#114: Coming Home to Yourself: Breathwork, Embodiment, and Full Expression With Samantha Skelly

0:02: Welcome to the Fully Expressed podcast.
0:04: We’re your hosts, Karenna and Samantha.
0:06: This show is your permission slip to stop holding back.
0:10: Here, we talk about what it really means to live unapologetically you in your relationships, your business, and your everyday life.
0:17: We believe the most magnetic version of you is rooted in self-expression, honesty, vulnerability, and showing up fully as you are.
0:24: When you own that, you naturally attract the people, the opportunities, and the life that is meant for you.
0:30: Hey, you guys, welcome back.
0:31: We are so excited for our guest on today’s episode.
0:35: Her name is Samantha Skelly.
0:37: She is the founder of Pause Breath Work.
0:39: You may have heard of it, and she is also the host of the podcast Can’t Be Contained.
0:45: She is an award winning speaker, author, entrepreneur, and podcaster, and she is truly a lightning bolt for the soul.
0:54: She’s always been a performer.
0:55: She’s always been someone that has known how to show up and express herself fully and energetically.
1:00: And what I loved in this episode was her journey to going inward and learning how to be with her emotions, as well as learning how to find herself in life, love, and business.
1:09: And so you’re going to get a little bit of everything.
1:11: So, giddy up because it’s just so good and we’re so excited to share it with you.
1:18: So thank you for coming.
1:19: Oh my God.
1:19: Oh, I’m so excited to have you on here.
1:22: Both Karenna and I have followed your journey for a while, and you’re such a definition of fully expressed.
1:30: So it was such a dream to have you on the podcast because we just love your energy.
1:35: Thanks guys.
1:36: It’s so nice to be here.
1:37: What a treat.
1:38: It’s so good.
1:38: I’m like, how do we, how have we not met?
1:40: Like when I met you guys the other night, I was like, I texted Mara.
1:43: I was.
1:43: Like, how have I not met these girls before?
1:45: Like, it was just, it felt like so easy and fun.
1:47: Yeah, it’s a privilege to be here.
1:48: It’s all defined timing.
1:49: Exactly.
1:50: We feel the same way about you.
1:51: Yeah.
1:52: So one of the questions we wanted to start with because you speak a lot about, you wrote a book called Hungry for Happiness, and you speak a lot about your journey with your body and food, and both of us have gone through the same similar journey.
2:04: Yes, and we wanted to know, you speak about like going from numb to Really like becoming more authentic and fully expressed and feeling, and maybe you can share a little like what that journey has looked like, especially now you’re just in like the height of your career, you’re so vibrant, so, yeah, so fully expressed.
2:21: So what has that been like?
2:23: Share a little bit.
2:24: So, OK, let’s take it back.
2:25: OK, let’s take it back.
2:26: Let’s rewind it.
2:27: So I grew up as a dancer and a child actress and a stunt double.
2:32: So my whole life was in entertainment, and I was always very Fully expressed, you know, like, oh my God, like life’s a party 207, that’s sort of how I’ve always been.
2:44: Then I hit 18 and started to develop disordered eating and body image issues, and anxiety, and my sort of like fully expressedness of just like so unhinged and effervescent sort of went and kind of like collapsed in on itself a little bit, and it kind of freaked me out cause I was like, am I ever gonna get back to feeling like Alive and electric, which is my natural state of being.
3:10: And I had tried everything to try and help myself with body image and food, and anxiety and all the things like therapy, and, you know, I went to every single Tony Robbins conference in the world.
3:23: I think I’ve been to like, oh God, I don’t even know, like 70 at this point, just every workshops, like conferences, like all these things to try and help myself to get out of the sort of like rut that I was in with my body and with food and with anxiety.
3:36: I had this like low level anxiety all the time.
3:40: Which was obviously having an impact on my ability to be fully expressed, because for us to be fully expressed, we need somatic safety, you know, we need this like sense of like, I’m safe in the world, I am grounded, I love who I am, and therefore, I can be fully expressed because I don’t give an F about what people think, right?
3:56: That’s the essence of being fully expressed.
3:58: So I kind of was losing that a little bit, and I was in my head and I had for the first time in my life, an inner critic, like I never had an inner critic before.
4:06: I’m like what is this?
4:07: And so I just kept searching and searching and searching and searching, and I was so steeped in personal development.
4:12: I grew up in a family of athletes and entrepreneurs, and, you know, personal development was sort of in the ethos of our family, so I knew all these things, but nothing was changing.
4:23: So I remember this one day I was reading the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, and she talks about going to Bali.
4:27: I know that chick has changed my life like radically 3 different times.
4:32: I’m like, I don’t know what it is about her energy, but I’m like, whoa, so, so I go to Bali.
4:38: I find the medicine man that you talked about in the book, like the actual dude.
4:41: I love that, and He just looks at me and he’s like, you think too much.
4:47: You need to go meditate.
4:48: And that was at a time in my life where, I mean, I still have a healthy dose of ADHD, but I had ADHD plus body image issues, plus anxiety, plus I hated my body, all sorts of things.
4:59: And so the thought of sitting there feeling my feelings and noticing my thoughts, I’m like this is, you’re like nothing, yeah, I was like this doesn’t sound like a good time.
5:06: Yeah, it does that.
5:08: This sounds terrible actually.
5:10: What else can I do?
5:11: That’s option two.
5:13: Option I see what’s Plan B?
5:14: Yeah, Plan B.
5:17: Do you have anything I can eat instead?
5:18: Like, do you have anything?
5:19: Is there a pill I can take?
5:21: And I didn’t really have a connection to my intuition at that time, but there was a break in the Matrix, and for some reason my intuition was like, just go listen to this dude, like just go listen to him.
5:32: And so I went to this meditation class, or this meditation school.
5:36: There was no meditation class on the calendar, but there was a breathwork class.
5:40: This was 17 years ago.
5:41: Breathwork was.
5:43: Not really talked about, you know, like I didn’t know what it was.
5:46: I was like 21 at the time or whatever.
5:49: I feel like that’s when yoga was just coming about and becoming popular.
5:52: Yeah, like yoga was having its heyday, you know, but breathwork wasn’t.
5:57: And, and, and, and not only was it a breathwork class, I was like, what the heck is that?
6:02: It was.
6:02: 3 hours.
6:03: I’m like, what are we gonna do?
6:04: Just like breathe.
6:05: This is so boring like 3 hours, yeah, yeah, it’s a hall the tropic style where it’s, oh yeah, I don’t you’re going, yeah, I’ve ever done a 3 hour breath work session.
6:13: It’s unnecessary mass.
6:15: Yeah, it’s unnecessary.
6:17: I’ll, I’ll tell you, after 17 years of experience, 3 hours, you don’t need 3 hours.
6:20: No, freaking hell.
6:23: Some people do like 3 hours and then they like like what?
6:26: and then they don’t do breath work for like 2 years because it’s just too much.
6:30: Anyway, we can get into that later.
6:31: I So then I, I signed up for this class.
6:35: I walk up and this guy comes up to me and he’s like, Are you ready to go on the ride of your life?
6:39: And I look at him and I’m like, What?
6:42: And by the way, you guys, like everyone’s lying down with pillows and blankets.
6:45: I was like, this looks like an orgy, and you’re asking me if I wanna go on the ride of my life.
6:49: Like what is going on here?
6:51: I’m like, Yeah, sure, and he’s like, You were gonna experience the highest states of joy and bliss and ecstasy, and you were going to release and shed everything that you’re holding on to that doesn’t serve you.
7:03: And I’m like, dude, I hang out in numbness and anxiety, like that’s it.
7:06: Like I don’t, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I lie down and I started breathing in this way that he instructed, and within 3 minutes, my body was just like, electric, and I just felt incredible.
7:18: And I was able to heal my eating disorder within 3 months after that experience, crazy.
7:23: Because I could actually, I was actually in my body.
7:25: Yeah, and then like all of the consumption that I had through personal development was actually being integrated, and I was actually using the knowledge.
7:33: It wasn’t just theory, it was that now wisdom in the body, in the somatic system, and it changed my life like completely.
7:41: And I, I actually had no intention of teaching breathwork, becoming a breathwork facilitator, building pause breathwork.
