#107: The Power of Community with June An

0:02: Welcome to the Fully Expressed podcast.
0:04: We’re your host Karenna and Samantha.
0:06: This show is your permission slip to stop holding back.
0:10: Here we talk about what it really means to live unapologetically you in your relationships, your business, and your everyday life.
0:17: We believe the most magnetic version of you is rooted in self-expression, honesty, vulnerability, and showing up for.
0:23: as you are.
0:24: When you own that, you naturally attract the people, the opportunities, and the life that is meant for you.
0:29: Hi, welcome to another episode on the Fully Expressed podcast.
0:32: Gosh, you guys, I’m so excited for you to listen to this episode because you’re going to experience a very magical human that I think we all really wish we had in our corner.
0:41: His name is Juan and he is the visionary founder of A community called the Group.
0:46: It was born from the triumphs and trials of his own entrepreneurial journey.
0:50: As a seasoned entrepreneur, June understands the personal and professional challenges that can often feel overwhelming.
0:58: His journey has taken him through moments of helplessness and helplessness, which fueled his passion to create a space where others don’t have to navigate these challenges alone.
1:06: The group has a clear mission to empower individuals to overcome obstacles and pursue their dreams with renewed hope and determination.
1:14: In this episode, you’re going to hear his own stories, the challenges that he faced since he was a very young kid.
1:21: , how he’s healed his inner child by really stepping into the man that he really craved to have in his life, as well as like his outlook on the importance of conversations with other people and the importance of community.
1:33: So I promise if you are craving to Feel more connected and to not only yourself but also to the leader that you get to be.
1:42: This is gonna be the perfect episode for you.
1:43: This was such a powerful conversation and I think both of us really enjoyed it and we cannot wait for you to listen.
1:50: So enjoy.
1:53: Welcome, welcome on the podcast.
1:55: We’re so excited to have you.
1:56: Thank you.
1:57: This is amazing.
1:58: I love this.
1:59: Yeah, I feel like I feel like our world’s finally connected because everything that you’re doing with SD the SD group, and as well as like one of our dearest friends is Quentin, and so he talks so highly of you.
2:09: So like you being on the show today, I’m like, wow, we get to know June.
2:12: Like what is June really like?
2:14: There’s not much to me.
2:16: Yeah, but I’ve been watching your podcast.
2:18: I love the podcast.
2:19: So thank you so much.
2:20: I love the I love you.
2:22: Thank you.
2:24: I know I always think about like we should create like a reel of dropping in because we do this with every single person.
2:29: Yeah.
2:31: Yeah.
2:31: , but one thing that we wanted to start off with specifically was just like getting to know you and your entrepreneurship journey as well as just your story of growing into the leader that you are today.
2:44: Yeah, we’ve heard you’ve had quite the journey, so yeah, it’s I always tell people when I, when I tell people my story.
2:50: I almost wonder if they believe it because there’s so many different twists to it.
2:54: I mean, it just, if I would have heard it, I wouldn’t believe it.
2:57: Give it to us.
2:58: Well, I always start back to kind of my childhood and birth.
3:02: So my, my parents, they, they were in the South Korean army.
3:06: My mother was a surgical nurse and my father was in the army, and they fought in the Vietnam War and for that they got a visa to the US.
3:13: So they, they came to El Paso, Texas.
3:15: Still not sure why they picked El Paso, but I was born there.
3:18: And then as soon as I was born, my mother took off.
3:20: She just, you know, she was having, which I didn’t know she was having issues with my father, so she just took off.
3:26: So I was in the hospital and so my father, he worked construction at that point and he didn’t speak English and but he picked up Spanish pretty quickly working in the construction site.
3:35: And he asked the foreman, he’s like, can you watch my son?
3:38: He was just born and I don’t know what to do.
3:41: So the foreman, luckily, his wife, that’s what she did.
3:43: So she, it’s a Hispanic family, so I was raised for, you know, the early part of my life by a Hispanic family and then my father.
3:51: He wasn’t making enough and you know that immigrant mentality he wanted to make, you know, make that American dream so he asked the foreman he’s like, can you watch him a little longer?
4:00: And then he took off for 6 years and so the, the, the foreman had no idea he would leave for that long.
4:06: So for the 1st 6 years of my life, Spanish, grew up in a Mexican household.
4:11: I thought I was.
4:11: Mexican, so do you speak Spanish fluently.
4:14: I used to, so I understand a lot of it, but I don’t use it on a regular basis, but that literally that’s all I spoke.
4:20: I was this little Chino baby that just spoke in El Paso, Texas.
4:24: That’s amazing.
4:26: Yeah, so it kind of started there and then from there my father was able to build a, and he was an entrepreneur.
4:32: He was able to build a construction company, came and got me at 6 and at that time I thought I was being kidnapped.
4:38: So it was a lot of different.
4:40: You know, you could say like traumatic events, but I just say kind of chapter changes that really occurred throughout my life that kind of created who I am today.
4:48: But I thought I was part of this family.
4:51: All of a sudden he took me from that family and then isolated me from that family, so I, I don’t know who they are.
4:56: Oh, you never went back.
4:57: No, I don’t know who they are, so I would love to reconnect with them if anyone.
5:02: Remembers me as a little Asian baby speaking Spanish.
5:04: Wow.
5:05: Did he like come into the room and say like, I’m your dad and I’m taking you?
5:09: Oh, it’s like like intense.
5:11: Well, the family never even told me that I had a different father.
5:15: I just assumed that was my family.
5:17: And so then when he came and got me, of course it was traumatic for me, took me, took me to Tucson, Arizona, and I, I distinctly remember we stopped off at the airport and he spoke Spanish because he, he was in construction.
5:29: And I see this chubby Asian kid, older kid come out of the plane.
5:32: He’s like, and I was like, who’s that?
5:34: And he’s like, that’s your brother.
5:35: So I had no idea how to full brother.
5:36: They left him in Korea and they came here to have me.
5:40: And so when he came over, this chubby Asian kid came up to me and he only spoke Korean.
5:45: I only spoke Spanish, so this dynamic was strange.
5:49: Wow, OK, I see why people don’t believe it.
5:53: Yeah, and so, but then right away he put us to work.
5:56: He started, he had the construction company, so we even at the youngest of age, you know, I worked construction.
6:02: He opened up a, a maintenance company worked maintenance, worked a dry cleaner, restaurant.
6:08: So from 6 years on, I just, I worked.
6:11: And how old was your brother?
6:12: He was a year older.
6:14: OK, yeah, he was actually only 10 months old, so there’s a lot yeah, with my grandmother.
6:16: OK.
6:16: So yeah, so he, he came over and then we kind of And it was difficult too, especially in I’m 51 now, but I always joke I’m 71 because I feel like I’ve lived a 71 year old’s life, but in Arizona there weren’t very many Asians, so I was kind of an anomaly.
6:38: I was picked on, but I was also speaking Spanish as an Asian kid.
6:43: I mean that was so odd.
6:45: So I mean there’s a lot of things that they can make fun of me.
6:47: And so what ended up happening was, and, you know, I started martial arts at a young age too, but I ended up, like defending myself against a bully and I was like, oh, and then other kids that were getting bullied would come and get me because I defended myself, so I started defending other people.
7:03: So at kind of a young age, it was kind of instilled in me like, oh, I kind of have a power.
7:08: I can do things to help people.
7:10: Wow, that’s, so how did you, do you remember what it was like to finally stand up for you, stand up for yourself?
7:16: Yeah, yeah, for the, I mean, I was scared.
7:19: I was constantly scared because, you know, I was so used to Texas and then going to Arizona, having to work and then my father, he would, I mean, he was.
