In this week’s episode, Samantha and Karenna sit down for a powerful, unfiltered conversation about what authenticity truly means. The word gets thrown around constantly (especially in the personal development and online business world) but rarely do we slow down to understand the depth of what it actually requires.
Authenticity isn’t about being nice.
It isn’t about being agreeable.
And it definitely isn’t about being liked by everyone.
When you step into your full expression, you become polarizing by nature. People who are deeply aligned will feel drawn to you and people who are not will feel repelled. That’s the energetic signature of authenticity: it sorts, clarifies, attracts, and repels all at once. And it’s often the very thing that makes you magnetic.
Samantha and Karenna break down why being authentic is inherently vulnerable, why it requires letting go of control, and how it becomes a direct connection point to Source/God, and your highest expression. When you allow yourself to be fully seen, you tap into the infinite but you also face the discomfort of being misunderstood. This episode explores both sides of that truth.
0:02: Welcome to the Fully Expressed podcast.
0:04: We’re your hosts, Karenna and Samantha.
0:06: This show is your permission slip to stop holding back.
0:10: Here we talk about what it really means to live unapologetically you in your relationships, your business, and your everyday life.
0:17: We believe the most magnetic version of you is rooted in self-expression, honesty, vulnerability, and showing up fully as you are.
0:24: When you own that, you naturally attract the people, the opportunities, and the life that is meant for you.
0:30: Hey guys, on today’s episode, we talk all things authenticity.
0:34: We know that authenticity is a word that is being used so much, and so we wanted to break down what does it really mean to be authentic and what does it actually take to show up authentically.
0:45: And to us, how do we know that someone’s living authentically?
0:48: And We also talk about what it looks like to face shame and insecurity head on.
0:56: This is an episode where you’re going to feel more inspired to show up more authentically because when you show up authentically, you become more magnetic to the life, the opportunities and relationships that you so deeply crave to have.
1:07: So enjoy this episode.
1:10: Welcome back to another episode on the Fully Express podcast.
1:13: To be honest, I am exhausted.
1:17: But we are in the midst of preparing for our winter because we want to make sure that we’re batching so many episodes.
1:23: And so if you’re watching this or listening to this, I am cozy and going to be a little bit more melancholy than normal.
1:32: we so badly wanted to define what authenticity really means.
1:35: Like authenticity is such an important part to being fully expressed, and it’s also one of those words that are like low key so overused.
1:43: Like, even when we were doing like our Our branding and being like, what do we stand for?
1:49: It’s authenticity.
1:50: And I’m like, God, is there any other word that I could use outside of being authentic?
1:55: But I think it’s like not overused in a negative way.
1:58: I think it’s being overused because it’s such an important piece of living, authentically, and people are craving more authenticity.
2:07: It is energetically the highest expression above love, is authenticity.
2:11: Oh wow, I love that.
2:13: I just found that out.
2:14: Great, great.
2:16: So yeah, it is super important, but I think it’s almost like the word love too.
2:20: It’s like been overused like you love ice cream or you love this plant, but do you love the plant as much as you love your husband or your partner or your kids or everyone says show up like love and you’re like everyone says that.
2:32: Yeah, you know, what does that mean?
2:34: What does that mean?
2:34: So what does it mean to be authentic?
2:36: And I think we’re breaking this down because we know to be true that when you are living in your most authentic self, you’re going to become magnetic.
2:43: You are going to become this magnet to opportunities, relationships.
2:49: a life that you so deeply feels fulfilling and content.
2:53: Like it’s like you’re being met in every way that your body is desiring to receive.
2:58: And so what does it mean?
3:00: Like I love this very simple, short definition, but being authentic is aligning and practicing.
3:07: Your inner world with your outer world.
3:09: And so your inner world is going to be your values, your desires, your feelings, and your emotions, and you’re aligning and embodying that and practicing that outwardly with your external world, which is the expression of those feelings, those values, those desires, and those emotions that you have.
3:28: So the way that you feel internally is the way that you see externally.
3:33: AKA why we call this fully expressed, because being fully expressed is living so authentically that you are being honest and raw with whatever your internal experience feels like, Whether that is heavy and hard or honest and true and creative.
3:48: So we’re expressing the inner world with the outer world.
3:51: This is where we’re speaking our truth authentically because our truth within us is there.
3:56: Yeah, I think so.
3:58: Often and in this society, we train people to be nice and to show up with a certain presence and that is acceptable.
4:09: And I think to a certain extent, I understand why that is.
4:12: We have niceties and we have pleasantries and all the things, but really, Showing up authentically means like when you’re having a bad day or you’re in a mood or you’re frustrated, you’re not afraid to be like, you don’t have to be mean, but you’re just like, yeah, you know, like the day could be better.
4:28: I’m feeling frustrated, I’m feeling upset, instead of just being like, I’m great.
4:33: How are you?
4:35: And this like comes down to like really speaking your truth and like knowing what your truth is.
4:39: And I think we struggle sometimes to even identify where our truth is.
4:43: Like, I think one of us, many reasons for that is like, one, we don’t even know how we’re really feeling.
4:49: There’s so many of us like in the moment of being dysregulated, or we’re feeling chaotic, we don’t even have words to put to like, how am I really feeling, because we’re still feeling all the feelings, but we can’t even describe what we’re feeling.
5:01: and so I think one thing that helps a lot of people in that.
5:03: Process is the like emotional wheel that we like that is so often you can buy this, you can get this on Google, print it out and it’s like, hey, like help me define what emotions are because I think we don’t even have like the good enough language to describe the feelings that we’re feeling.
5:18: And so that is a great way to understand.
5:20: But the key thing in speaking your truth, being able to identify your feelings and sharing those feelings externally, that is authentic.
5:26: Yeah.
5:27: I think that another thing we’re running up against in today’s world is we’re being.
5:32: And by our phones and by the content we’re watching and what we’re seeing and then we lose that association or that connection to like our inner truth because we’re being dictated like by we’re and sometimes it’s so subtle, sometimes it’s very obvious, but sometimes it’s subtle and it’s, I think taking like quiet moments for many reasons, but also to like tap back into your truth.
5:51: Like, I really think reflecting and asking yourself like, does this resonate with me?
5:55: Do I actually agree with this?
5:57: Do I feel this way?
5:58: Like getting curious inside of yourself.
6:01: And the other thing too is like when you’re depicting your truth, in addition to getting curious, is like realizing that you can hold more than one truth.
6:08: Because people get really caught up in like identifying with the truth, and we’re identifying with the parts of you.
6:14: This is why I love Parts work so much, because Parts Works gives you the opportunity to like, express every part of your existence.
6:20: Like, I think something when you realize you’re being authentic, or when you realize that you’re living authentically, you realize that like, oh shit, like, I am also having two truths in this moment.
6:30: Like I feel multi-dimensional.
6:32: Like I’m angry and sad and happy at the same time, like what?
6:37: Like that happens.
6:38: Yeah, I think about when like someone loses a parent or a grandparent at the At the same time they’re giving birth to a child.
6:45: It’s like that is such an extreme example of what it feels like to hold two truths.
6:49: Like the joy and elation that comes from bringing life into this world and the heartbreaking and like gut-wrenching sadness that comes from losing someone in this world.
6:59: Totally, and I think living authentically in that example would be like just being with your your process in that present moment.
7:07: So literally we can have multiple truths from minute to minute, second to second, and we don’t realize that.
7:15: so like if I was in that situation where I’m like, oh my goodness, I have this beautiful baby in front of me.
7:19: I love this baby so much, and then within the next second, I am grieving that my parent passed away.
7:24: That is you giving your inner world the opportunity to express itself.
7:27: Like, when I got to be with, like, from a somatic perspective, like in an hour session, I would go through all feelings, and I’m like, holy cow, like, am I really holding this many emotions?
7:40: Associated with this thing in an hour.
7:42: Like, can I be happy?
7:43: Can I be frustrated?
7:44: Can I be sad?
7:45: Can I be angry, all at the same time.
7:47: It’s like this concoction of inner chaos.
7:50: So you’re like, wait, what?
7:51: And learning how to be with that is living authentically.
7:56: And even taking that into a relationship, right?
7:59: Or like into business, like What does it look like for you to feel safe to authentically express yourself?
8:05: Like, when I think about someone showing up authentically, it feels like they don’t even think.
8:11: There’s no filter.
8:12: They’re not managing their perception, they’re not making it perfect, they’re not packaging it up in a little box.
8:18: They’re just doing.
8:19: One of the most authentic people are the people that are fucking hilarious and they’re saying the thing that just like comes out of their mouth or like in being in a relationship with you.
8:28: Sometimes it’s so fun and you’re like just being Samantha and I think those are your most authentic moments because you’re not holding back.
8:34: You’re just expressing whatever’s internally coming through.
8:39: It’s so true.
8:40: Yeah, and I think that when you look at people that you feel, and sometimes you might feel repelled by them, but a lot of times you feel magnetically drawn to them, and I think it is because they are living without a filter on, and I think so many of us feel care so.
8:56: So much of the perception of others that it’s so hard to let that go.
9:00: And I think I always love that kind of saying is like if you’re trying to be liked by everyone, you’re absolutely not being authentic.
9:07: Like there’s no way because you’re gonna come up against people who you rub the wrong way.
9:13: And people who are very drawn to you.
9:15: It’s like very polarizing with perfectionism.
9:19: I heard, you know, I’ve heard this so many times that if you want to be perfect, then you don’t love who you are.
9:24: You don’t even know who you are.
9:26: Because you are showing up in an image or a perception that you think is perfect, that is not who you are.
9:32: And you can feel that, like, to an extent, like when you see perfection, it’s like wow, they’re so admirable, they’re so perfect, they bring everything together.
9:40: But there’s this coldness to them.
9:41: There’s like I want more of you.
9:44: Where’s the you beyond the external image?
9:48: Like who are you beyond that?
9:49: Because people are craving to feel you.
9:51: People are craving to know you.
9:54: They want to know what your messiness is.
9:57: This is what I love about authenticity.
9:59: It doesn’t have to be categorized as messy, but you find your authentic self in the messiness.
10:04: And in the messiness is where you find you, and you find like Oh, like people really want to be a part of the messiness.
10:12: What?
10:13: Because you’re being authentic and they can feel your authenticity.
10:16: And it humanizes you.
10:18: Totally.
10:18: You’re not putting yourself out there as like this image, this facade of a part of you, but not all of you.
10:27: I actually feel so much more drawn to people that are just so real.
10:31: I feel so much drawn to the person that isn’t the loudest in the room or it’s just like the most magnetic people never are the loudest.
10:38: They’re always the ones that are just like quietly confident, but then when they speak, like you listen and you’re just like, oh yeah, yeah.
10:47: And like they’re not trying hard, you know, that’s the other thing like I think like they’re just like, yeah, this is what it is.
10:52: This is, this is authentic to me.
10:54: , and so like that’s the practice of being authentic.
10:58: I think the part that a lot of people struggle with when it comes to authenticity is being seen in their authenticity.
11:04: And so, let’s talk a little bit about that.
11:06: Like when you start to become more visible, you’re saying like, hey, the parts inside me that I’ve been hiding this entire time, I would love for you to get to know them.
11:14: Yeah, here, See them and I think where people get so scared like they haven’t even seen those parts of themselves, so they don’t even have a relationship with those parts and so they’re so scared to see them.