7:47: I was a student for 8 years, and I just I, I just was like, I’m so dedicated to this practice cause it served me so much.
7:55: And then 8 years after that’s when God was like, time to build something.
7:59: So yeah.
8:00: Wow, yeah, so, so to answer your question, that’s basically it.
8:03: It’s like I, I was putting band-aids on bullet wounds with all of these mindset things that were just not working, and the second I actually got into my body and use my body as its design, which is a vessel for transformation and healing and tapped into that inner intelligence, that’s when everything changed.
8:20: How did that part feel?
8:22: Oh, like finally tapping it into feeling that, yeah, it was actually kind of odd to feel like re-feel after years of not feeling because I was so used to just being numbed out and checked out, you know, and disconnected from my emotionality and from my body.
8:38: And so the process of re-feeling is actually quite intense because there’s just so much backlog, you know, I just remember like crying and crying and crying and crying and crying for like literally months.
8:48: Yeah, as I was purging and releasing a lot of emotional constipation that was in my body, did it ever feel good to release sodium?
8:57: For sure, it’s cathartic.
8:58: It’s cathartic, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was really in the practice.
9:02: I was in Bali, so I was studying a lot of like the Buddhist traditions and I don’t know if you guys are familiar with like the pain versus suffering ideology of, you know, when, when there’s impact, there’s two arrows that hit us at the same time.
9:13: One of them is pain, just the actual experience from a somatic sensation point of view of the event, and then the second arrow is suffering, which is our attachment and our and our fear and our story and our gripping on.
9:27: To the events, right, and, and the suffering is so much more painful than the actual impact of just the pain, and that’s why at pause our, our mission is making emotional suffering optional because we really believe that when we Release the addiction to suffering and we just get with the pain.
9:45: It’s actually cathartic and easier and easier and it almost dare I say feels good.
9:51: Yeah, that’s how I’ve always like I started feeling like I was like, wait, yeah, there’s a part of me that feels so overwhelmed by this, but also a part of me that was like, this feels so good and like when I Talk to people about hard emotions.
10:03: I’m like, people are so scared to feel their hard emotions, and I’m like, I’m actually kind of excited.
10:08: Like it kind of feels good to cry.
10:10: Like it makes me think of like whenever you get a really good cry and you’re like, wow, that felt so good.
10:15: I’m so happy I let myself go there.
10:17: But it’s so hard to go there.
10:19: And I think that’s, is that how you’re using breathwork to go there?
10:22: , or how do you go there yourself?
10:25: That’s a good question.
10:27: Yeah, breath work is definitely a lubricator for emotionality to flow because what’s happening when we breathe is our survival strategies are softening, right?
10:37: So the part of us that’s like, don’t go there, that part becomes softer and more in the background, and then the emotional body can kind of be at the forefront, if that makes sense, so.
10:51: Yeah, it’s definitely a lubricator to help us actually create the pathways for the emotion to move through our body, because if we’re gripping on and we’re in our minds and our survival strategies are on full force, it’s going to be harder to actually touch into our emotional body, which is why I’m, I love teaching breath work to men.
11:07: I love, I’ve taught breath work in prisons.
11:09: I’ve taught breath work in boardrooms.
11:10: I’ve taught breath work.
11:11: Oh my gosh.
11:12: So crazy.
11:12: Yeah, I got hired to teach breath work at, what’s it called Pelican Bay up in Northern California, which is the maximum for 30 prisons, and oh my gosh, that’s crazy, crazy.
11:23: Yeah, every single time I tell this story, I’m like I want to go back because it was so epic.
11:28: But anyways, I’m in there.
11:30: There’s, there’s 30 inmates and me, if you can picture that, who are all in there for life like killers, you know, and like straight up, and I.
11:41: We all sat down and I can just like, I could feel their energy was like, I’m open, but like, what’s this chick from Southern California going to teach me about life, you know, and I just said, hey, just trust yourself, trust the breath, trust me, like, let’s just, let’s go.
11:56: And at first it was just like the all I heard was just breath against silence, like, and within a little while, I just felt Everyone soften.
12:08: Tears begin to like flow.
12:10: Like these guys were just like crying.
12:12: And then at the end this guy came up to me and he looks me in the eyes and he’s like, If I knew how to do that, I would not be here right now.
12:19: He’s like, I felt my heart for the first time.
12:22: He’s like, that was crazy.
12:24: Yeah, yeah, so.
12:27: Wild, and, and like even, I mean, even my husband, right?
12:29: It’s like, yeah, does he do breath work?
12:31: He does, but it’s so interesting, he like doesn’t do it without me.
12:36: Initiating it, you know, but the second I initiate it, and he does it, after he’s like, oh my gosh, thank you so much, like the last week, he’s like, can you please hold me accountable to doing more breath work, cause every single time he’s like, I resisted.
12:48: And then I love it afterwards, and I think that’s the case for not just men, but a lot of people.
12:52: I don’t like that, yeah, I love work.
12:54: I actually did it this morning.
12:55: I you and I was like, I’m gonna do.
12:57: Yeah, like that’s my husband does it every day.
12:59: Like he does.
13:00: Oh yeah, he loves it.
13:01: He’s very dedicated.
13:02: And so when I’m, he’s gotten better, he’ll be like, OK, I think you need to do a little breath work.
13:07: Because he knows for me meditation is hard.
13:09: Like, I feel breathwork is really more impactful for me and it brings me into the present.
13:13: And then I can meditate after.
13:15: But yeah, he is very dedicated, and he’s just like, you just need to go do a breathwork session.
13:19: Yeah, like accurate.
13:20: You’re like, you just need to walk the 3 minutes to Sam Skelly’s house, literally.
13:24: Just one on me, yeah, yeah.
13:26: Do you ever hear, do you ever hear me on my coaching calls?
13:29: No, but I just listen when I walk by.
13:31: Oh my gosh, I’m always like, my neighbors are probably like, what is she doing?
13:35: because I’m like screaming and dancing.
13:37: Like, oh, I love it.
13:38: Like we do like we do these like massive events.
13:39: Like last night there was like hundreds of people online.
13:42: All of my windows are open.
13:43: The music’s going.
13:44: I’m like screaming.
13:45: Oh my God, I’m like, my neighbors are probably like, What the?
13:48: Have you met them?
13:49: Yeah, and I’m always like, Do you guys hear me?
13:51: They’re like, No.
13:52: I’m like, You’re lying.
13:53: I’m literally screaming.
13:56: All we hear is lots of dogs barking because everyone has dogs around us.
14:00: I know we literally have had to put notes on our, on our neighbor’s door and be like, Can you please put your dog in doggy daycare because it’s so, because they go to work and the dogs leave them, they talk all day, and Eric and I work from home and I record the show.
14:12: I don’t realize, dude, yeah, all day.
14:13: They’re like, my dog’s fine.
14:14: What do you mean?
14:15: Gosh, no, your dog is not fine, Sandra.
14:17: OK, I’m going to open the gate on your yelled at him go.
14:22: Yeah, then we had these neighbors.
14:23: They don’t live there anymore, but they moved away.
14:25: But they had this dog is the yappiest, most annoying dog, and I was like, I’m gonna open the gate and just set Cookie free, like Cookie.
14:31: Oh my God, I am so annoyed with Cookie.
14:35: There’s a giant Bernadoodle next door to us right now, and the neighbors behind, I mean, he’s really sweet, but he barks all night.
14:41: He would bark all night, all day if you let him, and the neighbors behind put a note, she’s just running temporarily, but put a note on her car that was like, we have a baby.
14:49: Can you please not let your car?
14:51: It would be barking at midnight.
14:52: And this woman was like, No, I like.
14:55: I can’t imagine that like someone else’s dumb dog waking up my baby in the middle of the night.
14:59: No thanks.
15:00: No thanks.
15:01: And we have a dog and he does bark, but we’re so like on top of him.
15:04: Like he doesn’t bark when he’s alone, but he definitely will.
15:07: He gets riled up by the Bernie next door.
15:10: Yeah, there’s an instigator next door.
15:12: One day we come home, Mowgli’s gone.
15:13: I’ll know who opened the door and if he’s.
15:16: Sam, do you have my dog?
15:19: Oakley, what he’s free.