7:28: He was abusive as well, and but he, he didn’t have the tools to figure out like how to control his emotions and deal with things.
7:35: He was a single father in another country and he at the time South Korea was a third world country, so he wasn’t really given the tools to really kind of work on himself.
7:44: So he only knew abuse because his father abused him and, and so on.
7:48: And so I was always living in fear and that was the first time when I defended myself, I was like, oh, I’m not scared anymore.
7:55: So it just kind of switched from that point.
7:57: That’s incredible.
7:59: I’m like so on, I’m like so excited for you.
8:01: So how did that take you next?
8:03: What’s the next chapter look like?
8:04: , well, so the, the biggest thing was kind of athletics because I was Asian, so I was expected to be smart in school.
8:12: And so nobody picked me for any sort of like team basketball, football, any sort of sport.
8:19: So I really, but I, that’s how I would differentiate myself.
8:22: I would excel in sports.
8:23: That was like my driving force.
8:25: And so, you know, played high level high school basketball, and then eventually I was like, oh this is how I’m gonna get out because I thought I could never lead, get out of my father’s control because he just wanted me to work.
8:39: And so I was like, athletics, that’s it.
8:41: So I got a basketball scholarship to go play basketball, but as soon as I got to basketball, it was, I figured out I’m not as good as I thought because everybody’s good and at my size, you know, it just everyone’s bigger, everyone’s quicker, so I transferred a couple of schools and realized, well, I got a pivot, but so for me, the traumatic events are just pivot points and chapters so just another page.
9:03: So I switched that, went, went back to Tucson, went to UA.
9:10: And then finish out my degree.
9:12: I switched to psychology and business because first I want to find out what was wrong with my family and then find out what’s wrong with me and then business as well but just because I grew up in it and so my father was illiterate, so a lot of the negotiations even as a child, I had to do it.
9:28: My brother had to do it.
9:30: So we negotiate all the deals for leases for contracts, everything and so and it’s funny too because it’s.
9:37: If somebody has a complaint and a 9 year old walks around the corner, they’re going to be a little less angry.
9:42: So it actually worked.
9:44: So I learned to like deal with people and you negotiation at a young age.
9:48: That’s, yeah.
9:49: And so then, what ended up happening was I, I finished school, and then open up a nightclub and then open up the nightclub and it was extremely successful in Tucson, but I found that.
10:03: I was gonna, I felt like I was gonna relive what my father went through as far as like the no weekends, no holidays, so I sold my interest to the, the partners and went to investment banking, moved to New York, worked for Morgan Stanley, and then transferred.
10:19: I found out I’m not a New Yorker.
10:21: definitely it’s just, it’s noisy.
10:28: It’s yeah it’s.
10:28: A lot.
10:28: All I did was research.
10:30: It was just research and just go, go, go.
10:32: Yeah, it never stops.
10:33: I would smile at everyone.
10:34: People would, I got shoved out of the subway a couple of times because I kept letting people in, but I didn’t realize you’re supposed to just claim your spot.
10:42: And I got shoved out.
10:42: I’m like, what is I was too, and I told my manager, I was like, I can’t do this here.
10:47: And he’s like, if you stick it out for 2 years, you’ll be set.
10:50: I was like, no, I can’t.
10:51: So he said there’s an opening in Scottsdale, so I transferred to Scottsdale.
10:55: And then, ran the office there, but what end up happening was I helped a client turn his company around.
11:02: I was like, oh, I love doing this.
11:04: So I started my own consulting company, did that.
11:06: , did that for a few years and then sold it to a big consulting firm and then from there it’s just been this entrepreneurship journey.
11:15: What gave you the confidence to like jump from roll to roll because I think sometimes a lot of people can get into this place of like, well this is my path, but it seems like you took what you loved and then started the new thing.
11:26: What was that like for you?
11:28: Honestly, it was trying to, I saw what my father did, extremely successful businessman, but he was never happy, and he was, I was supposed to be a doctor.
11:39: My brother was supposed to be the attorney, typical kind of Korean things.
11:42: And so they, and I knew that’s not what I wanted.
11:45: So it was the process of seeing how he had everything.
11:48: He was so insecure about his education and he tried to show off with his money and it’s, I just knew I didn’t want to be that and I knew I didn’t want to be stuck with.
11:58: You know what somebody wanted me to be versus what I wanted to be.
12:01: So that’s the definition of fully expressed.
12:04: Yeah, but you still have the drive to be like your definition of successful it sounds like, like you still were motivated to like, do you think you were motivated to find your thing?
12:12: Is that what kept you going to the next thing, or it was more of like, oh, I, this isn’t quite what I thought it was.
12:17: I’m gonna pivot, try this.
12:19: Yeah, you know, it’s.
12:21: I, I just knew I didn’t want to be in the restaurant business.
12:24: Like I hated it so much because I grew up in it.
12:27: It was just like I didn’t have weekends.
12:29: All my friends all went out during the weekends.
12:31: I had to work.
12:32: I missed my high school graduation because I had to work all these different things.
12:35: I’m like, I know this is not what I wanna do, but I don’t know what I wanna do.
12:39: And so it was just kind of this process of all right, and I had this knack for seeing business opportunities so I kept pursuing I’m like, so it was kind of this drive I don’t ever want to go back to the restaurant business.
12:51: So it was, and I don’t want to be my father.
12:53: So it was this whole process of and I in the beginning it was definitely ego, a lot of ego, we all have it and the ego.
13:00: In the beginning it was, I want to make as much money as possible to prove my father, you know, I’m I’m better than this and and so on.
13:07: But it came with a lot of stress and unhappiness and it never really amounted to anything.
13:12: So it was, it was, I, I was previously married and when I, when I get a divorce, it was the divorce settlement was I gave her everything.
13:21: It’s because all I wanted was my son.
13:23: My son was born.
13:24: I realized I just wanna, I wanna be better.
13:26: I wanna give him the opportunities that I didn’t have.
13:30: I want to give him the love that I didn’t have and the, the money side of things became so toxic.
13:35: I was like, just take it.
13:37: If that’s what you want, take the money.
13:38: I just want my son and it just changed everything because what I found too was all my friends in Scottsdale that I thought I had because at the time I lived in Scottsdale, they all disappeared.
13:49: Every single one disappeared because I was the one that used to pay for our dinners, take us on trips, take us out to the club.
13:56: That was all ego.
13:58: And as soon as they knew it was gone, they all disappeared.
14:00: So it, it just kind of reset my thinking of how I.
14:04: How I like my relationship with money, success, people.
14:09: Oh, I want to pull this thread because I know people that are just in a very similar situation as you.
14:13: They are the ones that are making all the money and they’re the ones funding all the trips.
14:18: And there are moments and the one specific person, like there are moments where they’re like, well why don’t I get invited or why don’t they take me out or why are they not thinking of me for their Sunday plans, right?
14:29: And it was Because it’s because I think because he’s constantly the one doing that out of ego and didn’t know how to build like a real true connection.
14:37: That that that’s exactly it, because I, you know, my role model was my father, but I mean he was really a toxic role model.
14:44: So I’ve always at a young age try to be different, but you can’t help but take certain things on.
14:49: And I think when I started making really good money and I was taking people to trips to Vegas and this and that.
14:55: It was, it was like, oh, I have friends.
14:57: Oh, they look, look how much they like me.
14:59: Oh, they’re all around me and I’m like, but then I look back, I’m like, oh wait, they weren’t real friends.
15:04: It was, but it wasn’t their fault.
15:06: It was me doing it.
15:10: What did you have to like I guess heal or work through to shift that ego it’s because what ended up happening was after that happened.
15:22: The economy crashed.