11:26: But being seen is like when you give yourself the opportunity because these parts within you, like they’re craving to be seen, loved and heard.
11:34: They’re not over here saying like hi to me.
11:38: They’re not over here saying that like if anything.
11:40: They’re knocking at your door, screaming at you, and that’s what’s showing up in depression, in mental health issues or other things because you’re not giving them the space to speak.
11:49: And if they had the place to speak, if they had the opportunity to be seen and they felt welcomed, They’d be the happiest.
11:55: Yeah, I think it’s easy to to almost like filter yourself and think.
12:01: I think we get in our heads when we’re starting to express ourselves fully because we have an idea of how we think we should sound or how we think we should be received.
12:11: And so then we kind of like not like we’re like, no, don’t be too loud or don’t, don’t like say that.
12:16: That’s crazy, you know.
12:17: And then as you just sometimes like for me, it just blurts out and then I’m like, oh well, I said that.
12:22: I’m like, I could have maybe not said that but I said it.
12:25: , and I think that the more you just get, you’re just like, oh well, like it is what it is, the easier it is to accept those parts that you’re speaking to that like we try to curate and like make them a certain way or be perceived a certain way.
12:40: Yeah, you have to go through a recalibration period.
12:44: Especially when these parts have never seen daylight.
12:46: They’re like, what the fuck?
12:46: What do you mean?
12:47: I’m I’m being it’s too bright, you know, they’re like freaking out.
12:51: But like there is a recalibration period that you go through.
12:55: When you’re starting to express these like parts of you, like I even think about like, not just like the messy parts of me, like I think about like the inner child parts of me, the parts of me that feel like a little girl, especially in like Nick or when I’m being playful and like like those parts of me have been at first where it’s like so buried for so long that when they first started to come out and be like, oh my God, I feel like a child.
13:17: Like I feel like nine year old Corena right now.
13:21: And that was edgy for me.
13:23: But it feels so good when I let myself be in those playful moments to express.
13:29: Which is so beautiful because like I think we have this vision as to what an adult is and it’s not like usually the definition people have as an adult is not like joyful.
13:41: It’s not really like bringing out your inner child.
13:45: Yeah.
13:46: You’re together, you’re mature, you’re responsible, you’re serious.
13:50: And it’s like, why?
13:52: It’s so boring.
13:54: But I feel like we’re all, we’ve all been kind of raised that way like hm yes, this is how we’re going to be.
13:58: We’re an adult now.
13:59: I’m responsible.
14:01: That’s probably why all the millennials are like like that’s immature.
14:05: Yeah, immature what?
14:06: I’m I’m mature because I allow my inner child to play.
14:09: Truly, You know, I feel like that, I mean truly that makes so much more sense because all these people are like Ryan said once, he’s like, all of us are just Children in a 30 year old, 40-year-old body.
14:21: Your react your reactions are an example of your childhood part.
14:24: It makes me think so in our community, we have an evening, we meet 3, soon to be 4 times a month, and we had an evening where we talked about like questions, anyone, any business questions that people had to bring to the community.
14:40: And one of the women brought up that she is trying to facilitate more connection amongst her.
14:45: , teammates like in her business, in her, in her job, and one of the suggestions that was given from one of our community members was to actually like play connection games, and she said she found that the ones who were the most resistant, who were like, I’m too mature and serious for this, are the ones that ended up having the most fun because they need it the most, yeah, and I think that those are the most, that’s when we see the authentic.
15:13: The authenticity or the authenticness of people in those moments when they’re put in vulnerable situations and then they’re like, Oh, I do have a little kid in there that wants to have fun and play.
15:24: I loved that story.
15:25: That is such a great story.
15:26: I’m glad you pulled that in because it’s so true.
15:28: Like we don’t realize how much we need to play.
15:31: But there’s many different parts to us, you guys.
15:34: There’s the sad part, the playful part, the child part, there’s the motherly part.
15:39: There’s just all these parts of us that are constantly playing and I think like the most authentic people are the people that come in the room and be like, this is how I’m really fucking feeling, or this is how I really feel, or I want to play today, like whatever is coming through internally and you expressing that with the world, people get to feel you so much.
16:00: This is why it’s so magnetic, because you’re basically saying like, I’m aligned internally and I’m aligned with my expression.
16:07: World send me opportunities and synchronicities and the people that love me with my inner world, which is really scary for people.
16:16: Yeah, I mean, I think when you get the opposite reaction where people attack you or they come after you or they’re like, like barking at you like a vicious dog, you, I think that’s That’s where you really start to see, OK, am I truly embodied in my authenticity, because to sit in that and we’ve experienced it is like very challenging to not want to defend yourself or be like, you’re not seeing me accurately, because also I think a huge part of authenticity is not really caring how anyone sees you.
16:43: Like it’s not your job to have them perceive you a certain way.
16:46: It’s only your job to be in your truth.
16:49: Yeah, and it takes a whole, it takes a whole another level of confidence, yeah.
16:53: And to really build a backbone of like, what’s not meant for me is not meant for me.
16:57: And you’ve really got to let go.
16:59: If people misunderstood you, it is not on you, it’s on them.
17:03: It’s whatever is activating within them to realize that.
17:07: But we have to practice like You know, this is why I think there’s this like revolution around like, live your truth, be your truth, and my truth is the only thing that matters.
17:16: I think there’s some room to that because extremes are extremes.
17:21: But, if you can really get to this place of like, this is who I am, this is how I express myself, and you trigger someone else and you’re able to have a conversation around their activation, lean in.
17:33: But there isn’t anything you did wrong.
17:35: And the thing that we’ve always gone back to is like, what’s good for me is also good for them.
17:40: What’s good for me is also good for you.
17:42: So if I’m over here being me and you’re over there getting triggered by me, great.
17:46: I just gave you this beautiful invitation to work through whatever’s coming within you for my authenticity, you know, like I think when we can live in that and like also hold that the other person having their own unique experience, that’s fine.
18:00: Yeah, I think about the other episode we recorded around being able to hold other people’s belief systems even if they, you don’t agree with them.
18:09: And that’s the thing I think it’s like, if you’re solid in your truth, whatever that may be, then you can also accept someone else’s truth, even if it doesn’t align with yours.
18:18: And that’s also authentic because you’re like, that’s OK, like I don’t agree with your truth, but I hear your truth and I know you’re coming from your viewpoint and your perspective, and I’m coming from my viewpoint and my perspective and we can both sit in authenticity.
18:31: Love that.
18:33: My thought, my question I wanted to ask you is, is there someone in your life that you feel like is very authentic?
18:38: How would you describe them?
18:39: , besides ourselves, I’m trying to think, who would I say.
18:47: Actually Carly is someone I would say yeah, our friend Carly is so magnetic and honestly probably the funniest person I know.
18:58: Like I’ve never laughed so hardest when I laughed around her or when I laugh around her, And she’s just so expressive and she doesn’t give a fuck what people think, at least not in when she’s expressing herself.
19:10: I’m sure, you know, like, like anyone else, we all have our own insecurities, but I admire her so much because she’s just like so, like just ostentatious and outgoing and such a beautiful soul.
19:22: Yeah, and I think what’s funny about Car is like she also goes through hard moments where she doesn’t want to show anyone.
19:28: But I always tell her, I was like, you know, when you are being yourself, I love every part of you.
19:34: Like I love when you’re going through hard times.
19:36: I love when you are The funniest person in the room.
19:39: I think what makes an authentic person to me is like I know what I’m gonna get is true.
19:43: And I do think she shows that too, like at least.
19:46: That’s why I always, I think she’s also authentic in that.
19:48: Like she’s authentic in the full expression of like, I’m so happy to like shit’s hard to like I’m the funniest person ever.
19:55: Like she’s just All of it, and I think that’s what makes her authentic to me.
19:59: No, I agree 100%.
20:01: those are some of my favorite people.
20:03: Like this other friend I think about, she also feels very authentic and she tells it how it is and I just like admire people that just tell it how it is and like this is what I’m feeling and this is what’s up.
20:14: And there is this like what makes me love these types of people so much is like I can trust what I’m going to get.
20:22: I hate, I think because I maybe because I did this to other people where I kept feelings from them.
20:30: When people don’t tell me the truth about how they’re feeling, I’m like, I don’t trust you.
20:34: There’s a part of me that’s like, Like my ears go up and I’m like, wait, you’re not being real and authentic.
20:39: Like, trust that I can trust I can trust, trust me that I can handle your authenticity.
20:45: Because the more that I practice that within myself to be true with others, the more I want that from others.
20:50: Yeah, I also was gonna say like I don’t think you have to know all the parts of yourself fully.
20:55: Like I think What, when I think about the people in my life who I’m like wow, they’re so authentic, they’re really real and they’re aware of the parts of themselves and speak into like for Carly, for example, or I, I could say a few people like where they speak into the parts of themselves they’re like, well I know I do this like I know I’m doing it, but that, but they’re real and saying it, but they’re not necessarily changing that.
21:16: So like I don’t know that necessarily they’re like these like perfect like not perfect is not the right word, but like that they look a certain way or but it’s like when They’re just fully, I know they will always give me the truth.
21:29: That’s what I was just saying, yeah, they’ll always be true.
21:31: Yeah, that to me is authentic.
21:34: Yeah, and they know they’re not necessarily embodying all the parts of themselves all the time.
21:39: Like I guess they don’t have it all together is what I was trying to say, but they still show up and they’re like, oh yeah, that part of me is showing up right now.
21:45: It’s not good.
21:48: I also think about like, you know, to some extent, I’m like, people can be like, well, I’m authentic because, you know, the people that are very loud and scream and react and like, well, this is my truth and like blow up in front of people.
22:02: Like I don’t even know how I don’t even have that energy in my body.
22:05: It’s so hard for me to like interact in it.
22:07: But like, I don’t think that’s authentic either.
22:10: There’s someone in my life for sure that is explosive like that to me isn’t authentic.
22:15: I have someone in my life a little bit like that.
22:16: On the outskirts of my life I’d say like I don’t interact with them all the time, but I do, I have started to witness and notice that there is a part of them that’s craving so much to be seen that they like talk over people, interrupt people.
22:29: Get louder.
22:30: Like it’s hard to actually have a conversation when there’s multiple people involved.
22:34: And I’ve just started observing that and I’m like, hmm, interesting.
22:37: OK, like, it’s OK.
22:39: We see you.
22:39: Like you’re seen, you’re heard, your opinion matters.
22:42: I know some of their struggles, so it makes sense.
22:44: Like I get why that person’s showing up that way, but it is interesting to observe.
22:48: Yeah, and that’s it, I mean, Pam talked about that.
22:51: I think that’s the wound of Something.
22:54: Oh yeah, the wound of silence.
22:56: Yeah, the wound of silence because you have not expressed yourself and so you tend to be a lot louder.
23:02: but that can come off as authentic.
23:03: I think you can be louder and true.
23:07: Without using, I think there’s like an energy behind authenticity of like there’s like this non-attachment to it.
23:12: Like I think of Whitney is a good example of someone who’s authentic but loud.
23:16: Exactly.
23:17: Like she’s not attached to how you receive it, she’s not hoping that you hear me, right?
23:21: Like I think this like wound of silence that we talked about with Pam a while back was just like so much more about like there’s clearly a wound there, so you’re like being extra loud to be heard.