15:22: Oakley, who’s Oakley?
15:23: I have no idea.
15:26: That’s hilarious.
15:27: Oh, I love it.
15:27: Gosh, so funny.
15:28: So fun.
15:29: Well, thank you so much for sharing the prison story.
15:31: I feel like bring it back, that’s so beautiful to see people really drop in.
15:35: It’s wild.
15:35: I think like, yeah, it’s like no matter the cool thing about breath work is like no matter who you are, what you do.
15:41: You can have an, you don’t have to believe anything to be benefited by breath work, which is what that experience taught me.
15:47: I love that.
15:49: So I would love to know, like pull the thread, like feeling more or giving yourself permission to feel, what has that unlocked for you?
15:55: , it’s a good question.
15:59: Well, so, OK, so we have 3 energetic bodies, right?
16:04: We have our mental body, our emotional body, and our intuitive body.
16:08: Most people, I would say 95% of the world is just living in their emotional or their mental body.
16:14: They don’t have access to their emotional body and their intuitive body, so.
16:19: When we’re over, when we’re in our minds, we’re overthinking this is what our survival strategies are, we’re overanalyzing, we’re controlling, we’re white knuckling our way through life.
16:28: When we allow ourselves to get into our emotional body, it may feel a little bit intense at first, like we talked about during that refueling process, but our emotional body and having access to our emotional body actually leads us into our intuitive body, which is our intuition, our seat of the soul, our connection to the divine, our Just our knowing, our deep knowing.
16:49: We can’t actually have access to that if we’re not in our bodies.
16:54: So then we start making decisions from our mind out of our survival strategies, out of fear, out of control, out of disconnection.
17:01: But when we allow ourselves to actually have a healthy relationship with our emotions, we get into our body, we, we learn to process our emotions, then we can drop deeper into our intuition.
17:11: But people are so afraid of feeling that they don’t do that.
17:14: So then they cut themselves off from their life force.
17:17: They cut themselves off from off from this deep intelligence, which is the intuition, and The interesting thing is, is emotions that don’t, that aren’t felt, they don’t just disappear.
17:28: They don’t just, they fester, they mutate, they, they pour into everything else that, you know, it’s like they come out sideways all the time.
17:37: So if we can have a healthy relationship to metabolizing emotionality, then we have a deeper connection to our intuition, just like our digestive system, right?
17:45: We eat food.
17:47: Digest and we feel and then we poop it out, right?
17:52: and then we hold it in our lives and then it goes into all of ourselves, you know, and then we poop it out, right but but with with emotion something impacts us and we just shove it down and we suppress it, which is why we’re all emotionally constipated and then that.
18:10: Has an impact on our health, on our mental health, on our relationships, on everything.
18:14: So how do you, cause I’ve heard you don’t love advice all the time, like you trust your own inner guidance, but how do you, how do you know, like how do you discern what is your intuition and inner guidance, and what is you maybe like avoiding?
18:30: Advice or recommendation.
18:33: Yes, that’s a great question.
18:34: I think with the advice thing, I’m like, don’t tell me what to do.
18:37: Anyone, yeah, I know can’t be contained.
18:40: Yeah, it can’t be contained.
18:42: My husband’s like, Let me loose.
18:45: You’re like, honey, what do you think?
18:46: He’s like, You don’t really wanna know.
18:47: Yeah, yeah, exactly, babe, I’ve got some advice.
18:49: You don’t want it.
18:50: , I think with the whole, I love, listen, I love mentorship.
18:55: I love that, but I think I went through a phase of my life where I was so disconnected from me that I would get advice from people.
19:01: I wouldn’t metabolize it and body check it, and I would just do it, and it put me into like some pretty shitty situations, you know, with like business and different things.
19:10: And so I do love mentorship, but I don’t prioritize the advice of mentorship over my intuition and connection to the God divine, you know.
19:18: So I’ll use it as like a second opinion.
19:20: It’s like you go to a doctor, they’re like, hey, there’s a, there’s this thing.
19:23: I’m like, let me get a second opinion on that, right?
19:25: So, so like, typically what I, what I’ll do is I’ll, let me give you like an example.
19:31: so recently, my intuition has been telling me, that I need, this is like a business thing, so whatever, yeah, so, so it’s like my intuition has been like, you need.
19:44: An offer for your community that is lower ticket, and they can just like get in the doors of pause, and feel the energy, come to the events, just be a student of the work versus being a facilitator, cause our whole business model for the last 7 years is facilitation, like that’s what we’ve trained 3000 people, that’s like our whole thing.
20:06: And I’ve resisted that for, I was resisting that for a while, cause I’m like, no, I’m like, I don’t wanna like take the ads of my ads off the press, blah blah blah.
20:12: So anyway, I, I, I sat with it and I sat with it, and then it just kept saying like, no, this is the right thing, like you literally have hundreds of thousands of people in your community, and so many people just want to be in the energy of the breath, and just wanna like come live once a week, do breath work, not be a facilitator, just use it for themselves.
20:29: And so I was like, OK.
20:31: That’s what I’m gonna do.
20:32: All right.
20:33: How do you navigate that though, like from a business perspective, because you just said I want to keep my eye on the prize.
20:37: Like my business does well on the thing that I know, and I’m also getting the hit like, there’s this other place that I can be playing in.
20:44: So how do you, so I said to myself, show me how this is gonna be advantageous for my core offer.
20:51: Love it.
20:51: I was like, I don’t want to do this other thing over here cause every single product offering is essentially another business.
20:57: Ask me how I know.
20:58: I used to do that shit all the time, and I got like burned down my team, burnt myself out.
21:02: I was like this offer and this offer.
21:03: Let’s do this.
21:04: Let’s do this.
21:04: And so I was like, show me how this integrates so beautifully with my core thing.
21:10: And literally it did, like I was closing my eyes.
21:12: I was like, OK.
21:13: All right, people are going to come in through, it’s called the breathing room.
21:15: People are going to come in through the breathing room.
21:17: They’re going to be in there for like 3 months, and our team’s going to reach out to them to be like, Hey, how’s it going?
21:22: Did it break this.
21:23: And then, hey, if you want to become a breath work facilitator, we’ll refund you every $1 that you spent in the breathing room.
21:28: And we’ll put you into become a facilitator.
21:30: I’m like, oh, that’s the way it works, so people can come in, have like this 3 month experience of like changing their lives, getting back into their bodies, healing their nervous systems, then they’ll be ready to become a breathwork facilitator.
21:41: Perfect.
21:42: So I just sort of like, I kept doing it and doing it and doing it and doing it, and I just like, I got it so dialed in in my body where I’m like, this feels really good, this feels really fun, this feels really exciting, and I’m, I’m like, I, I already do that class for my students.
21:57: It’s just about doing.
21:59: inviting more people to it, you know, yeah, I’m like it’s, yeah, it’s no extra work for me.
22:04: I’m already screaming on Tuesdays at 11, as you may know, now, I know.
22:08: I’m, yeah, set your alarm.
22:10: Just listen.
22:10: I’ll just be in your driveway like doing the lying in my driveway.
22:16: Eric’s like, is here again.
22:19: She’s here every Tuesday now.
22:21: What’s going on?
22:22: I’m like, Hey girl, you can come in.
22:23: , so then after it was solid in my body, then I went to one of my mentors, and I was like, Yo, here’s my idea.
22:35: Here’s why I think this is gonna work.
22:36: Here’s why I think this is going to be advantageous for the business, the client, the whole mission.
22:41: Here’s why it’s not gonna take any more of my time, da da da da da, and then, then he kind of just poked holes in it.
22:46: He’s like, yeah, that’s, that’s awesome.
22:48: That sounds good, but I would try this doing it this way, and then again, every single piece of advice you gotta body check it, or else it’s gonna just regurgitate what, what he thinks, you know, yeah.
22:57: So yeah, I hope that answered your question.
22:58: That’s like, and so that’s kind of how I do it now, cause I I’ve learned that my intuition is way smarter than, first of all, my mind.
23:08: My mind’s so dumb.
23:09: Oh my God, I know I’m serious, dude, when I listen to my mind.
23:14: I’m, I was gonna say the R word, you’re not allowed to say that anymore.