15:24: And so, yeah, well, no, this is 2004.
15:27: 0 yeah, this is a 2004.
15:29: So when that crashed, it was kind of like, whoa, wait a second, because at that point, not to say it was easy, but it was easy to make money.
15:37: And so at 2004, it became difficult and I was like, well, wait a second, like, Everything, everything that my ego was built on, like all I did was transfer it from athletics to money, and then when it wasn’t there, I was like, and I wasn’t playing college basketball anymore.
15:55: It was kind of I had nothing, so that was a big reset of like, well, and then having my son, to be honest, like I didn’t care if I didn’t have money.
16:03: I just wanted my son.
16:05: So how old is your son.
16:06: He’s 21.
16:07: He’s at the Naval Academy.
16:09: Yeah.
16:09: Yeah.
16:11: So he’s, he’s amazing.
16:12: He’s just, he’s, he’s, he’s everything I could have wished for.
16:16: He’s a better man than me.
16:17: He just, he’s empathetic, he’s smart, he’s athletic.
16:21: He just, he cares, he generally cares.
16:24: How was it raising, can I ask a personal question, how was it raising your son after what you went through with your dad?
16:30: Oh, it was every day was a joy.
16:33: I mean, I can’t remember and I, I speak to my brother daily.
16:37: He’s my best friend as well and he we talk about it and I don’t remember a single day where I had a good time with my father.
16:44: I don’t remember laughing at all with my father.
16:47: And so every day, and you know, you know, I don’t ever tell my son what to do.
16:51: I just try to help guide him, but I’ll ask him.
16:53: I’m like, hey, what you, what you tell me about the child, your childhood, and he’ll say things and these are words that I could never say like I just remember we always had fun.
17:02: I always remember you encouraged me.
17:03: I always remember you loved me and this I’m like, it’s amazing.
17:06: It’s great.
17:06: God makes you wanna cry.
17:08: I think that’s so relatable.
17:10: Like my dad was also in the Vietnam War and you know, my parents had a vision for my brother and I of what we would, I was supposed to marry a doctor, you know, and he, my brother’s a lawyer.
17:20: He was very much like kind of in your, it still is going through the situation of figuring out who he is because he did everything they wanted.
17:26: And I think that it’s so healing when you can bring that, you know, such a different perspective to your own child and really like allow them to be who they want to be.
17:37: Because it’s like at the end of the day your your dad, my parents, like they just want the best for us, but they don’t know like they did, they didn’t have the skills either, you know, my parents came from trauma as well.
17:46: I think that’s just that generation and so I feel like it’s so beautiful that you’re bringing this whole new perspective, this healed perspective to just like let your son blossom into the person that he was.
17:57: It’s so beautiful.
17:58: It’s thank you.
17:58: Yeah, you know, you’re absolutely right.
17:59: It, it’s, it’s something where I was just very aware every day I was like, all right, I need to be present for my son.
18:05: I need to.
18:06: Given the best opportunity and then whatever he chooses to do, he can do and he’s again, even the Naval Academy, the choice is going there and pursuing it.
18:14: I always tell him, if you ever want to quit, I’m still gonna love you.
18:17: I’m gonna support you.
18:17: Because I know, Dad, this is what I want to do because I always told him, whatever you do, make sure you love it and make Sure you have fun doing it and if you do it, then do it 100%.
18:25: And so I’m like, are you having fun?
18:27: He’s having fun.
18:28: He used to be a high level swimmer, went to the Naval Academy and he’s like, Dad, I don’t want to swim anymore.
18:33: I was like, then don’t swim.
18:34: And, and so now he’s he’s on the rock climbing club and he loves rock climbing and.
18:41: I’m like this is amazing.
18:43: I wish my, not that I wish my dad did this, but it’s so easy for when you’re a parent to again look at like this is what’s gonna make you successful.
18:49: They’re trying to keep you safe too like it’s not that it’s coming from a place of like.
18:52: I don’t want you to have everything that you want.
18:55: It’s just that they’re projecting their thoughts on what’s going to keep them safe.
18:58: And so it’s so beautiful that no matter what he chooses, you’re reminding him, you’re good.
19:03: I love you.
19:04: It’s not going to change the way that I look at you, and I think kids always ultimately want that.
19:08: Like no matter how much like I think we are always like I think back to my childhood.
19:12: I’m like I was always looking to my dad for acceptance and love.
19:15: I was always looking around my corner to my mom.
19:17: Mom, what do you think?
19:18: Like there was this like looking up to them and like as long as they gave me like a I love you, you’re good, like that’s all I needed.
19:25: I didn’t need to be told what to do.
19:27: Every child that’s all they care about.
19:29: And you look at them, they’re so innocent and that’s why I love speaking to, you know, I do these coffees with new people all the time, but I love speaking to all ages because you learn so much, but children are so innocent that they have such an unfiltered view of.
19:41: Like life that they’ll tell you they’ll be honest, even if you don’t want to hear it, they’ll tell you something and you’re like, oh, OK, I have a big head.
19:49: OK, so I mean it’s so true.
19:53: Yeah, I’m curious, did you ever get the chance, I don’t know if your father is still alive, but did you ever get the chance to like talk to him or to communicate like to heal any of it?
20:04: You know, I haven’t spoken to him in 1314 years, and before that it was for like 17 years and I’ve tried, but he only I could point to the sky out there and say it’s blue.
20:16: He’s gonna say it’s green.
20:18: But the thing is he’s so good that by the end of the conversation, I’m too.
20:22: Yeah.
20:23: So it’s, it was one of those scenarios where It wasn’t healthy for my family, my son, my wife, that I stepped away.
20:32: So, you know, and I have no ill will because again, he wasn’t given the tools.
20:35: I wish him happiness.
20:36: I hope he finds happiness.
20:38: I just, you know, he’s from a different time.
20:42: Yeah, yeah.
20:43: I think that’s also like a very bold move and like it’s inspiring to hear you say that because I think a lot of people want to hold on and don’t know how to be like, well, at the end of the day I’m protecting my family and this is what we need and you made like it seems like a very aligned authentic decision.
20:56: Yeah, you know, I’ve tried with everything and I tell people all the time, what I’m seeing a lot lately is I do coffees with, you know, people of all different ages, but something’s going on now where everyone’s kind of in this.
21:09: I don’t want to say crisis, but this life changing moment.
21:12: And a lot of times it’s people holding on to something in the past and it’s the friends you had in your 20s may not be the friends in your 30s and they may not be the friends in your 40s and so on, but it’s OK.
21:23: But we hold on because we, we don’t want to be thought of in a certain way.
21:27: And so we hold on to friends that we, we know deep down that it’s probably, it served its purpose at that time, but you’re in a different path.
21:36: I think a lot of times we hold on to things because we think we that’s what we’re supposed to do and I think that holds us back, so you know.
21:44: Absolutely.
21:45: I mean we talk about this all the time.
21:46: Yeah, but how to like bridge the gap between that between like your old self and the people that are a part of that, the community that result that but you’re also being called into different directions.
21:55: So how do you navigate that?
21:56: But then I think when you feel that pull so deeply, it’s like, but I really want to go that way.
22:01: I don’t want to go that way anymore.
22:02: And it’s like, but I feel like I have to go that way and you’re like, well how do I and the other thing I think people fall into is like well I want them to come with me.
22:09: And then there’s this like desire of like, well, there’s a really good path this way like come with me and then you have to be like, well I can’t make you do that.
22:17: Like at the end of the day like they have to choose what’s best for them as well.
22:21: Yes, exactly.
22:22: And that’s why I think too a lot of times.