23:32: That to me is coming from wounding, that doesn’t feel like authentic like I think authentic is like honestly just, there’s like an unattachment to it.
23:39: It’s like detached from the experience like whether I like there’s no part of me that’s like, if I speak louder, you’re finally gonna hear me.
23:47: Versus like I am just loud.
23:48: I mean I used to be because there’s because you get, you’ve said that you’ve been loud.
23:52: Oh, in the past, I definitely was like very loud.
23:55: Like when I first met Austin, you have to say.
23:58: Even some of my friends actually, bless their hearts for calling me out too would be like, I’m right here.
24:02: Like I’m right here.
24:04: I can hear you.
24:05: But I couldn’t hear myself being loud.
24:07: That’s what was crazy.
24:08: But I think it, it was absolutely coming from a place that I never felt heard.
24:12: So I had to talk louder to be heard.
24:15: And I had to talk more and I had to get really animated.
24:19: I still get animated, but not like, yeah, I, it took a long time to like actually hear, oh, I am, I’m raising my voice right now.
24:27: Yeah, I don’t even know where to start with that.
24:29: For some people, I have people in my life, I’m like, do you just realize the level of volume that you just went to?
24:35: And I’m like, the other day, I’ll tell you about this later, but the other day, yeah, I’m like, I’m like covering my ears for how loud you are, If that was probably me, I’m not gonna lie.
24:47: It was very loud.
24:48: No it wasn’t.
24:49: No, I’m saying that that was me before, not since you’ve known me.
24:53: Yeah, but I’m also sensitive to loudness because people screamed around my house all the time.
24:56: I mean, same, I grew up, we were called the yellingws.
25:00: Yeah, no, I was very sensitive in that.
25:02: But anyway, like authenticity is just being true.
25:05: I do think that there are spaces though like one thing that I went down in the healing.
25:10: pathway, especially with somatics is like, when I’m in a container to express anger and scream, that also feels authentic to me because that’s really true.
25:19: But there’s like this like, there’s like this higher level observing of like, this is my process, this is what I need in this moment, because this is what I’m feeling.
25:27: I’m creating this space to express this responsible responsibly, responsibly.
25:34: , instead of just taking it out on someone else.
25:37: Like, that has been really helpful when I realized, OK, I really do need to scream or I like I use pillows to like help with like anger.
25:45: Like, those are ways of me expressing authenticity.
25:49: , in spaces like that, and you know, when I will still be authentic, even in my relationship with Nick where I give him a little sass, you know, I’m like I’m not trying to poke the bear over here, but like that also feels authentic where there’s like this playful part of me that like also wants like Call you out on your shit.
26:07: I call it humbling them just a little bit.
26:10: That’s what I told Austin this morning.
26:12: It’s I’m just humbling you a little.
26:13: Yeah, exactly.
26:15: And I think what’s really nice about that part of me, it’s like there is no like I want to hurt you with my words.
26:21: That’s different.
26:22: There’s people out there that are literally picking and In relationships specifically, they’re like, I’m just going to poke at you in the way that I know to poke you because I really want you to hurt.
26:30: I know it’s gonna hurt you.
26:32: I remember especially with my sister growing up, we would do that to each other so much.
26:37: We would pull the string that we knew we could pull the hardest just to hurt them, and then they would pull a string back and then I would pull another string and then you feel awful that you said those things.
26:48: That’s different.
26:49: Yeah, I was gonna say I think with authenticity comes emotional responsibility.
26:55: And emotional maturity.
26:57: And I think that you can’t be authentic without being emotionally mature.
27:02: Tilts, I feel like that’s the exclusion.
27:06: but boom, that’s it.
27:09: and I think like I think the journey that we are on and like I think that why we have the podcast and why we have the community is like.
27:16: There’s always more layers to our authenticity.
27:18: I think this is what life is about, right?
27:20: Like the, the deeper layers of reflection, going through healing, releasing another layer, becoming more of us, because there’s even more authenticity to come through.
27:30: And I think that’s what the beautiful thing about life is like we’re constantly finding this.
27:34: Our souls are becoming more authentic.
27:36: It’s like, our souls came here, now I’m like having this whole revolution.
27:39: Our souls came here and they’re like, I cannot wait to reach this level of authenticity.
27:44: And they’re trying to become that pure authentic self, but they’re just navigating all the challenges and tribulations along the way.
27:52: Yeah, yeah, and as you uncover like the deeper parts of yourself, you’re like, wow, I’m actually awesome.
27:57: And you start to love yourself, yeah, yeah, literally like there’s so many layers you realize like you are like you just spoke to this earlier, like you’re a multifaceted being, you know, like we’re, there’s so many layers to us and One of the cool discoveries I think I’ve had recently or have been pondering a lot is like anything can be shifted.
28:17: I don’t think we’re stuck in anything.
28:19: I don’t think we’re stuck in, I mean, you, I think you can have a lot of challenges, but I think you can overcome any of them in, in relationships, and friendships, in yourself.
28:28: I think if there’s something you don’t like about yourself, you can change it.
28:30: I don’t think anything is permanent.
28:32: I agree with that.
28:34: I think it’s easy to feel that way when you have like deep beliefs, you know, and you’re like.
28:39: I think about certain beliefs I had that felt so ingrained in me that I didn’t even realize they were a belief.
28:44: And then one day you have like this aha moment and you’re like, oh, that’s just a belief.
28:47: Like I can change that.
28:49: And I think that in itself, you’re just like, oh, I am an ever evolving being, and there are no boundaries or limits to what I can create or what I can become.
28:59: Yeah, I’ve definitely had things in my life where I’ve like Be like this is the way it’s always going to be and like now I look back I’m like they ain’t like that no more.
29:08: Like I don’t think like that at all.
29:10: Like I go back to that version of me and I’m like, What?
29:13: Like I like try and put myself back into that version of me and think about how I was thinking at that time and I’m like, I don’t think like that ever anymore.
29:22: so it’s 100% capable and I think we’re just finding more layers to to find that authentic self underneath it.
29:29: Yeah, the other thing I was gonna say is like forgiving yourself.
29:31: I think that also holds a lot of people back from being authentic as they did things in their life they feel deeply ashamed about and that they regret.
29:38: I mean, myself included, like there’s things I’ve done that I’m not proud of.
29:42: And I think that it’s so easy to hold on to that version of yourself and feel like, well, I’m not even worthy of fully expressing, or I, or, or you live in the shame of that.
29:50: And I think forgiving yourself is such a huge part of allowing yourself to be authentic and to realize like we’ve all done things that we probably wish maybe didn’t happen or we didn’t say or do.
30:01: But that doesn’t make you unworthy of being who you are right now.
30:05: I think that’s a really beautiful one because I think people carry a lot more shame and guilt than we think.
30:11: Through all the stuff I’ve been learning with Kabbalah, and he’s like, that is that is in some ways the sin.
30:17: I think it’s what holds people back.
30:19: It’s it’s not the actual act of it.
30:22: It’s it’s the shaming and the spiraling and the guilt that you’re living in.
30:27: Like that’s what God doesn’t want us to do.
30:30: He’s like, the creator, you know, in any way, we want to be forgiven.
30:33: Like ultimately it wasn’t the act that you did it.
30:36: Like that happened.
30:37: OK, that’s fine.
30:39: Move on.
30:39: But we live in this shame and this guilt and we’re constantly beating ourselves down, which is keeping us from our authenticity.
30:46: And I think and I love that you brought that up.
30:48: Yeah, like I think speaking it into existence, like I can share when I was 21 I got a DUI and I held so much shame around that, especially as someone like Krina could speak to this.
30:56: Like I don’t even hardly drink like for 5 years.
30:58: I mean for most of my life I never really drank, and then that happened to me and I feel like I carried so much shame in my early twenties for that, and I let it define me.
31:05: And I, I was like, you’re wrong, you’re bad, you’re this, and it was really crazy because going to driving school or like the alcohol school, like, first of all, I was like, wow, some people have a real problem.
31:16: Like this is crazy.
31:17: Most of the people there are like, what the hell are you doing here?
31:19: I’m like, I don’t know, I fucked up.
31:21: but I think going through that did actually like teach me so much because I, I own that now and I was like, yeah, I, I did fuck up and I’m so grateful that I never hurt anybody in that experience and I learned my lesson.
31:34: I never, ever, ever drank and drove again after that.
31:36: And I feel like the second I actually forgave myself for it, I can talk about how is it keeping you from your authenticity?
31:45: I think I held a lot of shame and I ruminated a lot about it, and then that expressed itself in an eating disorder.
31:51: It expressed itself in relationships.
31:53: I didn’t feel OK, I’m like, which one is it?
31:56: I, I expressed myself.
31:58: It expressed it in an eating disorder.
31:59: It expressed in my relationships.
32:00: Like it expressed itself in all these areas of my life where I started to go more insular.
32:04: Like I was, I felt so much shame and it just, yeah, I bled into every area of my life until I forgave myself.
32:11: And once telling people really actually healed it for me.
32:17: Because I realized like, first of all, a lot of people, I mean, I’ll never forget actually the day I called my mom, bless her heart.
32:22: I was in a very toxic relationship.
32:24: I’ve spoken about another podcast, but I called my mom.
32:27: I was like, Mom, something really bad happened, or I said something like, I don’t wanna tell you what happened.
32:31: She’s like, You’re not pregnant, are you?
32:33: And I was like, No, I gotta do it.
32:34: She’s like, Oh, OK, no problem.
32:36: We’ve all driven drunk.
32:37: Like, bless my mom’s heart.
32:38: She just didn’t want me to have a child with this man, but, I think her reaction helped, but really it was like me talking about it and just being like, oh, this is something like we’ve all made mistakes, and then I could forgive other things I did and other things I felt shame around.
32:53: And I think the more now I can talk about it openly, I’m like, yeah, I mean, it doesn’t even feel like me.
32:56: It feels like a whole another lifetime ago, and I, I’m such a different human today, but I think it is so common and so easy to carry that shame with you through your whole life.
33:05: I mean, I think that’s why we have alcoholism.
33:07: I think that’s why we have like drug addiction because we are just carrying stories.
33:11: Of shame over and over and over and instead of just being like, yeah, that was a past iteration of me and like poor thing was in a horrible toxic relationship and instead of just like getting out and loving herself, she was like, I’m just gonna drink and drive.
33:23: That sounds like a great idea, you know.
33:25: So I, I think like the more we forgive and realize that like this is all just part of my story and it’s made me who I am today and it taught me a real, real big lesson in many ways that it’s like I’m grateful for it now.
33:39: I’m grateful it happened.
33:41: I think a part of that is also just accepting that it happened.
33:45: 100%.
33:46: I think in hearing you speak about it, like, yes, you’ve got to forgive yourself, but there’s something that happens, and this is with all emotions, everything that you guys are ever dealing with, when you accept it for yourself.
33:56: And you are able to express it to someone else, and like, just put it out there, and not know like there’s like a level of like, yeah, this happened, this is how I feel, like this is my truth.
34:07: Like there’s like this acceptance of the act or the being or the feeling.
34:12: And then when you accept it for yourself and you allow other people to hear that, or express that, or mirror it back to you like, it’s not a big deal.
34:20: , it’s really healing.
34:22: And, yeah, it’s a casual conversation now because I’ve healed it.
34:26: Like before it was like I, something bad happened.