23:18: I’m so dumb when I listen to my mom, like I get my, like, I make short term decisions, I like, I don’t think through all the things, I get reactive, I get in fear, it’s just like so not useful for me, ever, you know.
23:35: Did it take a while to learn how to override your mind using your intuition?
23:40: It took trust, yeah, yeah, yeah, because for during that phase where I was only listening to my mind and drove myself into a like really intense, you know, energetic and a mental health space, it took re-trusting that when I listened to my intuition, good things happen, you know, it, it, it took like a track record, yeah.
23:58: Yeah, evidence builds confidence, and then the more evidence you have, the more confidence you have.
24:02: Now I just don’t question it anymore.
24:03: I’m like, oh, OK.
24:06: Really?
24:06: OK, let’s go.
24:08: When you tap into your intuition like that and it feels so anchored in your body, how have you showed up instead of trusting your mind?
24:16: There’s like this piece.
24:18: And this, like if the mind feels like this, like.
24:25: You know what I mean, it could, yeah, or I think it was like a ping pong ball, yeah, yeah, a bang from London, the other, yeah, the intuition is just like.
24:37: Like there’s so much energetic space.
24:40: Nothing is hurried.
24:42: Everything’s sacred.
24:43: There’s no rush.
24:44: There’s a clarity.
24:46: There’s a precision.
24:47: There’s a doubtlessness.
24:50: But you gotta stay there, cause if you, if you If you go up to your mind and you do this, then you’re going to get really confused.
24:57: So the, the power place, so we teach our students at pause is, is Intuition and critical thinking.
25:05: So that’s not, there’s like the fear mind, which is when we’re caught in our survival strategies, and we’re doubting and we’re fearing and all these things, and then there’s the clear mind, where there’s almost like this emptiness, and the mind can actually Work effectively because I’m, I’m not saying the mind sucks.
25:20: I’m saying the ego and the fear, if we listen to it, bounds us in a lot of stress.
25:27: So it’s like get into our body first, clear the mind, then let the mind have a play in it, but let it be connected to the intuition.
25:34: The mind goes crazy when it’s not connected to the intuition.
25:38: That makes sense.
25:39: Yes, absolutely, yeah, just happened to me the other night.
25:42: I was working on something and my intuition was like, I don’t know if I know how to do this well enough, but I know someone that does, but I pressure, I went into my mind of like, no, it has to get done, instead of just taking that pause.
25:54: It didn’t turn out well, right, right, it’s crazy, yeah, and I think we live in such like a hyper speedy world that we can get caught up in the hustle and the urgency and the rush constantly, and one of my favorite quotes is, if you have time to do it over, you have time to do it right.
26:13: And I really think about that when I’m creating things or I’m doing things and there’s the urgency that tends to come in.
26:20: It’s like.
26:21: Let me just be with this and create quality from an aligned place, you know.
26:25: Oh, let’s pull the thread on that, because I just know so many businesswomen that are running a million miles an hour, and they also have kids, so they feel like they’re constantly going, going, going.
26:35: How do you navigate that in your business?
26:38: You have a very successful business, you have a beautiful offer, you have a beautiful community.
26:42: I know you have a team too that supports you.
26:44: But do you ever get into that energy where you’re like, I’m all over the place, and then how do you bring yourself back or how do you not hit your days in general?
26:51: So I used to be like that all day long, and it comes down to not having boundaries.
27:00: And I think as earlier entrepreneurs for women who have no team or maybe one team, learning boundaries, it’s almost like, well, I have to do everything because I’m only, I’m, I’m, I’m a solo entrepreneur and That is true at the beginning, but it’s about discerning what is the most important activities that I get to do in this business that will actually drive revenue.
27:23: So at the beginning, I mean, the question we should be asking as business owners and founders anyway is how am I driving revenue today?
27:29: Like that’s my, that’s my sole question of always that’s, that has to be my come from because no one else cares about that as much as we do because we’re the owners of the business, right?
27:38: And so.
27:40: So we’re really balancing.
27:41: I’m really balancing that.
27:42: It’s like, if there’s no revenue, we have no business.
27:44: So, I have to prioritize that as the CEO, right?
27:48: And one of my friends, Chandler Bolt, I was listening to him talk the other day, he’s a super successful entrepreneur.
27:52: He runs a company called Self-publishing School, and he says like, If I’m not, if I’m not focused on revenue and I’m not being this like a good CEO for this company, that I need to fire myself and find someone who can do it better, right?
28:05: And so I, I always think about that for myself of like, how can I be the best CEO of this company and it’s really about paying attention to numbers, really making sure that like I’m driving revenue every single day, creating an all-star team, like really making sure that the team I have is all-star, and then really paying attention to the numbers and the metrics, right.
28:22: , and so what that requires is such clear boundaries of time, you know, like there’s now, there’s Nothing that I do in my business that is not my zone of genius, which is crazy even to say.
28:40: How did you get there?
28:42: It’s honestly like 15 years of trial and error, yeah, yeah, and it’s, it’s like so it business is a spiritual journey before it’s anything else, so it was about me.
28:57: Valuing myself, valuing my time, valuing my gifts, and I would have so much resentment because people would just like book on my calendar and Sam, I need this and Sam, I need that, and, and because it was my business and I was almost like a martyr to my team, and I’m like, yeah, of course, whatever you need, whatever you need, I got you.
29:15: And of course I love my team and I support them, but I’m boundaried with them.
29:19: You can’t just book on my calendar.
29:21: No, you cannot have an hour-long meeting with me.
29:23: You get, you get 5 minutes with a clear agenda, you know, it’s like, no, I’m not gonna sit on Zoom with you for a fucking hour.
29:29: There’s no way, you know, it’s like, what do you need?
29:32: How can I support you?
29:33: And that really comes with, to answer your question, how do you get there, hiring people who are amazing.
29:39: Most people are mediocre.
29:41: I’m being so transparent.
29:42: It’s true.
29:43: Well, no one’s gonna love your business as much as you do, so it’s like you have to make them excited about the vision, right, or what they’re doing.
29:49: Like how do you it shows those people.
29:52: I wouldn’t even say that because I, I do believe that there’s people on my team who are obsessed with pause to the level that I am, which is not standard for most businesses, but I’m thinking of one person in particular who you guys will meet at the event.
30:04: Her name’s Marris, and she runs all of our delivery.
30:06: She is obsessed with pause.
30:09: She’s obsessed with our team.
30:11: She’s obsessed, and I think like holding the vision of like I get to attract people who love this.
30:16: Thing just as much as I do, I had to really uplevel my talent pool, and I had to get rid of everyone who, who was mediocre, and I did that like 18 months ago.
30:26: What did you have to shift within yourself?
30:28: Standards, yeah, it does its standards.
30:30: So I think about that, right?
30:31: Like sometimes we’re like, well, I want those people.
30:33: That’s great, but I keep, I keep attracting them that are not that standard.
30:36: So where am I showing up in a place where I’m like, I’m not calling that in.
30:41: Something within me that’s not going, yeah, it’s like or doesn’t trust or even exactly curious exactly.
30:46: I had to uplevel myself as a leader, as a founder, as a business owner, and I had to be the, I had to show up as an A player every single day in order to attract a players because 8 players only want to work with a or work with 8 players, you know, and not to say that everyone has to be an A player, but you gotta be like on your way there.
31:03: You have to aspire to be that, right.
31:06: And so, yeah, for me it was like being an A player, like what does an A player CEO look like?
31:12: What does an A player founder look like?
31:13: What does an A player facilitator look like?
31:15: What does an A player leader look like, you know, all I had to become that, and then I had to raise my standards of what I was tolerating, cause I was tolerating a lot.
31:26: Can you give me an example?
31:27: Yeah, like.
31:28: , OK, so a couple of years ago I had just a bunch of people on my team who brought in a bunch of just like politics of like we need to care about this, we need to care about this, we should do this program, we should do, I’m like you guys are missing the point.
31:45: We do one thing here and that’s we make emotional suffering optional through breathwork.
31:49: I’m not gonna do all this other shit, and they were like, yeah, you have to care about this, and you have to care about this.
31:54: I’m like.
31:54: Well, you can go care about that outside of this, you know, I’m like this is what I care about.
32:00: Do I have a heart for all of these things?