22:24: The, the individuals that I meet with that are in their 50s, they’ve hit their midlife, and they’re having marital issues or relationship issues.
22:32: And I think that’s a big thing is that people Some people are on a path of evolution and growth.
22:37: Some people are completely they, they’re happy with the way they’re like, Well, it’s been great.
22:41: Why, why would I want to change?
22:43: And you know, when two ships start to veer off, it’s difficult to get back.
22:47: So I think that’s the thing is you can’t tell somebody, Hey, I’m going this way, so come this way.
22:52: They kind of have to figure it out on their own.
22:54: And eventually, and still you should embrace fully embrace the love that you had, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that’s what’s going to be the future.
23:02: So good.
23:03: Yeah, so true.
23:04: I think you know we talk about this a lot too is there’s this shift happening happening in consciousness of just like spiritual work or inner work wanting to evolve as a person and I think that it’s, I, I, I won’t say it’s predominantly women.
23:17: I think it’s easier for women to access that with our intuition, but I see men doing that as well.
23:22: And I, I’m curious if that’s what you’ve noticed in the conversations you have of like whether it’s the man or the woman of this like inner work coming out, that’s wanting more, wanting, realizing that this system that we live in.
23:33: And is very broken and and almost what’s beautiful is like the realization you had when you lost everything, I think it’s what everyone is experiencing right now, which is that money does not equal happiness and we need more.
23:46: And what you’re cultivating and what we’re trying to cultivate with community is what we think, you know, I won’t speak for granted, but I think we agree like it’s what people need is like connection and community and this safety to feel like you can go into the depths of yourself and show all of yourself to people.
24:03: Oh yeah, no, I absolutely agree.
24:05: I mean that resonates with me and it’s, you’re exactly right.
24:07: I think that’s and it started because that’s what I needed and that’s why I started the group is, you know, coming out of COVID, everything really just everyone got isolated, you know, you were, everything was Zoom, everything was via digital format and there wasn’t this human connection we had to quarantine.
24:24: And so I went stir crazy.
24:25: And so it was, I started noticing even myself, you know, depression, things like that, you’re at home, everyone’s drinking.
24:32: And so right away I’m like, all right, I’m gonna start doing these coffees.
24:35: I need connection.
24:36: And so I started doing these coffees and that’s what I kept seeing too and hearing everyone I was doing coffee with, no matter what they had, they were a biotech CEO, you know, worth billions, to a waitress, a waiter, everybody was struggling.
24:51: There was something because we, we’ve all kind of reached that point where, yeah, there’s got to be more.
24:56: There’s got to be something more.
24:58: And so, but it was just kept being a common theme, common theme.
25:02: And what I noticed in myself was the more I kept doing these coffees, I kept feeling better.
25:06: I kept evolving and my views on things kept getting better.
25:09: So it was that human connection.
25:11: So it just kind of naturally, I couldn’t necessarily find community, so I decided to make community and and that’s what what’s what’s happened.
25:19: OK, let’s talk about community then.
25:21: so how do you, OK, I don’t even know.
25:23: Well, maybe tell us a little bit about how you put yourself out there to find community because I think something that people struggle with is like they know that they need connection, but they also don’t know where to start.
25:34: So a lot of people ask us, like, especially our virtual community, like I can’t find things like this in person or I can’t find my people or like I am now growing in a different direction and my current group doesn’t really align, but I want a different group.
25:47: So you know what I mean like all that transition.
25:49: So what are either some tips or something that worked for you and just really putting yourself out there to find your people that meet you today.
25:58: Absolutely.
25:58: Well, so I think the biggest thing is is not to, when you’re trying to find your people, you kind of have an idea of what you’re looking for.
26:06: Don’t look for those people.
26:08: Just have conversations with everybody.
26:12: And so the way I did it was I don’t necessarily recommend this because it’s a full day.
26:16: I do 4 to 5 coffees a day with individuals.
26:19: Are you drinking?
26:19: No, I have decaf, by the end of the night you’re all hyped I know like today was a really good day.
26:20: I just have herbal tea or or decaf, but.
26:33: It started off being one new person.
26:35: I would just speak to someone just randomly, like, I would love to grab coffee with you and hear your story.
26:40: And it’s, and what’s amazing too is people never ask people.
26:45: About their story because typically when you meet with someone they just talk about themselves, right?
26:49: But hey, let me hear your story or they ask you what do you do?
26:52: Yeah, yeah, that’s the first.
26:55: What do you do?
26:55: And it’s, you know, you, you, you go to these networking events, you go to events they’re like, oh, what do you do?
27:00: It’s, well, I’m more than what I do.
27:03: And so, you know, I’ll have the, I had these coffees and it was amazing.
27:06: I would, I would speak to these.
27:08: But again, the, the biotech CEO, he’s struggling.
27:11: He’s having issues or he went through this big traumatic event and that’s what was the turning point was.
27:16: So I learned from that and that energy exchange is really amazing and it’s people that I normally never would have hung out with or spoken to and all of a sudden just kept opening up, opening up and it just, when I let that happen, just opportunities, friends, community just kind of happened because I wasn’t trying to be like, well, I only want these people, people that like jiu-jitsu or people that like certain types of business.
27:42: It was everybody and it just opened everything up.
27:45: I love this so much.
27:46: Yesterday I was talking to my fiance about this.
27:48: I was like, sometimes we put ourselves in a box and I think we can trust ourselves with the information that we have within that box.
27:55: But when you start to like get yourself outside of the box and have conversations with people.
27:59: You learn more information and I think people so easily want to like focus on, I’m looking for this kind of information I want this person to solve this little thing.
28:08: But it’s through the conversations which is probably my favorite place.
28:11: Like I also love relationship building.
28:13: I love getting to know someone.
28:15: I’m like a divinely curious person, but because I want people to show me what I do not see.
28:20: It’s like my ultimate thing and then by then I’m like, oh.
28:23: I have new friends that I not only got to know much deeper beyond what I thought they were, right?
28:29: Because I think we all go into relationships sometimes assuming like this is what they’re like, but it’s in the conversation where you find the connection.
28:36: Yeah, and it’s really, and that’s why I think the time that I had as a child working at the restaurants, dry cleaners because I was meeting different people all the time and I really had to it’s funny.
28:48: People always think I’m an extrovert, but you know I’m kind of shy and so and I was shy as a child, but I had to force myself to get out of my skin.
28:56: So it was all these constant things of getting comfortable and uncomfortable situations.
29:01: And so every traumatic event that happened that was just an uncomfortable situation that I had to learn to get out of.
29:08: And so then that just opened things up so when I speak to people it’s.
29:12: Yeah, I always tell people, and that’s why I say it doesn’t have to be jiu-jitsu.
29:15: I love jiu-jitsu, I’ve been doing it for years and You get comfortable in uncomfortable situation and that is so enlightening.
29:22: It’s so good because it’s resilience and I think.
29:26: So many parents unknowingly do a disservice to us because they don’t let us they try not to make us uncomfortable they try not to let us fail they’re like here we’ll do your project for you with you, you know, or for you or we’ll help you or it’s OK instead of just allowing us to fail or to you know be uncomfortable and I think there’s a lot of power in that.
29:46: I love that that’s a lesson that clearly.
29:48: Carried through your life.
29:49: Yes.
29:50: Oh, no, absolutely, and I think you’re, you’re exactly right.
29:52: I think the participation award was the biggest disservice to like, yeah, everyone gets a trophy gets a trophy, but then you never learn and then it’s either in jitsu, we always say you either win or you learn because there’s always a learning opportunity.
30:06: And to be honest, I’ve learned way more when I’ve lost my competitions and when I won.
30:10: When I won it was like.