34:30: Like I got a DUI I got, you know, cause there was so much shame around it.
34:33: Now it’s like, yeah, I mean I could talk about a lot of heavy subjects that have happened to me, but I feel like they’re not charged anymore because I’ve I’ve accepted them.
34:42: I’ve emotionally worked through them.
34:44: Like I didn’t just pretend it never happened.
34:45: I just accepted what it is.
34:47: I think where I was like going with that I was like there’s So there’s this exercise that I’ve done at retreats and I’ve participated in and have done for other people where they call it the black ball.
34:58: Have I told you about this?
35:00: You want me to talk about it?
35:01: OK, so like it’s an exercise.
35:04: Well, I also like don’t want to tell people because I was like when we do this one day for our Retreats, it’s really beautiful.
35:11: but the general gist of it is that you share something that you find, like it’s kind of admitting to yourself, like admitting something that you don’t want to admit.
35:19: Like a deep thing like a deep thing that you feel insecure or shame around and you’re like basically saying like, This is my truth.
35:27: Who else has this?
35:28: And, the practices that you end up finding out that there’s multiple people in the room that are feeling the same exact thing, or have done the same exact thing.
35:38: So like in your situation, and like your example, like, it’s like, you raise your hand and you’re like, I I I got a DUI.
35:46: Then the other 5 people also raise their hand, they’re like, I have a DUI.
35:49: And what I don’t think people realize the most, and I’ve talked about this so much is like, we are all navigating the same exact feelings, emotions, maybe not the exact experiences, but we’re all feeling the same feelings.
36:01: Like the number one thing that we all have in common is the last thing that we all talk about.
36:04: Yeah.
36:05: As women, I think a lot about sexual shame because I think that’s one that every single woman experiences.
36:09: Like I could not name one woman I’ve met that hasn’t either experienced rape or like misconduct.
36:15: Or inappropriateness from a man or like felt pressured.
36:19: Yeah, felt pressured to have sex and they didn’t want to like and that’s a lot of heavy shame that we carry.
36:25: religious shame around sex, like all of it.
36:27: So I think like the more you can feel safe and find community or spaces to talk about this stuff, like the more you can be fully expressed in yourself.
36:36: Totally, and it’s scary, right?
36:37: Like that’s what we’re really trying to start from.
36:39: It’s like, it’s very scary to allow yourself to be seen.
36:42: And it’s very, very healing to give yourself the opportunity to be seen.
36:46: Like people want to see you.
36:48: Like ultimately, your people want to see you.
36:51: They want to feel you, they want to see you, they want to hold you in it.
36:54: They want to be in it with you.
36:56: And the deeper depths that you go in for yourself to do that, the more you’re going to do that for others as well.
37:02: It’s like there is no judgment.
37:04: I think too, the Layers of like when you receive backlash for being misunderstood is like in those true moments where you like find what you’re built of and like what you’re made of and like who’s not for you 100% yeah.
37:18: I don’t think we have to tolerate people’s misunderstood like if someone really outlashes you’d be like, OK, that that was disrespectful like.
37:25: I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship with you.
37:28: I was thinking more like social media, like the places where people feel the most vulnerable to be authentic because there’s so much controversy and like opinions and all these things, and I was just thinking about how like when we experience that, you just have to at some point be like, you’re not hearing me, that’s your reality.
37:42: It’s all good.
37:44: So, some quick practices that I feel like would be helpful for them to like build a muscle, like a visibility muscle, like becoming more visible is like, one, start becoming more visible.
37:53: Like, I know you guys, like you want it to be easy, like yes, you can do the nervous system work, you can start to be part, do parts work where you can start to like talk to the different parts of you.
38:03: one of my favorite practices that you can do whenever you’re dysregulated or if you realize that there is a part of you that is really sensitive to share with the world, write that part down on paper.
38:13: And then you say, this is how I’m feeling, this is what this part of me wants, needs, or desires, and then learn to give yourself that need or desire.
38:21: So, I say that with like, if you’re hearing us talk right now, and there is a sensitive part of you that’s coming up, go journal on it and just say, Hey, what’s coming up for me around this part?
38:33: What does this part need, want, or desire?
38:35: It’s going to say something along the lines of like, I want to be reminded that I’m whole, that I’m worthy, that I’m loved, that my mom still loves me.
38:44: Like it’s going to speak to you exactly that it needs.
38:47: Then write down, OK, how can I give this part of me that, and then do the daily practices all the time to sit with yourself and actually give that part of you what it needs and wants.
38:58: I could even ask you to like tell a friend about it and be like, I would love for you to tell Be honest with your partner about this and go do it.
39:06: Like this is how you start to build this muscle to expand your capacity to hold more visibility.
39:13: Yeah, I would say speak to your biggest shameful thing.
39:16: Even if it’s telling one person that doesn’t know.
39:20: Exactly.
39:20: Text them and be like, hey, like I want to share something with you that’s really scary for me to say.
39:24: Or like, you could even give them a heads up and say, hey, like I’m, I’m really working on this thing that’s been coming up for me a lot.
39:31: I’m holding a lot of shame and I’m really scared to tell you about it.
39:34: Can I tell you?
39:35: There’s so much power in speaking into the thing you feel shame about.
39:38: Yeah, it takes away a lot of the charge around it.
39:41: And if you don’t feel comfortable saying it to someone, say it to yourself.
39:45: Walk around, not even write it down.
39:46: I’m like literally hear yourself say it.
39:49: Because like you were saying like you’re like I don’t even know what my voice sounds like.
39:53: I mean we don’t even have, we don’t even hear ourselves talk.
39:56: And so I’m like Yeah, you were talking and not hearing.
40:03: I was talking a lot and I was not listening, but in this moment with something sensitive, like tell yourself out loud, yeah, go on a walk.
40:12: Say it, be like, yeah, I feel so scared about this.
40:16: That is scary to say out loud because then you feel like it’s a reality, but you’re also expressing it.
40:21: And this is how you’re going to start to become more comfortable with the more sensitive parts of yourself.
40:27: that’d be like my go to like practice to like start getting really comfortable expressing the things that feel really real and raw.
40:34: Yeah, I know that it’s going to be uncomfortable and it might be scary, but there’s so much healing in speaking into your shame.
40:42: The other one that you can do too that comes up to mind is like the other people, the other thing that people struggle with is in moments where like Being authentic is when you run into a friend and the friend’s like so sad, but you’re so happy and you’re having the best day of your life and you are like the best day of your life, you know, you know when you feel like you’re ovulating, you’re in a great mood, but your friend is in a really bad place.
41:05: She’s like.
41:06: She’s like in a whole another different dimension or that she’s going through a breakup and you’re like, oh no, I have to be sad too.
41:11: Like I can’t even be honest when she’s like, how are you?
41:14: Like, oh I’m good, like, nothing’s going on, versus like being honest and saying like, I’m actually doing really good today.
41:21: Like I’m feeling like this, I’m feeling like that, like you’re not ignoring that person’s feelings.
41:26: That’s another really great place it’s just to honor honoring the truth.
41:29: And the vice versa.
41:30: Like, if someone’s really happy, like you’re not gonna bring down the mood, just be like, yeah, I’m not, I’m not doing too hot right now.
41:36: I’m really sad and like, OK.
41:38: And just be with that.
41:40: That’s the other one that comes up.
41:42: Those are great two practices, like start practicing your authenticity and start expressing your inner world outwardly and practicing that fully.
41:51: And I think if you are one of those people who are louder and like more interruptive or you know, like wanting you feel yourself wanting to be seen, I’d say practice listening.
42:01: That helped a lot.
42:02: Like the more I stepped into my authenticity, the less I still speak, obviously, on a podcast, but I definitely like listen way more than I ever did in my life.
42:11: Like, I also, there was a part of me that I found because I was insecure in who I was that wanted to be right and prove a point and prove my point.
42:20: And the more that I stepped into like standing in my truth.
42:25: Which really my truth is like, is there any truth of any truth?
42:28: I don’t know.
42:28: We’re still on that journey of figuring it out.
42:31: But like, the more I stood in that, the more I was just like, oh, who am I to say that that person’s wrong or I’m right or you just don’t need to be right anymore.
42:39: You just need to be.
42:40: Literally, that is authentic.
42:43: I think that that that’s like the.
42:46: The basis of authenticity.
42:48: Like if you can get to the place of like, this is what’s true, but I don’t have to be right.
42:52: Or wrong.
42:53: Yeah, that it’s authentic.
42:56: You can always think that you’re right in your head.
42:58: You can always think they’re wrong.
42:59: You just don’t say it.
43:00: No, I’m just kidding.
43:02: Samantha.
43:04: There are moments where that happens, you know, but does it really matter?
43:09: No, but it doesn’t matter.
43:10: But then at the end I’ll still be like, I could be wrong.
43:13: I could be wrong.
43:15: So, but the point is to them, they’re right, that’s their truth.
43:20: That’s where that’s where I like get into the whole thing about truth or not truth.
43:24: It’s like we’re all literally living a different life every single day.
43:27: We’re in a different frequency.
43:28: We’re all feeling something different.
43:30: We’re all seeing something different.
43:31: We’re all going through a different experience.
43:32: Like there is literally no right way to feel or wrong way to take.
43:38: Yeah, there is.
43:38: Who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong?
43:41: There is no right or wrong.
43:42: It’s just your way.
43:44: But you need to trust that through your authenticity.
43:46: OK.
43:47: , So yeah, that’s the the capsulates on authenticity.
43:52: I mean, it is such an important piece of being fully expressed because when you can align authentically, internally and really make that the center stage of your life, you start to live fully expressed, like, in all things, like you’re just living fully expressed in your life, love and business.
44:10: Like imagine for a second.
44:12: If you could just create your life based on how you feel internally, and you trusted that.
44:18: Awesome sauce.
44:22: We’re a little delusional over here.
44:24: Listen.
44:26: We’re tired, but that’s the truth.
44:28: That’s our authentic truth.
44:29: It’s yeah, but you know what?
44:30: I, this is one of my favorite epic conversations we’ve had, I think.
44:33: Really?
44:34: Yeah, we should do them when we’re delish.
44:35: We just need to get real tired, then we’ll put the mics on and then and then we’re putting on a show.
44:41: Well, you’ll probably find my, my most authentic self when I’m tired.
44:45: Yeah, I could see that because I’m tired.
44:47: You’re just like I can’t even pretend right now.
44:49: I was like my eyes are about to start watering.
44:51: I’m pretty tired.
44:52: , but with that being said, we hope you guys enjoyed this episode.
44:57: we would love to hear more about how you want to be more authentic in your life.
45:00: And if you are running into bridging the gap between your internal world and in your external world, where you feel like you’re having a whole internal experience, and the whole world is having a different experience, which I know what that feels like.
45:13: It totally feels like you are inside, and the whole world doesn’t see you at all.
45:18: This is like such a beautiful conversation, and we’d love to be in it with you.
45:21: But again, go back to some of those tips and tricks on how to start expressing your internal world with your external world, so you can really start living fully expressed.
45:32: Till next time, see you.
45:33: Bye.
45:34: We hope you loved today’s episode and that it sparked something in you on your journey to becoming more fully expressed.
45:39: Don’t forget to check the show notes for all the details and resources from today’s conversation.
45:44: If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review.
45:47: We’d love to hear your honest thoughts and takeaways as it really helps us to create content that better serves you.
