoid asking (hinting, over-explaining, self-abandoning, waiting)
- Why so many women were conditioned to believe wanting more is “too much”
- How fear of rejection keeps us stuck in silence
- How to build safety in your body before making a big ask
- Why learning to ask is a direct path to being fully expressed
You don’t get what you don’t ask for and asking is a form of self-trust. Your needs matter. Your desires matter. And your voice is meant to be heard. So take the leap, this is your permission slip to make the audacious ask.
Join The Fully Expressed Community, where you can be surrounded by other women who are also on the same path of personal growth, healing, and uncovering their authentic expression. Being in a community surrounded by others can truly be one of the most supporting and healing containers to support your personal invitation.
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Contact Karenna: hello@karennasoto.com