30:11: OK, cool, yeah, cool, yeah medal and a t-shirt and that’s it.
30:17: The, the, but when I lost, it was like, alright, now I need to work.
30:21: Now I need to work.
30:22: And so, you know, I think speaking to people, it’s, it’s also that’s the other thing too is speaking to people that you’re not used to that they, they don’t necessarily fit in your box, that’s uncomfortable.
30:33: Just coming up to a random person and be like, would you like to grab coffee?
30:36: That’s really uncomfortable, right?
30:38: Yeah, even smile, even people smiling to strangers.
30:40: Yeah, exactly.
30:42: Yeah, I do this thing.
30:43: I, it’s funny.
30:43: I call myself a smiper.
30:45: So if I’m ever out and I see someone that’s not happy, I try to do everything I can to get them to smile.
30:51: They’re, they’re pissed off.
30:51: And as soon as I get them, I’m like, that’s one more notch.
30:53: I’m like, I got them.
30:54: So I just try to, because the thing too is I I came from such like dark places that I just want everyone to be everyone deserves to be happy.
31:04: Everyone should be happy.
31:05: The only way we can be happy is through community is that support to feel like you can.
31:10: You could be walking down the street by yourself and if you run into say a group member, you’re like, oh hey, how you doing?
31:15: I love that feeling that that’s that extension, that’s a legacy that’s being passed along.
31:20: So good.
31:21: So something that I’ve heard about you, that people share about you is that you’re so good at like seeing people and what they want or need.
31:28: How do you do that?
31:29: , just ask questions.
31:31: It’s these conversations because again, a lot of people don’t ask questions, so we’ll have, we’ll sit down for coffee and I’ll start.
31:38: I want to hear your story.
31:39: Tell me about yourself.
31:40: And I can start picking up his body language of people when they They talk about, well, yeah, I’m an engineer and you just kind of see them, yeah, you know, I make good money and they’re just kind of just, but then, then when we get into the conversation and then they start going, but, but I really like doing this and then they get a little livelier.
31:56: I’m like that’s it.
31:57: That’s that’s what you need to do and I get it.
32:00: California is expensive just to live in general is expensive.
32:03: You have to do what.
32:04: You know, pays the bills, but I, I’m a strong believer that if you follow your heart, you could still get rewarded.
32:10: So you can still find a path of maybe doing what you’re doing but preparing for what you really want to do.
32:16: And there’s definitely a balance.
32:18: So it’s, it’s, I’ve worked with corporate, and I still do with Fortune 500 companies and small business owners, but it’s this common thread that I see that business people that are way too business, they don’t, they lack the heart.
32:31: And they’re stressed and they’re always chasing and it’ll never be enough.
32:35: But at the same token, I see holistic healers and people in different coaching modalities that never make money because it’s all hard.
32:42: And so what I try to do is bridge the gap so that you need a little business, but you need a lot of heart as well so it’s this balance.
32:50: So I love this conversation because we talk about this all the time and this has been new for me too because I, I’m still in corporate, for example, but I have these passions and I’m using my corporate as a way to invest, be the investor into my passions, but my question for you would be in this situations for someone that is the healer is the coach, do They go all in into their healing, into their coach modality and try and make that the business that like makes them so like because I think what ends up happening for a lot of coaches because I’ve been a coach for like years, is that once we started to make it about money, we lose the heart.
33:25: So how do you how do you bridge the gap in that because I’m like, oh if I did this every single day.
33:31: I would feel so fulfilled like that definitely feels true.
33:34: But then there’s also this other part of me that’s like, well I got to make it into not only paying the business, I have to pay myself an income.
33:41: I have to live in California, and then when those, not like you’re focusing on scarcity, but it’s hard to bridge the two.
33:47: So I’d love to hear like what are your thoughts on that?
33:49: Well, on a personal level.
33:51: It’s, I’ve always, and that’s a great question because it’s true.
33:54: You can’t just, you could just say go all in, but you still need to pay the bills.
33:59: And so the way I’ve always kind of bridged the gap is I, I’ve always hedged my bets.
34:03: So like right now, you know, I’m an entrepreneur, I have several businesses, but I’m also the director of sales for a tech company.
34:10: Well, I, I love it, but I try to put my heart into that, but it’s very technical.
34:15: What, what, how I deliver my passion though and take care of the passion side, it’s the group.
34:20: And so there’s this balance, but I always tell people kind of the same thing.
34:23: If this is what you want to do that you have to be this, but you obviously have to be strategic.
34:28: So it has to be strategic planning on the business side of, OK, let me, OK, you’re gonna have to sacrifice.
34:34: You’re probably not gonna be able to spend as much money as you.
34:37: You were in the past, but if you have a clear path and you write it down, a lot of people, they don’t write down their path.
34:43: They just try to manifest.
34:45: But this is where the, the business side of the heart has to come into play is if you have to write down, all right, this is gonna be my budget, this is my goal.
34:53: So in 3 months I’m gonna exit my company and this is the process that I’m gonna do as I do it, I’m gonna start increasing the time I’m spending on coaching or marketing it and being it.
35:03: But you’re right because.
35:05: What I’ve seen too is, and that was a question I asked the group a couple weeks ago was a lot of people are afraid to ask and so coaches, if it’s, if it’s to the point where it’s they’re having a difficult time kind of getting new business and it just becomes about the money, you can tell when you’re having a conversation you could totally tell and it’s almost like you’re chasing the money away because you’re holding on so tight.
35:30: But if you just, if this is your passion, this is what you want to do.
35:33: And you truly believe in helping someone and you speak to them in that way, it’s gonna resonate and you’re gonna be surprised.
35:40: They’re gonna start the right people will show up at the right time.
35:42: But if you’re trying to chase it like, well why don’t you sign up now?
35:45: why why don’t you here, here’s the package of course they’re not gonna do it.
35:48: But if you’re like, look, I honestly think this can help you.
35:51: I want to help you, but if this isn’t the right time, this isn’t the right time.
35:55: What will end up happening is you’re going to start to see other business come to you.
35:59: 100%.
36:00: I mean this is so important because coming from the coaching industry, like when I first started in 2019, they, a lot of the business coaches put urgency behind people.
36:08: They’re like, you get them on the phone, this is how you close them within seconds, you know, like that’s what they are teaching.
36:14: and so, but I love this model so much more and I, and I feel that true to myself, but I think people need to remember that, that people want to feel safe with you.
36:21: They want to like Be like, do you really care about me or are you just trying to get a check, you know what I mean?
36:26: And I think ultimately people, especially now where people are are questioning people more, the lack of trust in marketing, that’s increasing like we need to spend a lot more time really creating like not just safety but trust in the other person and like I’ve got you.
36:40: Like if you invest in me like I’ve got you.
36:43: Exactly.
36:44: And then there’s the, the business side too is you need to ask.
36:47: A lot of times people will, you’ll.
36:48: Have a conversation with them and you can tell they’re trying to lead to asking like, would you like to work with me?
36:53: Just ask.
36:54: And if they say, you know, it’s not the right time and you very then move on and then continue the relationship.
37:00: But people, a lot of times they’ll just kinda because I’ll I’ll sit down for coffee and I can tell they’re they wanna ask him and I’m just waiting because I wanna see I I love people and so they’re just circling around are you gonna do it?
37:12: Yeah, like, and then they, they don’t.
37:14: I’m like, weren’t you gonna ask me, you know, and, and I’m like, I’d be, I’d be your client like whatever it is, but just ask.
37:21: And if it isn’t be like, yeah, it’s not the right time, be like, All right, no problem, let’s, you know, continue this discussion.
37:26: It also doesn’t mean anything to you.