45:52: This week, we invite you to show up even more as you, more honest, more real, more expressive in your life and business, and we’ll see you on the next one.
0:04: We’re your hosts, Karenna and Samantha.
0:06: This show is your permission slip to stop holding back.
0:10: Here we talk about what it really means to live unapologetically you in your relationships, your business, and your everyday life.
0:17: We believe the most magnetic version of you is rooted in self-expression, honesty, vulnerability, and showing up fully as you are.
0:24: When you own that, you naturally attract the people, the opportunities, and the life that is meant for you.
0:30: Hey guys, on today’s episode, we talk all things authenticity.
0:34: We know that authenticity is a word that is being used so much, and so we wanted to break down what does it really mean to be authentic and what does it actually take to show up authentically.
0:45: And to us, how do we know that someone’s living authentically?
0:48: And We also talk about what it looks like to face shame and insecurity head on.
0:56: This is an episode where you’re going to feel more inspired to show up more authentically because when you show up authentically, you become more magnetic to the life, the opportunities and relationships that you so deeply crave to have.
1:07: So enjoy this episode.
1:10: Welcome back to another episode on the Fully Express podcast.
1:13: To be honest, I am exhausted.
1:17: But we are in the midst of preparing for our winter because we want to make sure that we’re batching so many episodes.
1:23: And so if you’re watching this or listening to this, I am cozy and going to be a little bit more melancholy than normal.
1:32: we so badly wanted to define what authenticity really means.
1:35: Like authenticity is such an important part to being fully expressed, and it’s also one of those words that are like low key so overused.
1:43: Like, even when we were doing like our Our branding and being like, what do we stand for?
1:49: It’s authenticity.
1:50: And I’m like, God, is there any other word that I could use outside of being authentic?
1:55: But I think it’s like not overused in a negative way.
1:58: I think it’s being overused because it’s such an important piece of living, authentically, and people are craving more authenticity.
2:07: It is energetically the highest expression above love, is authenticity.
2:11: Oh wow, I love that.
2:13: I just found that out.
2:14: Great, great.
2:16: So yeah, it is super important, but I think it’s almost like the word love too.
2:20: It’s like been overused like you love ice cream or you love this plant, but do you love the plant as much as you love your husband or your partner or your kids or everyone says show up like love and you’re like everyone says that.
2:32: Yeah, you know, what does that mean?
2:34: What does that mean?
2:34: So what does it mean to be authentic?
2:36: And I think we’re breaking this down because we know to be true that when you are living in your most authentic self, you’re going to become magnetic.
2:43: You are going to become this magnet to opportunities, relationships.
2:49: a life that you so deeply feels fulfilling and content.
2:53: Like it’s like you’re being met in every way that your body is desiring to receive.
2:58: And so what does it mean?
3:00: Like I love this very simple, short definition, but being authentic is aligning and practicing.
3:07: Your inner world with your outer world.
3:09: And so your inner world is going to be your values, your desires, your feelings, and your emotions, and you’re aligning and embodying that and practicing that outwardly with your external world, which is the expression of those feelings, those values, those desires, and those emotions that you have.
3:28: So the way that you feel internally is the way that you see externally.
3:33: AKA why we call this fully expressed, because being fully expressed is living so authentically that you are being honest and raw with whatever your internal experience feels like, Whether that is heavy and hard or honest and true and creative.
3:48: So we’re expressing the inner world with the outer world.
3:51: This is where we’re speaking our truth authentically because our truth within us is there.
3:56: Yeah, I think so.
3:58: Often and in this society, we train people to be nice and to show up with a certain presence and that is acceptable.
4:09: And I think to a certain extent, I understand why that is.
4:12: We have niceties and we have pleasantries and all the things, but really, Showing up authentically means like when you’re having a bad day or you’re in a mood or you’re frustrated, you’re not afraid to be like, you don’t have to be mean, but you’re just like, yeah, you know, like the day could be better.
4:28: I’m feeling frustrated, I’m feeling upset, instead of just being like, I’m great.
4:33: How are you?
4:35: And this like comes down to like really speaking your truth and like knowing what your truth is.
4:39: And I think we struggle sometimes to even identify where our truth is.
4:43: Like, I think one of us, many reasons for that is like, one, we don’t even know how we’re really feeling.
4:49: There’s so many of us like in the moment of being dysregulated, or we’re feeling chaotic, we don’t even have words to put to like, how am I really feeling, because we’re still feeling all the feelings, but we can’t even describe what we’re feeling.
5:01: and so I think one thing that helps a lot of people in that.
5:03: Process is the like emotional wheel that we like that is so often you can buy this, you can get this on Google, print it out and it’s like, hey, like help me define what emotions are because I think we don’t even have like the good enough language to describe the feelings that we’re feeling.
5:18: And so that is a great way to understand.
5:20: But the key thing in speaking your truth, being able to identify your feelings and sharing those feelings externally, that is authentic.
5:26: Yeah.
5:27: I think that another thing we’re running up against in today’s world is we’re being.
5:32: And by our phones and by the content we’re watching and what we’re seeing and then we lose that association or that connection to like our inner truth because we’re being dictated like by we’re and sometimes it’s so subtle, sometimes it’s very obvious, but sometimes it’s subtle and it’s, I think taking like quiet moments for many reasons, but also to like tap back into your truth.
5:51: Like, I really think reflecting and asking yourself like, does this resonate with me?
5:55: Do I actually agree with this?
5:57: Do I feel this way?
5:58: Like getting curious inside of yourself.
6:01: And the other thing too is like when you’re depicting your truth, in addition to getting curious, is like realizing that you can hold more than one truth.
6:08: Because people get really caught up in like identifying with the truth, and we’re identifying with the parts of you.
6:14: This is why I love Parts work so much, because Parts Works gives you the opportunity to like, express every part of your existence.
6:20: Like, I think something when you realize you’re being authentic, or when you realize that you’re living authentically, you realize that like, oh shit, like, I am also having two truths in this moment.
6:30: Like I feel multi-dimensional.
6:32: Like I’m angry and sad and happy at the same time, like what?
6:37: Like that happens.
6:38: Yeah, I think about when like someone loses a parent or a grandparent at the At the same time they’re giving birth to a child.
6:45: It’s like that is such an extreme example of what it feels like to hold two truths.
6:49: Like the joy and elation that comes from bringing life into this world and the heartbreaking and like gut-wrenching sadness that comes from losing someone in this world.
6:59: Totally, and I think living authentically in that example would be like just being with your your process in that present moment.
7:07: So literally we can have multiple truths from minute to minute, second to second, and we don’t realize that.
7:15: so like if I was in that situation where I’m like, oh my goodness, I have this beautiful baby in front of me.
7:19: I love this baby so much, and then within the next second, I am grieving that my parent passed away.
7:24: That is you giving your inner world the opportunity to express itself.
7:27: Like, when I got to be with, like, from a somatic perspective, like in an hour session, I would go through all feelings, and I’m like, holy cow, like, am I really holding this many emotions?
7:40: Associated with this thing in an hour.
7:42: Like, can I be happy?
7:43: Can I be frustrated?
7:44: Can I be sad?
7:45: Can I be angry, all at the same time.
7:47: It’s like this concoction of inner chaos.
7:50: So you’re like, wait, what?
7:51: And learning how to be with that is living authentically.
7:56: And even taking that into a relationship, right?
7:59: Or like into business, like What does it look like for you to feel safe to authentically express yourself?
8:05: Like, when I think about someone showing up authentically, it feels like they don’t even think.
8:11: There’s no filter.
8:12: They’re not managing their perception, they’re not making it perfect, they’re not packaging it up in a little box.
8:18: They’re just doing.
8:19: One of the most authentic people are the people that are fucking hilarious and they’re saying the thing that just like comes out of their mouth or like in being in a relationship with you.
8:28: Sometimes it’s so fun and you’re like just being Samantha and I think those are your most authentic moments because you’re not holding back.
8:34: You’re just expressing whatever’s internally coming through.
8:39: It’s so true.
8:40: Yeah, and I think that when you look at people that you feel, and sometimes you might feel repelled by them, but a lot of times you feel magnetically drawn to them, and I think it is because they are living without a filter on, and I think so many of us feel care so.
8:56: So much of the perception of others that it’s so hard to let that go.
9:00: And I think I always love that kind of saying is like if you’re trying to be liked by everyone, you’re absolutely not being authentic.
9:07: Like there’s no way because you’re gonna come up against people who you rub the wrong way.
9:13: And people who are very drawn to you.
9:15: It’s like very polarizing with perfectionism.
9:19: I heard, you know, I’ve heard this so many times that if you want to be perfect, then you don’t love who you are.
9:24: You don’t even know who you are.
9:26: Because you are showing up in an image or a perception that you think is perfect, that is not who you are.
9:32: And you can feel that, like, to an extent, like when you see perfection, it’s like wow, they’re so admirable, they’re so perfect, they bring everything together.
9:40: But there’s this coldness to them.
9:41: There’s like I want more of you.
9:44: Where’s the you beyond the external image?
9:48: Like who are you beyond that?
9:49: Because people are craving to feel you.
9:51: People are craving to know you.
9:54: They want to know what your messiness is.
9:57: This is what I love about authenticity.
9:59: It doesn’t have to be categorized as messy, but you find your authentic self in the messiness.
10:04: And in the messiness is where you find you, and you find like Oh, like people really want to be a part of the messiness.
10:12: What?
10:13: Because you’re being authentic and they can feel your authenticity.
10:16: And it humanizes you.
10:18: Totally.
10:18: You’re not putting yourself out there as like this image, this facade of a part of you, but not all of you.
10:27: I actually feel so much more drawn to people that are just so real.
10:31: I feel so much drawn to the person that isn’t the loudest in the room or it’s just like the most magnetic people never are the loudest.
10:38: They’re always the ones that are just like quietly confident, but then when they speak, like you listen and you’re just like, oh yeah, yeah.
10:47: And like they’re not trying hard, you know, that’s the other thing like I think like they’re just like, yeah, this is what it is.
10:52: This is, this is authentic to me.
10:54: , and so like that’s the practice of being authentic.
10:58: I think the part that a lot of people struggle with when it comes to authenticity is being seen in their authenticity.
11:04: And so, let’s talk a little bit about that.
11:06: Like when you start to become more visible, you’re saying like, hey, the parts inside me that I’ve been hiding this entire time, I would love for you to get to know them.
11:14: Yeah, here, See them and I think where people get so scared like they haven’t even seen those parts of themselves, so they don’t even have a relationship with those parts and so they’re so scared to see them.
11:26: But being seen is like when you give yourself the opportunity because these parts within you, like they’re craving to be seen, loved and heard.
11:34: They’re not over here saying like hi to me.
11:38: They’re not over here saying that like if anything.
11:40: They’re knocking at your door, screaming at you, and that’s what’s showing up in depression, in mental health issues or other things because you’re not giving them the space to speak.
11:49: And if they had the place to speak, if they had the opportunity to be seen and they felt welcomed, They’d be the happiest.
11:55: Yeah, I think it’s easy to to almost like filter yourself and think.
12:01: I think we get in our heads when we’re starting to express ourselves fully because we have an idea of how we think we should sound or how we think we should be received.
12:11: And so then we kind of like not like we’re like, no, don’t be too loud or don’t, don’t like say that.
12:16: That’s crazy, you know.