32:02: Yes, but this is the mountain that I’m gonna die on.
32:03: This is what I’m gonna focus on.
32:04: If I’m focused and diluting my attention on a million different things that we should care about because you read a social media post that you think that that we should have that in our company.
32:13: , no thanks, because all of this stuff is just virtue signaling at the end of the day.
32:17: This is so good, especially with everything that’s been happening politically.
32:21: I mean, exhausted.
32:22: You’re like, do I?
32:23: Do I not call it?
32:24: Kind of brings me back to, Black Lives Matter when everyone did the black post, and if you didn’t stop it, yeah, because putting a black post is really going to change.
32:32: I’ve changed the world with my black screen and I and with you, you know, but that energy, that feeling is there that I think ridiculous.
32:40: It’s like, where did that come from?
32:42: You know, like, where does it come from?
32:44: I think it comes from people not realizing what actually creates transformation and change, you know what I mean?
32:51: It’s like I’m gonna make you wrong for doing that, which is you are becoming the problem you’re trying to solve.
32:56: You are the problem.
32:57: I always use the analogy like when you’re thinking about a red car, you will start to see red cars everywhere.
33:03: Like you, if you want, I, I say this all the time, like I don’t come, I have a jewelry.
33:07: I don’t comment on any of that stuff.
33:08: Like I just talk about jewelry, but I feel like if you focus on the These things you just create more of them.
33:14: That’s how energy works and manifestation works.
33:17: So it’s like if you just focus on your lane like you are, look at how well your business is doing.
33:22: You’re doing, you’re vibrant, and that’s another thing to your question.
33:25: How did I get to a place where I’m only doing my zone of genius?
33:27: I focus like a mofo and I pay attention.
33:30: I only focus on what is actually driving the needle forward.
33:34: So it’s like energetic potency.
33:36: Yeah, I think about the, just I’m thinking about the audience so much like, and you also talk about having ADHD.
33:41: So how do you, does that come up ever, like where you want to do a million things?
33:45: Oh my God, you you had to keep yourself back in line, dude, that is like my constant because I am very energetic, extremely creative.
33:55: And so, and ADHD.
33:58: So I used to, that’s just, not that there needs to be an identity, but I feel like so many people totally as a totally that’s a tree, you know, like it’s so funny.
34:05: I, for my whole life I was like, I’m ADD, I baby she, and then like my husband’s like, no, you don’t, you’re fine.
34:11: I’m like, I don’t think so.
34:12: And then we like went to Waves Nero in Encini this year, and I did like a brain scan, and the dude was like, you are literally the poster child for ADHD.
34:21: Thanks, thanks a lot.
34:22: I feel like a lot of creatives are that way.
34:24: I mean, it’s just like there’s so many ideas downloading all the time.
34:28: So how to solve for that.
34:30: So because I used to come to my team every single Monday morning at 11 o’clock and say, Guys, I have the freaking best idea.
34:37: Here’s what we’re gonna do.
34:37: And they’re like, Yo, this is not on the quarterly plans.
34:40: I’m like, I don’t care.
34:41: That wasn’t a good idea.
34:42: This one is amazing.
34:43: I promise you, let’s run with it.
34:44: And I used to derail them all the time, which It was so bad.
34:48: Such a bad thing to do.
34:49: So it’s great because people do that themselves.
34:52: Like I think even if you don’t have a team, like I have, I was just talking to a friend yesterday that’s like my biggest problem is task or like really defining what’s the most important thing to do this day.
35:02: Yes, for sure.
35:02: How do I figure that out?
35:03: For sure, yeah, tell our revenue.
35:05: Focus on revenue because revenue solves revenue.
35:08: You solves all of your other problems.
35:10: If you have, if you’re focused on revenue and you’re like, OK, I need to make $20,000 a month in my business, then you can take $2000 and you can outsource the tasks that are not revenue driving tasks.
35:20: So we really have to look at our, look at our time and put an hour, like an hourly thing on the time, you know what I mean, like.
35:28: Value your time and if you’re doing tasks underneath your pay grade, you got to get them off.
35:32: Being someone that’s been in sales, that is so ingrained in me.
35:35: All I think about is sales.
35:36: All I think about is revenue.
35:37: All I think about is like, who can I connect with?
35:39: What is it gonna, what’s going to move the needle forward, for sure, for sure.
35:42: It’s fun.
35:42: I get excited in the other stuff.
35:44: Yeah, I was thinking about money first.
35:45: It’s fun.
35:45: I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s fun.
35:46: I mean, especially if what you’re doing.
35:49: Is your soul’s mission or would I say what God hired you for, it’s it’s just like it’s so fun.
35:53: It’s like, I’m not trying to just get rich.
35:56: I’m trying to move the needle forward, get create impact, right?
35:59: And we do that and like the easiest metric of that is revenue.
36:02: So to answer your question about like not putting like bombs on my team when my ADHD kicks in is I just create what I call my sandbox and so I have a sandbox which helps me exercise my creativity, my innovation, my ADHD, my everything that I It’s like it, it doesn’t touch the business unless I’m like, oh, this is actually dope.
36:29: Like I think this would be amazing, and I’m gonna create a case for why this would be advantageous for the business.
36:36: Then I present it to them with no strings attached.
36:38: I’m like, hey guys, I’ve got this really great idea.
36:40: I think this is gonna be like with the breathing room, for instance, right?
36:44: I’ve got this really great idea.
36:45: I think this is gonna be really good for the mission.
36:48: Here’s all the reasons why, but I’m open to your feedback on if this.
36:51: This is not a good idea.
36:52: We don’t have to do it.
36:53: And I’ve removed the attachment to I have to execute on every single idea that I have now.
36:59: My team has buy-in, and they, they know that I won’t override them anymore.
37:03: And I think that was a big, yeah, that was a big trust building exercise because so many of my team members have been with me for 7 years, 8 years, and they know Sam Skelly version one, you know, but I’m like, hey, I’m Sam Miller version 2 now.
37:19: I don’t do that shit anymore.
37:21: I love it.
37:22: I, I love this too with that that’s coming.
37:24: There’s like not only are you doing this for your team, but you’re also doing this for yourself, like your own intuition, your own fight that’s being like, wait, Sam has whatever I lean into is like I put thought into it.
37:34: I also love that you have a creative box because I think I have ideas all the time.
37:38: You have lots of we have like ideas all the time.
37:39: I even told her it was like on notion we need to have like a project idealist or we don’t even touch it yet, but like it’s there.
37:46: We can talk about it.
37:47: We can play with it, but it’s like not being thrown into the business yet.
37:50: Because it’s so exciting to create a business, it is, and there’s always more.
37:54: Like they’re like, what else can I do?
37:56: What else can I create?
37:57: Yeah, and I think as women too we’re meant to create in so many ways.
38:00: Yes, yes, so that’s so true.
38:02: One of the things I love that you, you said too is outsourcing because I think when you’re like a lot of our audience are just starting to leave corporate and like be entrepreneurs or try to start a side hustle, and I think it can feel so overwhelming because you are just doing everything yourself.
38:16: Like it’s hard sometimes to outsource things, but I think that the more you can get yourself to lean on other people and like you said, that’s not your zone of genius like you can really, you can grow faster because you’re not holding everything yourself for sure.
38:31: What did you do in the beginning when you first started this?
38:33: Like how did it, because I think it’s easy.
38:35: I mean now you have this like huge amazing business like, but when you first began, like how did you get through those tough times and how did you outsource?
38:43: I had, I hired a VA from the Philippines who is still with me today.
38:49: Wow, yeah, yeah, she’s literally, I think she’s been working for me for like a decade now.
38:54: That’s amazing, yeah, yeah, maybe even longer.
38:56: I don’t even know what, what is time, but yeah, I hired her.
39:01: I didn’t even know what I was doing.
39:02: It was, I, it was on like Craigslist or something.
39:06: And I hired her.
39:08: That’s where you found her, I think so.
39:09: That’s amazing.
39:10: Like this was back in the day.
39:12: This is when I was still living in Vancouver.
39:14: I was still, was I working at the restaurant still?
39:17: I think I was, so this must have been, yeah, like 10 years ago.
39:21: Yeah, it’s so crazy.