37:28: So I think that’s the other thing like when people put themselves out there they’re like, not only are you investing in my service and my products, there is also this attachment of like you’re investing in me and if you say no to me, they’re scared.
37:40: They’re like, oh no.
37:41: June now doesn’t like me because he said no and he doesn’t want to work with me.
37:44: I can’t see him like what does he think of me, right?
37:48: Like that’s the immediate, I think that’s the ego, those are the parts of us that want to keep us safe.
37:52: And so I think living in that unattachment of like if someone says no, they can say no and still love you.
37:58: They can say no and still like really want to be around you just right now is not the good, the best time to work with you.
38:04: One of our members, Gregory Benedict, he went on a series for 100 straight days.
38:08: He asked Really ridiculous questions to random people because he wanted to get rejected a 100 times and it’s a bold series and I, I’ve, I’ve always believed in this and so he would randomly knock on the door and say, hey, can I cannonball in your pool and just see what you, but surprisingly, you know, he, his confidence got up because if you get rejected and you get comfortable in uncomfortable situations.
38:30: But more often than not, people were like, OK, because he was confident about it.
38:35: Hey, I know this is gonna sound silly, but can I just cannonball in your pool?
38:37: I’m doing this whole trek.
38:38: Like, yeah, come on in.
38:39: And they’re recording it.
38:41: He’s like, hey, can I come in and and make breakfast?
38:43: And like, you know, he got rejected for sure, but he noticed that when he started doing it with confidence, the people started saying yes to him, yes to him.
38:51: So it’s, it’s kind of like that.
38:53: It’s like people, you do, it’s uncomfortable to have to say, have someone say no to you, but if you get kind of comfortable with it.
38:59: And a lot of times it’s your own energy because you’re like you’re already almost making them say no, by the way you ask.
39:05: I think it’s hard too because as a society we live in a capitalistic society.
39:10: So everything is about money, but when you tap into your own personal confidence, your energy, and also like surrender.
39:17: I don’t think we’re taught to trust at all.
39:19: Like so much of us have so many of us have lost trust that, you know, the universe or God or source or whatever your belief system is like has your back.
39:26: There’s something bigger and greater maybe.
39:29: Even your higher self, and I think like the more we can tap into that energy, like people do say yes and we are cared for and we elevate beyond what we even think is possible.
39:39: But it’s like you have to deprogram from it and and that is like a delicate dance of letting go of how am I gonna pay my rent and also at this system like I just want to do what I love, you know.
39:52: Well, people think, I mean you’re raised at a young age to as long as you’re within that box and you kind of stay out of the limelight.
39:59: You you’re gonna be OK.
40:00: Like everything’s and they tell you that they’re like, go to school, you’re gonna be successful if you get a degree.
40:04: You’re gonna make money.
40:05: Yeah, live in this box and it’s, you know, it’s the number one regret people have is that I wish I would have lived a life for myself and not what someone else wanted.
40:13: And so it’s at a young age, it’s, you know, when the teacher asks a question and you know, raise your hand if you, you know, and then you raise your hand, you get the answer wrong, and then the friends start making fun of you and you’re like, oh, so at a young age, you get taught like, well, I don’t want to take a chance.
40:28: I don’t want to stand out.
40:29: I say everyone’s, you’re your own brand, stand out, just be who you are, be authentic and beautiful things that happen for me, people have always said.
40:38: You know, for the longest time, you know, you know, you’re so lucky.
40:41: Things just happen.
40:42: I’m like, no, it’s because I trust.
40:44: I honestly do, you know, I believe in God.
40:46: I believe in the source.
40:47: I just trust myself to be honest.
40:49: And you have a joy in you.
40:51: Like it’s very evident that you’re moving from a really positive mindset.
40:55: It emanates from you.
40:57: Yeah, and that’s the thing, joy.
40:59: A lot of people are missing joy, like find your joy.
41:02: And if it is coaching you, if it is community, whatever your passion is, as long as you follow it.
41:09: Yeah, good things will happen.
41:10: I love that.
41:12: So I would love to ask you, what are some challenges that you’ve run into and growing and building the SD Group, if any?
41:19: , you know, it’s, I mean, it’s blown up.
41:22: So ever since I started with 6 people, it just kept growing and it kept being so authentic.
41:29: It just kept growing.
41:30: So I think the obstacles have been really space like Gania where we currently have it, probably seats 70.
41:38: We have 150 show up.
41:41: any events or events are bigger.
41:43: So it’s, it’s finding, it’s keeping up with the demand and but people always ask like, what’s the secret sauce?
41:50: It’s me being authentic, but really I think it’s because people, that’s what people want.
41:54: People have been desiring community that it’s growing on its own, and I, I call it the anti-networking networking group, no business cards, make a human connection, be heart centered, and I say the other rule is be heart centered.
42:07: The other rule is you have to have coffee with me.
42:09: So it’s a lot of coffees, but it’s just me really with 900 people.
42:14: No, I’m getting there.
42:15: So I, but I’ve been doing this since April.
42:18: 2023.
42:20: So it’s like 4 coffees a day.
42:21: So every person that comes, you ask them to have coffee.
42:24: Every, every person.
42:25: So it my calendly is booked until next year, but it’s it I I love it.
42:31: It’s for me, it energizes me when I get done with the day, I’m like.
42:35: You know, even when I reflect, I’m like, wow, this person had such an amazing story, but this person had an amazing story, or this person, I feel for them, they’re going through something.
42:44: It’s like.
42:45: How has the SD group and the networking and the coffees impacted, I guess your business or just your community?
42:53: It’s again, the the group itself is my passion project.
42:59: The business side, it’s been amazing because the energy I’m putting into this, I’m getting it back without promoting my business.
43:06: And it’s, it’s again being tapped.
43:08: It’s being trusting the process, trusting source.
43:12: The energy that I give, it’s coming back and it’s coming back to me on a personal level.
43:17: But business wise, yeah, business is great.
43:19: So good.
43:20: What’s your vision for the SD group?
43:22: I honestly, I would love to.
43:23: We were expanded to Normal heights, North area.
43:27: We’re gonna do Oceanside, but I have people contacting me, through YouTube instant message to open it in, Iowa, in Cleveland, and so eventually I love to spread it because only good can happen from community.
43:43: Different chapters chapters.
43:45: That’s exactly and it’s really cool to know, like I’ve had this desire to not use Amazon as much to like go buy from smaller businesses even if it means spending a little more or and I think you’re cultivating that by connecting people in all different because you know we haven’t explained what the SGroup fully is, but it’s a place for people to come in any walk of life, any business that they participate in, correct?
44:08: And then they come and share what they do.
44:12: Like, tell a little so the so the audience can know like listeners can know what it is and how it works.
44:16: It’s interesting.
44:17: So it’s, it’s it’s a completely free, free group, you come, but it’s, I always say it’s for the community.
44:23: So it’s, we have a, a large percentage of people that are retired.
44:28: We have business owners.
44:29: We have people that just they’re just trying to figure out what life is, find support.
44:34: So I always want everyone to come to their group feeling inspired, feeling supported, and feeling community.
44:39: And so it’s, it’s been amazing by default we’ve had 77 businesses started from scratch and they’re all successful.
44:47: From scratch from the group because it’s from the same thing.
44:50: It’s me finding out, oh you have a passion for this, right?
44:53: I know somebody in the group that can help you or if I can’t help you, I’m gonna find somebody and let’s do this and it’s it it’s blossomed into the most common thing people always say is like I found my tribe and it’s from people from.
45:07: Biotech CEOs to yoga instructors to, you know, retired people.
45:11: So it’s people that wouldn’t never really be in the same room together.
45:15: They found a tribe with people they never would have hung out with in the first place.