12:17: And then as you just sometimes like for me, it just blurts out and then I’m like, oh well, I said that.
12:22: I’m like, I could have maybe not said that but I said it.
12:25: , and I think that the more you just get, you’re just like, oh well, like it is what it is, the easier it is to accept those parts that you’re speaking to that like we try to curate and like make them a certain way or be perceived a certain way.
12:40: Yeah, you have to go through a recalibration period.
12:44: Especially when these parts have never seen daylight.
12:46: They’re like, what the fuck?
12:46: What do you mean?
12:47: I’m I’m being it’s too bright, you know, they’re like freaking out.
12:51: But like there is a recalibration period that you go through.
12:55: When you’re starting to express these like parts of you, like I even think about like, not just like the messy parts of me, like I think about like the inner child parts of me, the parts of me that feel like a little girl, especially in like Nick or when I’m being playful and like like those parts of me have been at first where it’s like so buried for so long that when they first started to come out and be like, oh my God, I feel like a child.
13:17: Like I feel like nine year old Corena right now.
13:21: And that was edgy for me.
13:23: But it feels so good when I let myself be in those playful moments to express.
13:29: Which is so beautiful because like I think we have this vision as to what an adult is and it’s not like usually the definition people have as an adult is not like joyful.
13:41: It’s not really like bringing out your inner child.
13:45: Yeah.
13:46: You’re together, you’re mature, you’re responsible, you’re serious.
13:50: And it’s like, why?
13:52: It’s so boring.
13:54: But I feel like we’re all, we’ve all been kind of raised that way like hm yes, this is how we’re going to be.
13:58: We’re an adult now.
13:59: I’m responsible.
14:01: That’s probably why all the millennials are like like that’s immature.
14:05: Yeah, immature what?
14:06: I’m I’m mature because I allow my inner child to play.
14:09: Truly, You know, I feel like that, I mean truly that makes so much more sense because all these people are like Ryan said once, he’s like, all of us are just Children in a 30 year old, 40-year-old body.
14:21: Your react your reactions are an example of your childhood part.
14:24: It makes me think so in our community, we have an evening, we meet 3, soon to be 4 times a month, and we had an evening where we talked about like questions, anyone, any business questions that people had to bring to the community.
14:40: And one of the women brought up that she is trying to facilitate more connection amongst her.
14:45: , teammates like in her business, in her, in her job, and one of the suggestions that was given from one of our community members was to actually like play connection games, and she said she found that the ones who were the most resistant, who were like, I’m too mature and serious for this, are the ones that ended up having the most fun because they need it the most, yeah, and I think that those are the most, that’s when we see the authentic.
15:13: The authenticity or the authenticness of people in those moments when they’re put in vulnerable situations and then they’re like, Oh, I do have a little kid in there that wants to have fun and play.
15:24: I loved that story.
15:25: That is such a great story.
15:26: I’m glad you pulled that in because it’s so true.
15:28: Like we don’t realize how much we need to play.
15:31: But there’s many different parts to us, you guys.
15:34: There’s the sad part, the playful part, the child part, there’s the motherly part.
15:39: There’s just all these parts of us that are constantly playing and I think like the most authentic people are the people that come in the room and be like, this is how I’m really fucking feeling, or this is how I really feel, or I want to play today, like whatever is coming through internally and you expressing that with the world, people get to feel you so much.
16:00: This is why it’s so magnetic, because you’re basically saying like, I’m aligned internally and I’m aligned with my expression.
16:07: World send me opportunities and synchronicities and the people that love me with my inner world, which is really scary for people.
16:16: Yeah, I mean, I think when you get the opposite reaction where people attack you or they come after you or they’re like, like barking at you like a vicious dog, you, I think that’s That’s where you really start to see, OK, am I truly embodied in my authenticity, because to sit in that and we’ve experienced it is like very challenging to not want to defend yourself or be like, you’re not seeing me accurately, because also I think a huge part of authenticity is not really caring how anyone sees you.
16:43: Like it’s not your job to have them perceive you a certain way.
16:46: It’s only your job to be in your truth.
16:49: Yeah, and it takes a whole, it takes a whole another level of confidence, yeah.
16:53: And to really build a backbone of like, what’s not meant for me is not meant for me.
16:57: And you’ve really got to let go.
16:59: If people misunderstood you, it is not on you, it’s on them.
17:03: It’s whatever is activating within them to realize that.
17:07: But we have to practice like You know, this is why I think there’s this like revolution around like, live your truth, be your truth, and my truth is the only thing that matters.
17:16: I think there’s some room to that because extremes are extremes.
17:21: But, if you can really get to this place of like, this is who I am, this is how I express myself, and you trigger someone else and you’re able to have a conversation around their activation, lean in.
17:33: But there isn’t anything you did wrong.
17:35: And the thing that we’ve always gone back to is like, what’s good for me is also good for them.
17:40: What’s good for me is also good for you.
17:42: So if I’m over here being me and you’re over there getting triggered by me, great.
17:46: I just gave you this beautiful invitation to work through whatever’s coming within you for my authenticity, you know, like I think when we can live in that and like also hold that the other person having their own unique experience, that’s fine.
18:00: Yeah, I think about the other episode we recorded around being able to hold other people’s belief systems even if they, you don’t agree with them.
18:09: And that’s the thing I think it’s like, if you’re solid in your truth, whatever that may be, then you can also accept someone else’s truth, even if it doesn’t align with yours.
18:18: And that’s also authentic because you’re like, that’s OK, like I don’t agree with your truth, but I hear your truth and I know you’re coming from your viewpoint and your perspective, and I’m coming from my viewpoint and my perspective and we can both sit in authenticity.
18:31: Love that.
18:33: My thought, my question I wanted to ask you is, is there someone in your life that you feel like is very authentic?
18:38: How would you describe them?
18:39: , besides ourselves, I’m trying to think, who would I say.
18:47: Actually Carly is someone I would say yeah, our friend Carly is so magnetic and honestly probably the funniest person I know.
18:58: Like I’ve never laughed so hardest when I laughed around her or when I laugh around her, And she’s just so expressive and she doesn’t give a fuck what people think, at least not in when she’s expressing herself.
19:10: I’m sure, you know, like, like anyone else, we all have our own insecurities, but I admire her so much because she’s just like so, like just ostentatious and outgoing and such a beautiful soul.
19:22: Yeah, and I think what’s funny about Car is like she also goes through hard moments where she doesn’t want to show anyone.
19:28: But I always tell her, I was like, you know, when you are being yourself, I love every part of you.
19:34: Like I love when you’re going through hard times.
19:36: I love when you are The funniest person in the room.
19:39: I think what makes an authentic person to me is like I know what I’m gonna get is true.
19:43: And I do think she shows that too, like at least.
19:46: That’s why I always, I think she’s also authentic in that.
19:48: Like she’s authentic in the full expression of like, I’m so happy to like shit’s hard to like I’m the funniest person ever.
19:55: Like she’s just All of it, and I think that’s what makes her authentic to me.
19:59: No, I agree 100%.
20:01: those are some of my favorite people.
20:03: Like this other friend I think about, she also feels very authentic and she tells it how it is and I just like admire people that just tell it how it is and like this is what I’m feeling and this is what’s up.
20:14: And there is this like what makes me love these types of people so much is like I can trust what I’m going to get.
20:22: I hate, I think because I maybe because I did this to other people where I kept feelings from them.
20:30: When people don’t tell me the truth about how they’re feeling, I’m like, I don’t trust you.
20:34: There’s a part of me that’s like, Like my ears go up and I’m like, wait, you’re not being real and authentic.
20:39: Like, trust that I can trust I can trust, trust me that I can handle your authenticity.
20:45: Because the more that I practice that within myself to be true with others, the more I want that from others.
20:50: Yeah, I also was gonna say like I don’t think you have to know all the parts of yourself fully.
20:55: Like I think What, when I think about the people in my life who I’m like wow, they’re so authentic, they’re really real and they’re aware of the parts of themselves and speak into like for Carly, for example, or I, I could say a few people like where they speak into the parts of themselves they’re like, well I know I do this like I know I’m doing it, but that, but they’re real and saying it, but they’re not necessarily changing that.
21:16: So like I don’t know that necessarily they’re like these like perfect like not perfect is not the right word, but like that they look a certain way or but it’s like when They’re just fully, I know they will always give me the truth.
21:29: That’s what I was just saying, yeah, they’ll always be true.
21:31: Yeah, that to me is authentic.
21:34: Yeah, and they know they’re not necessarily embodying all the parts of themselves all the time.
21:39: Like I guess they don’t have it all together is what I was trying to say, but they still show up and they’re like, oh yeah, that part of me is showing up right now.
21:45: It’s not good.
21:48: I also think about like, you know, to some extent, I’m like, people can be like, well, I’m authentic because, you know, the people that are very loud and scream and react and like, well, this is my truth and like blow up in front of people.
22:02: Like I don’t even know how I don’t even have that energy in my body.
22:05: It’s so hard for me to like interact in it.
22:07: But like, I don’t think that’s authentic either.
22:10: There’s someone in my life for sure that is explosive like that to me isn’t authentic.
22:15: I have someone in my life a little bit like that.
22:16: On the outskirts of my life I’d say like I don’t interact with them all the time, but I do, I have started to witness and notice that there is a part of them that’s craving so much to be seen that they like talk over people, interrupt people.
22:29: Get louder.
22:30: Like it’s hard to actually have a conversation when there’s multiple people involved.
22:34: And I’ve just started observing that and I’m like, hmm, interesting.
22:37: OK, like, it’s OK.
22:39: We see you.
22:39: Like you’re seen, you’re heard, your opinion matters.
22:42: I know some of their struggles, so it makes sense.
22:44: Like I get why that person’s showing up that way, but it is interesting to observe.
22:48: Yeah, and that’s it, I mean, Pam talked about that.
22:51: I think that’s the wound of Something.
22:54: Oh yeah, the wound of silence.
22:56: Yeah, the wound of silence because you have not expressed yourself and so you tend to be a lot louder.
23:02: but that can come off as authentic.
23:03: I think you can be louder and true.
23:07: Without using, I think there’s like an energy behind authenticity of like there’s like this non-attachment to it.
23:12: Like I think of Whitney is a good example of someone who’s authentic but loud.
23:16: Exactly.
23:17: Like she’s not attached to how you receive it, she’s not hoping that you hear me, right?
23:21: Like I think this like wound of silence that we talked about with Pam a while back was just like so much more about like there’s clearly a wound there, so you’re like being extra loud to be heard.
23:32: That to me is coming from wounding, that doesn’t feel like authentic like I think authentic is like honestly just, there’s like an unattachment to it.
23:39: It’s like detached from the experience like whether I like there’s no part of me that’s like, if I speak louder, you’re finally gonna hear me.
23:47: Versus like I am just loud.
23:48: I mean I used to be because there’s because you get, you’ve said that you’ve been loud.
23:52: Oh, in the past, I definitely was like very loud.
23:55: Like when I first met Austin, you have to say.
23:58: Even some of my friends actually, bless their hearts for calling me out too would be like, I’m right here.
24:02: Like I’m right here.
24:04: I can hear you.
24:05: But I couldn’t hear myself being loud.
24:07: That’s what was crazy.
24:08: But I think it, it was absolutely coming from a place that I never felt heard.
24:12: So I had to talk louder to be heard.