39:22: She like, she’s like head of customer service now, which is like so amazing.
39:25: She’s like, anyone’s listening, maybe don’t look on Craigslist for me.
39:29: There’s other places.
39:29: It’s not that I, I don’t recommend that.
39:31: That’s where I’m at.
39:32: You’re not a good one.
39:33: Yeah, Craigslist.
39:34: It was Craigslist.
39:36: It was Craigslist.
39:38: Oh my gosh, I haven’t thought about that in so long story.
39:40: Yeah, yeah, la, but that’s cool.
39:43: So you hired her, and so I, you know what, you’re working at another job.
39:46: Yeah, I was working at a restaurant.
39:48: I was building my last company, Hungry for Happiness, and I was like, OK, I need someone to help me with my email, help me with my calendar, schedule appointments, what else did she do?
40:00: Like send invoices, collect cash, like do all like the admin stuff that I didn’t want to do, and I think at the time she was like 3 bucks an hour.
40:11: She’s Now making like so much more money than that.
40:13: She’s like the richest chick in the Philippines, but, she’s queen.
40:17: She’s a queen, she was, she is the lie queen.
40:20: She’s like, you wish you had my job.
40:22: Seriously, she’s like, it’s amazing she’s amazing.
40:25: That’s awesome.
40:25: So, so that’s what I did.
40:26: And then my second hire after that was a salesperson, OK.
40:32: Yeah, to do to like bring people into our certifications and bring people into our core offers, and because I was doing all that, I was doing everything at that point, so I was like, OK, let me offload some of the sales, and then slowly but surely it’s like one every single hire you have to make sure that you get an ROI, and then the revenue increases and you’re like, oh, now I can hire the next person.
40:53: And as long as you’re making sure that your profit margins are solid, like healthy.
40:59: Then you just keep hiring until you build this team that’s profitable and efficient.
41:06: I love that, yeah.
41:08: Yeah, can I take it in a whole another direction first?
41:10: Let’s go.
41:11: I’m curious, going back to like the healing journey and spirituality and that sort of thing, is there something that you thought you healed along this path that has shown up for you still, like that keeps showing up?
41:23: My God, my heart’s like beating as you ask me that question, I swear to God.
41:28: Wow, this feels fresh.
41:32: Let me think of how I want to share this versus like we’re gonna throw this.
41:37: , so, I’m just trying to think how to share this with like dignity.
41:45: So it’s not dignity, but just like respect.
41:47: So I think for me, when it comes to my relationship with Eric, one of the things that I get to learn in this life is just like, I’m such an individualist.
41:59: I’m such a free spirit.
42:00: I’m such a fully expressed, like, I live my life on my own terms kind of chick, right?
42:05: And like he knew that when he, oops, he knew that when he hired, hired me.
42:10: He did.
42:12: He hired you.
42:15: Oh yeah, you guys don’t know he pays me.
42:17: Oh, OK, right, it’s just kidding, everybody.
42:20: It’s not real.
42:21: They’re married.
42:21: They’re married.
42:22: They’re married.
42:22: It’s legit, so for a green card, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly.
42:25: So in this life with, with my marriage, it’s like learning the art of the Wii, learning the art of the Wii.
42:34: Because I am such like my nature is like, I can do anything and I can do da da blah blah blah, and I can do this on my own, I can do, I can build this, and like I love that about myself, but sometimes in a marriage, it creates a rub, and it creates resistance.
42:52: I relate to this.
42:53: Like, yeah, I’m just like, mhm, Austin loves to be like, oh, you’re in your feminism, like you feminist.
43:01: Yes, yes, yeah, same with Eric, right?
43:04: , you could do it yourself.
43:06: OK, you’re so big.
43:07: Yes, yes.
43:08: Yes, exactly.
43:09: You know, you hear it’s like, I just like this bossy thing.
43:12: I love it, but like not all the time.
43:14: Like, can we just, Eric holds the Wii.
43:16: Everything is about the Wii, which is so beautiful and I love that so much, you know, it’s so, it’s so gorgeous.
43:24: And I get to learn more of that, and that’s like my current lesson right now is really looking at our life as a we.
43:32: It’s like a Venn diagram, you know.
43:34: I think my Venn diagram, I was just like floating a little bit over here, you know.
43:37: Now it’s like, OK, let’s bring it back, and I was talking to my dad about this the other day, and I’m like, Dad, like.
43:41: I kind of learned this.
43:42: I feel bad that I’m not like this as much, you know.
43:45: I think there’s like some women who are just like all about the we.
43:49: That’s all I think about is being married and they they view lens everything they view their life only through that, and I just, I just, I’m not that.
43:57: And so it’s like a learned thing, and I was, I was feeling guilty about it the other day and I called my dad and I was like, I feel sad about this.
44:03: He’s like, you’re one year into this marriage.
44:05: He’s like, this is the stuff that you get to learn, you know.
44:09: So yeah, that’s fresh, girl.
44:12: I hear that.
44:13: I mean, I think too like the that’s like the Deprogramming that kind of is happening too of like we went through this phase as society of like women are can do it all, which they can do so many things but also like Kurt and I talk about this like we love our men, we need men, we want men we don’t want to like be against them podcast, yeah, but it’s, it’s like a delicate dance cutting a delicate dance and and like sorry go ahead.
44:39: I know I was gonna say in that it’s like because I want to be so expressed.
44:44: I don’t know if that makes sense like I think.
44:46: In the we, I’m like, well, a part of my life, I’m like, well, I’m here to make an impact, lead, express my soul, and like how do I do that and also be in the we, and I think we can 100% absolutely that’s the vision I hold.
44:59: Yes, yes, because I, the part of me that’s like, OK, I need to be better at the we, she goes, Yeah, but you’re going to lose yourself.
45:08: You’re not going to be able to be you, and that’s the thing that you value most.
45:12: And I get to be with that part of me to go.
45:15: You get to be so fully expressed and connected at the same time.
45:19: And right now my neural links aren’t quite linking that yet, and I’m really, really, really working on it trying to figure it out, yeah, and I, I’m also sort of questioning, you know.
45:31: In this it’s like such a I’m like in it right now with this exploration as we are thinking about building a family and all the things, you know, it’s like, OK, yeah, women, the, the rise of feminism, right in the 1970s was amazing.
45:45: Women in the workforce, women making more money, epic.
45:49: But what we did in that is we just looked around like, how are men doing it?
45:52: Let me just do it like that.
45:54: And so we all rose into our power.
45:56: We rose into our financial power, but we did it like men, and then we got burnt out.
46:02: We went back to work after 3 weeks of having a freaking child.
46:06: Like that’s insane.
46:07: That’s insane.
46:08: No wonder why the world is like so messed up, right?
46:11: Yeah, like that’s not cool.
46:13: Yeah, you like in Europe they’re like, 02 months or 6 months off of work with my baby, and people in the comments are like, in America I got 3 days, I got a week, you know, it’s crazy, awful.
46:24: It’s obscene.
46:24: It’s serious, it’s like, oh my God, we should do a whole what did Whitney say?
46:27: I’m, I’m the, I’m my favorite man.
46:30: We just, we were talking to, she’s, oh my gosh, Whitney Marie, she’s a hoot, but she was saying like I’m my favorite man because she’s been operating in her masculine just like you, like very similar, like, not saying you’re operating your masculine, but just like we all are in that like build, build, build, you know, and she’s like, I’m the best man I know.
46:47: I go, look, look at me go, and I want that’s how I met Abby and I’m the man that I want.
46:52: That was like how she was reflecting.
46:53: That is hilarious.
46:54: It’s so funny, right?
46:55: But it’s like.
46:56: I think the map of women in business while being present mothers and connected wives is still emerging.
47:05: I think we’re all still trying to find it, yeah.
47:07: And I definitely don’t have it yet.
47:10: I don’t know many people who do.
47:12: I don’t think women should work like we have been.
47:15: That’s for sure.
47:16: I, I think we need to really honor our seasons and cycles more.
47:20: We are a different woman every single day.
47:21: We can’t produce the same output every single day.
47:24: It’s just not possible.
47:26: And when we try and work like that, we burn ourselves out.
47:29: We get resentful.
47:29: We get sick, all the things our.