45:18: So it’s, that’s, that’s the group.
45:20: I always say to experience it, you have to be there and they’ll call to you when it when it calls to you, but when you’re there, you’re gonna feel it.
45:27: You’re gonna feel the energy.
45:29: And even when you leave, it’s the, it’s the most interesting thing because you see it in their eyes, they have this like Glimpse of hope and then they’re like, I have this idea.
45:40: Now I’m motivated.
45:41: I feel inspired to do this.
45:43: I feel inspired to take a chance because now I have the community behind me.
45:47: So cool.
45:48: Yeah, it is inspiring to be around like, even like-minded in the sense that you’re all coming together for a positive thing is so powerful.
45:56: Yeah, and it’s and we had the discussion before we started filming about, you know, like money coming into cities.
46:03: So I’m huge on local.
46:04: It’s difficult to, especially having businesses.
46:07: I know it’s difficult.
46:08: To have a local business and so I’m hyper local focused so each chapter is gonna help focus in on that community to help the local businesses because, you know, again, giant corporations they have plenty of money, but they don’t really care about the community.
46:22: They pretend like they do.
46:23: They just throw money at it and it looks like they’re improving the community, but they’re actually taking away from it.
46:29: I’m with the group is what we try to do everything our partners, our sponsors, everything that we work with.
46:35: Is local and we really want to help and it it’s worked when people have events and normally they’ll have 20 people show up to their say grand opening.
46:44: I’ll have 200 people there from the group to hey, let’s support, let’s buy only their product for right now to help them and it’s, it’s, it’s changing the community.
46:53: This is really amazing.
46:53: The other thing I want to reflect back to you like you’re such an incredible leader in the fact that like not only are you leading from heart.
47:00: And but you’re allowing, you’re like giving to other people’s hearts, you know, like you’re like saying, hey, your heart can align with this heart.
47:07: You guys should be friends.
47:10: and I don’t think a lot of people do that very well.
47:11: Like there’s like a special way of connection that someone’s always thinking about like, I know exactly who you should be talking to.
47:18: And I think that’s just like a magical unicorn to be around because not everyone is, most of the times people are just thinking about.
47:24: Themselves, but seeing outside of yourself is so huge.
47:28: Yeah, well, thank you.
47:29: And it’s, it comes from me not having that growing up as well.
47:33: So everything I do is, it’s something that I need or I want to be the person that I didn’t have growing up.
47:40: And so that’s what I want to be for the people in the community.
47:42: And I want them to be and I really strongly encourage this with people, is to do these coffees with people on your own.
47:49: And then they have, and they said it’s changed their life, it’s changed other people’s lives and Cause you never know, my, you know, my, my best friend, he, he ended up, he checked every box and he.
48:02: He had his dream job.
48:04: He was an uber athlete, good looking guy, funny guy.
48:06: He ended up killing himself and so he It it comes from, but the thing is he checked every box.
48:13: You would never know it.
48:15: And so it’s one of those things that it’s really, it’s, it’s a mission of mine just to make sure I check in on everyone, make sure no matter what it looks like from the outside.
48:23: Hey, are you doing OK?
48:25: Let’s talk.
48:26: Let’s be real because a lot of times people will try to pretend to be something.
48:30: I’d rather you be open and honest, be vulnerable if you’re, I’m going to be vulnerable.
48:35: And and that kind of opens the door for the rest of the community to be vulnerable and just beautiful things happens from that.
48:40: Do you have someone that does that for you?
48:43: Like, do you have people that think of you always by being this way?
48:47: That’s interesting.
48:49: It’s a good question.
48:50: Oh, it’s.
48:52: It’s, you know, honestly, I try to be, again, the, the person for my son.
48:57: And so I’m open with my son.
48:59: I do go to my son a lot, but it’s the, when I, when it came to that, I’d really besides my wife, you know, I didn’t have that community.
49:07: So that’s why I formed the community, but the group is everything to me.
49:10: Like I, I can go to them if I have an issue.
49:13: I even started a men’s group, which Q.
49:15: And so I asked him because that’s what he did.
49:17: I was like, hey, can you start a men’s group?
49:18: Because honestly, that’s what I need.
49:20: I needed because I lead in every aspect of my life.
49:23: I needed to be in something where I could just be.
49:26: So yeah, so the men’s group’s been crucial for me.
49:29: It’s it’s great to just be and not have everyone look to me for answers and I could just be vulnerable and say, hey, this is, I’m having a tough time with this or.
49:38: You know, so.
49:56: Do you know what?
49:56: Yeah, and what’s the other one?
49:56: It’s manifesting.
49:56: I’m like, are you a Gemini?
49:56: Yeah, I’m.
49:56: I love it.
49:57: I love anything else that you want to share with the audience?
49:59: No, I think the only thing I would really try that coffee with someone new.
50:06: I mean, that’s how we became business partners and friends is like she said, I mean we met at a at a clothing swap and then we went to a women’s circle, but then after she was just like, do you want to get coffee or lunch?
50:17: And now we’re here, so.
50:20: I love coffee and lunch.
50:22: Both of us love.
50:23: I mean, we just had a whole episode on this of like being getting curious and having even difficult conversations with people and being open to hearing other perspectives and reg like even if you don’t agree with them, just allowing people to speak their truth and be seen, and there’s such a gift in that.
50:39: Oh, absolutely it’s huge.
50:40: It it’s like even to be someone’s biggest supporter, the best way.
50:44: You can be the supporters is also to call them out on things because a lot of times you think to be a supporter, whatever your friend does, I’m 100% in.
50:52: Yeah, you’re right, you’re right.
50:53: That’s not true.
50:54: If you see them making a mistake, give them your point of view and then that’s a true supporter.
50:59: So yeah, no, I love it.
51:00: The coffees, the, the meeting new people and just seeing different aspects that the group has 75% female base, and I love that.
51:10: Every the businesses I’ve done, the corporations I’ve worked with, it’s very male dominated, it’s very masculine.
51:15: We can learn so much from the feminine side, and that’s why I want the place that the group to be a safe place for women and has because there’s so much that we can learn from the feminine and then the feminine can learn from the masculine and there’s this balance.
51:28: Yeah, that’s what we believe it.
51:29: Yeah, we say the same thing.
51:32: Yeah, we just believe it.
51:33: One, we have our virtual community is for women, but a lot of our in-person events are can be coed too, and there’s this magic that happens when it’s coed.
51:41: I’m like, even the women love it.
51:43: They’re like, wait, I loved hearing this man speak so vulnerably and honest and it’s healing for them to hear something like that.
51:49: And then men get to hear about a woman’s perspective and they’re like, oh wow, I, you know.
51:54: My wife’s been telling that all the time, but like I’m finally hearing it differently, you know, like it’s like this beautiful dynamic and I think we need each other more and more and I think people are also craving that like the desire to be like, oh, not just like I live in my own world, but like, oh I get to learn from you too.
52:10: Not only by gender, but I think diversity.
52:12: That’s why we talk about so much about that episode that we called it.
52:16: It’s like you actually find your most authentic self by embracing others.
52:20: It’s not through just like being selfish on your own.
52:23: It’s like, no, it’s actually learning how to embrace someone else’s expression, the way that they think, the way that they believe their cultures and not judging them for it, and we cannot do that not just with men and women but across communities and that to me is authenticity.
52:38: The more comfortable you get with someone else’s authenticity, the more comfortable you can become your own.
52:42: No, you’re you’re exactly right.
52:43: And and so it’s, I feel like we’re in a in in.
52:46: The point of like great, a great awakening.
52:49: There’s been so much division, like if you’re politically right, you get the left.