24:15: And I had to talk more and I had to get really animated.
24:19: I still get animated, but not like, yeah, I, it took a long time to like actually hear, oh, I am, I’m raising my voice right now.
24:27: Yeah, I don’t even know where to start with that.
24:29: For some people, I have people in my life, I’m like, do you just realize the level of volume that you just went to?
24:35: And I’m like, the other day, I’ll tell you about this later, but the other day, yeah, I’m like, I’m like covering my ears for how loud you are, If that was probably me, I’m not gonna lie.
24:47: It was very loud.
24:48: No it wasn’t.
24:49: No, I’m saying that that was me before, not since you’ve known me.
24:53: Yeah, but I’m also sensitive to loudness because people screamed around my house all the time.
24:56: I mean, same, I grew up, we were called the yellingws.
25:00: Yeah, no, I was very sensitive in that.
25:02: But anyway, like authenticity is just being true.
25:05: I do think that there are spaces though like one thing that I went down in the healing.
25:10: pathway, especially with somatics is like, when I’m in a container to express anger and scream, that also feels authentic to me because that’s really true.
25:19: But there’s like this like, there’s like this higher level observing of like, this is my process, this is what I need in this moment, because this is what I’m feeling.
25:27: I’m creating this space to express this responsible responsibly, responsibly.
25:34: , instead of just taking it out on someone else.
25:37: Like, that has been really helpful when I realized, OK, I really do need to scream or I like I use pillows to like help with like anger.
25:45: Like, those are ways of me expressing authenticity.
25:49: , in spaces like that, and you know, when I will still be authentic, even in my relationship with Nick where I give him a little sass, you know, I’m like I’m not trying to poke the bear over here, but like that also feels authentic where there’s like this playful part of me that like also wants like Call you out on your shit.
26:07: I call it humbling them just a little bit.
26:10: That’s what I told Austin this morning.
26:12: It’s I’m just humbling you a little.
26:13: Yeah, exactly.
26:15: And I think what’s really nice about that part of me, it’s like there is no like I want to hurt you with my words.
26:21: That’s different.
26:22: There’s people out there that are literally picking and In relationships specifically, they’re like, I’m just going to poke at you in the way that I know to poke you because I really want you to hurt.
26:30: I know it’s gonna hurt you.
26:32: I remember especially with my sister growing up, we would do that to each other so much.
26:37: We would pull the string that we knew we could pull the hardest just to hurt them, and then they would pull a string back and then I would pull another string and then you feel awful that you said those things.
26:48: That’s different.
26:49: Yeah, I was gonna say I think with authenticity comes emotional responsibility.
26:55: And emotional maturity.
26:57: And I think that you can’t be authentic without being emotionally mature.
27:02: Tilts, I feel like that’s the exclusion.
27:06: but boom, that’s it.
27:09: and I think like I think the journey that we are on and like I think that why we have the podcast and why we have the community is like.
27:16: There’s always more layers to our authenticity.
27:18: I think this is what life is about, right?
27:20: Like the, the deeper layers of reflection, going through healing, releasing another layer, becoming more of us, because there’s even more authenticity to come through.
27:30: And I think that’s what the beautiful thing about life is like we’re constantly finding this.
27:34: Our souls are becoming more authentic.
27:36: It’s like, our souls came here, now I’m like having this whole revolution.
27:39: Our souls came here and they’re like, I cannot wait to reach this level of authenticity.
27:44: And they’re trying to become that pure authentic self, but they’re just navigating all the challenges and tribulations along the way.
27:52: Yeah, yeah, and as you uncover like the deeper parts of yourself, you’re like, wow, I’m actually awesome.
27:57: And you start to love yourself, yeah, yeah, literally like there’s so many layers you realize like you are like you just spoke to this earlier, like you’re a multifaceted being, you know, like we’re, there’s so many layers to us and One of the cool discoveries I think I’ve had recently or have been pondering a lot is like anything can be shifted.
28:17: I don’t think we’re stuck in anything.
28:19: I don’t think we’re stuck in, I mean, you, I think you can have a lot of challenges, but I think you can overcome any of them in, in relationships, and friendships, in yourself.
28:28: I think if there’s something you don’t like about yourself, you can change it.
28:30: I don’t think anything is permanent.
28:32: I agree with that.
28:34: I think it’s easy to feel that way when you have like deep beliefs, you know, and you’re like.
28:39: I think about certain beliefs I had that felt so ingrained in me that I didn’t even realize they were a belief.
28:44: And then one day you have like this aha moment and you’re like, oh, that’s just a belief.
28:47: Like I can change that.
28:49: And I think that in itself, you’re just like, oh, I am an ever evolving being, and there are no boundaries or limits to what I can create or what I can become.
28:59: Yeah, I’ve definitely had things in my life where I’ve like Be like this is the way it’s always going to be and like now I look back I’m like they ain’t like that no more.
29:08: Like I don’t think like that at all.
29:10: Like I go back to that version of me and I’m like, What?
29:13: Like I like try and put myself back into that version of me and think about how I was thinking at that time and I’m like, I don’t think like that ever anymore.
29:22: so it’s 100% capable and I think we’re just finding more layers to to find that authentic self underneath it.
29:29: Yeah, the other thing I was gonna say is like forgiving yourself.
29:31: I think that also holds a lot of people back from being authentic as they did things in their life they feel deeply ashamed about and that they regret.
29:38: I mean, myself included, like there’s things I’ve done that I’m not proud of.
29:42: And I think that it’s so easy to hold on to that version of yourself and feel like, well, I’m not even worthy of fully expressing, or I, or, or you live in the shame of that.
29:50: And I think forgiving yourself is such a huge part of allowing yourself to be authentic and to realize like we’ve all done things that we probably wish maybe didn’t happen or we didn’t say or do.
30:01: But that doesn’t make you unworthy of being who you are right now.
30:05: I think that’s a really beautiful one because I think people carry a lot more shame and guilt than we think.
30:11: Through all the stuff I’ve been learning with Kabbalah, and he’s like, that is that is in some ways the sin.
30:17: I think it’s what holds people back.
30:19: It’s it’s not the actual act of it.
30:22: It’s it’s the shaming and the spiraling and the guilt that you’re living in.
30:27: Like that’s what God doesn’t want us to do.
30:30: He’s like, the creator, you know, in any way, we want to be forgiven.
30:33: Like ultimately it wasn’t the act that you did it.
30:36: Like that happened.
30:37: OK, that’s fine.
30:39: Move on.
30:39: But we live in this shame and this guilt and we’re constantly beating ourselves down, which is keeping us from our authenticity.
30:46: And I think and I love that you brought that up.
30:48: Yeah, like I think speaking it into existence, like I can share when I was 21 I got a DUI and I held so much shame around that, especially as someone like Krina could speak to this.
30:56: Like I don’t even hardly drink like for 5 years.
30:58: I mean for most of my life I never really drank, and then that happened to me and I feel like I carried so much shame in my early twenties for that, and I let it define me.
31:05: And I, I was like, you’re wrong, you’re bad, you’re this, and it was really crazy because going to driving school or like the alcohol school, like, first of all, I was like, wow, some people have a real problem.
31:16: Like this is crazy.
31:17: Most of the people there are like, what the hell are you doing here?
31:19: I’m like, I don’t know, I fucked up.
31:21: but I think going through that did actually like teach me so much because I, I own that now and I was like, yeah, I, I did fuck up and I’m so grateful that I never hurt anybody in that experience and I learned my lesson.
31:34: I never, ever, ever drank and drove again after that.
31:36: And I feel like the second I actually forgave myself for it, I can talk about how is it keeping you from your authenticity?
31:45: I think I held a lot of shame and I ruminated a lot about it, and then that expressed itself in an eating disorder.
31:51: It expressed itself in relationships.
31:53: I didn’t feel OK, I’m like, which one is it?
31:56: I, I expressed myself.
31:58: It expressed it in an eating disorder.
31:59: It expressed in my relationships.
32:00: Like it expressed itself in all these areas of my life where I started to go more insular.
32:04: Like I was, I felt so much shame and it just, yeah, I bled into every area of my life until I forgave myself.
32:11: And once telling people really actually healed it for me.
32:17: Because I realized like, first of all, a lot of people, I mean, I’ll never forget actually the day I called my mom, bless her heart.
32:22: I was in a very toxic relationship.
32:24: I’ve spoken about another podcast, but I called my mom.
32:27: I was like, Mom, something really bad happened, or I said something like, I don’t wanna tell you what happened.
32:31: She’s like, You’re not pregnant, are you?
32:33: And I was like, No, I gotta do it.
32:34: She’s like, Oh, OK, no problem.
32:36: We’ve all driven drunk.
32:37: Like, bless my mom’s heart.
32:38: She just didn’t want me to have a child with this man, but, I think her reaction helped, but really it was like me talking about it and just being like, oh, this is something like we’ve all made mistakes, and then I could forgive other things I did and other things I felt shame around.
32:53: And I think the more now I can talk about it openly, I’m like, yeah, I mean, it doesn’t even feel like me.
32:56: It feels like a whole another lifetime ago, and I, I’m such a different human today, but I think it is so common and so easy to carry that shame with you through your whole life.
33:05: I mean, I think that’s why we have alcoholism.
33:07: I think that’s why we have like drug addiction because we are just carrying stories.
33:11: Of shame over and over and over and instead of just being like, yeah, that was a past iteration of me and like poor thing was in a horrible toxic relationship and instead of just like getting out and loving herself, she was like, I’m just gonna drink and drive.
33:23: That sounds like a great idea, you know.
33:25: So I, I think like the more we forgive and realize that like this is all just part of my story and it’s made me who I am today and it taught me a real, real big lesson in many ways that it’s like I’m grateful for it now.
33:39: I’m grateful it happened.
33:41: I think a part of that is also just accepting that it happened.
33:45: 100%.
33:46: I think in hearing you speak about it, like, yes, you’ve got to forgive yourself, but there’s something that happens, and this is with all emotions, everything that you guys are ever dealing with, when you accept it for yourself.
33:56: And you are able to express it to someone else, and like, just put it out there, and not know like there’s like a level of like, yeah, this happened, this is how I feel, like this is my truth.
34:07: Like there’s like this acceptance of the act or the being or the feeling.
34:12: And then when you accept it for yourself and you allow other people to hear that, or express that, or mirror it back to you like, it’s not a big deal.
34:20: , it’s really healing.
34:22: And, yeah, it’s a casual conversation now because I’ve healed it.
34:26: Like before it was like I, something bad happened.
34:30: Like I got a DUI I got, you know, cause there was so much shame around it.
34:33: Now it’s like, yeah, I mean I could talk about a lot of heavy subjects that have happened to me, but I feel like they’re not charged anymore because I’ve I’ve accepted them.
34:42: I’ve emotionally worked through them.
34:44: Like I didn’t just pretend it never happened.
34:45: I just accepted what it is.
34:47: I think where I was like going with that I was like there’s So there’s this exercise that I’ve done at retreats and I’ve participated in and have done for other people where they call it the black ball.
34:58: Have I told you about this?
35:00: You want me to talk about it?
35:01: OK, so like it’s an exercise.
35:04: Well, I also like don’t want to tell people because I was like when we do this one day for our Retreats, it’s really beautiful.
35:11: but the general gist of it is that you share something that you find, like it’s kind of admitting to yourself, like admitting something that you don’t want to admit.