47:31: Businesses take a hit, which is, and I’ve seen like so many successful female entrepreneurs over the last decade just rise and fall, rise and fall.
47:40: Why is that?
47:41: Because their calendar looks like they’re, they got a penis, you know, but I look at Eric and even Eric, like even Eric needs to chill the fuck out sometimes, but like he is like full on working like a man all day long, and I was like if I did that for two days, I would be on the floor.
47:55: So it’s like I do believe that women, if they desire to work, they should, and like here’s the other side of it, it’s like for women who are like, I know I’m here to be a mom and a wife and I don’t want to earn, I don’t want to work, that is awesome.
48:08: I think that, I think that dynamic is actually extremely healthy for polarity.
48:13: I think it’s extremely healthy for children.
48:14: I think it’s amazing for the world.
48:16: I think the greatest gift that we can possibly give the world is what we do at our home with our kids, with our husband.
48:22: I, I just genuinely believe the family unit is so good for the health of the world.
48:26: And so for women who just don’t want to work and their husbands can provide, it, I think that’s, that’s incredible.
48:33: Yeah, it is so incredible.
48:35: Is that my path?
48:37: No, because I love to create and I love to add value and I love to just I love, I just, I just know that that’s, I have way too much energy to, to, to not, right?
48:49: And I love variety.
48:50: I’m a 7 on the, all the things.
48:52: However, when I become a mother, It’s gonna look very different, and I’m gonna be even more boundary than I am now, if that’s possible, and even more.
49:01: Like, clicked into my zone of genius, if that’s possible, and just have the most insane boundaries, and spend the majority of the time with my kids.
49:12: Well that, yeah.
49:13: So, so it’s so interesting.
49:16: This is the whole thing.
49:17: I’m like, can we talk about a whole episode on this?
49:19: It’s so important because I think we’ve even talked about this.
49:22: We don’t have kids either.
49:23: Yeah.
49:23: You guys want them, right?
49:24: I do, yeah, yeah, we talked about, yeah, we talked about it.
49:28: I was like, come on, Samantha.
49:29: Let’s go.
49:29: I know she’s like together right now.
49:31: Go for walks on Netflix.
49:33: We can have the same time.
49:34: I mean, there’s 4 of my friends right now, not even including YouTube.
49:37: Trying to get pregnant.
49:38: Like, everyone around me is getting pregnant.
49:39: They’re like, come on now, don’t drink the water.
49:42: I do get FOMO.
49:43: I’m not gonna lie.
49:44: So I was like, just wait for a couple more people to get pregnant and I’ll probably be like, Honey, honey, honey, I’m home.
49:50: I’m ready.
49:51: But I think about this so much, like, even as we build fully expressed and like I’m getting married next year, we want to get pregnant, start getting pregnant next year, and I’m just like.
49:59: How is my life going to shift?
50:01: How am I going to feel?
50:02: And I’m also so excited for that season, and I really think of Fully expressed as a baby.
50:07: Like, we’re raising this baby, we gave birth to this baby, we want this baby to get to mature to a place where it can like literally do on its own, but I don’t want to lose myself in the momness all the time.
50:19: Like I want to be a mom, but I also want to be.
50:21: A business owner, yeah, and I want to create.
50:23: I want to continue to create.
50:25: Yeah, yeah.
50:25: One of my mentors told me this the other day.
50:27: She’s a woman, a woman in business, and she’s like, don’t stop working, even if it’s 2 hours a day.
50:35: It’ll be so good for your mental health.
50:37: And so then I’m like, OK, cool.
50:39: If I was to give pause 2 hours a day, what would I choose to do?
50:43: It’d be coming here.
50:43: You can do in 2 hours a day, seriously, yeah, it’d be coming here.
50:47: Like, it’s so funny.
50:48: One of my girlfriends, she says babies are profit centers.
50:52: Because it really makes you focus on what is actually important and essential for the business to thrive, and then you just let go of everything else.
51:02: It really takes your boundaries and goes and prioritizes exactly what’s important in your business.
51:07: And again, you don’t have time for the other stuff.
51:09: No, you don’t have time to respond to emails that aren’t relevant or text messages.
51:13: That aren’t relevant or you know it’s like nothing else matters.
51:17: It’s like I know I’m gonna, I’m gonna, it’s like if I’m not doing my, I just know myself, it’s like if I’m not doing my zone of genius and I have a baby in the other room with my nanny and I’m doing something that’s meaningless, I’m just like I’m just not gonna do it, you know what I mean?
51:30: So it’s like it, it, it is actually the perfect elimination system for profitability.
51:36: But you should, I’ll get your babies.
51:38: I know, yeah, it’s got knocked out.
51:40: She’s pushing, she’s on it.
51:42: Yeah, I feel like I’ll be pregnant like in 5 minutes.
51:45: OK, yeah, like maybe not here, that’d be weird, not in the studio, not in this second.
51:52: So good, I feel like, oh, I can’t wait to see how these journeys like evolve, yeah.
51:57: Yeah, and also to see you like integrate the Wii, but still be Sam Skelly.
52:01: Yes, the hard part about the Wii too, like, I struggle with this is, like, I didn’t have a good Wii example growing up, you know, and I feel like so much of my childhood, I could feel like we’re the same age almost like most of my childhood was Disney, so I’m like the prince, and like, you know, we want that polarity.
52:16: You were like, can you take care of me, but then there’s the part of us like I’m a Boss, like, don’t tell me what to do.
52:21: And I feel like that is such a challenge to find the polarity, but also like, because my husband’s the same way.
52:28: It’s all about the we.
52:29: He’s always thinking about us.
52:31: He’s like in the morning like holding me.
52:32: I’m like, I gotta get up.
52:33: He’s like, no, but I just, I want to snuggle for a second, you know, like, yeah, and he’s the same way.
52:40: So a friend of mine.
52:41: I’m like, me too, yeah.
52:45: You guys have really good guys.
52:47: We do have a man really cool meeting both of them the other night.
52:50: They’re just solid.
52:52: I can, we can’t wait to meet yours.
52:53: Yeah, he’s awesome.
52:54: I mean, he’s, he’s, they’ll get along so well.
52:57: He’s such a, he’s just a solid salt of the earth, dude, you know.
53:01: I’m like, you’re such, like I tell him all the time, like you are the best human that I know.
53:05: Like he’s so solid.
53:08: I’ve never heard him say a bad word about anyone that’s like he’s never like.
53:14: Yeah, I’ve never seen him.
53:15: Yeah, he’s just, I mean, that’s the perfect person to do the we with.
53:18: It’s so true.
53:19: Like, and that’s the interesting thing, like I want to do it.
53:22: Like my soul’s like I wanna, but then my patterns and my conditioning are like I need to be so free.
53:28: So again, it’s like the blending of that.
53:29: I’m going to therapy tonight.
53:30: 5, we’re gonna figure some shit out.
53:32: Yeah, you’ll get, you’ll get it handled.
53:33: Booked a therapy session to talk about this tonight.
53:36: So it’s funny that you asked me that question.
53:38: My heart.
53:38: I was like, oh my God, I’m scared.
53:39: Does she know?
53:40: Does she know what’s going on?
53:40: How does she know?
53:42: I’m just she spying on you.
53:43: I see my catheter this morning.
53:45: Like I’m on my balcony looking out.
53:48: She’s dropping in on your conversation.
53:49: Oh my God, she’s got one of those like cups with the strands that are up.
53:53: You sees flutterly.
53:55: I’m picking up what you’re putting down.
53:56: That’s so funny.
53:58: I love it.
53:59: , so one question that we ask everyone is like, where in your life are you feeling called to be more fully expressed?
54:05: It can be life, love, or business, and maybe it’s on the back end of that question too, but whatever comes true.
54:12: Oh.
54:14: I would say, Oh, this is so good.
54:18: OK, hang on one second.
54:21: I, I, I would, I, I would say as a wife, like my expression as being fully because I haven’t exercised that fully, you know, like really allowing myself, cause I, I, I think there’s this thing of like, I’m either an individual over.
54:36: Here being fully expressed or I’m not fully expressed.
54:38: So it’s like, how do I let my fully expressedness express itself as a wife?
54:43: What does that look like?