52:53: If you’re left, you’re, you know, religious.
52:55: But people are starting to wake up to that, be like, wait a second.
52:57: It’s top and bottom.
52:58: Yeah, right.
53:00: And so it’s but that’s it and the vulnerability when when I’m vulnerable with someone, it kind of catches people off guard, but then it gives them the permission to be vulnerable and then now it goes back and forth.
53:12: And one thing that We both think about, I think one of the biggest gaps in that is that people want to be right.
53:17: They feel so safe and being right and it’s like, well, what if, what if there can be multiple truths?
53:23: What if like my truth and your truth can coexist and it’s like, why are we fighting to be right, especially with the divide.
53:28: I’m like, yo yo, whoa, whoa, it doesn’t matter who’s right.
53:32: Like just tell me about what you believe and share with me.
53:34: And I think that’s the other part that we talk about is like a lot of people get to this place of like, I’m not going to tell you because you need to learn on your own.
53:42: And I’m gonna be like, no, like share with me what you feel and I’m open to receiving that.
53:48: So I think it’s on both sides, right?
53:49: Like when we, the more that we work on ourselves, we live by example, the more we welcome people into that and you do that so beautifully as a leader for the SD group like.
53:58: You’re literally creating it because you are living and breathing and embodying that.
54:02: Yeah, I absolutely believe it.
54:04: Again, the group is something, it’s community is what I need, so I’m gonna, and I tell people we have over 100 people that show up every every Friday and I always tell people if only one person shows up, I’m still going to be there.
54:15: I’m gonna, I’m gonna have that energy exchange with one person.
54:20: Over 100 people still end up showing up and I’m, I’ve just, I show up authentically every time.
54:25: That’s one of the things I think social media has done a bit of a disservice to is this idea that we need so many people to make a difference, but I always like, I talk with my husband a lot.
54:34: I’ll be like, you know, if you just change one person’s energy through your own, you don’t know what that person’s gonna go and do.
54:40: You could shift the whole world like true, you don’t know who that person is or what they do or what they’re gonna become and Even if it’s only that one person, that person can go and change someone else’s life and it becomes this domino effect.
54:51: And I think social media makes it seem like you don’t have this many followers or you’re not impacting big enough or whatever like I think your group is a perfect example.
54:59: You don’t even need to be on social media if you don’t want to.
55:01: You can come back to one on one.
55:03: In person and you can cultivate some a beautiful life for yourself.
55:07: Oh yeah, 100% and you know, we can’t help but kind of fall into that, that kind of mode of like, oh how many views did I get or you know whatever it is, but I always tell people I told you this a year ago and he’s, he’s blossom.
55:19: He’s taken off.
55:20: Just posting ghosts.
55:21: Like if you’re trying to get followers, it’s not the right intention.
55:26: You’re not doing it right.
55:27: Just be you.
55:28: If you have something that resonates with you and then you have something to say, just say the right people will show up at the right time every time.
55:37: And surrender.
55:39: And to be you boldly, you know, OK, so one question that we love to ask everyone is where in your life are you going to call to be more fully expressed.
55:48: This could be life, love, or business.
55:50: You know, I think for me it’s I, I give a lot.
55:55: The group is everything to me.
55:57: It’s for myself, it’s taking care of myself.
56:00: I I’ve taken care of myself through the group and helping other people, but I’ve ignored what I need as far as like if I need help.
56:09: So the group is one of the reasons why it’s taken off is because one day I, I had been doing it for 2 years all by myself, set up, the, the filming, everything, just everything, the outreach.
56:20: One day I just asked the group.
56:21: I’m like, but I was hesitant but I was like, hey, if anyone wants to be a part of a committee, I’m putting together a committee to help, you know, expand the group and help manage some of the things that I do.
56:31: And All of a sudden 30 people raised their hand.
56:33: I was like, whoa, and it caught me off guard.
56:35: It was a beautiful moment because now I, I still get to do these coffees and I still get to expand and help people.
56:44: Everything else is being taken care of by, by the committee.
56:47: I just, I give great advice because I I’ll tell companies when I consult for them.
56:52: Hey, you need a, you need this, you need to get a team behind you.
56:55: I don’t take my own advice.
56:56: Well, you’re in Aries Aries are like, I got this.
56:59: I’m gonna do it all myself.
57:00: So that’s a huge, huge.
57:02: I’ve always lived that way and every time I do ask, it gets answered and I’m like, oh, I don’t, I’m an idiot.
57:10: Why don’t I listen to myself?
57:12: I really want to reflect back to you that I’ve just heard through this whole conversation is it’s very clear.
57:17: through your work, your dharma, you’re actually healing like all the wounds of that child who had to do it alone, and I think that’s really beautiful because you’re clearly living out your purpose and if all those things hadn’t happened to you when you were young, this might not be who you are today.
57:32: So, and you’re such a beautiful human.
57:35: thank you.
57:36: So so both of you.
57:36: I mean this has been an amazing time.
57:38: I love this.
57:38: I love this you can just feel the energy in the room.
57:41: I just got goosebumps, but yeah.
57:43: But it really, it really is.
57:45: I mean, it’s, it’s, I wouldn’t have had this opportunity if I didn’t have the trials and the chapter changes I had in the past.
57:52: It led me to this point and we were supposed to meet and have this conversation at the time because I’m just letting the universe play out.
58:00: Yeah, I mean, it’s also always perfectly timed, you know, I think, and yeah, I mean this conversation isn’t so great.
58:06: This is why we love podcasting because we get to get to know you better, you know, it’s like, whoa, we get to like have this incredible conversation with someone.
58:13: What does it look like to share it with other people?
58:15: And then they get to be in on the juice too.
58:18: They’re like, we, I just also received so much energy from this podcast episode and it’s like a ripple effect.
58:23: So thanks for taking the time.
58:26: I was always in in the past I was kind of hesitant about podcasts doing it myself and then I got pushed into it, but it’s a great way to get to know somebody and really have an authentic and really kind of forget about the microphone and the cameras and you don’t even know this is you’re like, what do you mean we’re just at home.
58:45: We’re over and then I always tell people too like we don’t have to post anything.
58:49: Like if you if you don’t like it, we don’t have to but But he’s like, you don’t want to.
59:17: I don’t I don’t like it’s that’s true.
59:18: I’ll look at the, you know what?
59:18: I always tell people though, why would I have to listen to it again.
59:20: I lived it.
59:21: So it’s kind of like for me it’s just move forward like posting ghost and go.
59:26: But I will say that’s also very Aries.
59:28: I will say sometimes going backwards like even a month, 3 months from now is very powerful because you also see the growth.
59:36: It’s like a because I’m an Aquarius, so I’m very like in the future, but when I do take time, which is not often, to go back and think or listen, you do actually say wow, I I’m a.
59:45: And today or look at how far I’ve evolved or I love that I said that or I take medicine, our own medicine because I listen to things and I’m like, oh, I said that so well.
59:56: I really needed to hear that you’re right.
59:58: And and again I give great advice.
1:00:01: I tell people all the time, I don’t.
1:00:06: Yeah, but as soon as I hear my voice I’m like that’s what I like.
1:00:09: OK.
1:00:10: Yeah, I get it.
1:00:12: Well, thank you.
1:00:13: Thank you so much.
1:00:14: I appreciate you I really appreciate this time.
1:00:17: We hope you love today’s episode and that it sparks something in you on your journey to becoming more fully expressed.
1:00:22: Don’t forget to check the show notes for all the details and resources for today’s.
1:00:26: Conversation.
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1:00:34: This week, we invite you to show up even more as you, more honest, more real, more expressive in your life and business, and we’ll see you on the next one.