35:19: Like a deep thing like a deep thing that you feel insecure or shame around and you’re like basically saying like, This is my truth.
35:27: Who else has this?
35:28: And, the practices that you end up finding out that there’s multiple people in the room that are feeling the same exact thing, or have done the same exact thing.
35:38: So like in your situation, and like your example, like, it’s like, you raise your hand and you’re like, I I I got a DUI.
35:46: Then the other 5 people also raise their hand, they’re like, I have a DUI.
35:49: And what I don’t think people realize the most, and I’ve talked about this so much is like, we are all navigating the same exact feelings, emotions, maybe not the exact experiences, but we’re all feeling the same feelings.
36:01: Like the number one thing that we all have in common is the last thing that we all talk about.
36:04: Yeah.
36:05: As women, I think a lot about sexual shame because I think that’s one that every single woman experiences.
36:09: Like I could not name one woman I’ve met that hasn’t either experienced rape or like misconduct.
36:15: Or inappropriateness from a man or like felt pressured.
36:19: Yeah, felt pressured to have sex and they didn’t want to like and that’s a lot of heavy shame that we carry.
36:25: religious shame around sex, like all of it.
36:27: So I think like the more you can feel safe and find community or spaces to talk about this stuff, like the more you can be fully expressed in yourself.
36:36: Totally, and it’s scary, right?
36:37: Like that’s what we’re really trying to start from.
36:39: It’s like, it’s very scary to allow yourself to be seen.
36:42: And it’s very, very healing to give yourself the opportunity to be seen.
36:46: Like people want to see you.
36:48: Like ultimately, your people want to see you.
36:51: They want to feel you, they want to see you, they want to hold you in it.
36:54: They want to be in it with you.
36:56: And the deeper depths that you go in for yourself to do that, the more you’re going to do that for others as well.
37:02: It’s like there is no judgment.
37:04: I think too, the Layers of like when you receive backlash for being misunderstood is like in those true moments where you like find what you’re built of and like what you’re made of and like who’s not for you 100% yeah.
37:18: I don’t think we have to tolerate people’s misunderstood like if someone really outlashes you’d be like, OK, that that was disrespectful like.
37:25: I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship with you.
37:28: I was thinking more like social media, like the places where people feel the most vulnerable to be authentic because there’s so much controversy and like opinions and all these things, and I was just thinking about how like when we experience that, you just have to at some point be like, you’re not hearing me, that’s your reality.
37:42: It’s all good.
37:44: So, some quick practices that I feel like would be helpful for them to like build a muscle, like a visibility muscle, like becoming more visible is like, one, start becoming more visible.
37:53: Like, I know you guys, like you want it to be easy, like yes, you can do the nervous system work, you can start to be part, do parts work where you can start to like talk to the different parts of you.
38:03: one of my favorite practices that you can do whenever you’re dysregulated or if you realize that there is a part of you that is really sensitive to share with the world, write that part down on paper.
38:13: And then you say, this is how I’m feeling, this is what this part of me wants, needs, or desires, and then learn to give yourself that need or desire.
38:21: So, I say that with like, if you’re hearing us talk right now, and there is a sensitive part of you that’s coming up, go journal on it and just say, Hey, what’s coming up for me around this part?
38:33: What does this part need, want, or desire?
38:35: It’s going to say something along the lines of like, I want to be reminded that I’m whole, that I’m worthy, that I’m loved, that my mom still loves me.
38:44: Like it’s going to speak to you exactly that it needs.
38:47: Then write down, OK, how can I give this part of me that, and then do the daily practices all the time to sit with yourself and actually give that part of you what it needs and wants.
38:58: I could even ask you to like tell a friend about it and be like, I would love for you to tell Be honest with your partner about this and go do it.
39:06: Like this is how you start to build this muscle to expand your capacity to hold more visibility.
39:13: Yeah, I would say speak to your biggest shameful thing.
39:16: Even if it’s telling one person that doesn’t know.
39:20: Exactly.
39:20: Text them and be like, hey, like I want to share something with you that’s really scary for me to say.
39:24: Or like, you could even give them a heads up and say, hey, like I’m, I’m really working on this thing that’s been coming up for me a lot.
39:31: I’m holding a lot of shame and I’m really scared to tell you about it.
39:34: Can I tell you?
39:35: There’s so much power in speaking into the thing you feel shame about.
39:38: Yeah, it takes away a lot of the charge around it.
39:41: And if you don’t feel comfortable saying it to someone, say it to yourself.
39:45: Walk around, not even write it down.
39:46: I’m like literally hear yourself say it.
39:49: Because like you were saying like you’re like I don’t even know what my voice sounds like.
39:53: I mean we don’t even have, we don’t even hear ourselves talk.
39:56: And so I’m like Yeah, you were talking and not hearing.
40:03: I was talking a lot and I was not listening, but in this moment with something sensitive, like tell yourself out loud, yeah, go on a walk.
40:12: Say it, be like, yeah, I feel so scared about this.
40:16: That is scary to say out loud because then you feel like it’s a reality, but you’re also expressing it.
40:21: And this is how you’re going to start to become more comfortable with the more sensitive parts of yourself.
40:27: that’d be like my go to like practice to like start getting really comfortable expressing the things that feel really real and raw.
40:34: Yeah, I know that it’s going to be uncomfortable and it might be scary, but there’s so much healing in speaking into your shame.
40:42: The other one that you can do too that comes up to mind is like the other people, the other thing that people struggle with is in moments where like Being authentic is when you run into a friend and the friend’s like so sad, but you’re so happy and you’re having the best day of your life and you are like the best day of your life, you know, you know when you feel like you’re ovulating, you’re in a great mood, but your friend is in a really bad place.
41:05: She’s like.
41:06: She’s like in a whole another different dimension or that she’s going through a breakup and you’re like, oh no, I have to be sad too.
41:11: Like I can’t even be honest when she’s like, how are you?
41:14: Like, oh I’m good, like, nothing’s going on, versus like being honest and saying like, I’m actually doing really good today.
41:21: Like I’m feeling like this, I’m feeling like that, like you’re not ignoring that person’s feelings.
41:26: That’s another really great place it’s just to honor honoring the truth.
41:29: And the vice versa.
41:30: Like, if someone’s really happy, like you’re not gonna bring down the mood, just be like, yeah, I’m not, I’m not doing too hot right now.
41:36: I’m really sad and like, OK.
41:38: And just be with that.
41:40: That’s the other one that comes up.
41:42: Those are great two practices, like start practicing your authenticity and start expressing your inner world outwardly and practicing that fully.
41:51: And I think if you are one of those people who are louder and like more interruptive or you know, like wanting you feel yourself wanting to be seen, I’d say practice listening.
42:01: That helped a lot.
42:02: Like the more I stepped into my authenticity, the less I still speak, obviously, on a podcast, but I definitely like listen way more than I ever did in my life.
42:11: Like, I also, there was a part of me that I found because I was insecure in who I was that wanted to be right and prove a point and prove my point.
42:20: And the more that I stepped into like standing in my truth.
42:25: Which really my truth is like, is there any truth of any truth?
42:28: I don’t know.
42:28: We’re still on that journey of figuring it out.
42:31: But like, the more I stood in that, the more I was just like, oh, who am I to say that that person’s wrong or I’m right or you just don’t need to be right anymore.
42:39: You just need to be.
42:40: Literally, that is authentic.
42:43: I think that that that’s like the.
42:46: The basis of authenticity.
42:48: Like if you can get to the place of like, this is what’s true, but I don’t have to be right.
42:52: Or wrong.
42:53: Yeah, that it’s authentic.
42:56: You can always think that you’re right in your head.
42:58: You can always think they’re wrong.
42:59: You just don’t say it.
43:00: No, I’m just kidding.
43:02: Samantha.
43:04: There are moments where that happens, you know, but does it really matter?
43:09: No, but it doesn’t matter.
43:10: But then at the end I’ll still be like, I could be wrong.
43:13: I could be wrong.
43:15: So, but the point is to them, they’re right, that’s their truth.
43:20: That’s where that’s where I like get into the whole thing about truth or not truth.
43:24: It’s like we’re all literally living a different life every single day.
43:27: We’re in a different frequency.
43:28: We’re all feeling something different.
43:30: We’re all seeing something different.
43:31: We’re all going through a different experience.
43:32: Like there is literally no right way to feel or wrong way to take.
43:38: Yeah, there is.
43:38: Who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong?
43:41: There is no right or wrong.
43:42: It’s just your way.
43:44: But you need to trust that through your authenticity.
43:46: OK.
43:47: , So yeah, that’s the the capsulates on authenticity.
43:52: I mean, it is such an important piece of being fully expressed because when you can align authentically, internally and really make that the center stage of your life, you start to live fully expressed, like, in all things, like you’re just living fully expressed in your life, love and business.
44:10: Like imagine for a second.
44:12: If you could just create your life based on how you feel internally, and you trusted that.
44:18: Awesome sauce.
44:22: We’re a little delusional over here.
44:24: Listen.
44:26: We’re tired, but that’s the truth.
44:28: That’s our authentic truth.
44:29: It’s yeah, but you know what?
44:30: I, this is one of my favorite epic conversations we’ve had, I think.
44:33: Really?
44:34: Yeah, we should do them when we’re delish.
44:35: We just need to get real tired, then we’ll put the mics on and then and then we’re putting on a show.
44:41: Well, you’ll probably find my, my most authentic self when I’m tired.
44:45: Yeah, I could see that because I’m tired.
44:47: You’re just like I can’t even pretend right now.
44:49: I was like my eyes are about to start watering.
44:51: I’m pretty tired.
44:52: , but with that being said, we hope you guys enjoyed this episode.
44:57: we would love to hear more about how you want to be more authentic in your life.
45:00: And if you are running into bridging the gap between your internal world and in your external world, where you feel like you’re having a whole internal experience, and the whole world is having a different experience, which I know what that feels like.
45:13: It totally feels like you are inside, and the whole world doesn’t see you at all.
45:18: This is like such a beautiful conversation, and we’d love to be in it with you.
45:21: But again, go back to some of those tips and tricks on how to start expressing your internal world with your external world, so you can really start living fully expressed.
45:32: Till next time, see you.
45:33: Bye.
45:34: We hope you loved today’s episode and that it sparked something in you on your journey to becoming more fully expressed.
45:39: Don’t forget to check the show notes for all the details and resources from today’s conversation.
45:44: If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review.
45:47: We’d love to hear your honest thoughts and takeaways as it really helps us to create content that better serves you.
45:52: This week, we invite you to show up even more as you, more honest, more real, more expressive in your life and business, and we’ll see you on the next one.
In this episode, we explore:
- What authenticity actually is beyond the buzzword
- Why truly being yourself guarantees some people won’t like you
- How authenticity creates magnetism and energetic clarity
- The spiritual connection between authenticity and Source/God
- Why being seen can feel terrifying and why it’s worth it
Ultimately, this episode is an invitation to release the watered-down version of yourself and step into the fullness of who you are, even when it feels edgy, vulnerable, or disruptive.
Join The Fully Expressed Community, where you can be surrounded by other women who are also on the same path of personal growth, healing, and uncovering their authentic expression. Being in a community surrounded by others can truly be one of the most supporting and healing containers to support your personal invitation.
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Contact Karenna: hello@karennasoto.com