54:44: How do I like, and even in the last 30 days, I’ve really been playing into that of like really looking at it as a weed, which takes effort because it’s not natural, unfortunately, and, and it’s felt so good.
54:58: I’m like, oh my gosh, this is so amazing, and he’s like, wow, this is so great.
55:01: Who are you?
55:02: I love that.
55:03: I’m so curious, how did that shift when you got married?
55:06: Since I’m about to, yeah, how long were you guys together total?
55:08: We were together from 20.
55:11: 19 to 2024, and then we got married in 2024, as we’ve been married for a year and together for what was that 55, yeah, yeah, marriage is awesome.
55:23: It like, it solidified the family, you know, I’m like, oh, we’re a family now.
55:27: This isn’t just like, yeah, we’re a unit, it’s like we’re gonna be building.
55:32: Extraordinary things together for the rest of our life.
55:35: We’re going to be building children together.
55:37: We’re going to be building businesses together.
55:38: We’re going to be building like this beautiful life together.
55:41: It really solidifies it, and we got really got to ask ourselves like what are the values that we want to embody as we raise kids in this world, you know, like what do we want to be a stand for?
55:51: What do we want to be a stand against?
55:52: And it’s just been, it’s been amazing.
55:54: I’m so excited for you.
55:56: Yeah.
55:56: When, when are you getting married again?
55:57: In May.
55:58: In May.
55:58: That’s right.
55:59: I asked this question because like even when Nick and I got engaged, I feel like there was still like a, I feel like I had to graduate to like, I’m going to be a wife like from girlfriend to like fiance took me like, I graduated, like I went through some shit.
56:11: I was like, I need to mature a little bit, because I was like, not that I wasn’t there.
56:16: I just feel like my soul, yeah, I was just not embodied and soon to be wife.
56:21: And so I was just so curious, what does it look like to move from like soon to be wife to like, holy shit, I am a wife.
56:28: You know, and like, obviously there’s like a whole journey after being a wife, but the two years after we got engaged were our hardest 2 years.
56:38: like we almost like we were like, should we get married because it is an initiation and I think this is stuff for sure.
56:45: I’m like Tucker has that stuff.
56:46: There’s no, I can’t get out, yeah, right, exactly.
56:49: And for the three of us who love to be fully expressed and love to like it’s, it, it pokes on things, right, but it’s like, is it poking on.
56:57: Truth or is it poking on a distortion and for me it was poking on all of my distortions that felt trapped.
57:03: It’s the ultimate mirror, and I love how you described it as family because she’s asked me before, like how did marriage change because we’ve been together 10 years and got married, married, no, no, together 10, got married after 5 or got engaged after 5.
57:15: We got married last year, the, But I would say, yeah, that is like the truth is like oh we’re a family and both of us have some stuff in our family so it was just like oh we have each other like it just felt like, yeah, that solidification of well we can build our own family we don’t have to.
57:32: Be in the drama of all the other things or be our other be our parents or be any examples we don’t wanna be, yeah, and I think that’s the beautiful thing, you know, it’s like we get to release the templates that were passed on to us from our family lineage that we get to, yeah, exactly, and we get to create.
57:49: Do you feel a certain way about it?
57:51: I mean, that’s another episode.
57:54: Yeah, that’s it’s all that we’ve already talked about that.
57:56: We have talked about.
57:57: , and then it’s like recreating like what is this new template that I want for my family.
58:03: Yeah, another thing marriage really showed me too is like, or even the relationship is just you can like this is just, I mean, you probably have experienced what you’re experiencing it right now is like you can change anything, like any pattern.
58:14: You could be like, especially being with someone for 10 years, there are things I thought like we’ll never get over.
58:19: This is just us and it’s changing like we’re changing, and that made me realize like, oh, if there’s something you don’t like in your relationship, you can absolutely change it.
58:28: Everything I love this so much.
58:29: I heard this quote the other day that You get married a million times to the same person.
58:35: It’s a different marriage, and there’s like things that have happened in our relationship where I’m like, I don’t think we’re going to get over that.
58:41: And then we do, and we become stronger, and I think every single rupture is an opportunity for deeper repair, deeper intimacy, deeper beauty, and I really see that with him, you know, of like, yeah, yeah, like I really, really, really see that with him.
58:55: I’m like, we can get through anything.
58:56: We’ve been through the, we’ve been through some hard shit in the last 76 years.
59:01: And like things where I’m like this is unrepairable and sure enough it’s repairable and you can get through it and you can hold the vision and I think having this is another thing that Eric and I are really focused on right now is or have been honestly our whole marriage, our whole relationship is having a strong compelling vision of the future because if you have that in your relationships.
59:26: The bumps of day to day are so much easier because you both are united in what is, where are we going, right?
59:34: What is this a stand for?
59:35: What are we a stand for?
59:36: What are we doing here?
59:38: And we’re also human and we come with our trauma and our baggage and our stuff that can be hurtful for the other person.
59:45: And as long as we realize like we are in this together healing each other, we’re literally healing each other.
59:50: That’s what it, yeah, at the 100% we chose it like we hired each other, you did up there and then you, yeah, your soul came down that you and Eric.
59:58: You’re like we’re gonna go through some shit.
1:00:00: You’re gonna go deep, yes, like we’re gonna.
1:00:02: Put you in this situation so you realize this, blah blah blah blah blah.
1:00:07: It’s like, and as long as y’all understand that that’s the agreement, you can get through so much stuff, so much more than you think you can.
1:00:16: The mindset that I’ve like really welcomed anytime that Nick and I are changing or evolving, like how cool that I have a front show, like front seat show to his evolution and my own, and I get to fall in love with it all over.
1:00:27: Again and loving it all over again.
1:00:29: That kind of helps me get through like, OK, we’re shifting, we’re shedding a layer, whatever that looks like.
1:00:35: He’s shifting, he’s changing, I’m shifting.
1:00:36: How can I learn to love him more as his new self and as well as myself, like giving myself grace that I’m also evolving and shifting by being in this relationship.
1:00:47: And so I get to love him as that person.
1:00:49: 100%, 100%.
1:00:51: Yeah, it makes it so.
1:00:52: Exciting and Eric holding the Wii for you now is creating an opportunity for you to step into that.
1:00:57: Like you have the safety and comfort of him holding it for you both so that you can work your way in there.
1:01:02: 100%.
1:01:03: I just like it’s so helpful.
1:01:05: I’m like, babe, wow, thank you.
1:01:08: Like he’s literally re-patterning generational trauma in my system, you know, that helped me like really get with that, and he’s so patient.
1:01:18: Let’s are the best.
1:01:19: Oh my God, it’s amazing what love can do when you have a good man, man, I, yeah, they’re the best is incredible.
1:01:25: Yeah, I think about that.
1:01:26: It’s like, damn, you are so calm.
1:01:28: Why are you so calm?
1:01:29: You always look at the best in me.
1:01:31: Yeah, so it’s so great, so sweet to have that.
1:01:33: Yeah, it’s definitely a gift.
1:01:35: Thank you.
1:01:36: Thank you so much for coming on.
1:01:38: Such a great conversation.
1:01:39: Yeah, you are the definition of fully expressed, and yeah, like I said, we’ve both been following you for the longest time, so it’s so cool to like get to know you, know you.
1:01:46: Yeah, and I can’t wait to get to know you, know you more.
1:01:49: I know.
1:01:50: I feel like we’ve become friends.
1:01:51: See you Tuesdays at 11.
1:01:52: 11.
1:01:54: I think we’re doing like Thanksgiving together.
1:01:57: This is amazing.
1:01:58: I mean, I know we’ll be there.
1:01:59: Yeah, we will be there.
1:02:01: Amazing.
1:02:01: I can’t wait.
1:02:03: Thank you.
1:02:03: All right, some stuffing.
1:02:05: Thanks, guys.
1:02:08: We hope you loved today’s episode and that it sparked something in you on your journey to becoming more fully expressed.
1:02:13: Don’t forget to check the show notes for all the details and resources from today’s conversation.
1:02:18: If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review.
1:02:20: We’d love to hear your honest thoughts and takeaways as it really helps us to create content that better serves you.
1:02:25: This week, we invite you to show up even more as you, more honest, more real, more expressive in your life and business, and we’ll see you on the next one.